The bag was stowed under the bed, inconspicuously brown and torn at places from use. He pulled the zipper open as he bent between his knees, expecting to find Tayleen's clothes. What he found instead was a set of black and dark gray armor with gold finishes.
He looked over his shoulder, pensively listening to Tayleen as she breathed through her mouth. She lied in his bed with the sheets pushed to her ankles. It was the hot flashes, he had learned. Sleeping close to her body only made it worse.
He pulled up the chest piece from the duffel bag. It was sturdy yet light, fit for a man who needed maximum mobility and still focus on physical power. The torso was intact but the waist was sectioned clean above the belt, melting the polymer alloys and fabric. The armor smelled of war and death. A death that had no emotion, no excuse and no presence. Essan was torn on the question of Thexan, and had it not been for Tayleen's trust of him, he would have let him die in the hangar bay.
Putting the clothes back inside he bag, he ground his molars trying to think of a better place to hide them. The equipment of the three Knights of Zakuul had been confiscated and locked away in the armory but there had been previous finds from earlier battles, not to mention the Knight Essan had captured on Hoth.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing gets passed you," he answered, turning his head to see Tayleen looking at him sleepily. "I was looking at his armor."
She stretched her arm across his pillow and moaned satisfyingly as a feline. "Anything special about it?"
"The make is peculiar."
"You're peculiar," she giggled as he felt her foot nudge him in his bottom. Grabbing it, he thought she had been walking on fire. "Cold," she complained, still laughing. "Your hand is freezing."
"And you're burning up," he replied with genuine concern. He leaned across the bed to feel her forehead with the back of his hand. "I'm calling the medic."
She looked back at him with fear in her eyes. "You're over-reacting." Swatting his hand away, she pushed herself to sit up. "I'm not due before next month. Calm down."
"Then let me run the shower for you."
"I need to pee," she mumbled, waddling towards the refreshers with his aid.
"You can go in the shower," he said humorously, circling her back with his arm. "I do it all the time."
"Gross."
They stood together under the shower head, still wearing their tops and underwear when the cool water began sprinkling. Tayleen gasped and cried and her voice was a delight to his ears. He held her close, stroking her shivering lekku as she sought refuge against his chest. The narrow cabin resonated their every breath.
"This reminds me of something," she stammered, raising her blues eyes at him.
He smiled back at her, running a hand around her cheek. "It was a long time ago."
"Too long. Essan..."
She looked down again. Her trembling hand went up his back and he felt his shirt being tugged as she clutched at the wet fabric.
"What is it?" he asked her, starting to panic. Was she going into labor?
"Nothing," she answered as her voice sounded husky. "I just missed you."
And he had missed her but couldn't get himself to speak. He felt only pain in his mind and heart when remembering the first night they had spent together. The one and only time they had made love and then parted ways. He caressed her head, checking her temperature as he did something. He lowered his head, drawn by the need to feel her skin with his own, to brush his lips upon her face. Words jammed in his throat and she looked up again.
"Essan," she called in panic. "Essan!"
She almost fell out of his grasp as she curled over herself, wincing in pain.
It was starting. He cut the water flow and eased her down as she was no longer able to stand, face twisted in agony as she held her belly.
"Hold on, Tayleen," he told her as reassuringly as he could, "breathe. Remember? Breathe..."
He drew air and expired, as the medic had instructed when they had planned for this. But it wasn't due now. Not today, not like this...
"Please, Essan," she implored, cramping and suffering like he had never seen her. "Make it stop!"
He took her hand and she squeezed it with incredible strength.
"You're going to get through this. Keep breathing."
The medical team rushed her to the medbay. Essan hadn't had time to change to his armor or mask, and simply put on dry clothes before leaving his room. No one knew his face except Tayleen. But it didn't matter, she needed him now. She was placed under a scanning monitor that displayed her vitals and that of the twins. Their heart rates were racing, sending another shiver of panic through his spine.
The medics talked to each other in rushed but controlled tones, handling the situation and making sure she was safe. Essan became deaf to their voices and focused solely on Tayleen. She was covered in tears and sweat and she still didn't let go of his hand, wincing intensely.
"I can't do this. Please, please..."
"Tayleen, listen to me. You're doing fine. I'm here."
Doctor Tanak appeared on the other side of the bed while a nurse applied an intravenous line to Tayleen's forearm.
"They are not positioned for delivery, Ma'am. You have gone into a stress-induced labor and stalling it will result in complications for the future. We need to operate now." He held out a syringe. "Say the word, Ma'am."
They needed her consent. Essan pressed his hand over hers and nodded to her, jaw locked and certain that he didn't want to know what those complications meant for her. Tayleen nodded and answered a simple "yes" to Tanak. The needle went in the drip, and within seconds she was asleep and under oxygen.
"We're going to need you to vacate the room, sir."
