Chapter 9: Truths About Love
The ride over to Melanie's house in upstate Washington was a burning one. Nothing was keeping Sam calm as she took her mother's keys and left without waking her up from her hangover. She closed the door to her mother's station wagon, and after the third attempt, the engine roared to life. She began her two-hour drive with no music and even worse, no air conditioning. She forgot that her mom never took the car to the shop to get that fixed. After yelling and cursing at the cars surrounding her that had the blessing of an air-conditioned car, Sam just rolled down the windows of all the car windows, and let the hot wind inside the vehicle. She didn't know if that was a bad idea or a good one. She only knew that it wasn't making the trip over any easier, or better.
When the city was dwindling behind her, and grassy knolls were beginning to surround her did Sam know that she was almost within her twin sister's house. She was still at a loss for words as to why Melanie decided to move so far away from city life, when she herself loved it. She went to boarding school that was within a city, grew up in a city when she was younger, and in the end she chose suburbia. And even that was stretching it. Sam couldn't even bring herself to say that she lived in suburbia; it was more rural than that. It was more like a setting of a countryside taking over where she lived. As simple as life could get. She looked for the street and once she found it, turned, and parked in front of her house.
Melanie's little house was not a big place like Sam herself could see her sister in. It was a shade of blue that Sam couldn't put her finger on, it was not strong, but it wasn't a warm hue either. It was a one story, with flowers sprouting from every angle. And the flowers were all different colors, making it look wild but inviting. It had a white picket fence surrounding the entire house, a little front yard, green and luscious, almost as if the grass was fake. There was a gravel walk-way all the way up to the porch, where Sam could see Melanie, sitting down on the swing set and sipping some tea she must have made for this occasion. Sam got out of the heat-infected car and started walking toward her twin, who got up with a little difficulty. She opened the gate and felt her weight shift with every step she took.
"Don't get up for my sake Mel." She spoke.
"Said it a tad bit too late Sam." She said, smiling at her twin. Sam sighed and got up on the porch, scared to hug Melanie due to her unbelievably engorged belly. For six months she was showing immensely. But she loved seeing her like this, because she actually looked cuter than her. Melanie paid it no mind, and wrapped her hands around Sam, as far as they could go before she brought pressure on her stomach. "I am so happy to see you Sam. You are looking swell." She sat back down holding her stomach, and poured Sam some iced tea. Sam gulped it down within the second that Melanie handed it to her, making her chuckle. "Still gluttonous as always Sam."
"That's a habit that'll never die down sis." She answered, earning another pleasant laugh from her sister. Sam poured herself another glass from the container and watched as Melanie was observing her tiny fingers. They looked a bit swollen, especially around her wedding ring. If Sam would put them close to hers, she would see that they were bigger than her own.
"I was surprised that you wanted to come over and talk Sam." Melanie stated. "I honestly do not have any idea why you wanted to come in the first place. At first I could not help but think it was to talk about our mom but then-"
"Mel, I came to talk not to hear your crazy assumptions as to why I'm here." Sam interrupted.
"Oh." Melanie said, a bit bothered for being cut off. "That's fine then. What did you want to talk about in person that could not be done over the phone?"
Sam held her breath. She didn't know how to begin. She never really had a heartfelt conversation with Melanie, with anyone really. She was never the emotional type, and yet here she was, craving for answers to emotions that needed to be elaborated on. And the only one that could do that was Mel. Even if she didn't really want to talk to her. On the contrary, she wanted nothing to do with Melanie Puckett, because they have lived different lives, different outcomes, but deep down she knew they were still the same. She may have been a goody two shoes, gone off to some snotty stuck up school, have gotten good grades, but she understood Sam better than anyone, because of who they were and how they were related. She was her twin, they both knew the look of hurt in their eyes, feel the happiness radiating off of them, and could notice straight away the anger and frustration, even if they were smiling at the world. Sam bit the tip of her finger, afraid to ask what she wanted to ask. She didn't want to go straight away into talking about herself. She had to build up on it. So she asked the one that she felt needed to be answered most of all.
