Not Ours.

Chapter 8 One Track Mind

-β- Two's Company…Three's a Crowd

We spent the remainder of the evening talking about what happened with his mom.

As Edward spoke, he evolved from devastated to angry. He couldn't understand how she could have left them. He always said them, yet I knew he meant him.

"She didn't have a choice, Edward. She wasn't well. What if she'd tried to hurt you instead of herself?"

"She wouldn't have done that!" He insisted. "She's my…."

He still couldn't say it.

"She's your mother. And imagine what could have happened to you had she not left. I've seen it; trust me, I know it's hard, but it might really have been for the best. She hurt herself; she could have hurt you too."

Edward sighed and tossed a pillow on the floor in frustration.

"I get that, but it honestly doesn't make things any easier. I can't believe my dad never told me any of this."

"You know, you said something once about your parents being apart for longer than they were together. His not saying anything might be more about protecting himself than protecting you. If he does still have feelings for her, it would have to be hard for him to talk about it to anyone, let alone you."

"You know, it's funny, but I actually feel sorry for Irina sometimes, having to live in Esme's shadow. I think that's why she tried so hard to be a mom to me. As if replacing Esme would erase her memory. Winning me over was more about solidifying her relationship with my dad than it ever was about wanting to be close to me." Edward picked at a piece of lint on the arm of the couch. "Ultimately, I don't think it really matters. From what it sounds like they are on their last leg. My dad mentioned they were having problems. He wouldn't say something unless it was serious."

"And your mom is better now. She's stable; she has a good job." I paused, thinking. "I wonder if, when she got better, she tried to come back, but your dad already moved on. I would imagine that had to be hard, knowing that he didn't wait for her if he loved her so much."

"He never moved on, Bella."

"But he married someone else. I'd consider that moving on."

"There is a difference. My dad stands by his commitments. He wouldn't have left Irina, even if Esme wanted him back. Irina would have to be the one to leave."

"Like your mom did," I observed as gently as I could.

"Yeah. Like my mom did."

"So this may sound like a juvenile observation, but what if this is fate's little nudge? Maybe your parents are meant to be. They might just need something to bring them back together."

"Even I can say without a doubt that idea is absolutely juvenile. Makings of a bad Disney movie," Edward responded. "Bella, I really don't want to talk about this anymore…it just…I don't know, I can't get my head around it. Can we just go to bed?"

"You of all people infer that I am childish?"

"Bella, we just fenced with wrapping paper tubes."

"Operative there, we. And I won." I stood, extending my hand out to him. "I think you are being a sore loser, which further reinforces my point. Come on. I am going to go to sleep. If you would like to join me, you can. You'd better not snore, and all we are doing is sleeping. Got it?"

-ε- His Father's Son

My dad and I pulled into the driveway at the same time. I never understood how he could work those overnight shifts.

"Did you have a nice night, Edward?" He waggled his eye brows at me. Like father, like son. My dad and I had a lot in common. I knew that like me, he was attractive to women. Maybe deflection by innuendo was a defense mechanism I learned from him. When you knew most women didn't really want the 'real' you, it was just easier to use humor.

"Actually, it wasn't the best night."

"Did something happen?"

I looked around. This wasn't the time or place for the conversation, but delaying wouldn't help.

"I had dinner with Mom."

I saw the surprise in his face, but he quickly composed himself. "And how is . . . your mother?"

"She's good. I think she's good. We talked mostly about the past though."

His eyes bore into mine. It didn't take him long to figure out what I knew.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, I think we need to. Maybe sometime when we're not so spent."

I wasn't exactly happy with him for keeping so much from me for so long, but I didn't know which emotion, which issue to attack first.

"I'm here whenever you want to talk."

"Thanks. It was . . ." I struggled for the right words to describe it. "Oh forget it. I don't know. We'll talk later."

"Where did you stay last night?"

"Bella's."

He gave me a look, which took us back to the beginning of the conversation.

"Not like that, Dad."

"Hey, you don't need to justify it with me."

