The three women continued to fuss as Jasselle let the conversation go. They were sweet to worry about her, but she felt as though this weight was one she could bear. She opened her eyes to the soft green light of the pod. She pushed up the lid and rolled out.

"Hey," SG said, "You ok?" Jasselle nodded. "You realize there are still Na'vi in your tent?"

"They know how to lock up, SG. If you haven't heard, I had a real bad scare today. I just want to rest and get over it."

SG nodded, and watched the remaining yard camera. Those three Na'vi were leaving the tent, locking it, and heading for the jungle. He turned back and watched as Jasselle exited the room. SG frowned and wondered why Jasselle was so down.


Jasselle slid her mask back in place; it wouldn't help her to let everyone know something was too different. She calmly went to her quarters, kicked off her shoes, and curled up on her bed half wishing it was a hammock. She clutched the pillow, though she really wanted to hold someone but she didn't really want any of the soldiers the wrong idea.

In her mind, alone never sucked this badly before and she reminded herself she wasn't actually alone. Just alone among humans, not the best follow-up thought. She wasn't a soldier or technical expert, so she probably was doing really well, maybe. She groaned and told herself to stop whining before she turned into an actual crybaby.

She dozed for a time until her door opened without warning. She clutched her only weapon in the room – a small stunner hidden under her pillow. She lifted herself up enough to see who it was. To her dismay, it was Lt. Simmons, one of her admirers. From his expression, Jasselle had to wonder if he was hoping to get lucky. Jasselle dropped back to the bed and buried her face in the pillow a moment, before asking, "How did you get in? And why?"

He stepped in, missing her not so subtle hint apparently. "The word around base is that you had a rough day." He lifted what looked like a wine bottle, "Thought you could use some cheering up."

"I rarely drink and I thought this base was dry," she stated sitting up, accepting he wasn't going to take the hint and leave.

He smiled and made his way through her 'office' mess, explaining, "It's not wine, though I hear Mr. Selfridge has a stash somewhere."

"That would be another reason his name should be pronounce selfish," she said running her hand through the short brown hair. It was taking forever for it to grow out, though it was easier to manage.

The Lt. laughed, "Good one."

"So, what is it? And how did you get my door opened?"

He sat on the edge of her bed, which not only annoyed her it worried her. "It's something between fine wine and motor oil." He poured two glasses of the inky, black liquid.

"That sounds… pleasant," Jasselle said sarcastically as well as slowly looking it over. "My door?"

"I swiped a maintenance code. You mind?" he took a drink and winced at the strength.

"A tad, some of the stuff in the office is irreplaceable," she explained trying the drink. She started coughing immediately as the liquid burned. "Oh light *cough*… that… is worst… than those bars."

He laughed easily, "It gets better."

Jasselle rubbed her eyes, "Let me guess, first drink is to burn off all your taste buds." She tried another sip anyway. "Must be true, but I never thought anything could be as bad as those instant meal bars."

Lt smirked, "The bars are made to last. At least that's what we were told."

She looked at the picture on the nearby shelf and said, "I wonder what Jake would say about that?"

The Lt looked where she was looking. "Is that your family?" he asked hoping it was true. The same man was in most of the pictures along with another man possible a twin.

Jasselle nodded and pointed them out, "That's my mother and my twin brothers: Jake and Tom." She wasn't surprised to see the Lt relax. "Jake was a marine but lost the use of his legs. Tom was a scientist, he was supposed to come here as part of the avatar program. He was killed in a mugging nearly a year ago. So Jake was talked into taking his place… Still can't stand how they asked him."

"I'm sorry," Lt said and then noticed another picture in the corner of the shelf. It was of Jasselle with some nerdy-looking man; and along the top of the frame was draped neck chain with a diamond ring hanging from it. "Who's that?" he asked trying not to sound annoyed.

Jasselle thought it over; she didn't know why she set out that picture again, "That was Eddy. We were to work here together. We had dated some, mostly picking each other's brains than an actual relationship, now that I can look back at it. Both our families wanted to see their children married before taking such a long trip to such a dangerous place." She shook her head at the memories. "I guess his family pressured him to ask me, and I figured I could at least live with that man contently. So pathetic of me, really." She stopped and drank a little. The Lt just stared. "At the ceremony his family went all out, only to watch him be gunned down at the altar waiting for me to begin my walk down the aisle. My ex-boyfriend couldn't stand the thought of me marrying anyone else or even go on this assignment. That… baka had knocked Jake to the ground and held his gun against his head. He ordered me to marry him right then, right there or else I'd lose Jake. Seeing Eddy on the ground, bleeding wasn't as painful as I thought it was supposed to be, it took me a while to realize it was because I didn't love him. But the thought of losing Jake and the possibility of that man opening fire throughout a church pack with strangers and those I really did love made me nearly sick. I thought I was a little crazy to be in some strange form of calm. Everything was so clear and in my mind I was able to think it all through. Is that how it is for soldiers during a battle?"