"Why'd you marry Kevin?" she asked. Melanie sighed peacefully; taking a sip of her iced tea, and threw her head back and laughed.
"Haha, that's not what you wanted to talk about is it Samantha?" Melanie asked, earning a death glare from her sister. "Well, I don't know how to begin." She closed her eyes, and when she opened them she had a somber smile on her face, as if deep in thought, but happy thoughts were going on in her mind. "I guess it was when he told me that he was in love with me." Sam could imagine that. She always had that mindset of being old fashion, her sister. If she didn't know any better, Sam could say she was raised in the south; a regular southern belle. Waiting for the man to come and propose and carry her away in his white chariot, while holding a flower that smelled better than any other flower in the garden to give to her when he went to pick her up for their date. The shyness that would appear on her face as she blushed, and Kevin, the perfect gentlemen, never to rush anything unless she was consenting to it. With Melanie, Sam just couldn't help but picture it that way. Maybe it was a mistake to have come here, because she didn't know anything about what she was going through. But she couldn't help but press on for more.
"Is that when you knew that you were in love with him?" Sam asked. Melanie shook her head slowly.
"Not until I married him did I know that I love him." She said. Sam noticed the flicker that came across Melanie's face, much like her own when she was bothered by something that she said. Like she didn't want anyone to notice what she was meaning with those words she let out. "When he placed this ring on my finger, much slimmer mind you," She continued, "I knew we would be together for as long as we both shall live."
The birds began chirping all around them, some even as daring as standing on the other side of the porch, looking for feed. How like Mel to have even the birds attracted to her, even when she had a huge belly that could not even make her stand normally. Sam coughed and the birds retreated. Then she turned to Melanie, and felt her mind push her into asking the next question that she asked.
"… And how did you know he was better than Michael?" Sam said, and now she wished she could take back. Melanie's eyes were no longer alive, but looked glazed over, as if she was thinking of a better time, a happier time. It was like before when she told Sam the reason she loved her husband; just nothing mattered. "Mel?" Sam asked, shaking her arm. Whatever spell Melanie was under quickly faded, and she returned to her smiling self. Sam was suspicious, but Melanie seemed to have taken no effect to what her twin was thinking.
"Let's go inside." She suggested, "the heat is starting to play tricks on my head." With a little difficulty, she rose to her feet, taking her cup and Sam's and opened the door. Sam, a little uncomfortable at how fast she got up, followed her inside.
The interior of Melanie's house was every bit cliché as her sister. There were pictures everywhere, on the small piano, hanging by the walls, and at least one frame on every end table. It was nothing but pictures of her and Kevin, and a few of the four of them, when she would go to visit them. Freddie finally knew that Sam indeed had a twin when she came to visit during their sophomore year in college. Freddie couldn't believe his eyes, and at first was very uncomfortable, but with Sam pulling him away and kissing him in the shadows, the awkwardness in him melted away, and he began having fun with her and her twin and Carly. Sam continued her pace, observing the massive amounts of memories that surrounded Melanie every day when she woke up. As she entered the tiny kitchen, Sam took a spot on the chair that was vacant, across from where Melanie was sitting. She took a deep breath, and furrowed her brow; deep in thought once more, but no longer somber memories were in her mind. These were different memories, memories she looked as if she never knew wanted to know about. Memories that she looked she could have gone without, because they hurt in ways Sam could relate.
"…What Kevin and I have is good. At the moment and even before then, when we would date. But what I had with Michael was… different than anything I ever had." Melanie crossed her arms on the table, struggling to find the words that she needed to describe her past relationship. "He was never one to give up easily. Varsity captain of the Wrestling and Cross Country team. Tall, good looking, and so easy to talk to. I could tell him my whole life story and he would listen to it all, never bored of it. He would probably ask for more of it actually." Sam saw the sad look on her sister's face, the same resemblance of her own when she was sad. "He was, in a nutshell, someone that I was scared of."
