Author's Note: Erm, so the quality is probably lacking in this chapter, but apparently I'm on a roll (and my sleep schedule is COMPLETELY out of whack because of traveling and time zone changes) and I've been enjoying this whole chapter-a-day nonsense. Who knows how long it'll last. So yes, apologies for the unrefined writing. But then again, it's fanfiction, so it's not like it's a HUGE deal, yeah?
Much love to my readers and reviewers. Thank you for your support!


When Kahoko arrived home, she said hello to her mother and quickly went upstairs into her room, closing the door behind her. She crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head, clutching one of her pillows to her chest. She felt disgusting, exhausted, and completely confused. Not too long ago, she had thought that maybe Yunoki cared for her. He had been so sweet, so kind, and then . . .

She shuddered. She had known he could be cruel, but she hadn't imagined that. Why would he do that to her?

That one night, when he had come to her house, when he had slept in her bed—this bed— with her, he had been different. She had wondered if he was starting to open up to her. Maybe he was learning to trust her. Maybe he needed her.

Serves you right.

Kahoko couldn't bear it. She let the tears flow, trying to muffle her sobs in her pillow so that her mother wouldn't hear.

Why does he hate me? Why does he hate me so?


Yunoki paced in his room.

You shouldn't have done that. That was over the line. You're disgusting.

He wanted to call Kahoko. He wanted to drive to her house and kneel down, press his forehead to the ground and beg for her forgiveness.

It was inhuman. What were you trying to accomplish?

He needed to turn off his brain. He needed to relax.

Yunoki stalked off to the tea room, glanced around in the darkness, and ground his teeth together to keep from screaming. He didn't want tea. He wanted to break something, preferably something important. Something dear to him. He wanted it to hurt.

He looked at the cups and pots stored in the room. Antiques. Hundreds of years old. Family heirlooms. His fingers twitched, but he knew better.

They belong to your family. They represent your heritage.

Your honor.

Yunoki went back to his room and shut the door.

I'm a monster. I don't deserve . . . I don't deserve . . .

He sank down to the floor, rocking back and forth as he cried.

Kahoko. My Kahoko. Can you ever forgive me?


Kahoko greeted the next morning with dread. She had slept fitfully. The majority of the night had been spent going back and forth in her mind about Yunoki, but in the end, she had decided to drop it.

If she didn't matter to him, then she needed to convince herself that he didn't matter to her.

She didn't feel ready to face him at school, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd won. Surely he'd see her absence as a sign of defeat.

Kahoko brushed her teeth and, after studying her reflection in the mirror, decided that a quick shower was needed before heading downstairs. She noticed some bruising on her arm where Yunoki had grabbed her, but she tried not to look at it.

Tried not to think about it.

Tried.

When she finally sat at the breakfast table, her mother kept asking whether or not Kahoko was feeling okay, but she managed to divert the questions. She really didn't feel like eating anything, but she managed to stomach enough food so that her mother wouldn't have another reason to be concerned.

I can do this. I can do this.

She thought of Shoko's kindness, and knowing that she had a friend on her side helped a lot.

After thanking her mother for breakfast, Kahoko made her way upstairs and got dressed. She was in the bathroom fixing her hair when those unwanted thoughts broke past her guard.

My hair. He grabbed my hair. He used it to—

Kahoko rushed to the toilet and threw up. She heard a knock on the door and her mother's concerned voice.

"Kahoko, are you okay?"

Kahoko tried to answer, but opening her mouth only triggered another bout of vomiting.

The doorknob rattled as her mother unlocked it from the outside. "Kahoko!"

Gentle hands were stroking her hair, pulling it away from her face, rubbing her back.

"I don't think you should go to school today, dear."

Kahoko shook her head.

I have to. I can't let him win.

"Honey, I hate to say it, but I was worried when you came home last night. You looked awful, and then you went straight up into your room and to bed."

Kahoko tried to say "mom, I'm fine," but her voice cracked on the first word and it only induced dry heaving.

When it had finally stopped, her mother handed her a glass of water. "Clean up, put on your pajamas, and go back to bed. I'm going to call the school."

"Mom, I don't want—"

"You don't have to go to the doctor if you don't want to, dear. This is probably just a twenty-four hour flu. If you're still feeling sick tomorrow, then we'll discuss it."

Kahoko gave up. It was no use fighting. She nodded.

When her mom bent down to kiss her on the forehead, she couldn't help but remember when Yunoki had done the exact same thing, and she clenched her hands into fists, trying to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.


Seeing that she wasn't at school the next day, Fuuyumi put together a care package and brought it over to Kahoko's house.

They didn't talk about it. They ate the snacks that Fuuyumi had packed and watched doramas on television. Well, they tried to, but then Fuuyumi could see that the complicated relationships were making Kahoko uncomfortable, and they ended up watching talent shows instead. It was a safer subject.

There wasn't much conversation between the two of them, but as Fuuyumi got up to leave, Kahoko gave her a big hug and thanked her for the company.

On a whim, Fuuyumi paused in the doorway, turned around and told Kahoko to call her if she ever needed anything. If being alone was too much, or if she needed a distraction, she was willing to help. Fuuyumi offered her home, said that Kahoko could spend the night any time that she wanted to.

Kahoko had tears in her eyes, but she just smiled and thanked her warmly.

Fuuyumi wished she could do more, she wished she had the guts to go to Yunoki's house and give him a piece of her mind, but she was glad that she had at least done a little.


Yunoki's pride wouldn't let him apologize to Kahoko. He understood how low he had stooped. He spent hours in anguish, nights without sleep thinking about the kind of person he had become . . . but he still couldn't take it back.

Part of what disgusted him the most was he knew that if he did apologize, a small fraction of himself would be lying.

Because he had enjoyed it.

The whole point of him seeking companionship with Kahoko was that he would be able to exert power over somebody. He had wanted to understand how that felt. He had wanted to savor that feeling, to keep it in reserve for all those times when he was powerless to control his own life, his own destiny.

So instead of begging for forgiveness, instead to trying to make it up to her somehow, he did the next best thing that his pride would allow. He cut off all contact with her.

No text messages. No phone calls. If they ran into each other at school, he never dropped his cheerful fake façade.

It hurt to see her avoiding him. It hurt to see her finding excuses to leave when Hihara invited her to come hang out with them, but Yunoki didn't blame her. He couldn't blame her.

The biggest problem was that he still wanted her, and now that he was distancing himself, it seemed like his desire to be with her only grew. It made him crazy, but he was determined not to give in.