This is my favorite chapter to write so far. As a random fact, Marvel actually put out a mini-series on the Smurfs. And this chapter is as odd as its name. Be forewarned, I have no answers for it. Also, if you like Steve, Stark and Legend of Zelda check out Triforce Before Christmas.
Hope you enjoy. Let me know!
"How about that one?"
"Are you trying to get the Charlie Brown tree, Stark? They sell those you know."
"Excuse me, Nat-a-lie. I was just trying to find something that met your needs."
Clint straightened and lowered his glasses to glance anxiously between Natasha and Tony.
Natasha looked over at him. "He didn't mean it like that, Clint. Calm down."
"She wants that rumor to be true," Stark responded moving towards another tree.
"What tale do you speak of, Man of Iron?"
Stark looked towards Thor. "Just certain… tapes…"
"The tapes of you and Lady Natasha? I have heard of these moving pictures. Loki spoke of them."
"They aren't true, Thor," Stark responded.
"Nothing Loki states is ever fact." Thor shrugged and swung his hammer in a circle.
Stark's brow rose slightly. He shook his head and turned to the trees again. He issued toward one."How about that tree?"
"That's even worse than the previous tree." Natasha shook her head.
"Is nothing good enough for you?"
Steve sighed as Natasha and Stark began to argue. If he had known there would be endless amounts of bickering, he wouldn't have suggested they all go look for a tree. He glanced at Banner, who was to the right of him. His head lolled forward as he released a large sigh before turning toward Steve. Banner seemed to be enjoying the tree hunt as much as he was.
"Well, this has been fun. I'm almost sad I missed out on this as a child."
"My family was never like this, doc." Steve looked over as Natasha took out a gun and pointed it at Stark.
"How dare you insinuate I made up the rumor about the sex tape!" Natasha snarled.
Banner shook his head. "Fifty bucks says she shoots him."
"The bet should be placed on where she shoots him," Steve responded.
Banner chuckled and shifted his feet as the argument before them escalated. "You know, despite this tree ordeal, it hasn't been a bad month so far."
"You don't have to lie, doc."
"Think about it for a moment," Banner said. "We're dealing with the effects of the invasion. We have each other to depend on. These fights we're having are fights any normal family would have."
Steve rubbed a gloved hand on the back of his neck. "I suppose that's a good way to look at our 'team'. We're one big family."
"A very dysfunctional one."
"And Stark's the black sheep."
"No, in twenty years, he's the creepy uncle hitting on the younger nieces."
Steve laughed. "Actually, that's very fitting."
"Hey," Stark snapped, turning towards them. "I heard that."
"We're not done with this argument!" Natasha growled.
"Why did I get the creepy uncle card?" asked Stark.
"Do you really need to ask?" Steve responded.
"Yeah! Creeper does not go well with the title playboy."
Clint shrugged. "Hugh Heffner pulls it off."
"Quite literally, in fact," added Banner.
"Who is this Heffner you speak of?" Thor raised an eye brow.
"Are you over your fight with Natasha?" Banner questioned, quickly changing topics.
Steve startled as a gunshot went off. The entire group turned and looked at Natasha.
She twirled the gun in her hand. "If we're saying this is a family, who would I be?"
"The slut Smurf. What's her name? Whorette?" Tony questioned.
She aimed her gun at his head. "Lay off, Stark."
"You are kind of like Smurfette though." Banner shrugged.
"What's a smurf?" Steve asked.
"They're little blue men—and in one case a woman—that are three apples tall," Stark replied.
Clint shook his head as Natasha holstered her gun and Banner let out a long sigh.
"What realm are they from, Man of Iron? I have not heard of these creatures," Thor stated.
"Never heard of them? What kind of Norse God are you?" Tony questioned. "Everyone knows they come from Le Pays Maudit. They're hunted by the evil Gargamel who owns a cat name Azrael."
"They are hunted you say? We must go to their aide!"
Banner stepped forward. "Don't believe a word he says, Thor. It was a comic and cartoon. It is not real."
"They are shown on the box with moving pictures and their legends are told in books?" Thor's brow twisted in confusion.
"They're not real, Thor," Clint said. "It was something made for the entertainment of children."
"Like My Little Ponies," Natasha added.
"The ponies that speak of friendship and magic? So, they are only used for morals as well?" Thor questioned.
"You thought the ponies were real?" asked Banner.
Natasha let out a loud sigh. "Let's just pick the tree and get out of here. I'm cold."
