Chapter 8: Why is bird? Are we who is? Will us do? Who us am, really?

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A sunny haze obscured the vision of the figure marching through the sand storm. The amount of blowing sand somehow managed to allow a surprising vestige of light, though it was a vestige none the less. Though bright it was still dark within that whirling monsoon of earth when compared to the death bringing heat of the desert sun outside. It seemed that this occurrence may have been a blessing in disguise. The lone figure took a drink from his twelve gallon shotglass of gasoline to get the taste of sand out of his mouth.

A break in the sand allowed the lone figure a glimpse of a settlement in the distance. Growing impatient this lonesome traveler pulled from his wallet a plain whistle, and in blowing in summoned a custom Harley-Davidson Motorcycle from the edges of the mesosphere. Climbing onto his vehicle which was out of gas, he willed it to move. The sun began to recede back to its astral lair over the horizon as he finally found road amongst the dusty wastes. Determined to finish his quest though knowing this was but the beginning he drove onward.

Parking his Motorcycle on the roof of a nearby space station the traveler leaped back to earth landing directly in front of the previously mentioned city. He waltzed into a nearby bar and struck up casual conversation with a nearby explosion.

But it was after sharing but three shots of gasoline with this friendly detonation that a group of hooded delinquents entered the establishment. Quiet whispers were passed as each drew gold plated Barrett m82 anti material rifles modded with an automatic fire function.

"Chosen hero of all, our lord shall not suffer you to live!" shouted Cultist#1 as he began firing towards the cloaked wanderer yet missing and hitting his drinking partner instead.

The sentient explosion fell to the ground and was caught in the embrace of his friend.

"Please my friend you look sad. Here have a drink." he said pouring gasoline onto himself and setting flame to the building.

"No!" the Cultists shouted as the cloak was burned off the muscular frame of the wanderer, revealing the legend underneath.

"My rage is equalled only by my hunger for lasagna!" shouted this hero in righteous fury!

The cultists shot with their anti tank weaponry, but unfortunately for them Garfield wasn't wearing any tanks, just a rugged tank top and two gold lasagna chains. Drawing his gold plated Desert Eagle and leaping to the side Garfield shouted "Eat Justice You Rascally Vermin!" as he opened fire. His bullets of lawfulness tearing his foes apart he exclaimed "My vengeance shall be complete, and my belly filled."

The sounds of gunfire opened up behind him and on reflex he began swatting with his gun to the side, successfully blocking incoming streams of gunfire from three adjacent helicopters. Throwing his Semiautomatic like a boomerang he downed one target, and whilst sprinting towards its predicted crash site caught his returning weapon. Grasping hold of the helicopter right before it crashed, he aimed and chucked it toward its fellows. They dodged just in the nick of time, just as garfield planned. With the pilots distracted Garfield had enough time to evacuate all nearby citizens to chicago, this being amazing as this city is located somewhere in Australia.

The helicopters turned just in time to witness the moments before Garfield, with precision equal to the hopes and dreams of everyone on earth, would snipe their lives to an end.

"Oh Garfield!" cooed Raiden who looked onwards. "Please train me!"

"No little katana baby, for there are virgins to bed, justices to be delivered, and lasagnas to be eaten." Garfield exclaimed. "And besides, I could never endanger such an innocent. I hunt the deadliest prey of all. Though it is the deadliest only for Garfield is not prey, but predator."

Raiden was intrigued. "Nazi vampires?"

"No, for before the lust inducing machismo of Garfield Nazi vampires are as babies. No, I hunt a beast far greater. Overly flamboyant eldritch abominations."

"I'm sorry I would be such a burden." apologized Raiden profusely.

"Worry not, for though I shall not take you with me I shall allow a piece of my legacy to you." Garfield said as he embraced Raiden's wife in a sexual embrace.

"Thank you Garfield!" cheered Raiden enthusiastically.

"It is of no consequence."

"Goodbye oh true hero." And like that Garfield traveled onwards towards his destiny. The destiny he would create with his prey's corpse.

"I will find you Berri Bamboozle, and I will show you my lasagna scented justice." promised the traveling legend as he passed a group of diverse bikers lead by a rather aged gentleman.