She paused and looked at the Lt, but the man couldn't think of anything to say, so Jasselle continued, "The skirt of my dress was so big, that he couldn't see I had armed myself. I waited through his ceremony for him to get his gun off Jake's head… so oddly patience, so strange. The moment came when the priest asked for the rings, that poor old man. He never did perform another ceremony again; at least that's what I heard. That man moved to get Jake to give him the rings and I remember saying to him 'You will respect my choices.'" She closed her eyes seeing all too clearly the man's anger and the smell of Eddy's blood mixing with the scent of the lilies in her bride's maids' bouquets. "I lifted a silver serving tray, it was in the lobby area of the church, where I was before the shots. I just slammed it across his face with all my strength. Now, the man was a body builder of some bulk. I was, some place inside, certain he would shake it off and go crazy and I think that part of me was terrified. But he spun, I mean actually spun, like you see in some movies with this really stupid expression on his face. Had the situation not been so serious I probably would have laugh till I cried at the comedy of those few seconds. Then he fell on his nose and Jake grabbed the gun away. The groomsmen jumped on the guy and tied him up."

"So everything was ok?" he asked and paused before back tracking. "Except, of course, your fiancé."

Jasselle shrugged, "He was obviously dead, so I tried to see if anyone else was hurt. But the moment, we were safe and I wasn't going to go near Eddy's body, his mother exploded. She was so furious at me, calling me a heartless tease among other things."

"Why?"

Jasselle looked into his eyes, "Her son was dead, Lt, and her future daughter-in-law wasn't crying over his body as was both proper behavior in that woman's eyes and expected by society. Some of his family actually thought I had planned that terrible…ordeal with my ex." Jasselle sighed rubbing her eyes. "Afterward, his family wouldn't take the ring back because it had been on my filthy finger, their words. So, I keep it and the picture out to remind myself of what I got for not being picky, for being willing to settle for someone I knew I could live with but never truly care about."

The Lt frowned, "So that's why you're keeping us at arm's length?"

"Maybe, I guess on some level Eddy's mother was right." Jasselle handed her glass back to him. "I'm sorry, Lt, more than you know. I made a mistake once and two lives were destroyed because of it. The other half of it, with Tom's death, I'm missing my family all the more. Jake being a marine, and marines talk in the same language, that same terminology." She hung her head stroking her temples a moment. "I'm a mess right now and the managers aren't helping. Can you honestly blame me for wanting to have a piece of home, of family?"

Lt looked into her eyes a bit and said, "Nope." The blunt answer surprised her plainly. He reluctantly pulled out his wallet, explaining, "I think, I've been a little homesick too." He flipped to a picture and handed it to her. There was a slightly younger Lt with a woman behind him. Her arms wrapped around his neck. Both people looked so happy. "Lisa was my wife. She died with our baby boy while I was still traveling here."

"I'm so very sorry."

"This job was going to set them up for life, you know." He looked at her. Jasselle could tell there was guilt in his words. He was probably wondering if he had stayed on Earth, working at some low-paying job, would he have been there to keep his family alive.

"You obviously have some really great memories though. I don't have anything to compete with that," she said handed him back the wallet.

Lt blinked and then smiled, "Yeah, we were happy, even when we had a fight or two."

Jasselle nodded, "And no one can take those memories from you or make them mean less."

"Thanks," he said, "I heard you had a way with words."

"It's not always easy to talk to strangers."

He studied her face and said, "Now that I think about it, you kind of have the same look about you as she did."

"But I'm not her, and it would do neither of us any favors to pretend such things. Not in the short run and definitely not the long run. I'm sorry."

"I know your wedding story killed my mood."

"I haven't been in such a mood since that day," she said and wanted to end the conversation. "Thanks for talking with me and the drink. It wasn't terrible, but not that good either."

He nodded, "You need to get some more sleep." A knock at the door made the Lt jump to his feet.

"Yes, who is it?" Jasselle said. 'Please not another guest.'

"Missy and Trudy. We thought you could use some good girl vibes," Missy called.