Her hand no longer squeezed him and he let go of her with utter shock. Seeing her unconscious and about to be cut open made him irrationally furious but he knew it was for the best. At least the pain had stopped.
He sat outside the operation room and looked down every time someone walked by. Long moments had passed when the door hissed open. A nurse in gray medical scrubs and mask came to him.
"Follow me, my-... sir. We're getting you something to wear."
As he did what was required, he could only wonder what he was going to see. He hoped he wouldn't lose his mind upon witnessing whatever they had done to Tayleen.
"She is still asleep," apologized the nurse, "and we didn't have time to use the local anesthetic for her to be awake for the birth."
Once wearing the sterilized medical garb, he entered the room behind the nurse. Light bathed the operation table where a large portion of Tayleen was covered in a green sheet of surgical paper. Her belly was apparent, sectioned at the lower edge, and he saw her face, peacefully sleeping. Doctor Tanak was there with his surgical tools and he was prying open the orange skin at the base of the abdomen. There was blood and he had seen all shades of it, but this one was blue like his own. Essan widened his eyes as he saw a tiny little hand.
Heart racing and knees weakening, he called on the Force to stay alert and careful. Tanak dug his gloved hands inside the placenta and there came a head. A perfectly round, pale head with the smallest ears he had ever seen. The baby looked like him. It was a boy.
"My Lord," spoke Tanak, holding the baby still attached by the umbilical cord, "here is your son."
"Ceyrin," Essan gasped. He was amazed and speechless upon seeing this living creature made from his flesh and Tayleen's, crying as he took his first breath.
He had fought the greatest warriors of the galaxy, brought down entire armies and starships to the ground, and yet he felt utterly defenseless.
After the cord was safely removed the nurse wrapped the baby in a soft blanket and he instantly stopped screaming, his dark blue eyes wide open. She brought Ceyrin for him to hold. He felt awkward and inadequate, having never handled something so fragile and so precious before. Ceyrin looked up and they locked eyes for a moment. It felt as if the Force was gathering its light around them, combining their presences into one.
"Don't worry," he murmured, feeling his eyes blur with emotion. "You won't be alone for long."
"Indeed," Tanak said, this time bringing to the world a pair of feet that wriggled and kicked. "She's a fighter, this one."
"Zherrys," he laughed, relieved and elated to have a daughter as well.
The nurse returned to take Ceyrin out of his hands. Zherrys was of a strange shade of yellow and her eyes were purple when she gazed upon the one who had dared disturb her peace in the warm safety of her mother's womb. Handling her was a whole other story and she wouldn't stop kicking and flaying her arms before the blanket came to tightly wrap around her. Essan felt the tears coming when he held her and saw the tiny lekku from either side of her head. She let out a piercing cry when she squinted her mesmerizing eyes at him.
"Congratulations on your beautiful, healthy children," said the nurse.
He let Zherrys be taken into a crib where she would stay warm and hydrated beside her brother. Coming back to Tayleen he wanted to hold her hand but she was still to be sown up and treated for the surgery.
"My Lord, if you would please remain in the nursery, I will finish the operation and have Lady Tayleen transferred to her recovery room."
Essan nodded, still astounded by the recent experience of holding his children. He entirely trusted Tanak and his ability to keep Tayleen safe.
Word got around the flagship that the twins were born and his comlink was flooded with messages to congratulate him. Quinn was first, then Vette and Pierce. He had no time to acknowledge them, between gathering Tayleen's things for her stay at the medbay and providing first care for his children. They were born healthy and that was all he'd wanted. Tayleen was awake after an hour, looking pale and fragile in her recovery room and he let her hold Ceyrin and Zherrys. She was sitting with difficulty and barely had any strength to hold one baby let alone two.
Essan sat beside her bed in a comfortable seat, holding a bottle of milk that Zherrys was drinking from, falling asleep against his chest.
"That looks good on you."
He turned to look at Tayleen, her voice was raspy from fatigue and her eyes blinked slowly and she looked at Ceyrin in her arms, supported by a pillow she had placed over her incision. He didn't mind seeing her nursing a baby though it seemed out of character for her. She seemed so unsure and afraid to do something wrong.
"I could say the same thing," he slyly replied.
"You've seen them before," she replied, adjusting her blouse over her breasts.
He chuckled and gently put the bottle down on the table nearby. Zherrys was sleeping and he didn't want to put her back in her crib yet. Both of the children were tired as well from being born. Her small lekku were the softest thing that he'd ever touched, and he tried not to handle them too much when cradling her. Ceyrin was soon done eating and Tayleen required his help to take him from her arms. She would have to be resting for at least three days. During that time, Essan couldn't see himself leaving her alone and tend to the children by herself.
"Thank you," she told him quietly, closing her blouse. "For everything."
