Another chapter to close out the holiday!


Chapter 9: Parley is Not in My Vocabulary

Claude didn't feel there was much to worry about when confronting a ship owned by Captain Falcon and manned by children, but Clyde was taking an awfully long time dropping anchor.

"What's taking so long?" he wondered aloud.

"Do you think they got him?" Kirby asked.

Captain Captain Falcon emerged on the ship's stern and cut through the grappling hook's rope with a sword.

"Yup," Claude confirmed what they all knew now. "They got him."

A cannon slid next to Falcon and he carefully aimed it. Claude activated Sophia's thrusters; the tank nimbly leapt to the right before a chocolate cannonball could obliterate the section of road they were just on.

Yoshi found the entire incident to be ridiculous. "You mean you went through all the trouble of wishing up something like this car and it can't even take a hit from a chocolate cannonball?"

"Can your face take a hit from a chocolate cannonball?" Claude retorted.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Yoshi grumbled.

"It's time for plan B," Claude changed the subject. He let up on the gas, giving the Black Falcon some distance but keeping the ship locked in his sights. The ship was far enough ahead to deter any further attacks.

"There's a plan B?" Kirby asked. Claude nodded.

"This turned into a rescue mission. I'm gonna hover over the ship-"

"Wait, this thing flies!?" Kirby gasped.

"Yeah, but a flyin' tank ain't exactly low profile," Claude explained. "But y'know, desperate times, desperate measures. Anyways, I'm gonna hover us over the ship. Kirby, you're gonna float both of us down. Yoshi..."

Uttering the next words was an arduous task for Claude. It was quite obvious that he was physically struggling to say them. "Yoshi, I'm givin' you the wheel," he said quickly. Yoshi's eyes widened, but he remained silent.

Claude activated Sophia's hover mode. The tank leapt into the air and its wheels extended before turning a full ninety degrees. Jetfire burst forth from the rims and propelled the tank into the air. Claude carefully navigated over the Black Falcon and locked the hover controls into place before he switched sides with Yoshi.

To his surprise, Yoshi had quickly taken to the controls. Perhaps he had been taking notes.

Kirby leapt into Claude's lap and he held the puffball tightly to his chest. Yoshi opened Sophia's canopy.

"Keep out of sight until we're off the ship," Claude said to Yoshi. He looked down below and gulped at the heights. "I must be out of my mind." He took a deep breath and jumped before he could change his mind.

Once they were hurtling towards the earth, it was up to Kirby to get them aboard the Black Falcon. It only took seconds but it felt like hours to Claude before Kirby inhaled a massive amount of air and inflated his body. Claude clung to Kirby's back as they glided onto the ship.

Sitting against the base of the mast was Clyde. His inebriated state was nothing new to them, though he was aware enough to recognize and greet them. "Heya mates! Guess what? I have a fuzzy navel!"

Claude pointed at the mug in his hand, "You better be talking about the drink."

Kirby tugged at Claude's coat and pointed out the gaggle of children that engulfed them. "Does this new plan have a way to deal with all the kids?"

Claude cracked his knuckles and said, "I'll suplex some kids if I have to."

"As a pretend lawyer, I'd have to advise against that."

Claude grimaced. "Uh...parley?"


Kirby and Claude were marched into the captain's candlelit quarters of the Black Falcon, their arms bound tightly to their bodies by licorice masquerading as rope. Lining the shelves were jars and canisters of painstakingly preserved vintage candy. They wondered where Falcon got his hands on such prized possessions, but like Clyde's revolving hats, it was a moment of weirdness best left alone.

Captain Captain Falcon waved his kid crew away and they left the room. It was time for an interrogation.

"And who be the two of yeh?" Falcon questioned in a gruff voice.

"You don't recognize us?" Kirby asked. "Captain Falcon, we're your friends!"

Falcon leapt from his seat and slammed a fist on his desk before pointing threateningly at the little puffball. "That's Captain Captain Falcon to you!" he spat. He sat back in his chair and said in a calmer tone, "Skippy must be from yer crew."

Claude quirked a brow. "Who the hell is Skippy?"

"Aaaarrrr, don't play stupid with me! He came aboard yappin' about anchors this and rum that. Crushed his will like fine china under a whale's buttocks when I offered him the ship's rum, I did."

Claude sighed. Even under a curse, alcohol was still too much of a temptress for the kangaroo.

Falcon's parrot suddenly flew into the room and circled the lantern swaying from the ceiling. "All the rum is gone!" it cawed.

Falcon did a double take. "What?"

"First mate Skippy drank all the rum, that he did!"

Captain Captain Falcon jumped out of his chair to go deal with his poorly chosen first mate but was stopped when Claude and Kirby scurried into the doorway.

"You can't bail on us, we said parley!" Claude complained.

Falcon narrowed his one visible eye, the other still hidden by the eyepatch haphazardly applied to his helmet. "Where did yeh hear that word?"

Claude feigned a shrug. "Heard it in a movie somewhere."

Falcon hesitated before he turned his nose up into the air and declared, "Never heard the word in me life!"

"You can't fool us!" Kirby said. "We wouldn't be here if you didn't know what it meant!"

Falcon backed down a bit, leaning against his desk and folding his arms. "What could yeh possibly have to negotiate when yer tied up in me quarters and yer spy sucked down all the rum?"

"Claude, let me handle this," Kirby murmured.

"Are you sure?" Claude asked.

"I'm dressed as a lawyer; I should start playing the part, right? I'm a master negotiator and manipulator."

"All right."

An uncharacteristically smug grin drew itself across Kirby's face. "I've noticed your collection of vintage candy and the likes decorating your quarters. I found the licorice restraints particularly creative. I take it you're a candy man?"

Falcon stood straight with increasing interest. "So what if I am? What are yeh proposing?"

"Let us go, tie yourself up and disband your crew or I'll inhale all the candy in here faster than Cly- er, Skippy, gulped down all the alcohol!"


Kirby and Claude stood on the flimsy wooden board extending over the side of the ship as Captain Captain Falcon poked and prodded at them with his sword. The children cheered in anticipation and even threw candy to speed up the process.

"Walk the plank!" Falcon growled.

Claude glared at Kirby. "Nice job, master negotiator."


A couple of points I need to make here...anyone following The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds may have noticed Zelda's dark counterpart in Lorule...Zelda's costume choice redeemed?

Those of you that may be familiar with my other SSB series, Soul of a Smasher, should be interested to know that I've planned a Halloween story for that one next year, which should take place around Link's school days before the events of the series kicks off.

And on a final note...I have Kirby's Insane Christmas planned for December. That one will be presented a little differently and might be more of an anthology and should tackle more characters than either of the Halloween specials. That may include characters I don't normally write about in KIJ proper.