The baby died.
The rest of the gang had headed for lunch, and Chris was about to join them when his cell phone rang. He had to fish for it in his briefcase, but finally managed to find it.
"Hello?"
"Chris?" A tired, hesitant voice inquired.
"Vin? Hey, we've been waiting for word! You left a pretty short message on my machine this morning, just that you were taking Jesse to the hospital. Stork circling? He coming in for a landing yet?" Chris started to walk out of the office, hoping to catch the others before they got too far.
"Umm..."
"Still circling, hunh? The first ones always take the longest...how's Jesse holding up?"
"She's...umm..." It was then that Chris caught the tone.
"She's all right isn't she?" he stopped dead in the middle of the quiet office. "Vin?" A long pause followed, and Chris felt a chill run through him.
"The baby died."
"Oh God Vin - no." The words dropped on Chris like a bomb. "What happened?"
"She - umm...Jesse stopped feeling the baby move yesterday, so they sent her for an ultrasound. They said the baby was dead." Vin was breathing so hard and fast, he was almost panting. "So - so - I had to bring Jess in this morning so's they could induce her...said, the doctor said the c-c-c-ord wrapped around her neck. "
"It was a girl..." Chris said. He knew how much Vin had wanted a daughter.
"Was gonna name her Jesse, just like her Mom..." That was too much for Vin though, and Chris heard him try to contain a sob.
"Vin, where are you?"
"At the hospital." Vin sounded annoyed, as though Chris were suggesting he might be anywhere else.
"Where at the hospital?" Chris tried again and was met with another pause. He could picture Vin looking around himself, trying to figure out where he was.
"L-l-lobby, I guess. Near the lobby. They're gettin' Jess all set up in her room...I just had to walk..."
"Vin, you want me to come over there?" Chris took long steps back into his office to grab his keys and write four stark words on a scrap of paper.
One more pause.
"Yeah..." and it broke Chris' heart to hear the anguish in his friend's voice.
. "I'm on my way. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. I'll meet you in the lobby."
"Okay...hurry..."
As he ran out the door, Chris jammed his note in the nearest copy holder hanging off a computer monitor.
Childrens Hospital. Baby died.
M7*M7*M7
Vin wasn't in the lobby. Chris finally found him on the maternity floor, sitting on the wide ledge of window that overlooked the downtown streets. He had his arms wrapped around his knees and his forehead pressed against the glass. Chris approached him slowly.
"Vin?"
At first, Vin didn't say anything as he turned toward Chris. His eyes were red and his face was pale, but for now he was calm. "You know Chris, when I woke up yesterday morning, I owned the whole world." His voice trailed lifelessly out of him.
"You still gotta pretty nice piece of the world waiting for you in her room."
"Naah..." Vin shook his head. "I mean, I gotta wait for 'em t'tell me I can go in..." He glanced around the floor, busy with a dozen people, each of them filled with good news. "They was gonna put her in a semi private room. With a woman just had twins. How many kinds of stupid is that?" He glanced around again and lowered his voice. "I got her in a private room. Better anyway, 'cause they said they'll let us see...the little one...soon's Jesse can handle it."
Will you be able to handle it? Chris wondered. "I've heard that they do that now...one of the guys in forensics, they lost their baby last year...same thing..."
"They have any more kids?" Vin asked, hopefully. So hopefully, Chris hated to answer him.
"Not yet."
"Oh..." Vin turned back to the window, defeat evident in the set of his shoulders.
"Mr. Tanner?" A nurse approached the two men. "You can go in now, we've got your wife all set..."
"Okay...thanks..." He wiped his eyes and slid off the windowsill. He didn't seem steady.
"Vin - I'll find the visitor's lounge and wait there." Chris said. He didn't want to intrude on the first moments Vin and Jesse would have. But Vin stopped and turned to grab Chris' sleeve in his hand. He tried to say something and nothing came out, but he held onto that crumple of material.
"I can't go in there by myself..." he finally managed to say, and Chris patted the hand that twisted his sleeve.
"All right Vin, I'll go with you."
Still, they were a few lengths down the hallway before Vin let go of him.
M7*M7*M7
Chris walked into the room behind Vin, so intent on what he saw on the bed, that he bumped into Vin when the other man stopped dead. Jesse was sitting up in bed, with her legs under the covers. In her arms she held a tiny bundle, wrapped in pastel flannel. By her face, she'd been crying hard, but she managed a smile when her eyes lit on Chris.
"Hey Larabee..." Her voice wasn't strong.
"Hey Reb." he answered. Vin wasn't moving and Chris didn't want to push him along. So he was left at an awkward distance to have a conversation with Jesse. "Vin told me - I'm so sorry." Jesse nodded and looked down at the still form in her arms.
"Would you like to see her?"
Not in this lifetime, Chris thought, but smiled and nodded, and finally had to put his hands on Vin's shoulders to propel him forward. Vin moved stiffly at first, then got the idea and moved ahead on his own. Chris stopped walking then and let Vin approach the bed.
He put his hand out uncertainly, as though he wanted to touch the baby. At the last moment though, it seemed like he'd pull away, but Jesse lifted their daughter into her father's arms. Vin froze, unable to move, staring at what he held, unwilling to hold the baby any closer than arm's length. Jesse looked over his head to Chris, asking for help with her eyes.
Chris came up to Vin. "Can I see her?" he asked gently. Vin looked at him like maybe he was crazy, but Chris went on like he didn't notice. He untucked the blanket from around her arms and legs and lightly brushed her with his index finger. "Ten fingers and ten toes." he said. "And beautiful, just like her Mom..." He smiled at Jesse. Vin started to bring his hand up to touch her, but he didn't have the baby held secure enough and he put his hand back.
"Why don't you sit down on the bed Vin." Chris suggested, and steadied Vin and his precious charge as he got himself comfortable on the edge of the bed. He turned so that Jesse could still see the baby. When he felt safe, Vin finally reached out a trembling hand and stroked the baby's dark hair.
"It's soft." he said, in some wonderment. "And she is real pretty..."
After a few moments, when it looked like everything was squared away, Chris decided to make an exit. "I'll go call the others." he said. "Let 'em know." Vin nodded, not taking his eyes off his daughter. Jesse reached out to squeeze Chris' hand.
"Thanks Larabee."
"You bet...if you want, I can start making arrangements for you."
Jesse said that would be wonderful, but Vin looked up, puzzled. "Arrangements for what?"
"For the funeral." Chris told him, as gently as he could.
"Oh..." Vin nodded again. "Okay."
Chris lightly touched the baby one more time and turned to leave the room. An old fear suddenly came to life in Vin and he called out: "Chris - not Potter's Field. Promise?" Chris walked the few steps back and put a hand on Vin's shoulder.
"I'd be proud if you'd let Little Jess rest beside my Adam." he said. His voice was hoarse, and his eyes filled with tears. Vin stared at him, disbelieving and grateful. It was hard for him to nod over the lump in his throat, but he nodded. He had no voice to offer his thanks, and Chris had no voice to say anything more. So he put one arm around Vin and gave him a hug, and for a brief moment, Vin responded genuinely, leaning into it.
Then Chris left the room, intending to use the lobby phone to call the office and update the others. Instead, he went out to his truck and pulled a picture of his first born son out of his wallet and stared at it while tears rolled down his face.
The End