"Without all the science," another woman said.

'That might be nice,' she thought. Jasselle glanced at the Lt, who looked very startled. "Did you bring chocolate?" she asked opening door unconcerned.

Missy held up a chocolate bar, "We're girls…" then noticed her company.

"Oh, what's this?" Trudy said eyeing the Lt and the wine bottle.

Jasselle smiled at the Lt and pointed to the door, "Sorry, chocolate wins."

He shrugged and gathered the bottle and the glasses. "Dinner later?" he asked.

"I think I'll just nap instead. Maybe tomorrow," she said.

As he passed the door, Trudy asked, "Is that motor mouth?" She pointed to the bottle.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Save some of that and we'll have dinner tonight," she told him.

The Lt glanced at Jasselle, who grinned and shrugged. "Ok, 7?"

"Sure," she said. Trudy shut the door and looked over everything. Her assessment was, "Cute guy, big mess, and you look like hell all things considered."

"Well, hello to you to," Jasselle said, "Geez, you're bright and sassy."

Trudy strolled over and bounced on the bed. "I like that description."

Missy broke up the chocolate and said, "So, heard you…"

"… had a rough day," Jasselle finished annoyed. "Does everyone know?"

Trudy nodded smiling, "Blame the doctors. They have been just rattling on about you."

Jasselle leaned her head back against the wall, "Why me?"

Missy suggested, "Guess this planet has a special place in its heart just for you."

"Chocolate, please, now."

Jasselle had to admit talking to women, normal women about nothing important, was a relief. They didn't know about all problems and they didn't have an agenda as far as Jasselle could sense. It was good to just let go a little and just be a woman. Maybe, she could blame the alcohol later for her loose tongue and bad language.

After the two pilots left, Jasselle reviewed some documents, including her will. When she submitted it, she figured anyone who saw it would connect it to the scare she had today.


The following day was pouring rain and no human or avatar wandered from the interior of the base, except for Jasselle. She decided to hide out in her avatar, even though it was unusual even for her. There were no classes held on raining days because all classes were outside. Jasselle thought that had been an odd oversight on Grace's part until SG told her about what happened to the shelter that had been there before she arrived. It had become a popular sleeping spot for predators. The current security chief had ordered it torn down after certain incident no one wanted to bring up.

Jasselle stepped outside the tent and reviewed her surroundings. The sky was covered with thick gray clouds. The rain fell everywhere in a strange chorus upon the ground, plants, and human structures. It smelled mostly wet and natural. The jungle's fragrance was dampened and so were the smells she associated with the RDA side of the base and the military equipment. No one was out there; no one was working beyond the walls of the yard. No animals were in sight. She was completely alone. She stood in the open, in that warm rainfall; letting it fall where it would. She leaned her head back closing her eyes, allowing the drops to wash over her. She let her mind drift and empty. Letting the rain wash away her fears and promises, her lacking abilities and the lies, all the negative thoughts and emotions within her that had been threatening to choke her.

In the rain, Jasselle let herself remember happier times. When she and her brothers had been young and played out in such weather to their mother's amused dismay. When Jake, grown and strong, had shown her some tough lessons from his marine training. There were more memories that she shared with fellow Wicca, in training and practice. She could tell how very simple her life had been. Nothing before Pandora had caused her to go beyond the basics. She was a researcher of Anthropology. She was a practicing Wicca. She was a cross star that had acted against some minor bullies. On Earth she had just been existing, now on Pandora she was living. Existing had been more comfortable, but living filled her with more of what she had craved all her life, but never realized it.

She took a deep breath and smelled something beyond the rain, the plants, and the base. She looked around carefully. The rain probably didn't detour predators when they were hungry. The yard was still empty. Jasselle drew her rod, just in case, settled the point on the ground, and held it loosely. She leaned her head back again and mentally drifted until she heard footsteps on the concrete. It was one of the doctors. He didn't look happy and was carrying something wrapped in plastic.

Jasselle knelt to be polite before asking, "Why are you out here?"

"To tell you to get inside now," he ordered. He shoved his burden at her. "Here, we won't be having you get sick on top of everything else you do to yourself."

"It's not like I'm getting hurt on purpose," she countered. "You think I enjoy getting hurt. It's dangerous out there. Ask the marines."

"They're marines, it's their job. You're a scientist, start acting like one." The doctor walked away pointing to her tent. "And don't make me come out here again."