He started to walk away. Suddenly, I thought about the memories he would face as a result of this conversation. On top of everything going on with Irina, his body appeared to be weighted down.

"How are you doing?" I called out.

He gave me a curt smile. "We'll talk about that later too, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I stumbled.

I had to rush through showering and getting dressed, and I didn't even get a chance to wrap my head around the events of the night before until I was on the drive to work.

The night had been marked by monumental events, in a way. The dinner with my mother and all of the information she gave me was too raw, and it brought up too many other issues. If I focused on that, I wouldn't be able to get through a day at work, and I knew I was already on thin ice.

Thinking of Bella probably wasn't going to make things much better, but it was far easier to sink into the warmth of her bed, the heat of her touch, the fervor of her kiss than it was to consider suicidal parents and the failed promise of a mother.

The words were out there. THE words. I'd never said them to anyone but my dad. They came out surprisingly easily. Comfortably. Technically, I guess we never said them, but we meant them, and that was what was important. When we'd first had the conversation about love and sex, I admit I worried I would find myself saying them at some point just to get laid, but when they were out there, and the door was open, sex was the last thing I wanted. Not so much wanted, but needed. My head was way too messed up last night to go there. It wouldn't have been fair to her.

And I have to admit, I was scared. What if all this anticipation led up to a big fat disappointment? All the innuendo and sexual tension that I'd put out there created a lot of pressure too. I felt like I had something to live up to, and I didn't know if relationship sex was different from causal sex. Would making love be boring?

I hoped not. I didn't think so. I hadn't found it boring waking up with her. I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't rushed or pushed someone out of the room in the morning. This was different. She made me breakfast, and we laughed. I made her bed, and she thanked me. I sat on the couch and tried to make sense of everything. She joined me, but didn't try to force me to talk about it. She was just there. All that before seven in the morning.

It was a long day at Lowe's.

I needed a work out.

I went to the Y, not to the club.

"What are you doing here, man?" Emmett asked when I walked into the building.

"I was wondering if Garrett was around."

"Isn't he always? I swear he never leaves."

"What about you?"

"Rose and I are just picking up Alice. Rose thought she needed to get out. I couldn't argue with that. She has been a little uptight."

"Yeah, I hope you either find her a man or a substitute fast." We laughed. Thinking of sexual frustration only reminded me of my own. "Listen, I'm going to see if I can convince Garrett to go a few rounds with me."

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be alright, Emmett. Just a lot on my mind."

"Problems with Bella?"

"No, actually, that is the one part of my life that's going well. Really well. I have to thank you for being an overzealous volunteer. We wouldn't have met otherwise."

"I don't believe that. I think if it's meant to happen, it will. It just would have happened in a different way."

"Stop, no more talk about fate. I'm up to my eyeballs in it, and I'd just like to enjoy the relationship and not worry whether someone else is pulling the strings. Besides, if I fuck it up, I'm pretty sure fate isn't taking responsibility for that; it all rests on me."

I was getting a little too deep for my tastes, so I pulled a typical Edward and went into my standard lunge position. "It was all my irresistible charm."

"I have no idea what she sees you," Emmett said with his characteristic dimples out in full force. "Have a good workout, Edward."

"Will do. "

"Oh hey, be warned, Rose likes Bella. I think she's probably working on some sort of get together. "

I waved. Couples gatherings? Could I do that? How did I go from solely focused on a gold medal to double dating in a little over a month?

I was back in my contemplation mode when Garrett's voice brought me out of my head.

"Hey there, champ. I thought you'd never get here."

He was in full gear. Waiting for me.

"Garrett, we didn't have plans did we?"

"Let's just say I had a feeling you'd show up."

-β- Bull in a China Shop

"Earth to Bella."

Kate's hand waving in front of my face was enough to snap me back to the here and now.

"I'm sorry. Were you saying something?"

"Yeah, but you obviously didn't hear a word a just said. Where were you?"

"A million miles away. I'm sorry." I leaned back in my chair. "How did things go this time?"

