Hello everyone who has been nice enough to keep with me through this story! I need to say thank you all so much. I also need to warn you that the going is gonna be rocky after this chapter. I hope it keeps you on your toes and wanting more.

Oh and to answer the questions I have gotten... I am working on finishing this story, and it is posted in more fully on my site but at a more adult rating. I am coming into the last few chapters now, but posting here I have to review my chapters and make sure they stay ensconced in the T catagory, which is why the whole thing hasn't been posted here already. I hope I've done an okay job so far, if not let me know and I'll cut it down more. I have also made a few changes/additions/corrections from the original. I try to update my site and here as often as I can. It all depends on R/L.

Thanks again to Stephanie, Sara and Rachel who have kept me going through all of this and helped me make this story all that it is.

On with the next chapter...

It was just after midnight; Angel and Beau had just bid her goodnight as they made their way to bed. She could hear Lexa downstairs and catch the faint whisper of her yawns every now and again. Shalimar was hoping that by not helping Lexa decode the companies she would lose steam and go to sleep soon. So far it had been a losing battle on Shalimar's end. Glancing down, she read on.

November 5, 2002

Well that's it, no more Ashlocke. I can't say I felt one bit sorry or sad to see him go. I feel worse for Adam. He has been dwelling on the monster he made and beating himself up over it. Ashlocke was a monster without a conscience or feeling. Emma and Shal have been trying to talk to Adam, but he has been distant, even with Shalimar, which is bothering her even more then she will admit. She has been with him for such a long time that she usually knows what to do to get him to talk. I think it upsets her more then she lets on when Adam shuts her out. Emma has been trying too, but she hasn't had anymore luck then Shal.

On the bright side, Shalimar has been party girl for the past few days. She took all of us out for drinks last night. She partied like a crazy woman. Emma actually cut her off from any more alcohol. I have to admit I was enjoying watching a tipsy Shal too much to even think about how much she must have drank to get that way. I forget sometimes that she has a higher tolerance because of her healing abilities. I think I finally realized how far gone she was when she was grabbing and grinding on several of the guys at the club; she must have put down a few more then I saw. Jesse was borderline wasted too. I didn't realize until too late that both he and Shal had put down an entire bottle of tequila and had several beers a piece.

Emma and I had to cart their sorry butts home and that was a mess. Emma had to pull over three times on the way home to keep Jesse from puking in the Audi. Each time I had to help him in and out of the car. This was fine until the last time when he sneezed and massed out on my foot. Thankfully I just broke a toe and not the whole damn foot. It still hurts like a motherfucker.

I tossed Jesse in the front seat and hopped in the back with Shal who grabbed my already injured foot and yanked me into a lying position across the seat to pull my shoe off and inspect the injury. This wouldn't have bothered me under normal circumstances, but moving the world too quickly when one is inebriated is not a good idea. So I just about puked, which would have killed my track record of not puking since before I turned 21. Shal yanks off my shoe causing me to howl in pain and starts prodding at my foot. I have a decent pain tolerance, or at least I have always thought so, but I was ready to cry like a little girl when she told me to hold on and reset the bone right there in the back of the moving vehicle. While she was drunk.

Needless to say Emma was about ready to kill all of us when we got home. She was the only sober one and had to help Jesse to his room then make sure he was set so not to vomit and asphyxiate himself. Shal and I leaned on each other, me hobbling in pain and her giggling the whole way.. I think Adam will kill us when we all show our faces. I figured I'd stall and write for a little while before I face the music. I hear a few other people outside so I think I'm doomed. I still can't figure out how my toes got taped together so that they would set right.

Shalimar smiled, remembering giving him some pain medication when she got him into his bed and taping his toes together so that they would heal straight. She let him be confused for a few hours before finally giving in and telling him. He had passed out almost as soon as he hit his bed. When she had been ready to leave she gave him a kiss on the forehead and he grabbed her around the waist, trying to pull her onto the bed with him. She had been too intoxicated to control her balance properly and collapsed on top of him. He had just smiled and laughed as her weight settled across his chest; he whispered her name and told her she always smelled so good and sexy, and then gave her a soft kiss on the lips. She had been so surprised that by the time her brain caught up, he was already letting out soft snores and was sound asleep. She had always kept that her secret. She knew he had his and there were several nights she didn't remember getting to bed after they were out drinking, so she was sure he had one or two he never told her.

November 20, 2002

I never cease to be amazed how much Adam actually knows about us and our past. No matter how much I have tried to ignore it and hide it, he still found out about my real father. I'm glad he never said anything to anyone else, but then Emma took the job upon herself. God, I was so pissed at her. She has apologized, and we had a long talk. She was good to talk to. It felt good to air out some of my thoughts. Emma's got this way of getting you to talk without realizing it, and I find myself trying to avoid her sometimes because I hate blabbering like someone who can't control their emotions or their mouth.