Jasselle sighed and headed to her tent. The doctors probably had a point. Her avatar was in reality less than a year old. This probably meant her immune system was as strong as a Na'vi infant. Before she reached the tent, she noticed movement at the yard's gate. Two Na'vi entered and to her surprise it was the Omaticaya's healer and shaman, Mo'at. Jasselle stared trying to decide what to do. The women didn't pause; they walked toward her as though they had every right to be there, which was technically true. Jasselle choose to meet them.

"I see you, Mo'at, healer," she greeted.

"And we see you, Jasselle," the healer replied.

Mo'at stepped forward and stroked a thumb under Jasselle's eye. "My daughter was right. Too much, hiding tears with rain."

Jasselle looked away a moment, knowing it was true, and insisted, "I'll be fine."

"Liar," Mo'at said and lead the way back to the tent, "You may be able to hide yourself from everyone, but not a shaman or a healer."

"We know child," the healer said taking her arm. "You are like us."

They entered the tent and the Na'vi looked about for Jasselle's light source and were quiet when she tapped the main orb light on. "Is that supposed to be your hearth?"

Jasselle invited them to sit and nodded, "No open flames allowed anywhere on base."

"So does it burn?" the healer asked.

"No, it produces no heat," she explained unwrapping the doctor's bundle. Inside the plastic were large towels. Obviously, someone feared she could catch a cold. She handed them out to be polite and began toweling off. She wasn't sure she wanted to have a conversation with them now or even what the conversation would be about.

The healer carefully picked up the orb light. The bottom part reminded Jasselle of a pet food bowl. The light container itself was more of a dome shape than an actual orb. "Odd little… machine… I suppose." She set it back down and looked Jasselle over. "You should have rested more."

"I had visitors who wished to cheer me up."

Mo'at glared, "Rameana mentioned the lack of privacy among humans."

Jasselle nodded but still defended them, "Most meant well."

"You are worn, Jasselle. Even you must see this," the healer said. "You are not a warrior, yet our warriors have treated you as such."

"There is no where to assign blame. I never," Jasselle started to explain, "… I never thought about the size of this task. Before I handled some things, but there were small and simple. This, this is so much more than I ever thought… I'm not even sure how to describe it."

"You seem to be doing well enough."

"It was a relief that your clan agreed to let me work with you on this task and I have needed and appreciated that support on so many levels."

"But…" Mo'at prompted.

Jasselle breathed deeply, "You're out there," indicating the jungle. "Enemies, strangers, and others in there," pointing to the curtain wall closest to the base. "No allies, no one that is on our side and knows. I never realized just how much I depended on my brothers before. How much I didn't know and simply turned to one of them to make up for what I lacked."

Mo'at shook her head, "Perhaps, it is time for you to visit home tree again. And as a proper guest this time."

"Really?" Jasselle asked and her mind started working at warp speed when their eyes told her they were serious. Then reality halted her thoughts. "Grace won't allow it, till she knows that male… Tyshimon won't try to harm me again."

Mo'at sighed, "Yes, I spoke with him, but fear what you told my daughter is true. This failure, he sees it, is unacceptable and will not let it go so easily."

Jasselle frowned, "I told him, there is someone for everyone. If only he would meet her, things would probably work themselves out."

Curious, the healer asked, "Her? Who is this her?"

Jasselle sighed a little, "There isn't really a her. I'm no match maker as humans call them, but I might be willing to… indirectly introduction him to Mary or perhaps Betsy."

"Dream walkers?" Mo'at said definitely surprised.

"After his reaction to you, that could be dangerous," the healer warned.

"True, which is why I said might be willing… Unfortunately my mind sees his method and past with Gi-chen and asks if it could be arranged. My reasoning is that neither woman is a warrior or hunter. He appears to desire a woman he could take care of and protect unlike women of your clan."

They thought it over. Mo'at spoke first, "Perhaps, but how to arrange such a meeting?"

"What do these women do?"

"Mary is here to study the animals of this world. Betsy is to do the same but with the plants."

"We will think on this," Mo'at said. "You will rest and recover for a time."

"But the digging?"

The healer laughed, "It appears that this morning a great stampede of hammerhead titanotheres happened. Several of the large… moving tools were in their way."

Jasselle stared with wide eyes, she waved a hand between them and said, "I won't ask how it happened. But what are hammerhead titanotheres?"

The Na'vi women stayed and they spoke for hours it seemed about their clan and the Wicca. They focused on the differences and the similarities between them. With them, Jasselle's homesickness faded till only the desire for her brother remained.