Chapter 9. How to become a sumptuous woman without spending much money

At last swimming was over for the day. We bought pizza and started for the Pen office. Because it was Friday, the office was almost empty.

'What are we going to do?' Sunny asked when we settled in the back room.

'So we…' Elmo began.

'We're going to eat for a start,' Tom interrupted, his eyes were sparkling with hunger.

'Here we go,' Nick rolled his eyes.

I stood up and put on the kettle. Tom and Elmo started to set the table. Sunny and I made six cups of hot chocolate. Richelle said that she needed to go to the ladies' room and went out. Nick followed her.

Finally we sat down at the table and started eating pizza. Nick and Richelle hadn't turned up yet.

'Where are they?' Tom asked with his mouth full. 'They will be left without pizza!'

'Leave them alone,' Sunny waved him away impatiently. 'We should decide how to explain to Greta why we followed that cop despite her prohibitions and frustrated her plans.'

'And Tom and I will have to go to look after that little girl soon,' I added.

Tom made a face. 'Let's send the love birds there today,' he suggested.

'They'll go tomorrow,' I grinned.

'I reckon that we should find these drug dealers by any means,' Elmo got to the point. 'Firstly, it's the best way to apologize to Greta for frustrating her plans. And secondly, I promised Dad that I'd write an article for the Pen about it.'

'But how can we do that?' Tom exclaimed. 'We can't investigate it because it's too dangerous. And we can't go to the "Golden Fish" again either.'

'When we were there you didn't think much about the "Violet Fog" drug dealers,' I snorted. 'Quite the opposite. You didn't differ from Nick and Richelle.'

'In other words we don't have any clue to work with,' Sunny cut in quickly to prevent the argument.

All of a sudden Tom banged his fist on the table.

'Yes, we have!' he yelled. 'I know what we can do!'

Elmo, Sunny and I stared at him.

'What?' I asked impatiently.

'Madame Glykeria, the clairvoyant!' Tom breathed. 'We'll ask her. Very carefully and gently. She won't learn who we are and why we need this information.'

'Tom, do you know that you're a genius?' Sunny grinned.

I looked at him in admiration. His plan was really simple and ideal. Although, it was quite dangerous.

At that moment Nick and Richelle came in. They both looked pleased and happy. What were they doing there? The thought flitted through my mind. They sat down at the table together and started eating hungrily.

'Listen,' after a few mouthfuls Nick leaned forward. 'I was thinking of that cop and...'

'Of a cop?' Richelle demanded. 'Were you thinking of the cop while we were…' she broke off and added sulkily, 'I thought you were thinking of other things.'

Tom and Sunny burst into laughter. Richelle blushed and pouted.

'Of course I was thinking of you,' Nick murmured in her ear. 'I always think only of you. I mean I thought of him before.'

'Ah,' Richelle drawled. 'Okay, go on then.'

'Thank you,' Nick snorted. 'So I was thinking how such a clever woman as Greta Vortek couldn't notice that this cop looked exactly like the guy from the picture, she'd shown to us.'

'Perfectly true, Nick!' Elmo exclaimed. 'Why on earth didn't I think of that before? It was a trap and this cop was the bait.'

'By the way,' I added. 'While I was sitting in the bar, a guy and a girl sat down next to him. Then this cop handed a pack of cigarettes to the guy. And the guy shook cop's hand after that. It looked as if the guy had taken something and then given money to the cop.'

'Can you describe these young people?' Sunny asked me.

'I think a can,' I said doubtfully.

'Good,' Elmo nodded with satisfaction. 'So if you, Liz, describe these two people and the bartender to Madame Glykeria, plus two guys from Greta's pictures… I think it'll be enough for her to give us some useful information.'

'What?' Nick and Richelle stared at us. We told them Tom's plan. Unlike us, they weren't very impressed.

'It's not so simple as you think,' Nick shook his head doubtfully.

'You're always complicating everything,' Tom snapped. 'What's your problem, Kontellis?'

'The problem is how to drag information from her without telling who we are and why we want this information,' Nick explained.

'You're right,' a little flicker of doubt swept over me. 'How will we hide our intentions? Tom, you said that she could read people's mind or something like that, didn't you?'

'Yeah, I did, but…' Tom broke off and fell silent, thinking.

'What?' I patted his arm impatiently.

'I was just thinking,' Tom said slowly. 'When I was in her place, I noticed a weird thing. At first she confused me, letting me know that she knew something what I was thinking at that moment, and I was about to say everything to her. But then I pulled myself together and forced myself to think that I was just a poor, shy guy, who wanted to know his relative's destiny. And it worked. She forgot about my intentions and started asking what I wanted from her.'

