Chapter title from 'A Million Years' by Charlene Kaye, the same song the fic title is from :)

This chapter was pretty difficult to write so I hope you enjoy it! It deviates from canon more than any of the other chapters, but in the name of more Janto I figured it was worth it :D

There were so many things that Jack wished he'd been able to say.

He wanted to say that he was sorry, that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, that he'd spend the rest of his days making it up to Ianto. He wanted to say that he hadn't meant it, any of it, that he wished things could go back to how they were.

He wanted to say that he could feel his own betrayal, that he felt every single one of Ianto's emotions as if they were his own, and that in that moment he knew that they had was real and tangible and surely that meant that it was working, they were soulmates, they shared that unique bond that neither of them could ever have with anyone else. That in feeling what Ianto was feeling, feeling that deep ache in his heart, he knew that what had happened had hurt Ianto more than he would ever have expected but he understands because he feels it too.

He wanted to be angry. He wanted to shout out all those times, all those opportunities, every moment when he let Ianto be in charge, when he gave Ianto the chance to tell him how he felt. What right did he have, getting upset, when he hadn't made his own feelings clear in the first place?

Although it's not like Ianto's feelings weren't clear, no matter how much he hated talking about them.

Jack didn't sleep that night. He knew that Ianto didn't either. He'd hoped that, the next morning, they'd be able to talk; he'd be able to explain, they'd be able to work something out, and everything would be alright again. But that was before he saw what was happening with the Rift.


Lisa.

She'd been there, then she was… gone. She'd come back, if only for a matter of seconds, but it was enough; enough to tell Ianto everything he needed to know, everything he so desperately wanted to be true.

"I love you," she'd said. "Please, set me free. Open the rift; I'll come back to you. We can be together."

Even after everything he'd done, everything he'd put them through, she still wanted to be with him.

That's what love is, he couldn't help but think, staring at the spot where she'd been just a moment earlier. She… she chose me. Everyone in the whole world and she chose me. Not because I was there and convenient, not because some letters on her skin said so. She loves me, and she never stopped loving me.

And I loved her.

"I'll get you back," he whispered, knowing she could hear him. "I promise, I'll get you back. I… I love you."


Knowing that Jack could die and come back unscathed and witnessing it were two very different things.

The moment Owen's fingers pulled that trigger, Ianto felt it as if a physical force was pushing the breath out of him. He felt his pulse stop, he felt the breath leave his body just for a second; long enough to know that Jack was dead.

"Jack," he said weakly, hating how his voice wavered, hating that everyone else was seeing him like this. "Jack, wake up. Jack, it's time to wake up now. Please, Jack, come back to me. We can sort all of this out, all of this stupid argument, I promise, just wake up."

He felt it the second Jack woke up; felt the warmth returning to his body, felt the lift rushing back into his own veins as strongly as he could feel Jack's body against his. He wanted to stay there, to hold Jack and keep him close, let him know that he wasn't alone, that everything would be alright, although he knew full well that it was more for his sake than Jack's.

But the world was ending. No time for any of that.


Ianto didn't mind that Gwen sat with Jack. If anything, he was glad of it. He didn't want Jack to be left there, didn't want him to wake up all alone in the cold vaults, but the thought of just… sitting with him, praying and hoping, was too much. He needed to keep busy, needed to distract himself. He'd insisted, however, on changing Jack himself; as selfish as it was, he didn't want anyone else to see his Name. He didn't want them to find out like that.

He, Tosh and Owen did their best to carry on running the Hub as normal, but everything felt unsettled, Jack's unconscious state hanging over them. Ianto kept making five mugs of coffee by accident, only realising as he went to go and deliver Jack's to his office. Every time one of them came up with something that would usually be checked over by Jack they would have a clumsy democracy over it, a growing pile of things that needed Jack's approval appearing by Tosh's computer, none of them wanting to go through it.

Ianto felt like he was in a daze; he couldn't focus on anything, couldn't feel anything. He felt dead inside, and wondered if this was how his father had felt in the few minutes after his mother had died; waiting for death to claim him too, having lost the one thing tethering him to this world.

He'd looked it up, out of morbid curiosity. After meeting their soulmate, no one had ever outlived the other by more than an hour. In some cases, one would live for longer than expected, desperate to stay for each extra second, living off borrowed time from their soulmate. But after you'd met your soulmate, that was it. Neither one of you could live without the other.