"A little better. Seth didn't give me anything new on the 'all of them' comment, but he was more confident in his answers. And, interestingly enough, he did mention something about Alec. I passed it on to Rose right away. I also called Jasper. He's going to meet us here in a bit."

"Why did you call my brother?" It didn't make sense to me; Jasper wasn't involved in Seth's case.

"Wait until he gets here so I can tell you both at once." She glanced down at her watch. "He'll be here in about ten minutes, which leaves you exactly that to spill on what has you so glazed."

"Am I that bad?" I asked sheepishly.

"Krispy Kreme. Now spill."

"I don't even know where to begin, Katie. Everything is all jumbled up and so new. And I want to figure it out, but I don't know if I want to share yet."

Kate sighed and started shredding the napkin in front of her. "I can appreciate that."

We sat quietly, each lost in our own thoughts.

"I told Garrett that I loved him," she said quietly.

"Must be something in the air. Edward and I had a similar conversation yesterday."

Simply saying his name generated a warmth through my body. Once upon a time I would have called it lust. And there was an element of sexuality to it. But it was more. It was simpler. I didn't understand it; how could I explain it to someone else?

"There was no conversation. I said it; he didn't. End of story." Kate continued to shred her napkin, effectively avoiding my gaze. "I know it shouldn't matter. But I've never put myself out there like that. I have no clue what he wants from me, how he feels about me. He could up and disappear tomorrow for all I know."

Picking up the remnants of her napkin, she crumpled it together and pushed it to the side.

"I don't understand men. Jasper and I couldn't make it work because we wanted different things. And I was fine with that. But then this guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet. He's smart and sexy and a freaking god in bed. And then he withdraws and I don't know why. And it's all I can do to not chase him, to try and find out more, to understand why. It sucks."

"Feeling totally out of control is no fun; I'll definitely give you that."

"I wish I could listen in on one of their sparring sessions. I wonder if they talk about us." Kate rested her forehead in her hands. "Then again, I might not want to know. I don't think I could handle hearing him talk about how he's getting it left, right and six ways to Sunday."

"I didn't know they sparred." I was starting to realize that, while we did talk a lot, there seemed to be a number of things that I didn't know about Edward. I couldn't help but wonder if anyone did.

"Oh my lord, Edward and Garrett's sparring sessions are legendary. Apparently they draw quite a crowd. Typically all young women. Can you imagine those two going at it?"

"Two going at what? And enough to draw a crowd of adoring women? Do I have competition?" Jasper quipped as he sat down next to me.

"Hey kiddo." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek before reaching out to grab Kate's hand. "What's up blondie? You said you had news?"

Kate sat up, pulling her hand away from Jasper. He frowned a bit, but didn't say anything.

She'd never pulled away from him in the past.

"Have you heard anything about the Sue Clearwater case?"

Inclining his head towards the waitress, Jasper pointed at my coffee cup. She flashed him a grin and rushed to the table with a mug and fresh pot of coffee.

Jasper's gaze dropped to her name tag before he responded in a honeyed tone. "Thank you…Madi."

Once she'd backed away from the table, all giggles and smiles, he took a sip and continued. "That was close, I almost called her Elle. Anyway, back to your questions, yes, I've heard about it. Woman killed by her boyfriend, kid supposedly witnessed the whole thing. One of the guys I work with caught the case. Why?"

"Bella and I have been working with her kid. Seth was in the house when she was killed. He's the key to the state's case against the boyfriend, although I'm starting to wonder if the step father wasn't into more than what we are seeing."

Kate folded her arms on the table and leaned forward.

"Apparently there had been a lot of people coming and going from the house around the time of Sue's death. People that Seth claims he didn't know. People who drove nice big European cars and had funny accents."

"He told you this today? I knew you got him to open up, but…"

Kate held up her hand, an indication for me to wait before shifting her gaze back to Jasper.

"I was going to call you the other day, but things got crazy. I'm glad I waited, because Seth told me something today that you might find interesting. He remembered a stranger coming by the house a few times for Alec. They always sat in the kitchen, and there would be a few large envelopes on the table between them. Seth remembered the man with the funny accent saying a word that sounded like 'yet' a lot."