He set the twins to sleep together in their crib and turned to Tayleen. "I'm not going anywhere."
"But you can't stay forever. It's good enough that you could be present today, I was apprehending much worse."
He propped his hands to his waist and lowered his brow. Darth Marr needed him to plan the offensive against Zakuul. There was a prince in their custody with vital information. Three Knights were waiting to know their fate.
"Let me deal with the worse part of things," he comfortingly told her. "You focus on healing and getting to know your new family. I'll send for help."
He thought Vette could be a good babysitter. Or even Quinn.
"That's alright," she smiled lazily. "My entire crew probably wants to come and take care of everything. You don't have to worry."
It had happened so fast, between the first contraction in the shower and now they were discussing whether all was normal and fine when she had just had a C-section. They were parents.
He stepped closer and hesitantly touched her shoulder. Her concerned eyes made him frown. He swallowed and felt his face starting to heat up.
"I don't know what to say," he copped out, unable to speak his confused mind.
"Then say nothing," she replied. Tayleen touched his hand and looked him in the eye. It broke his heart to see her so exhausted. "I don't want you to feel forced to do anything."
"But I want to, Tayleen. I agreed to this, don't you remember?"
Her blue eyes lowered as she reacted confusedly. She looked... ashamed? They had spent so long trying not to impede in each others privacy, to respect their mutual boundaries and not to be anything that he no longer knew what he was to her. He couldn't even look at her without feeling sorry.
He was probably tired, that was it. And he had to go back to his armor and exercise his authority over Imperial officers. Or maybe he needed a good fight.
"I thought," she spoke with a sob, "I thought we would become a family and it would be simple." She used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes. "I didn't think I would feel this way but... I still don't know if I truly want this. I'm so scared, I-" her face twisted in terror and he tried to hold her hand but it was trembling, "I don't want you to see me like this."
He held on to her as if a hug would make the crying stop but he himself couldn't keep his emotions in check. He heard a grumbled cry coming from the crib. The sound seemed to make Tayleen even more aggravated. It was probably her hormones. A lot was explained that way, lately.
"This is wrong," she murmured, nestled against his shoulder. "After all this time, I never once told you I loved you."
Essan let out a breath, dumbfound and saddened. "I know," he firmly replied. "It's okay."
She hid her entire face into her palms and he knew he was losing her yet again. This time, he couldn't repair the damage he would cause if he did not do something.
He had to say something, but what?
Rubbing her back, he tried to keep his calm and to be supportive but that had only worked so far.
"Tayleen. I can't sit here and watch you do this to yourself. Not now."
It took everything he had to keep a straight face. Wearing a mask had spared him that kind of trouble before. She directed her swollen eyes at his and he tried not to avert them.
"It will be easy if we learn to communicate," he said. "It doesn't mean being romantic, or being a couple... Unless you would want that. But we must be a team for Zherrys and Ceyrin. They deserve that much."
A weight pulled off his chest as he finished talking. Tayleen sniffled and seemed to find her center. "Yes. I'm sorry for reacting like that."
It didn't matter. The important thing was to have her mind set straight and not loose on a self-destructive path. It wasn't the hormones but it was deeply rooted in childhood trauma. He had known about it heading in and it was a matter of time before she had to face her demons again.
"I'll always be around," he whispered, gently directing her face towards him so that he could lightly kiss her forehead. "But I need to know you're okay with that."
Nodding, she locked eyes with him and a surge of passion filled his heart. There was longing in her expression.
"I always knew I could trust you," she replied as softly then she looked down. "I'm sorry I pushed you away."
Essan shook his head, stroking one of her lekku, thinning his mouth wishing she'd just enjoy the moment. "We can't resent each other forever. Deep down," he paused, hesitating to open his heart to her, "I still think of you as the first day we met on Belsavis, and when we traveled to Nar Shaddaa. That night on Dromund Kaas... I knew neither of us could be tied down. It was too good, too soon. I had to let you go."
Twining her slender fingers with his, she brought her face up and their noses touched. He swore he could hear his own heart beating when he felt her ragged breath. She was in great pain from the surgery.
"How come it feels good to be with you, yet it hurts so much?" she asked in the most vulnerable tone.
"Let me kiss you," he sighed, eyes half-closed. "Please, Tayleen."
She almost fought it when their mouths joined, but he held her face only lightly, pressing his lips against hers to incite a physical response. She brought a hand up to his heart, using the other to shift and turn to face him more comfortably. They were relearning to be joined this way, to breathe in synchronicity. It felt new yet familiar and so much time had gone to waste. He shuddered as she caressed his cheeks. He was Essan, now Darth Skordus, the unloved orphan who disguised himself as a tyrant that none could approach. There had been no one else like Tayleen in his life. Fear now grasped him that she would once again turn away and shut herself from him.
