Noah's face burned hot, buried between his knees which he hugged tightly to himself. He felt numb but he preferred it that way. If he moved he'd have to confront the closed door and the rumpled sheets that still smelt of them.

He didn't even know how much time had passed; didn't much care either. He felt empty and exhausted; shivering, but not from cold.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

What was he thinking letting his guard down? How could he have allowed things to get this far? Had he learnt nothing from the past?

Yes they loved each other. Yes they desired each other. But they were not right for each other, just like Luke said. And the problems, the unfathomable cracks in their relationship, could not be held at bay by a romp in the sheets. Sex, that closeness they felt, that need, it was a temporary fix. And every time, every single time they tried to start again, it just made the fall that much more painful when they inevitably disappointed each other.

He couldn't muse on this subject for much longer though because suddenly the door burst open again.

He lifted his head and to his absolute astonishment Luke marched back into the room, violently yanking open the middle dresser drawer and rifling inside, searching until he withdrew a pair of sweats. These he promptly flung in Noah's direction. They hit Noah in the face and Noah flailed his arms to pull them off.

"Luke? What the…?"

"Get up!" Luke's face was flushed, his jaw set, and unconsciously his hands clenched, unclenched, and clenched again as if he were taking fresh grips upon himself each time.

"What?"

"I said," A t-shirt whipped through the air obscuring Noah's view. He pulled it off his head just in time to find Luke right in his face, "Get! The! Fuck! Up!"

He'd never seen Luke so angry. And that was saying something! The look in Luke's eyes gave Noah a chill; scared him even. Still recovering from the shock of Luke's re-entrance, Noah could only nod.

Luke's complex anger seemed mystifying and unreasonable to Noah. What right did Luke have to be angry when it was Luke who held all the power? He had only to click his fingers. Noah was proof enough; still sitting naked on the bed despite all his attempts to fight the feelings Luke provoked within him. Surely Luke knew that?

Evening light glinted behind Luke, highlighting the tips of his ruffled hair in tiny sparks. Noah had a brief misplaced thought at how beautiful Luke looked in that moment of anger before Luke exited the room once more, leaving the door open this time.

As Noah pulled on the sweats he heard a cry of frustration and a loud crash. Alarmed, he high-tailed it to the sitting room, afraid Luke may have hurt himself.

The lights had been turned on.

"Luke?" He called worriedly, pulling the shirt over his head as he ran.

He found the man heaving over a smashed ceramic table lamp lying in large red shards on the floor, where Noah assumed Luke had flung it.

Luke turned; his eyes flashing when he caught sight of Noah. He pointed at the sofa, "Sit!"

Unwilling to give in Noah stood firm, "Luke, I don't think…"

"Sit!" Luke ordered again, eyes dark with warning.

"Or what?" Noah challenged.

God! Luke was so incredibly sexy. Noah wasn't sure whether to throw him out or drag him back to bed. It was this constant push and pull between them that was the hardest thing to deal with.

Luke didn't reply but his eyes were burning holes into Noah and Noah found himself sinking into the sofa regardless.

Luke left briefly for the kitchen, returning briskly with two mugs and flinging one at Noah so hard that the coffee inside sloshed over, burning Noah's fingers.

"Hey!" Noah complained. "Watch it!"

"Drink and shut up!" Luke responded placing his own mug on a nearby coaster and pacing up and down in front of Noah like a caged tiger.

Noah wiped his hands on his shirt and took a sip, watching Luke trek the same path in the carpet. As he drank he felt some of his drained strength returning. He walled himself back in, felt the icicles encase his heart. Speaking dryly, as though he couldn't care less, he said, "I thought you left."

That tone stopped Luke dead. He rubbed his face roughly with his hands; visibly irritated; mentally preparing himself.

"Ah yes!" he exclaimed, dripping in sarcasm as he turned back to face Noah. "Because I'm the one always leaving?" His eyebrow raised, "Right?"

Noah dropped his gaze and ran a finger around the rim of the mug.

"It's me that disappeared off the face of the fucking planet! It's me that runs every time things get hard!"

Noah snorted with derision.

"And that's funny?"

"No." Noah shrugged, "What's funny is you painting yourself the victim in all of this! You made a choice Luke!"

Luke wobbled as he stepped back, swallowing visibly, wavering for a minute. But he seemed to find an inner power from somewhere and he said, "You know what Noah? Everybody in LA might buy this whole asshole act but I don't! I can see right through you."

