"Gran, Gran?" I shouted walking around cubicles to try and find her. She always somehow managed to be unfound when she needed to be found. "Are you alright Sharice? Are you looking for Tess?" I indicated that that was true with a nod in Noel's direction. "She is in her office. Also you got a bit of something..." He pointed to my frontal bone just above my eye. Putting my hand up to feel I released that is was bleeding significantly.

I knocked on the door, "Gran can I come in?" There were footsteps heading to the plank of wood that displayed both Gran and Gramps names. "Of cause you can Sharice!" I opened the door and immediately was met by a hug. Tess put her hand up to my cut stroked it gently. "What on earth happened here? Come on cubicles now! Let's get you sorted out." She saw me out the door and held me all the way down the corridor.

Putting on gloves she placed her soft hand on my head. "Right I will patch you up then send you for a head CT. Before getting a doctor to discharge you." I dread those CT scan things. All the swirling reminds me of when father chucked my head in the washing machine. "Gran I can't go into a CT scan I am claustrophobic. Also could Sam discharge me? I know she's not an ED doctor anymore but she has all her qualifications still and is on the system as a locom. Please!" She looked at me with eyes that said I will see what I can do. "Well you can definitely tell you are Zoe's daughter. Stubborn. You know on her first shift here she came in with Jeff and Dixie..." A tear slipped down my face at the mention of Uncle Jeff, she carried on. " After getting lost. She ended up helping a gun shot victim. She came in resus with fire in her eyes and claimed it and quote 'my resus!' She still claims it as her's now but has a title to back it up. Dr Zoe Hanna trauma lead at Holby City ED. There you go all done. I think your mum is paging you?" I stood up and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Cheers Gran love you."

Looking at my pager it said resus the territory of the swan. Graceful and sweet with love but yet can be deadly. On my way I saw a middle aged man at the front desk talking to Noel. "Is my daughter and wife here they got brought in after an accident?" The man sounded angry. Noel kept his cool as always. "Can I have your name please Sir? And I will get someone to come and talk to you." I studied the face of the stranger for a while, then it hit me the same angle on the zygomatic arch. "The name's Jean." That's all we needed, not now out of all times. Before I could return to the safety of resus my name was called. Why me? "Dr Brookes Mr Jean here is looking for his family. Do you happen to know where they are?" Well all I want at this moment in time is no more reminders of my start to life. "Yeah hang on a sec. Just need to go and see what Dr Hanna wants. Sir if you would like to go to the relatives room and someone will be there in a minute to explain the situation?" He huffed and stomped away in the direction of the relatives room.

Mr Jean reminded me so much of my father (the wretched monster). The constant resistance of screaming because if you did you just got it more. For example at school the other day some boy started a fight in the play ground. One of the year 7's was stupid enough to get involved, he took a couple of punches but then started to bleed in the mouth and screaming with pain. I stepped in trying it stop the incident however that did not go to plan. "Let's see how many punches it takes to make little doctor perfect cry?" One of the spectators encouraged. I came out with the sound of "How come you didn't break. Didn't want the embarrassment of mummy coming to pick you up. Oh she can't because your dad killed her." A cauldron of emotion just boiled over in my head. "Do you think I stood in front of Fin an said. 'Go on hit me!' For 8 years. Watched Abbey get the crap beaten out of her. Screaming my head off in hope that someone would come before the next blow which got harder every time. Do you think I wanted to be the kid that everyone laughed at because I was all bruised, skinny and winced every time I moved? Do you think I wanted to live in the constant fear that me or Abbey could be beaten to death in the evening? People think that is painful to hear the screaming but it's the gap between the screams. Wondering if they are still alive or not sitting there in fear that she could be dead, the seconds are hours. Do you think I asked for any of that?" My sudden out burst shocked everyone, I sat there as they all dispersed.

Coming out of my day dream I strolled the resus. How will I explain this to mum? Was I to face him or not? What did mum want me for anyway?