'Do you mean,' Sunny turned to him, 'that if we think of the same noodles, which we're going to hang on her ears, we'll fool her?'

'I guess so,' Tom nodded.

'All right,' Elmo said thoughtfully. 'But all the same, I suggest that we check this theory before asking her about the drug dealers. That's why one of us has to go to her today.'

'Tom and Richelle were there already,' I said. 'They can't go. I can't go today either, because I'm the only one who can describe those young people in the bar and the bartender. So that leaves only Nick, Sunny and you, Elmo.'

'I don't think I can,' Sunny said doubtfully. 'You know, I'm not good at acting.'

'We must make a good excuse,' Richelle added.

'I know a good excuse!' Tom exclaimed. 'I've got a great-grandfather.'

'A great-grandfather?' Nick raised his eyebrows in surprise. 'I've never seen him.'

'Who cares!' Tom waved him away impatiently. 'He's never seen him. What's the big deal! I've never seen him either. He was reported missing in the First World War. But Mum's got a lot of his photographs. I suggest that we should bring a couple of them to Madame Glykeria. Firstly, we'll check her power again. Secondly, the person, who'll go there, will be thinking only of my great-grandfather and how much he or she wants to know his destiny. And thirdly, it'll give my mother the chance to learn where her grandfather died. She's never seen him either, though. But all the same, I think she'll be glad,' he looked around at us. 'So?' he demanded. 'Is my plan good?'

'Oh sure,' Nick grinned. 'Tom decided to send his mother overseas to see memorial places of glory.'

'Memorial places of glory aren't the main point,' Elmo objected. 'It can turn out to be much more interesting. I know a lot of such stories. Someone was reported missing in a war. But it doesn't mean that he or she died. He or she could have been just seriously wounded or captured. And when the war was over he or she settled somewhere abroad and made a fortune or married a wealthy person. So, Tom, it might turn out that you'd inherit a fortune from your great-grandfather.'

'I don't understand,' Richelle drawled, inspecting her fingernails from all angles. 'Are we looking for the drug dealers or Tom's inheritance?'

'Inheritance is a good thing,' Tom pointed out seriously.

'Why don't you take a glance at it in your leisure?' Nick snorted.

'Hey,' Sunny tapped the table with her fingers. 'We have no time for jokes.'

'So? What do you think about my plan?' Tom demanded.

'Okay, we'll repeat this trick with your great-grandfather, and what next?' Nick raised one eyebrow. 'Our task is to make sure that we can make Madame Glykeria take our bait and that we can use her in our interests. That's why…'

'That's why we must find a good disguise and see if we can fool her,' I finished.

'Right,' Sunny looked at me approvingly. 'But I can't think of any good disguise.'

We fell silent, thinking. But no matter how I tried, I couldn't think of a good, realistic disguise. I looked around at the others. They were chewing thoughtfully. Finally Nick pushed his plate away and leaned back in his chair. His eyes slid around the table and finally fixed on Elmo.

'As far as I remember someone wanted to become a sumptuous woman,' he drawled.

'Very funny,' Elmo pouted.

'And today in the swimming pool he started to make his dream come true,' Nick went on, looking slyly at Elmo.

'Get off his back, Kontellis,' Tom snapped. 'You're not funny.'

'How to become a sumptuous woman without spending much money,' Nick went on, ignoring him.

'Nick, don't start it again,' I said severely.

'You should spend less time at parties,' Tom added rudely.

'It seems to me that someone else should spend less time at parties,' Nick snapped, obviously hinting at Melanie. Then his eyes darted back to Elmo. 'Stand up,' he ordered suddenly.

Elmo obediently stood up, looking puzzled. Nick stared at him as though he saw Elmo for the first time in his life.

'Rich! What do you think?' he winked at Richelle. Lazily she lifted her eyes from her fingernails and stared at Elmo with her head on one side. Then she switched her glance to Nick and back to Elmo.

'Hey, why are you two looking at me like that?' Elmo asked suspiciously.

'A sumptuous woman?' Richelle drawled. 'Nick, you're a genius! That's exactly what we need.'

'I don't know what you need, but I'm sure that you both are going mad,' Elmo grumbled.

Tom, Sunny and I gazed at Nick and Richelle, who looked immensely pleased with themselves.

'Oh, come on!' I exclaimed. 'What is it? What are you talking about?'

'He's about the same height as Liz,' Richelle pointed out, as if she hadn't heard me. 'Oh, it will be a really sumptuous woman!' she added dreamily. 'It takes a little work, though, but then she will be able to take part in any beauty competition.'

'He's got so many freckles,' Nick trailed his finger down Elmo's cheek.