"Do you… do you think he'll make it?" Tosh has asked the morning of the second day, clearly uncomfortable voicing such a thought out loud.

Ianto shrugged. "Yeah. I'm still here. I know he'll make it."

It was only after he'd spoken, when Tosh gave him a strong hug with far too knowing eyes, that he realised what he'd said.

The longer he waited, though, the less he believed his own conviction; what if, in some awful, cruel twist of fate, Jack didn't wake up? Just lay there forever in a state of eternal limbo? What if…

What if Jack was waiting for something? Someone?

As soon as he had a minute to himself, as soon as Tosh had stopped hovering round him checking that he was alright every thirty seconds, he pulled up the research he'd been doing once more. He stayed there for hours, not eating, not going home when the evening came, ignoring anyone who tried to speak to him, reading story after story about people who had lived for days, months, years longer than they should because their soulmate was with them, not leaving their side. People who had woken up from comas, survived accidents that no one should have survived, because their soulmate had been there. Articles about how science couldn't explain it, but somehow the connection between soulmates went beyond the empathetic and the romantic, that no one knew how but something changed when two soulmates found each other.

When the next morning came Ianto woke up at his desk as Owen came in, and he knew exactly what he was going to do, what he had to do. He would do anything to save Jack, no matter what Jack had done or said, because Jack deserved saving. And Ianto couldn't think of anything worse than a world without Jack.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he made his way down to the vaults, where Gwen was still sitting with Jack. She looked up as he approached, giving him that smile that she gave people when she wanted to reassure them that it was all going to be okay.

"Hi Ianto," she whispered, as if she didn't want speak to loud in case she disturbed Jack. "How… how are you doing?"

Ianto nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. He cleared his throat, unable to tear his eyes away from where Jack lay, cold and pale. "Could I, um… Sorry, it's just-"

Gwen smiled in understanding. "Of course," she said warmly, giving him a quick but firm hug before quietly making her way back to the centre of the Hub. Glancing down, Ianto saw that Jack's sleeve had ridden up slightly where Gwen had been holding his hand, the ones of 'Jones' visible, and wondered if she'd put two and two together.

Tentatively, he put his hand in Jack's, trying not to focus on how cold Jack's skin was beneath his own. He gently ran his thumb over Jack's knuckles, reading the Names that he knew so well by now.

"Jack," he whispered, willing his voice not to crack. "Jack, it's… me, it's Ianto. We need you, Jack. I need you. Please, Jack. Wake up." He rubbed the tears from his eyes, not caring that he was shaking as he held Jack's hand in both of his. "I know you can do it, you're Jack bloody Harkness; you can survive anything, you said so yourself, just survive this, please."

Nothing.

He rested a hand on Jack's face so he was cupping his cheek, hating that Jack felt like ice beneath his fingertips. He leant forwards, resting his forehead against Jack's, willing the universe to let him feel Jack's breath against his lips one last time.

"Come back to me," he whispered, his voice trembling, as he leant in and kissed Jack as tenderly as he dared. He'd hoped for some sort of fairy-tale ending; as their lips touched, Jack would once more be filled with life, his eyes fluttering open as he gazed up at Ianto adoringly. But this wasn't a fairy-tale. There was nothing.

Ianto sat up slowly, unwilling – or unable – to let Jack go. He let the tears run freely now, not caring if anyone saw.

"I'm not giving up on you," he said, surprising himself with the sincerity with which he said it. "I promise, Jack, I'm not giving up. As long as I'm still here, there's still hope, I know there is."

Jack's fingers twitched.

Gasping, Ianto leant forwards once more, desperately searching for another sign of life. "Jack? Jack, are you… Please, Jack, I'm here, I'm here-"

Jack's eyes shot open as he inhaled, panicking as he looked around him. His eyes darted back and forth a few times as he worked out where he was, eventually coming to settle on Ianto's tearful face.

"Ianto?" he breathed disbelievingly. Ianto could see it on Jack's face; the moment he remembered what had happened, what the team had done to him, their argument. "Ianto, I-"

"It's okay," Ianto said, honestly. There would be time to talk about all of that, later. "Don't worry about all that now. You're…" he couldn't help but let out a laugh, "You're back, you're alive!"

Jack lifted his hand to cup Ianto's cheek, the warmth slowly returning to his fingertips. "I always come back," he said, pulling Ianto down for a kiss.

Thank you for reading! Please leave a review letting me know your thoughts :)

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