Jasper swore under his breath. "Did Seth describe the man?"

"He didn't remember a lot. Pale, fair hair, light eyes."

"Fuck," Jasper mumbled. "What is Alec's last name?"

"Volkov." We responded in unison.

Jasper shook his head in exasperation. "He didn't hear the guy saying 'yet;' he heard him saying 'nyet.' It's Russian for no."

"That's what I thought," Kate replied, avoiding my shocked glare. "This is bigger than just a kid losing his mom, isn't it? It would explain the SUV incident. I'm sorry Bella, say what you will, but no way was that accidental."

I felt like I was watching tennis match. Information was being lobbed back and forth, and I had no clue what it meant.

"That's the kid you were with?" Jasper's head whipped in my direction. "I thought you said it was an accident?"

I shot Kate a warning look. "I thought it was. And why are you all bent out of shape about it now? I told you I was fine."

"That's before I started hearing words like nyet being bantered about. I want you off this, now, Bella. Someone else can take this kid on." He glanced at Kate. "That goes for both of you."

Kate starred hard at Jasper. "Tell her what you have been working on. Stop treating her like a little girl."

He leaned back in his chair, tracing the top of his coffee mug with his index finger.

"I can't go into details Kate, you know that."

"At least give her the gist," she shot back.

Shifting so he could look at me, Jasper reached out to grab my hand. "If the guy that Seth saw is Russian, then you need to get out now. There is some bad shit going on, and I don't want you within ten miles of this kid. Someone else can look out for him."

"No." I pushed my chair back a bit. "Seth needs me. He trusts me, and he trusts Kate. I can't abandon him now."

"There are other people that can help him, Bella. You don't have to be the one taking the risk. You can't save every kid."

"What if Mom and Dad had said that about you?" It was out before I could stop myself. It was a low blow, and we both knew it.

His eyes narrowed in anger. We'd never discussed what brought Jasper to our family. I had been so young when mom and dad brought him home, that I didn't pay attention to the fact that he wasn't my biological brother until I was in my teens.

I'd known, it just hadn't ever mattered. He was my brother. Blood didn't change that.

"You can't save everyone, Bella. All it's going to do is bring you heartbreak."

"You might want to stand down, big brother. She's already gotten more than her fair share of good out of this whole scenario," Kate broke in. "She's done wonders for a kid who doesn't have a happy family to swoop in and save him like you did. All that and she's juggling actually having a successful relationship for once. It's a hell of a lot more than I see you doing."

Shit.

Kate realized her error immediately. She mouthed an 'I'm sorry.'

Jasper wasn't about to be deterred.

"You're dating someone? Who is he?"

"Just a guy, J. I'd really not like to talk about this right now."

"Just a guy? Not likely. You won't look me in the eye. It's more than just a guy." Jasper's gaze shifted to Kate. "Who is he?"

"Why don't you back off, Jasper?"

"Because I don't want my little sister getting jerked around. Now who is he?"

I blew out a breath, resigned to head this off before it got worse.

"His name is Edward. He's teaching Seth how to fence."

Jasper snorted a laugh and leaned back in his chair. The waitress took that moment to stop by and refill coffee cups. He gave her an ingratiating smile and thanked her before she walked away. We'd watched him do it a million times. Flirt. Get a number. Maybe take her on a date. They'd end up in bed, and then he'd move on.

He never changed. And because he didn't, he expected every other guy to be the same way.

Ironically, I was usually the one to call him on his behavior. But this time, Kate beat me to the punch. I guess in hindsight, it all hit a little bit too close to home.

"You know what, Jasper? You're an asshole. You get all up in Bella's face, treating her like a little kid, telling her what she can and can't do, and then you turn around and treat women like pieces of meat. You are a fucking hypocrite." Kate pushed back from the table, fishing in her purse for money.

"You act all concerned, throwing around that big brother shit with both of us." She threw a few ones on the table. "Get your head out of your ass and cut the double standard because I am sick and fucking tired of it. You are a smart guy, think with something other than your dick."

