"Where could Ike have gone?" Marth muttered to himself. If he had a nickel for every time he'd wished Ike was smart again, he would be drowning in a pile of money.

"He probably went to find chicken," Roy offered.

"But he ate chicken just a few hours ago!" Ike didn't eat that much chicken… or did he?

Roy shrugged. "You never know."

Marth sighed wearily. Mario had had them split up into groups to search for Ike, telling them to call or text each other if they found him. Marth's phone was on full volume, but so far the others hadn't contacted him. Ike could have gotten miles away since they had last seen him, and he had probably destroyed tons of stuff in the process… Marth wished Ike was smart again, and another imaginary nickel went in the money pile.

"Hey, look at that." Pit, one of Marth's group members, pointed at an extremely mangled car embedded in a building. There were chunks of metal and building scattered everywhere. Dust and smoke rose from the mess. How had Marth not noticed that?

"Yech, it stinks worse than Wario!" Fox grumbled, wrinkling his keen nose. "And that's saying something."

Holding his shirt over his nose to block out the stench, Marth went closer to observe. There was an impression in the front of the car that was shaped suspiciously like a very buff man… This reeked of Ike (not literally).

"Ike was definitely here," Marth said, stating the obvious.

"Thanks for stating the obvious," Roy said, rolling his eyes. "Of course Ike was here! The problem is, where did he go?"

"Maybe there?" Pit indicated a broken, sorry excuse for a bench that looked very much like it had been run through by a buff mercenary. "Jeez, it's like you guys are blind."

Roy, as usual, had an extremely snappy comeback. "Nu uh!"

"Why didn't he just go around the bench?" Marth wondered.

XXX

The trail of destruction led them to a pet shop. This particular pet shop had a bunch of police cars crowding around an Ike-shaped hole in its wall.

"I bet it doesn't sell chickens," Palutena said to Pit.

The angel nodded, snickering. Then he fell silent, and his amused expression morphed into one of thoughtfulness as he said, "Lady Palutena, why haven't you just used your All-Seeing Eye of Palutena to find Ike?"

"Ummm…" Palutena rushed to think up a plausible excuse, but she gave up and simply waved her staff, making Pit collapse to the floor, asleep.

"Do you just enjoy torturing him?" Marth asked the goddess.

She gave a mischievous grin and replied, "Maybe."

"Probably."

"Maybe. Now stop questioning the almighty goddess or she might smite you for your insolence."

Marth wasn't sure if she was joking or not. "…But you wouldn't abuse your power, right?"

Palutena put on a brilliant smile. "Of course I would! That's part of the goddess job description." Again, Marth was unsure if she was joking. Pit had to deal with this 24/7? Marth felt sorry for him.

Changing the subject, he said, "Do you really have an All-Seeing Eye of Palutena?"

The goddess's smile only widened. "No. That's just something I made up to mess with Pit."

Man, how did Pit even survive with this? Marth felt really sorry for him.

"Ah, don't feel sorry. He's used to it. Oh yeah, did I mention that I can see what's inside your heart?" Palutena laughed.

The prince took one gigundo step away from her and made a mental note to himself: this goddess was a crazy psychopath! Avoid her at all costs. Changing the subject again, he said, "We should probably be looking for Ike."

Palutena nodded and raised her staff, vanishing the still-sleeping Pit away.

Marth decided not to dwell on the weirdness of this and continued following Ike's trail of demolition. Was it just him, or did Ike make a conscious effort to try to destroy as many things as possible? After a moment of consideration, Marth shrugged to himself. Nah, Ike was probably too dumb to keep a non-chicken thought like that on his mind for more than five seconds. But then again, Ike was also too dumb to think that some certain people might be looking for him since he had disappeared without any warning. Marth wished Ike was smart again, and another imaginary nickel went in the money pile.

XXX

"Look, there's another car in a building," Fox said, pointing at a police car that had crashed into a building that offered car insurance.

"How ironic," Roy observed.

Fox flicked his ears at another mangled police car and continued, "And there's a car that ran into Ike."

"And here's another wall that Ike ran through," Marth said from where he was standing next to a wall with a hole in it.

"BEEP!" Mr. Game & Watch beeped.