"You think so, ha?" Noah replied. "How can you be so sure? Maybe this is me now. Maybe this is all that's left."

"Really?" Luke's eyes narrowed as though he knew something and was waiting for Noah to reveal it himself.

"Really." Noah clearly emphasised.

"So… um… I take it Mrs. Baxter doesn't know it was you who paid to have the stairs in the fire exit repaired after she fell and broke her hip?"

Noah's head snapped up, "How did you…?"

"Doesn't matter." Luke dismissed, staying on point, "You want her to think you don't care. You want people to believe this façade that you're wearing. But that's all it is…"

For the first time since Luke left the bedroom, Noah noticed just how bloodshot his eyes were, how tired Luke was.

"The real Noah…" Luke continued, "My Noah… is just hiding away, like he always does."

Noah sighed, "Luke, what do you want? If you think that then why are you even here? You made it clear a long time ago that you weren't willing to put up with me anymore." He paused as he voice broke, cursing himself for displaying any weakness. But those words brought back so many bad memories. Anger sparked at having to relive the feelings he'd tried so hard to avoid, "Just… what the hell is your problem?"

"What is my problem?" Luke asked with indignation, "My problem is that, after everything we were to each other; without even a goodbye… you… just… left… me!"

"You told me to go!"

Luke shook his head, suddenly so sad, "I never asked for this. I never once asked you to leave my life, Noah! And now…" Noah realised suddenly that Luke was struggling with something other than simply the way Noah left Oakdale. Luke closed his eyes, squeezing out the tears waiting there, "I didn't realise what it meant until I was making the coffee…"

"What?"

The brown eyes opened and locked with Noah's, "You've... um… the condoms and…"

Realising what Luke meant Noah steeled himself; battling a sudden pang of guilt even as he knew he had nothing to feel guilty for. He sat his mug on the coffee table and gave Luke the confirmation he knew Luke didn't really need by nodding silently.

Luke looked like he might throw up and he turned his back, "How many?"

Noah baulked at the question, frowning and shaking his head, "Luke, I'm not going to…"

"How many?" Luke demanded, swinging back around.

Noah watched the anger within Luke building further. He stood up to his full height; a few feet taller than Luke Noah felt more secure this way, "That's none of your business!"

Luke pushed him, two hands on Noah's chest, "Tell me!"

"No!" Noah quickly righted himself, puffing out his chest.

Luke pushed him again, sending Noah back a step, "How many?"

"Luke, stop!"

"Fuck you!" Push. "Fuck you!"

"Luke!" With some difficultly Noah managed to grab Luke's wrists to hold him off, "Stop!"

Luke kept fighting, barely breathing through the crazed fury he seemed gripped with.

It was a high-pitched question from Noah that finally stopped the struggles, "Why are you so angry?"

Luke collapsed, crying broken on the floor at Noah's feet. When Noah released his wrists, Luke pressed his hands into the floor; gasping for air.

And it hurt Noah. It burned deep in his gut that he was the reason, but simultaneously his own anger and emotions kept the walls of self-preservation up. "I never expected to see you again."

This statement resulted in a vocal sob from Luke.

Noah's breath shuddered and he stepped back as Luke reached for him.

"What did you think would happen, Luke? You… you left me so you could live your life with… with…" Noah couldn't say the name, "with someone else."

Luke was shaking his head vigorously.

"Was I supposed to wait around for you? Come to LA and let you call me, visit me? So you could tell me all about how happy you were with…?"

"No, I…"

"And why? So you'd have a backup if things didn't work out?"

"That's not fair!"

"Fair? Who said anything about fair? Nothing, since the moment I fell from that fucking roof has been fair Luke!" Noah breathed deeply through his nose. He'd done it before and he would do it again. He would make himself live without Luke. Because the cycle of doing this to each other had to stop before it killed them. "This was a mistake."

"No!" Desperate Luke tried to stand, but his legs wobbled under him and he fell back to his knees.

"You should go."

Luke's eyes widened with hot fortitude and he rose on his knees, "The only way I'm leaving this apartment is if you physically throw me out."

Noah knew Luke well enough to know when the man was serious. He cocked his head and folded his arms.

"So," Luke sniffed and stood back up, and Noah recognised the classic Snyder stubbornness, "you going to chuck me out Noah? Or will you finally let me speak about Reid?"