It seemed she would do that every time they got closed to admitting feelings for one another. Yet, how could she so casually confess her sentiments for Thexan?
Tayleen looked at him worriedly as if she could sense the turmoil in his head. "What's wrong?"
He had to unclench his jaw to answer her. "I remembered what you said about Thexan."
Her brow raised before lowering with concern, her voice deepened. "What about Thexan?"
"You love him."
It was an accusation more than a statement. He was aware of the bag of snakes he was opening but it was plaguing his mind. Tayleen stroked his swollen lips with a thumb and shook her head at him.
"I love him as a friend, it's clear to me and I'm not confused about it. But you..." she sighed heavily. "You're infinitely more important to me than anyone else, and it's terrifying." She searched his face, nervously seeking his attention. "My life- our lives depend on you."
Her attention was drawn to the crib and Essan looked over to see that the twins were fast asleep. Her hand came back to his face, pulling his chin towards her for another kiss. She nibbled at him hungrily this time, producing a sucking noise when separating. He wanted nothing more but to stay with her for hours, to make her feel good and to show her how good she made him feel. Then he reminded himself this was a recovery room and their children were right next to them.
"Tayleen," he stopped her, drawling his voice as he began to feel his head spin.
"Sorry," she whispered, "I'm still hormonal..."
"You need to rest," he said, getting off the bed. He clung to her hands while she silently begged him to stay. "I'll return later. If you wish I can invite your new friend so he can meet the children."
Tayleen smiled, pleased with his suggestion. Essan didn't like having the son of their greatest enemy coming close to his kin, but it could help her feel better.
After showering for a second time that day, he put on his clean undersuit, his washed and disinfected armor, cloak and gloves. He went by the refreshers to grab missing items for Tayleen: her toothbrush, some moisturizing cream, and feminine hygienic pads because he wasn't sure if the medics had provided them already. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and instantly his thoughts went to Ceyrin. The boy had his nose and ears, but his eyes were blue unlike the dark gray of his father's. And Zherrys was more likened to her mother, he thanked the stars for that.
Essan took the helmet and placed it over his head before attaching the mask. The seals hissed as both parts latched together and his augmented visual interface went online. There were messages from Dorn Base on Hoth, the security staff having no one to send their final report to. Their last call for help. As he walked back to the medbay, he skimmed over the message and stored it somewhere his other failures were kept. The other message was from Vette, saying she wanted to come and see the twins and offering to look after them and Tayleen.
He arrived at the guarded door. The two troopers stood at attention, rifles ready.
"I'm taking the prince for a walk," he told them. They nodded in acknowledgment and Essan entered the room.
The bed was empty but he heard the sound of water flushing down the pipes and Thexan emerged from the refreshers, steadying himself with a cane.
"Good," he said. "You're already up."
The young man froze and his eyes stopped at the bag Essan was holding. Even in this unplanned moment, his presence in the Force was cloaked, as if he'd trained his entire life to acquire this instinctive trait, to live under the radar of all other Force users. Essan tried not to appear bothered by it when he spoke.
"I hope you washed, because you're coming to see them."
"I-..." he hesitated, his brow creasing with confusion. His hair was trimmed short and he had recently shaved his facial hair. "I don't know if that's wise."
"Please, Your Highness. I insist." He knew the son of Valkorion was aware that Tayleen had given birth the other night. "She is right next door."
"Is she alright?" he asked with genuine concern.
Essan resisted the impulse to pull him by the arm. "Tayleen told me she cared about you, Thexan. A lot. So I thought maybe you would want to return the favor."
Thexan pierced him with his steel blue eyes. They were similar to Tayleen's. Essan tried not to let his mind linger on it.
"I would very much like to see her."
Her, not them. He raised his gloved hand at him, pointing at his face.
"This is not an absolution for your crimes, nor is it a gesture of good faith. I'm only doing this for Tayleen because, somehow, you mean something to her and she could use moral support."
The young man - how old was he really? Essan made a mental note to check his medical chart - finally agreed to follow him. Essan took his time, seeing how difficult it appeared to be walking with a fresh wound right across the stomach. Using a cane wasn't Thexan's preferred skill.
Upon entering Tayleen's room, Essan knocked and the door hissed open. Thexan looked humble and apprehensive, slouching forward until he saw her. His face lit up with happiness and so did hers. Essan stood and watched them reunite in reverse: Tayleen being bed-ridden while he limped up to her.
"Scar buddy," she greeted him.
He smiled shyly and looked towards the crib where the twins were awake and making baby noises.
"Oh, Essan," Tayleen called. "I think they need to be changed..."
Setting the bag upon her table he went to pick up Zherrys who was kicking and whining. Her purple eyes widened like saucers when she saw him.
"Shh," he tried to hush through his mask filters and laid her across his shoulder. "It's your father. And say hello to uncle Thexan."