"Scared how?" Sam asked.
"Scared of loving him more than he loved me." She answered quickly. Sam gave her a confused look, to which Melanie explained. "He loved me, there was no doubt about it. But I knew that I was falling faster than he was, so I ended it and met Kevin, who told me he was in love with me since he met me." Again, Sam gave her a confused look. "I did not want to be hurt like our mom was, so instead I found someone that would look after me and protect me forever."
"Didn't you stop to think that he could have loved you as much as you loved him?" Sam questioned her; Melanie just shook her head.
"I did not want to think about it, for fear of falling faster and more in love with him." Sam was confused, and Melanie could see that. She grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I decided to love someone else that I knew was in love with me, rather than one that just loved me."
"But, why?" Sam asked a little angry about it for some weird reason. Her fists pounded on the table as she rose up. It was Melanie that looked confused now.
"Why what Sam?"
"Why give up loving someone that doesn't love you as much? He could have loved you as much as you did in time. Why would you settle for someone else? You just had to give it some time-"
"If there is anything that I learned from the relationship that mom had with our father, was that a man that only loves something can be extremely fickle. But if he is in love with it, it will never change." Melanie retorted. Sam sat back down and it was Melanie that got up to defend herself. "Men are children. They don't know what they want in this life, just a woman that can be more than just a friend. And if they fall in love and let their guard down, the woman will do all she can to keep him that way."
"So you married to put up with it." Sam said. Melanie shook her head as if defeated, placing her hands on her hips.
"If that's how you want to look at it Sam I am not one to stop you from thinking that." Melanie ended. Sam was so perplexed with what Melanie was telling her that she had to continue. She had to dissect this whole thing.
"But I don't get it Mel. If you were in love with Michael-"
"Like I said Sam, I was in love with him, but he never loved me that way, and I knew that I would not be able to handle him leaving me with a kid that I would have with him. I wouldn't be able to see that baby's face, if it would remind me of him. Basically I did not want to be hurting over someone that I should have known better than to fall in love with. At least Kevin will never leave, because he doesn't just love me, he is in love with me."
"So you are settling for him. You are settling for a life, instead of finding a real chance of love. Like mom did."
"What mom had with our dad is different Sam but if that is how you see it-"
"I can't see it any other way." Sam interrupted. She didn't. Melanie, to her, was trading her life for something that so many do. It was just to get it over with. Marriage was just something that would be put up with to continue one's life as an outer shell. Her mission in life would be to please her husband, like many women in life. Marriage, children, and further brainwashing of marriage being something that you just do in life. No love needed. How could she think that?
"I can." Melanie said. "I do not see it as though I am settling for someone as you say. I see it as progressing in life and in time falling in love with someone that is already in love with me." She got up again and walked over to the sink. She placed her hands on the sink and lowered her head, breathing hard, like she wanted to cry. Then she turned quickly and held her tummy. "We all settle Sam. One way or another, we all settle for something less than what we truly wanted. And the sooner we realize it, the better life will be."
"I won't," Sam said. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I settle for something less than what I want."
"And yet here you are." Melanie said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam questioned, knowing where this conversation was going. It was reaching its climax, the real reason behind Sam coming here.
"You didn't come here for just interrogating me Sam. You came here to see what it was like to have a life that one settled for, because one of them has already popped the question. Or are my presumptions wrong?"
"How did you-"
"Sam, I may be far away from the city life, but when I saw you the last time I did with Freddie I knew that you were in love with him. Probably like I was in Michael, if not more." Sam turned away from Melanie's contemptuous look. She knew all along because she knew what it was like. That was the only reason, because she used to be in love with someone just like Sam was now. "And then you emailed me about this guy Jesse, and I knew that you were in love with him too. The way you talk about both of them, it tells me that you have two Michaels in your life. Not just one. But there is one that you love more, that is obvious. But who loves you more between them? That is why you came here, to question me about my choice and more importantly why it was I chose the one I did."