As much as I started to enjoy being with Miranda in New Hope, I'm glad that I'm home. It was odd feeling like a completely normal person for a while. I've had my powers for so long I've forgot what it was like not to have them. I feel bad that Miranda wanted to stay there; I wonder what would have happened to us if she had decided to come with me. She was so sweet and so innocent. I haven't met anyone like that in so long I couldn't help but be attracted to her. She would have so much trouble in my world though. Miranda was so willing to open her heart and fall in love after just a day that it was scary to me. I know that maybe I shouldn't have taken advantage of her like that, but I was very attracted to her and she never said no or asked me to stop. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty or just sad that life has thrown me another curve ball. I haven't really had time to go over it all. Who knows maybe I'm just being an ass. All the same it's my life and my choices. Maybe Emma's scolding me is making me have a guilty conscience.

It says a lot about people that a community was kept from the outside world and still managed to have such a corrupt side to it. It makes me wonder what humanity is destined for. I still find it amazing that this guy was able to make that town vanish like that. I think I would go nuts if my world was that small though. It couldn't have been more then two square miles. I did like the idea of having lazy days in the sun with no real motivation. I'm kidding myself though. I have always been an action junkie and eventually that would have gotten me in a lot of trouble there.

Shalimar has been avoiding me again. I don't know what her problem is exactly, but she saw me tonight and didn't run the other way, which is a first since I've been back. The past two days she wouldn't even eat dinner with us and put on these 'come get me' outfits and went out without a word. Jesse said that she is working out her issues with me. Of course he gave me the old stand-by line of 'if you want to know, you need to talk to her.' I feel left out of something sometimes. Lately she has reverted to her old routine of lying on the couch with Jesse and speaking in hushed whispers with him. I wish she would just tell me what the hell her problem is. I hate it when she is pissed at me. Hopefully it will all blow over in another day or two. Is she mad because of Miranda or because of something else?

Shalimar sighed and put the journal down in her lap. A stray tear slid down the side of her cheek, and she couldn't find the energy to wipe it away. She never remembered crying as much in her life as she had in the past three months. Shalimar remembered Miranda and New Hope all to well. Shalimar also remembered how Brennan acted when he came back, withdrawn and uncharacteristically quiet the entire trip home. She thought that he might really leave that time, and it would be over a girl... maybe it hurt more knowing that the girl wasn't her. That was the part that got Shalimar's ire up. She purposely baited him for several days daring him to leave, but finally gave in to the wounded stares and the attempts to get close to her again. He was her friend first and foremost. It had been difficult to deal with her conflicting feelings though.

Taking a listen, and still hearing Lexa clicking away downstairs, she looked down at the next entry.

December 3, 2002

It's a twist to think about different life forms invading our planet. I mean we don't even have a handle on human and animal life and now there might be something else in the mix too. I just have to ask 'who would ever think to drink someone's spinal fluid?' That is just disgusting to think someone spent time researching that and trying to figure that out. Maybe aliens have way too many issues. If that's what they really were.

I can't begin to say how tired I am of Jesse and Emma harping on me for how I act whenever Shalimar is interested in a guy. I mean, hell, I swear sometimes that Emma's sworn off relationships and sex all together sometimes so who's she to judge anyone. I almost told her to go get laid the other night. I am glad I restrained myself but man if it wasn't close to crossing my lips. Jesse on the other hand is allowed to get all upset and fly off the handle when Shalimar got kidnapped. I held my cool that time, but no one says that he needs to lighten up about her. I was scared for her too, but I didn't freak, well much.

Shalimar at least stopped avoiding me all together. I guess we are able to get back to where we were before, where ever that is. I know she was mad about the whole Mark thing, but as much as I didn't like seeing her with him, I also didn't like the fact that he is a scientist that was associated with Genomex. Of course Emma had to throw Miranda in my face, but I didn't think Shal was bothered by that at all.

Shalimar, Jesse, and I went out last night to Jesse's friend's house. It was nice and a lot of fun. Emma had bailed stating that she was feeling sick all day and didn't want to be a downer. She made us go without her but when I tried getting out of going because I had no idea what kind of party this would be I was forced to get dressed and go. I'm glad I did go though. It was a lot of fun. Most of the girls there were with guys, so I didn't have much luck in that department, but I won a few hands of poker and met a few of Jesse's friends.

It was the guy's parent's beach house, and they were throwing a party, but it wasn't like a keg party where you don't know half of the people that show up. They knew and had invited most everyone, and the friends that came along were treated nicely. Not completely what I expected from rich people.

Shal and I took a walk towards the end of the night. We couldn't find Jesse, but we had a feeling he was spending time with a girl he has been seeing on and off for a few months. Shalimar had been playing Asshole with a few of the guys and kicking their butts, until she wound up being the Asshole and was stuck drinking seven shots down in less then an hour. She decided she needed to go walk it off. I saw her walking out and decided to join her. It was nice. I like talking to her, and she was in an extremely chatty mood. I will have to remember that slippery nipples make her that funny. We walked for about an hour before Jesse called us and asked if we were ready to go home. Shal was feeling good and wanted to play in the water. So like the two overgrown kids we are, we had a splash fight and got soaked in the cold water. Jesse just shot us both a very angry look when we met him by the car rather wet.