The boy stood aback at the announcement and Essan chuckled. He carried Zherrys to the other side of the room and set her down to be changed. His mask filtered all smells if he activated that option, which he did, and Zherrys was munching toothless at her hand while he cleaned her up.
"They are beautiful," he heard Thexan tell in his back.
"Thank you," Tayleen replied softly. "How are you feeling?"
"Good, all things considered." There was a pause. "You weren't due until next month, or am I mistaken?"
"The doctor said it was stress-induced... But they're healthy. To be honest, I'm just glad it's done."
Zherrys produced an amused giggle as she smiled widely at her father. Finishing putting her pyjama back on, Essan threw the diaper into the trash disposal and leaned over his daughter, smiling back and reaching to her through the Force. In turn, she reached up with her stubby arms and he let her catch one of his fingers.
"Darth Marr has asked me to join Sith Intelligence," Thexan told.
"What did you say?"
"I don't really have a choice, do I? He said that I wouldn't be held accountable for the invasions if I did everything he asked."
Essan carried Zherrys back to her crib and let Ceyrin play with his glove. Thexan was sitting in his seat and looked up at Essan with stern defeat.
"Marr is no politician," he told him. "He will stay true to his word, but we can't speak for the rest of the Dark Council. When news of your survival goes public, people will want to see you judged." He acknowledged Tayleen's worrisome face with a nod. "It would be a great show of force against the Republic. They would easily fall in line if they knew we had Thexan."
"I don't like the sound of that," she said, hiding her hands in her lap.
He adjusted the small blanket over his children and casually sat at the end of her bed, facing Thexan.
"In order to avoid such an outcome I requested that you stay under my supervision. I know for a fact that Sith Intelligence has ties with SIS."
"What about this ship?" Thexan asked, trying to lean forward but he winced and held his wound. "Can you trust each and every crew member?"
Arms crossed, Essan held a stiff and faceless gaze at him for several long seconds. "How did you like wearing a full-faced helmet when leaving Zakuul?"
"Beg your pardon?"
"You heard me. It seems your face is the most iconic part of your character. What if we simply took that away, introducing you as a new Sith lord among the crew..."
Thexan balled his fists upon the arm rests and his jaw tightened. "I am not wearing a mask."
"Then don't leave these premises. I offered you a solution, Thexan. At least think about it."
He folded his arms defensively, rubbing his elbows and upper arms.
"Arcann wears a mask... It changed his voice, his attitude. I don't want to resort to that."
There were pictures from recent surveillance footage. It wasn't just a damaged mask but also a cybernetic arm. He caught sight of Tayleen raising a hairless brow, intrigued by what Thexan had said.
"He wasn't given a choice," Essan said slowly, attempting to be understanding. "You suffered a much greater ordeal. What I'm offering is the means to protect your identity, not to change who you are."
Between his first day at the Sith Academy and the moment he stepped off Korriban, Essan had learned not to trust anyone, to conceal his true self and not show emotion. No one cared about his thoughts, there had never been consideration or respect for his feelings. The mask only reflected people's apathetic arrogance and the passive violence of the ones who used him for their personal gain.
"Don't even try getting him to take his mask off," Tayleen said out of the blue, eying him humorously. "I always liked it, I admit."
Essan smiled and uncrossed his arms. "I must confer with Darth Marr. If he means to have you working with Sith Intelligence I should share my insights."
She was able to get up from bed and tend to Ceyrin and Zherrys on her own after two days, managing the pain medication by herself, as well. A droid medic would come twice a day to change her bandage. Essan had set up another bed in her room so that he could spend the night and feed or change the children when she couldn't. It was odd, a Sith busy with toddler diapers and baby bottles. He had taken to parenthood much easier than she'd predicted. Perhaps, she bitterly told herself, she didn't know him very well.
On the fourth day she was done nursing, and sat on the seat next to her bed with her datapad. Kaliyo had been chatting with her via text messages, insisting on bringing her old clothes back now that she had lost the baby bump. There was a knock at her door.
When called in, Darth Marr appeared in the frame, bowing his head ceremoniously. Tayleen stood, biting her lips as her incision burned and ached when she contracted her abdominal muscles.
"My Lord."
He waved away her formality as his hooded head tilted to one side. "Do not exert yourself on my accord," he politely said. "You must aim for a speedy recovery."
She settled into her seat again. "That's very kind of you."
Being alone in his presence again after many months made her somewhat nervous. Hands in his back he walked quietly towards the crib where the twins were napping after their meal, looming over them at a respectful distance. She was glad they were asleep so as not to see yet another masked person so soon in their lives. But as the moment went on for what seemed like minutes, she suspected Marr was using the Force. To do what, exactly?
"They're named Ceyrin and Zherrys," she said to break the silence. "Boy and girl."
