Sorry this took so long! I finished my last final and my brain was morally opposed to approaching a computer to do anything but play the sims 3. But I managed to push through it, wrote this, and I have a general idea of where I want to take this, which is good, considering I started out with absolutely NO idea where the story was headed. So thanks for bearing with me! I'm not a huge fan of this chapter, but I figured you would prefer I wasn't gone for a year, trying to perfect it.

disclaimer: Yes, in the time I was gone, I managed to make enough money to take over Shondaland. If only. I don't get paid that well.


"This is going to be a little cold," Alex warns her. Addison rolls her eyes in response.

"Spare me the spiel; I give it three hundred times a day. I know it by heart," she retorts.

He shrugs and spreads the gel on her stomach. She gasps a little. "Okay, didn't think it was that cold," she admits.

"I told you."

"We should change the speech from a little cold to a little freezing," she pouts.

He laughs. "I don't think that's gonna go over so well."

"Maybe not, but at least it's honest," she replies, then quickly becomes serious. "Alex, I just… Thank you. For everything."

"Okay, I think that's the thousandth time you've said thank you. You can stop anytime now."

"Not really," she replies. "I don't think I can ever-"

"Addison," he cuts her off and nods towards the screen.

She stares in silence for a moment, then turns her head away from him, so he can't see the tears. Despite her efforts, he sees them anyways. "Are you okay?" he asks.

She shakes her head to clear her thoughts. "I just… You have no idea how badly I've wanted this."

"No, probably not," he agrees

Suddenly, she asks, "Have you ever wanted something so badly that you were blinded to just about everything else?"

He looks her in the eyes and answers, "Yes."

"Multiply that by a hundred."

"Why didn't you?" he asks. "Have kids, I mean."

She sighs. "Derek never wanted them. And even if he did, we were so focused on our careers. We never had time, and then Mark happened, and…" She hesitates.

"What?" he asks.

"I assume you already know this, but Mark and I… I was pregnant."

"I'd heard it, yeah," he admits. "I didn't know whether or not to believe it, though. You know how the nurses can be."

"They got it right," she admits. "I was pregnant and then… I wasn't." Alex stays silent. "I… I had an abortion. It's just… I wanted… I found out and Mark was so excited, but I realized that if I had the baby, Derek would never look at me again, let alone take me back. And maybe that was selfish of me, but… but he was my husband and I loved him. And the next day I found out that Mark was cheating on me, and that was the last straw. I couldn't look at Mark and I couldn't imagine a life without Derek, and it just seemed… it seemed like the only solution."

Alex stays silent for a really long time.

"Say something," she finally begs. "I understand if you hate me, but please just say something."

"I don't hate you," he says slowly. "It's just… it's hard to figure out, you know? I just need to think."

She nods. "I understand. Maybe… maybe it would be better if we just… if we just broke up now."

"No! I—" he exclaims, but then remembers himself. "Whatever you want to do, Addison."

"It's just—I hate that I'm taking up so much of your time, and I just… I don't think I can do it much longer."

"Do what?" he asks.

"Lie. I've been thinking about it and we're lying to everyone, and I just… I can hardly look at Izzie because she's so excited and all I can think about is that she thinks that I'm having your baby and I'm not."

"Whatever you want to do, Addison. It's your call."

"I mean, we can still be friends afterwards. We just have to make the break up look convincing."

"Do you want me to cheat on you?" he asks, half-joking.

"What? No! No, you've done all this for me, I'm not letting you ruin your reputation too. No, whatever happens, it's going to be my fault."

0ooo0

The plan is cemented, and they decide that they will break up for Tuesday. Until then, they devote their energies to making their relationship look like it's failing, but actually grow closer, laughing about the entire thing behind closed doors. The days fly by until it is Tuesday. Addison wakes up in a relatively good mood, except then she remembers what is supposed to happen today. She steels herself and gets up.

Alex and Addison spend all day bickering until finally, as decided, Addison explodes in the hallway. "Get out of my sight!" she yells. "Just leave!"

"What the hell is your problem today?" Alex asks.

"Nothing. I'm fine!" she snaps.

"You're not acting like it," he replies.

She closes her eyes and lowers her voice. Everyone eavesdropping instantly become much quieter. "I just… I can't do this, Alex."

"What? What can't you do, Addison?"

"I can't—I can't pretend we're something we're not. I thought I could, I thought maybe if… maybe if I spent more time with you, maybe I could pretend that… I don't know!"

"Addison, you started your sentence. Finish it," he commands, his voice dangerously low.

Addison studies the floor. When she looks up there are tears in her eyes, but not because she can cry on cue. She didn't expect saying these words to him would actually hurt. "Maybe I could pretend that you meant something to me. But I can't."

"What are you saying, Addison?"

She has to pause for an agonizing moment as she pushes back real sobs. "I don't—I don't want you. I don't want you and I don't want you in the baby's life either." And with that she flees the scene. Everyone but Alex slowly returns to their previous activities, now buzzing about the break up. Alex just stands in the middle of the hallway and tries to wrap his head around the fact that everything is over.


So there you have it- the end. No, just kidding. Really, it's only the beginning. Okay, not really, more of a middle-ish sort of thing, but you get the picture.

-Juli-