Disclaimer – I do not own the Outsiders. Even though I really wish I did, I don't.
Thanks for the reviews and hope you enjoy!
(The dream Ponyboy has in this chapter is the same dream I had, only it was me instead of Ponyboy. I figured it fit the story.)
…
I sat staring at my mashed potatoes (which were pink by the way) thinking about everything that had happened to me while Sodapop was gone. I was so lost in thought I didn't hear Soda yelling.
"Pony!" his voice brought me out of my daydreaming (more like day-time nightmares) and I jumped and looked around, scared out of my wits. I only calmed down when I saw that we were, in fact, alone in the hotel room. No one else was there, but curiosity got the better of me and I looked up at Soda, confused. Why and what had he been screaming?
He was staring at me, looking like he had seen a ghost. His face was pale and his eyes were the size of dinner plates.
"What's wrong! What is it?" I demanded, feeling irritated.
"I've been calling you for the past five minutes! Are you okay?"
My annoyance rapidly turned into anger as Sodapop asked me these last words. I was so sick of people asking me that question! Can't they see for themselves that I'm not okay? Why do they have to make me say it when they already know the answer.
"Just leave me alone!" I snapped, getting up and walking away from the small table. Soda was right behind me.
"Ponyboy what's wrong?"
"Get away from me Sodapop!"
"Not until you answer my question."
Damn he was stubborn! I whipped around and glared at him, he seemed surprised by my reaction.
"You want to know what's wrong?" I hissed. He faintly nodded his head.
"My life is so messed up Soda! Look at me! I'm a wreck! A broken record!"
Soda was shaking his head, his mouth slightly open. "Pony, no baby you—"
"Sodapop stop trying to make me feel better! I'm nothing! I'm worthless!" As I said this I knew that it was true. Darry was right – had been right all along.
Soda grabbed me by the shoulders. "How could you say something like that!" he asked, shaking me slightly. He looked like he was about to cry.
I just glared at him. "You know why I'd say something like that! Because it's true! I don't deserve to be here! I should be back with Darry right now! I don't want to be here! I just want to be left alone! I just want to run away – I want to die Sodapop – DIE! I don't want to live with this. Every time someone opens a door or – or surprises me I keep on thinking its Darry! But now I have one more reason to be scared – there's a murderer after me Soda! He's going to kill me, but not like I want to die. I just want it to be peaceful, but he's gonna torture me first Soda! I can't do it – I can't!" Tears were pouring down my cheeks right now, and Sodapop was shaking me a little too hard.
"Ponyboy calm down! I won't ever let any of that stuff happen to you!"
"You're too late." I whispered, and immediately his grip on me fell. I took this as the opportunity to run into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I curled up on the bed, wrapping the covers around me and pretending it was Sodapop's arm, and fell into a fitful sleep.
…
I looked around, I was sitting in my bed at my house, but I wasn't scared. Light was flooding into the bedroom, making everything illuminate as though it were handmade by God himself.
A boy was sitting next to me, he looked strangely familiar. He looked at me and smiled – I gasped in shock. It was me, but I looked…different. My hair was still brown with a little bit of red, and my eyes were still the same color – but there was something different. This boy's face was cold with all the hatred in the world, there was barely any light in his eyes, and they reminded me so much of Dally's I almost shivered. I always said I wanted grey eyes, but now it was just plain scary. They looked empty without their usual lively green. My smile was bitter, like I had just swallowed something fowl. I gulped, and he smiled even wider.
"W-who are you?" I asked, but I already knew who he was. He smiled at me and I flinched away, I didn't like that smile. I didn't like it one bit.
"You know who I am." He answered in a voice so unlike mine I could only stare in shock. How could this – this thing be me?
"You can see now. Your eyes are open." He went on, looking past me. I just continued to stare at him. I knew that this was what Soda saw whenever he looked at me now.
"How did I get here?"
"You brought yourself here. This is your dream, you can go wherever you want."
"I want to get out of here."
He studied me from the corner of his eye, that horrible smirk still on his face. "No, you don't."
"Yes I—"
"If you really wanted to get out of here, you would already be far away in another dream. Or awake. Most likely the latter."
"Then why am I still here?"
He didn't answer, just got up and walked away. I was about to follow him when I stopped in my tracks. In front of me stood a woman, but it wasn't any woman. It was a grotesque sight - her skin was completely blue and scaly, and her eyes were a horrible yellow color. She had black diamonds on each of her scales, and black hair.
She looked like a demon escaped out of hell.
I stared at her, blinking rapidly. She didn't disappear, and she didn't move. I glanced up at the ceiling, It seemed a million miles away. I looked around me. My room was bigger – stretched out. I glanced back at the woman and she was lying on a cot, her eyes closed. I felt strangely protective of her, and I don't know why.
I moved forward so I was standing right over her. She blinked open her eyes at me and smiled, her teeth were like a lynx's.
"You know what she is right?" The other me asked.
"Yes." I said, my voice surprisingly strong.
"She's a monster."
I smiled and started to stroke her arm, as though she were a cute puppy that I was patting on the head.
"I know." I whispered, she laid her head back down and let out something between a purr and a sigh.
…
My eyes flashed open and I blinked rapidly, trying to decipher where I was. I didn't see the other me anywhere's, and I didn't see that she-monster that I had been so protective of. I sat up in bed, my heart thumping. I hadn't been scared in my dream when I saw the monster, but now that I think back all I could remember was paranoia at her appearance.
"Pony?" Soda asked, walking in the room. He looked at me and winced – so I had been right. That alter-ego me was what Soda saw whenever he looked at me.
I shot up out of the bed and ran to the bathroom, ignoring Sodapop's cries of protest. I slammed the door behind me and locked it, then looked in the mirror.
I gasped.
Staring me in the face was the boy from my dream.
"No…oh no…" I whispered. The boy – my reflection - simply looked at me, hardened eyes showing a flicker of fear at what he saw.
I sagged against the opposite wall, still looking at my reflection.
What had I become?
Okay – So I did some research and many abused children act like this. Ponyboy's going to be having some major mood swings from now on. Yeah and I know I have weird dreams, but I can't help it! Besides that dream scared the hell out of me so I just had to let it off my chest somehow.
I blame my nightmare on my favorite song: Monster by Skillet. Whenever I hear that song I think of Darry abusing Ponyboy like in this story, but now I know that I'm going to be thinking of my nightmare, so I just have to let it out before I start living in paranoia. Lol! You should look it up on Youtube or something if you've never heard of it before. It's a pretty good song, rockers will like it lol.
Please review and tell me what you thought!