Shalimar fell asleep in the back of Jess's car on the way home. She was tired and still a pretty tipsy when we got back to Sanctuary so I picked her up and carried her to her room. Mostly because I was tired and wanted to get to bed myself, and I couldn't do that until I knew she was safe in bed.

Once I put her down in her room and helped her get her jacket off, I got the shock of my life. She started ripping all of her clothes off in front of me, complaining about being wet from the water fight. I know my body temperature had to rise a few degrees at that moment! There is a dilemma in the male psyche, watch the hot woman strip and ogle, or do the proper thing and cover her up. At that moment I just couldn't think. I wonder if my brain just short circuited. Before I could open my mouth and stop her, she was out of her skirt and top and only in this blue meshy bra with pink hearts and matching panties. Somehow my brain started functioning when she unhooked her bra. I grabbed a blanket off of her bed and put it around her before she bared all. My mind and body were in such a state of argument that I didn't realize she had pressed her lips to mine until I felt her hands curling in my hair.

I didn't think she had that much to drink at the party. I vaguely hoped that no one at the party slipped her anything in her drinks. I was worried about her but I also knew I needed to get away from her before we did something that we might both regret.

I don't know how I stopped her. I just remember wrapping her tightly in the blanket and boosting her into bed. Then I kissed her on her forehead and left her there. She tried to pull me up there with her, and a part of me wanted to join her and say damn the consequences. I couldn't do it. I'm too scared to think of where this might go. I took off out of her room like she threw me out. Leaving her confused and wrapped in a blanket on her bed. I needed to put some space between us. This kind of thing never works out for the best. I have seen it fail too many times with the guys who I used to run with. Shal just confuses the hell out of me sometimes.

Emma was having a tirade of some sort at Jesse and woke me up this morning. I came out about the same time as Shalimar who looked a little confused as well. Emma has been really bitchy lately, and I think it is starting to get on everyone's nerves. We all love her to death, but she has seemed like she has been on a PMS trip the past few weeks. Today she was fine though. Shal said that Emma's powers are getting stronger, and it is making it tougher for her to filter emotions, but lately I haven't seen her meditating as much or try talking to Adam about it. Even Jesse's mellow temper was being stressed a few days ago. Maybe I need to say something to Adam.

Shal asked me what happened after the party; she didn't remember stripping in front of me, and I decided to tell her a PG version of the truth. I left out the kiss, and how I was ready to lose my will power. I left her to think she stripped herself after going to bed. I don't know why I lied, but I'm afraid of what the truth might do to us.

Shalimar knew exactly how he was feeling. Every time she walked in on him working out or wearing a towel out of the shower, she couldn't help but feel this magnetism toward him. She also felt ashamed for putting him through that. They had been circling each other for so long, but both were afraid to make a move.

Emma had confided in her about her powers becoming stronger and everything they felt she was feeling too and could hardly keep it out. Adam kept having her do more mind exercises, but it wasn't helping as much.

Shalimar rolled over and looked at her clock. "Damn Lexa, are you ever going to go to sleep?" Shalimar whispered under her breath.

She heard her clicking away on the keyboard, then as if she had heard Shalimar's whispered plea, the typing stopped. Lexa had let out another yawn, and Shalimar could hear the chair creak and footsteps clicking toward then up the stairs. Shalimar picked up the journal and tried to be casual. She wasn't sure if Lexa would open the door to say goodnight or not, so she opted to look engrossed in something.

"Shal? You're still up?" Lexa called as she gently pushed the door open and peered at Shalimar resting against the headboard of the bed reading a book. "I saw your light on and wanted to make sure you were alright."

Shalimar looked up from the journal and gave a small smile, "Yeah, I'm good, just having trouble falling asleep, new place and all, you know." She prayed that Lexa bought the ruse. Lexa had been so on edge the past week that Shalimar was beginning to think she was going to hit levels of extreme paranoia.

"Oh, alright. If you're really that bored you can work on some more of that information." Lexa hinted

"You know what that sounds like a good idea, you go get some sleep and I'll work on it for a little while!" Shalimar said, suddenly springing off the bed and sliding the disk into her jeans pocket. She gave Lexa a tug on the shoulder as she bounded through the door then pushed Lexa down the hallway toward her new room. "Go get some sleep, I'll call you if I find anything earth shattering!"

"Um, ok, I guess, let me know if you need anything." Lexa said trying to keep her voice down so not to disturb Angel and Beau in the next room.

"Ok, go get some sleep!" Shalimar said as she tried not to run down the hallway and to the sub-level door.

"That girl is one big emotion trip sometimes." Lexa whispered to herself as she shut her door and fell onto her bed. She barely remembered to pull off her shoes before climbing under the covers and drifting into dreams of strong arms and blue eyes.

Downstairs, Shalimar took the disk out of her pocket and put it in the disk drive. Suddenly a familiar voice echoed faintly through the speakers of the computer.

"I'd hoped that you would return and find this, Shalimar."