Saying nothing, Marr stepped towards her slowly, head slightly hanging as if in deep thought.
"If you won't tell me what's on your mind I might start crying again," she warned with a touch of sarcasm.
"You needn't worry, Agent. Your children have inherited their father's ties to the Force. This is promising."
She thinned her lips and braced herself for an argument. Knowing her children would have to undergo strict judgment and face deadly trials made her heart sink to her guts. But such was life and in this huge galaxy, preparation was everything. She had gone through terrible experiences during her Imperial military training, and still had to suffer for what mattered to her. Ceyrin and Zherrys were born of a warrior and a spy. Their fate was sealed unless...
"What do you suggest I do while they are young?" she submissively asked.
"There is work to be done for Sith Intelligence," he told her without hesitation. "As for your children, I trust they will find adequate care among your crew. This ship is not meant for housing toddlers."
"I know," she replied, defeated. "You asked Thexan to join Sith Intelligence?"
He nodded his mask. "We discussed this internally with Lana Beniko and your-... the Wrath." There was an uncertainty in his tone and she swore she thought he was going to call Essan her husband. "We agreed that the prince may still be subject to psychological instabilities, therefore we cannot trust him entirely."
"He needs time to process the change," she concurred. "I've only spoken to him shortly yesterday. I might try again during lunch."
"Keep in mind that we are at war, Agent. If Thexan is stalling us, we may have to deal with him more expeditiously." He crossed his bulky arms against his breast plate. "In normal circumstances, there should have been a trial at the Citadel but the Dark Council is dissolved. This gives him the privilege of being in a judicial limbo and his only salvation is to help us win against Zakuul. Otherwise, whatever you achieve with him would be for naught."
She would have stood at attention and nodded, but she was sitting and her belly was hurting because the pain medication wore off. "I understand," she simply said with her hands on her lap. "I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. It's a privilege to have you as a commander and ally."
"The sentiment is reciprocated," he spoke barely above a murmur. "However, much of your troubles could have been avoided had you been more cautious with the Wrath. Passion is desired among the Sith, but his commitment to you and your progeny is unmatched and unseen in all of the Empire." He leered down at her through his mask. "His loyalty lies where you are, Agent. Be mindful of this."
"I would never defect from the Empire," she said with determination. "It's... my home. I've known nothing else."
Marr gave a short nod towards her children. "You do now... But if we all want to survive against Zakuul's Eternal Empire we must concentrate our efforts into preserving our own."
"I've never questioned it," she said. "Even when Imperial Intelligence was dissolved. I wanted to do something else with my life in order to stay clear of the chaos that ensued." She paused for effect. "They are my new constant now, because the Empire isn't what it used to be. My Lord."
If he wanted to berate her for that insolence, shouting out loud in a nursery was probably not a good idea. He didn't seem like he would have patience towards crying babies.
Marr uncrossed his arms and sighed. "You are right, Cipher. Rebuilding upon the ruins laid down by Vitiate is demotivating, exhausting even. His power grows with each death... It is perhaps time for a change of our methods."
She allowed herself to chuckle lightly. "Is that why you need me to recover quickly?"
He made a dismissive wave of his hand. "That was a polite thing to say regarding your condition." His voice lowered to a throaty murmur. "You have an important task at hand here, Agent. I know it may take time, but we can't afford to have a traitorous Zakuulan Prince on board."
"It would benefit no one if he didn't turn out to be our ally," she added with approval. "I doubt Valkorion or Arcann would greet him back home with arms wide open."
"Remember that he hasn't betrayed his family. His presence here is purely circumstantial."
She nodded slowly, thinking back to the time she flew the Zakuulan shuttle out of the Spire's hangar bay.
"I brought him here," she reflected over her memories. "It's my job to make sure he stays."
She gave herself time to prepare and clean up before leaving her room. The medical droids tended to the twins after they had had dinner and she kept a surveillance monitor with her in case they needed her attention. Wearing loose black trousers, a clean gray blouse and some slippers, she walked out of her room and stepped in front of the guards. They straightened their backs when she was near. When was their last rotation again? Tayleen felt sorry for them, when they could spend their time doing something more productive.
"Is everything alright?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am." The gray helmet panned slightly towards the other guard before the trooper hesitantly asked, "and how are you?"
"Good," she smiled with surprise. No one seemed to dare bother her about the twins, or about anything. "Thank you for asking. I'd like to visit Thexan now and I'll try not to be too long. But if I need assistance I'll let you know."
She was growing more considerate of the grunts that had sacrificed their lives to wear the Imperial armor and give meaning to their existence. She thought of her three new friends from the Knights of Zakuul and how she should pay them a visit, and hopefully broker a deal for their release should they choose to join the Imperials.
But what of the one who had sacrificed himself to save his brother? She held her breath when knocking at the door. Sometimes, she felt a pit in her stomach right before meeting with someone even familiar to her. Maybe it was one way the Force spoke to living things and she didn't know how to heed that call.