She read her like a book. She was her twin, why was she surprised about that? She turned away, a look of guilt all over her face. When she turned to face Melanie, she didn't judge, she just reached for her seat and pulled it closer to her twin.
"I know that look that you are giving me Sam." Melanie continued her analysis of her twin. "It was the same look I had when Kevin was telling me about how much in love he was with me. How much he loved me that he wanted to marry me right then and there." She looked at Sam's hands and noticed there was no ring, but Sam's face told it all. Her barrier was broken, and her emotions were all over her face. "He asked you didn't he?"
"Jesse asked me yesterday night." Sam said, tears ready to fall.
"If you want my advice," she rubbed her hand, trying to comfort her. "Marry him Sam. If he asked you to marry him, then he must be in love with you. If that is the case, he will never leave you. He will never abandon you like our father did. I don't really know much about him, but if he is willing to ask you to marry him, you know that he has your best interest at heart." She concluded.
"But…what if I don't love him as much as he does?" she asked her. Melanie, who looked at her face saw the tears finally fall, silent and slowly.
"You know what my answer is to that Sam. Look at what I chose." She said looking around her tiny kitchen. "I don't need much right now. Right now, I just want to be happy. Which I am."
"But… is it enough Mel? Is it really enough for you to have a life like this?"
"Hey Mel, there's a station wagon outside… looks like your mom's." The girls heard a voice coming inside the house. Sam quickly wiped away her tears and got up to show that it was her that was driving the station wagon.
"Sam!" Kevin smiled, walking toward her and giving her a quick hug. "Haven't see you since the wedding! How've you been? And Carly and Freddie too?" Sam replied that everyone was fine, and then Kevin asked, "What brings you here?"
"Oh, you know, just came to visit Mel, since I haven't seen her in a while." She said, hoping he wouldn't notice the redness in her eyes. Melanie waddled toward the cabinet to pull out another cup so she could give her husband a cold iced tea drink, which he gulped in an instant. Melanie invited her to stay for dinner to which she agreed. When they were done eating Melanie asked her if she would like to stay the night.
"No I can't Mel." Sam replied, declining such a wonderful offer. To stay in the countryside away from her city life was sounding more and more like the best idea ever. But she knew she had to go back by tonight, or else Jesse would be worried. Either that or he would be coming up here and ruining what sense of tranquility the prairies were giving her. Melanie passed her the phone, telling her to call.
"I would rather have you here for a while longer to make up your mind Sam. Because I know you don't want my life." She said out of earshot of her husband, who was eating in the kitchen. Sam took it and dialed it his number on the phone as she went out on the porch. Jesse picked it up on the third ring.
"Hello?"
"Jesse its Sam. Mel said that she wants me to stay for a bit. Can you let Carly and Freddie know?" she asked him.
"I'll let Carly know babe. You want me to go pick you up tomorrow? We can continue talking about what we were before-"
"I'm gonna go to bed Jesse, we can talk about it when I get back. Don't forget to let them both know. Please. I don't want them worrying about me." She said. Jesse reassured her and she hung up on him, taking a deep breath of the night air. Melanie came outside and wrapped a blanket around her.
"You can have your own blanket tonight." She said, and walked back inside to begin cleaning up the dinner they just had. Sam took the blanket and brought it closer to her body as a summer breeze brushed past her. Now she knew why Melanie chose the simple life.
Because it was beautiful. There were no other words to describe it. The stars were as bright as the lampposts in the city, the air was so fresh that she felt as though she was breathing in something delicious when it was just air, and everywhere chirped the insects, making music that was as melodious as a lullaby, making her lose consciousness and just close her eyes for a while, as she sat down on the porch swing where she and Melanie were under that afternoon, just moments before.
A/N: Hope you guys liked. I don't know why but I can totally imagine Mel being a country girl, simply because the way she acts, all good and stuff. Well leave me a review telling me what you thought and until next time. :)