"Oh, put a sock in it," Fox said.

"BEEP!" Mr. Game & Watch beeped again, but it sounded more insistent this time. The 2D man was jumping up and down, holding something in his hand. How did a 2D person hold a 3D object anyway?

Marth took the object from the 2D man and identified it as a magazine. One quick glance at the cover revealed that the magazine had some extremely important information…

About an upcoming game that was being released soon. It wasn't Nintendo, so Marth instinctively didn't care.

"Mr. Game & Watch, why did you even get this? It doesn't have anything important… wait, new mega evolutions? Awesome!" Marth eagerly flipped open the magazine.

"BEEP!" Mr. Game & Watch beeped in a satisfied tone.

Fox walked over. "What is this? You're getting sidetracked." He snatched the magazine from Marth to see what he had been reading. Fox's face instantly changed from one of disapproval to one of an excited fanboy.

"No way! Mega Salamence? Sweet! But it does look kind of ugly… Hey!" Fox yelped as the magazine was stolen by Palutena.

"The new Pokemon are terrible," the goddess declared as she incinerated the magazine. "Now get back to business!"

"Fire Emblem is way better!" Roy chipped in.

Marth and Fox grumbled unhappily and continued following Ike's extremely obvious trail.

XXX

The Villager was roaming through the city by himself. He had deliberately separated from his group, and since everyone thought he was insane, no one even bothered about him! It was hilarious, or at least the Villager thought so. Besides, he didn't need the other smashers anyway. They were terrible trackers, even the aura-user. The Villager operated alone.

Without the burden of those stupid, slow smashers, the Villager could quickly navigate the city, even at night. The night was beautiful, enchanting, the silence blissful. He liked the background music too.

While the others had to rely on the mercenary's trail, the Villager relied on his own intuition. He let his instincts lead him. Mazes were nothing to him; they were just roads with a few extra pathways. He was never led astray anyway. He was above the simplistic thinking styles of the other smashers. They were idiots, all of them.

The Villager made his way through the dark streets. Once a cat crossed his path and gave him a malicious glare, so he returned the favor. The cat bristled in fear and fled. The Villager almost laughed… these beasts were so foolish, nothing like the ones back home. Then again, they were fools, too. Just NPCs… husks programmed to repeat words not of their own, but put into their mouths. The Villager knew of the outside world… he knew of the "player," of the "author," of the "reader" reading this fanfiction right now, but none of that mattered to him. He lived to destroy… to destroy was to create, to create was to destroy. And when everything lay ruined beneath his feet, then he would rebuild his own world, bright and shining, and he would be at the top of it…

First, he had to find the mercenary.

It was almost too easy. The Villager turned another corner and heard jubilant cries of "CHICKEN!" He followed the sounds and soon beheld the sight of the mercenary prancing through the rubble of what used to be a KFC. The buff fool held several empty buckets of chicken, and more lay at his feet.

"Hi weirdo!" the mercenary greeted, spying the Villager.

"Hello, Ike," the Villager said.

"You know my name? Who're you?" the mercenary asked like the moron he was. SBBL was a beautiful thing, reducing once-competent minds to this… rubbish.

"I am the Villager."

"Cool!" the fool said. "Hey, got any chicken?"

The Villager had planned on this. The smashers were so predictable… "Yes, I do have chicken. Plenty of chicken." It wasn't a lie; he had stocked up on chicken ever since he had found out about the mercenary's SBBL. "You can have it all if you do whatever I say."

And just as he had planned, the stupid mercenary agreed. "Sure!"

"Good. Now follow me," the Villager said, waving the mercenary along. He obediently followed the Villager, picking scraps of chicken breading out of the bottom of a bucket.

The Villager smiled and murmured to himself, "An excellent weapon to add to my arsenal of world domination… yes, since I have chicken, I can make him do anything I want…"

XXX

AN: Fun fact: I've never played a Fire Emblem game. Google is a wondrous place, my friends.

So, what's the Villager gonna do? Can't be anything good. I guess we'll find out next chapter, huh? ;)

Leave a review! I like seeing what you guys think. Yes, if I can see what they are thinking, I can control them from within…

Thanks for reading!