She looked through the glass pane and saw Thexan walking unsteadily from the far right side of the room. There was a viewport, and she saw it now that the blast shields were lifted. He seemed to have been sitting there before answering the door.
"Hello," he said, smiling awkwardly.
"Hello Thexan," she spoke back, giving his room a quick visual inspection. It was spotless. "May I come in?"
Stepping aside, standing barefooted in black loose trousers and a gray tunic, he welcomed her inside and she headed for the viewport, drawn by the stars and the sight of the distant galaxy spiraling ever so slowly.
"This is the best room in the ward," she complimented.
Thexan went back towards it and sat on the sill, picking up the datapad he'd left there. "I apologize for not coming to visit you today. Lord Marr sent me some Imperial literature that I'm reviewing."
Tayleen stretched her lips to a smirk and sat beside him, holding her own device that displayed her twins in the live surveillance feed. "I understand, babies are boring at this age anyway."
He let a burst of chuckle escape him. It was nice to see that it didn't hurt.
"You will be a great mother to them, Tayleen."
The statement made her scrutinize his grayish eyes and a hundred questions bumped inside her head. Mother. She recalled the story of his own mother and how it had shaken him just to tell it. There was none of that emotionality now.
"I- thank you," she replied. "But I'm a work in progress." She dropped her gaze to his hands as he held the datapad over his knees. "Which book are you reading?"
"Galactic Strategies: the Sensible Use of Intelligence and Sith conquests to Absorb Power through the Living Force." He made a stern face before pinching his lips, his eyes betrayed him.
"You're messing with me!" She elbowed him. "It's Marr's essay on Vitiate, then."
He acquiesced and put the datapad down beside him. "I had already seen the reports on Ziost when it was destroyed but it's interesting to have a pragmatic view of the cause and consequences."
If Darth Marr was one thing it was exactly that: pragmatic.
"He values your judgment," Tayleen thought out loud, "or seeks to analyze you in his own way... I recommend not giving bad notes on his creative work."
"But improvement starts with disappointment," he countered with a pedantic tone.
"He is a Dark Lord of the Sith, Thexan. I think he is well above the shame of disappointing anyone."
He elbowed her back, "I know. I was doing an impression of my father just now."
Unaware that she was staring agape at him, she scoffed and tried not to rejoyce too loudly at his positivity.
"I'm glad you spared me from seeing him. Valkorion."
His grimace was of stiffled pain for a fraction of a second before he crossed his arms lightly pressing a hand on his stomach. His throat gulped down before he spoke.
"It's nothing. You weren't even supposed to be on our ship, and I endangered you more than I was of any help."
"I would have been worse off had it only been Arcann to find me on Berith."
The right side of his face twitched. He breathed in sharply before turning towards her but keeping his eyes down.
"Would you forgive him?" he asked quietly. "If he was here, on our side... would you accept his apology?"
On our side. Those words would have brought a smile on her face had she not suddenly felt repulsed by the thought of his brother, the ghost sensation of his hand on her neck and his mouth bruising hers. She frowned sadly and balled her fists over her lap.
"Thexan... I don't know. You can't expect me to forget and hope something like this can never happen again. I've lived with the fear of sexual assault my entire life, and it was my worst nightmare while detained on your ship." She watched his face decompose with horror. She shrugged and patted his shoulder. "Do you really think Arcann can be redeemed?"
His head shook slightly. "I don't know."
Silence filled the room barring the calm humming of the air conditioning.
"What about Valkorion? Would he accept negotiations?"
"You're talking about a man who dethroned a god, built an infinite fleet and destroyed myriads of worlds in the name of greatness." His voice was throaty and bitter. "He never once held a discussion with neither Arcann nor myself. You were right, by the way." Restraining his sigh he looked straight at her. "We are slaves to him. Worthless pawns that deserve no recognition. And now there is only one left. I wonder how Arcann can stand his silence now."
"You said he wanted to kill Valkorion..." She felt like she was treading on dangerous grounds.
Thexan pressed his back against the transparisteel glass of the viewport, touching his head to it with a thud. His attention seemed to be drawn to the ceiling until he closed his eyelids.
"Without me around, I hope he doesn't try again."
Her scar itched and she didn't want to rub at her waist in such a bad timing. She needed another diversion to tear him away from dark thoughts.
"Have you decided what to do about Marr's offer?"
His brow creased and he scratched his left ear. It seemed he kept to a strict regimen of facial grooming and there wasn't a hair longer than the others on his scalp. She noted a redness around his ear and waited for his response.
"I feel that Marr's interests are not compatible with your intentions for me, you and Lord Skordus."
She shifted her position upon the sill to better face him curiously. "What makes you think that?"