'It's not a problem,' Richelle objected. 'I've got a freckle concealer. But look, his hair is bright red and curly. If we flat iron it, his hair will be quite long.'

'What do you mean "to flat iron my hair"?' Elmo bellowed.

'Congratulations, Zimmer,' Nick put his hand on Elmo's shoulder. 'You've got the starring role.'

'Starring role, not starring role!' Tom exclaimed indignantly. 'Stop chattering! Spit it out!'

'Can't you work it out for yourself?' Sunny seemed to have understood Nick's idea and a small smile crept onto her face.

'Tell us what's that!' I demanded.

Nick gave me a superior smile. 'We'll make Elmo's dream come true,' he said. 'We'll disguise him as a sumptuous woman. Or rather as a sumptuous girl.'

'And he won't spend much money for it,' Richelle grinned. 'Actually he won't spend money at all.'

On hearing this, Tom went into such raptures that he couldn't even speak for a while. Waving his arms like wings, he started to run around the room.

'What are you talking about?' Elmo yelled in a high-pitched voice. He finally realized what Nick was going to do with him. 'No!' he said, shaking his head vigorously. 'No way am I dressing up like a girl! No way!'

'Elmo, please,' Richelle turned her charm on.

'Think about it,' Nick insisted, 'it's the best way to check Madame Glykeria. If she doesn't realize that you're a disguised guy, we'll be able to ask her about anything.'

'But what if she realizes that I'm a disguised guy?' Elmo objected.

'What's the big deal,' Tom shrugged. 'If she does, you'll say that it's just a joke, that's all.'

'And will give her a double sum of money,' Nick added. 'I'll give you enough money, don't worry. The main thing you'll have to do is to think only of female things. Act like a girl and think like a girl. Refuse even to think that you're not a girl.'

'You'll put on a short skirt,' Richelle was already planning how to dress Elmo. 'I've got a good one. I think it'll become you. And high-heeled shoes.'

'No, ballet flats will be fine,' I objected. Nick's funny idea admired me, but I didn't want to go so far. 'I'll give you mine, they must fit you. But all the same, you'll have to put on tights.'

'Tights?' Elmo gasped.

'Don't worry,' I'll give you comfortable ones,' I assured him.

'You can put on your own T-shirt,' Richelle went on.

'And Liz's black blazer,' Nick added.

'Make-up isn't a problem either,' Richelle began to examine Elmo's face. 'Your eyelashes are quite long. Not so long as mine, of course, but long enough.'

'His hands are the problem,' I said. 'Look, a few fingernails are broken and bitten.'

'We'll file them and paint bright pink,' Richelle decided.

'But what about this?' Elmo pointed at his breast.

'Don't worry, we'll glue a false breasts to your chest,' Tom laughed loudly. 'We'll choose as big as possible ones. You'll be a natural sexy girl.'

'To glue?' Elmo opened his eyes wide. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean that we'll use super glue to stick the false breasts onto your body,' Tom grinned. 'I know a good mark of super glue. Your new breasts will be glued to you forever, believe me.'

'I don't want to glue anything to my body,' Elmo protested, looking startled.

'Don't listen to Tom,' Sunny comforted him. 'There's no need to glue anything. You'll just put on a bra, stuffed with cotton. It'll do fine.'

'So let's start,' Nick commanded. 'Now we'll go and find everything we need. Then come over to my place. My parents are out tonight. Let's go.'

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In an hour a good-looking, elegant girl with short red hair went out of the big, beautiful Kontellis's house. She looked around shyly and sauntered down the street with a determined male gait.

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We'd been sitting in Nick's lounge room, watching TV. Well only Sunny and I were watching TV. Tom was too excited to sit quietly. He was pacing around the room, from time to time coming up to the window to see if the beautiful girl Diana was coming. Nick and Richelle were sitting on a divan in the corner of he room, chatting quietly about something and occasionally interrupting their chitchat with kisses.

'He's coming! Coming!' Tom yelled all of a sudden and rushed to the door.

'Hurry up!' Elmo stormed into the room. He ran over to the phone and punched in the number.

'Have you found out anything? Elmo, tell us!' Nick demanded. 'Was everything all right?'

'All right,' Elmo assured us.

'So we can use Madame Glykeria's power to find drug dealers?' Tom enquired happily.

'Yes,' Elmo nodded impatiently. 'Miss Vortek? It's me, Elmo Zimmer,' he shouted into the phone. 'Hurry up! We can lose them!'

He told Greta everything what he wanted to say and dictated Madame Glykeria's address. Then he hung up and turned to us.

'So?' we all demanded.

And Elmo started telling his story.