"Darth Marr wants me as his secret weapon, whereas you consider me your friend." He paused, smirking as his eyebrows lifted. "Friends can't be easily discarded when used up, and weapons don't have trust issues."
She liked the comparison, and attempted to play along. "Which one would you rather be?"
His long thoughtful silence almost discouraged her to listen. Thexan clung to the sill and looked at his toes. His feet were bony and his toenails were short and clean. She shook her mind off of staring at his body parts.
"I would like to be your friend, obviously, but... I wouldn't want to come between you and your-" he interrupted himself and consulted her. "Are you not married?"
She made a cynical face. "What difference does it make? Just so that you could call Essan my husband? I wouldn't mind, and I'm sure he would approve."
"Oh, fine." He cleared his throat. "Your husband seems to know more about us than even I do..."
Straightening her back at the observation, she inquisitively pierced him with her glare.
"What did he tell you?" she snapped.
"Really, Tayleen," he insisted, his cheeks were growing pink. "This is not relevent to the matter at hand and I don't want to be the source of trouble."
"Speak, now," she commanded, "or I will have you change diapers for a week."
His expression took on a new shade of disgusted. "That is quite the compelling threat." Again, he scratched his ear. "Your husband said you cared about me... a lot? I thought that was a strange thing to say, coming from him."
Sitting completely still she felt her eyeballs drying from not blinking and her jaws began grinding.
"You're confused," he continued upon seeing her blank face. "I'm terribly sorry for mentioning this..."
He started to get up on his feet that she grabbed his sleeve at his wrist and pulled him down again. Thexan obediently sat and gazed at her with surprise.
"He's right, you know? I do care about you - as a friend. I do like you as a friend, Thexan. And it counts just as much as any feeling a person can have for another." She breathed in and tried to keep her voice steady. Her lips felt tingly. "I don't have romantic relationships, not even with Essan. He is there for me, and I'm grateful for it though it's hard to express it sometimes."
And then she felt her throat lock up but she swallowed down her fears and her hurt pride. Thexan only deepened his interest in her story, uninterrupting.
"He knows what I feel, better than I do myself. He keeps me centered." She blinked to chase away the blur in her vision. "I'm glad he told you that."
Looking somewhat rattled, Thexan meshed his fingers as he rested over his knees.
"I'm glad he did," he nodded. "It's hard for me to comprehend these things. I should apologize for my callousness at times."
"As should I," she rolled her eyes to the gray sterile floor. "I rarely bring down my defenses, yet they easily shed when I'm with you."
"Oh." His shoulders braced and he hesitated to turn towards her. "Maybe we shouldn't spend this much time together, don't you think? Because I feel the same way. It's-... It isn't right."
She folded her arms over her fresh scar and bit her lips under the pain, that same sensation he probably felt, and a growing need inside her core blocked all other thoughts and reasoning.
This wasn't wrong, it wasn't unnatural or unexpected. The Thexan she knew was kind, handsome and his story was tragic. Most people would find themselves drawn to him from compassion alone. Even Essan felt sympathy for him despite her being captured and her home destroyed. And Darth Marr had handed him a rare opportunity to redeem himself.
She couldn't take that away by abusing his trust and letting go of her inhibitions, only for a fleeting moment of pleasure. She smiled and steeled her heart.
"We know what's best for each other, don't we?"
He arched an eyebrow, his expression puzzled. "Is that a rhetorical question?"
Tayleen shook her head and pensively drummed her fingertips on the viewport sill.
"I need to know exactly what you would need from me in order to be a functioning member of our... faction."
He was sent into a deeper state of reflection before he could answer. "I only need closure. I-" he rubbed his palm over his mouth and chin, "I never got to say goodbye."
"To Arcann?" she inquired, he nodded. "That won't be possible... he needs to believe you are dead."
"That's the point, though. If I were really dead he would feel it. My father would know it."
She felt backed up against a wall, unable to counter his logic. "What about the dark side?" she attempted, "I've heard of Sith being able to conceal their presence from the Force."
Darth Jadus came to mind. She wondered where he was, when the galaxy was being bled and the Empire was dying.
His eyes were closed as she was asking her question, his voice was grim. "It makes no difference. My father's power is beyond the light and dark. He sees everything."
"Everything?" she repeated with worry. "So, he knows about me. About us. Why didn't he do anything about that?"
Thexan widened his blue eyes suddenly, locking his jaw. His father truly terrified him, she deduced from his behavior every time they talked about Valkorion. She stood up when Thexan walked away from the viewport, as if he could feel the reach of his father's influence from far away in space. He leaned over the night stand and picked up the holocom. His face was harsh, with an almost robotic intent and purpose.
"I have to talk to your husband, Tayleen. You've done far more than enough for me." His forehead softened and he tried to smile though he was still shaken. "I will see you another time, my friend."