She pivoted on her heel and walked out of the diner without a look back.

"What the hell was that all about?" Jasper asked, incredulous. "Is she PMS'ing or something?"

"Could you be less attuned to people's emotions?" I shot back. "Kate has a lot going on right now. She didn't need your warped perspective on the male psyche on top of it all."

"It's not warped, Sis. It's true. Guys want one thing. That's how it goes."

"What the hell happened to you, Jasper? Mom and Dad didn't raise you to be like this. They loved each other, you saw it. Dad would have done anything for her. And this men only want one thing shit? Dad was living proof that wasn't the case. What the hell happened to make you so damn cynical?"

"Like you have to ask? I am who I am. I've seen bad things. And it makes me want to protect the people I love."

I pushed back from the table, disgusted. "I don't know if I want your protection."

"Oh come on, Bella. Don't be a baby."

"I'm not a baby, Jasper. I'm an adult who can make my own decisions. I can date who I want, fuck who I want, and do my job in the way I see fit. If it bites me in the ass, it's my own damn fault. But I'm tired of missing out on things because I apply your parochial approach to my life."

"Bella, stop it."

"No. You stop it." I grabbed my bag off the back of the chair. "I'll make sure I check in with Seth's lawyer regarding what we spoke about today. If you hear anything at work, could you please call Rosalie? She'll need to know what is going on."

With that, I turned and left my brother. As I walked out, I could hear the waitress ask him what his name was as she offered him more coffee.

-ε- Head Games

The late afternoon was a volatile mess of lunges, parries, and hits. Mostly coming from Garrett. Something really was off. I couldn't anticipate his moves; I wasn't quite fast enough, my reach not quite long enough.

People from the Y had gathered around, as they had started doing over the past few weeks. In a moment of hesitation, I glanced around the room, and for the first time in my life, I didn't feel like I could do this. I was embarrassed by my performance, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be on display. I didn't want this to define me. There had to be more.

That moment cost me the bout.

"Nice one, Garrett," I said tersely and took off toward the locker room without glancing back. I didn't want to give him time to gloat. I couldn't handle it today. It wasn't fair. I'd certainly rubbed it in his face enough, but today was not the day.

I sat down on the bench in front of my locker and rested my arms on my knees, head hanging low.

It was only a couple of minutes before I heard him enter the room.

"Hey, man, what gives?"

"You won, Garrett. Shouldn't you be signing autographs or something?"

"Look medal man, I like to win. Don't get me wrong, but that one didn't quite seem like a fair fight. You weren't in it from the beginning. Where are you?"

I just shook my head at him. I wasn't going to talk about this now.

"Fine. Whatever it is, are you willing throw everything away for it?"

"I'm not throwing it away. I just have a lot on my mind, and maybe fencing isn't the most important thing in my life right now."

"Or maybe you've lost it."

"What?"

"Come on, Edward. The decline's been happening for a while. We both know it. The reality is you couldn't stay at the top of your game forever. If that's the case, maybe you should pack it in."

"Fuck off."

"Why? You just said fencing wasn't everything. So what if you're done. You can spend more time with your girlfriend, get a real job. Heck, you could be completely ordinary."

"So, what? Fencing isn't the only way for me to succeed!"

"No, but your reaction just now tells me you're not done. Do you feel done?"

"No," I said quietly.

"Then quit the emo shit and focus."

"It's not that easy."

"You've done it before."

"It's different now."

"Bella?"

I shrugged. "It's not just her, not by a long shot. I've had a lot going on with my mom too, but she doesn't have me thinking a lot about my life."

"Amazing how women do that isn't it? When you got it bad, it almost seems impossible to think about anything else. Or with anything else if you know what I mean," he said with a wink, and I knew exactly what he meant. "Can't say I blame you there. The sweet love of a good woman has sidetracked many a man on his path. It's the true nectar of the gods."

"That's not . . . I mean we haven't . . ." Why was I admitting this to him.

"Really? Mr. Stud is in another kind of rut eh?"

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Something holding you back?"

"Just hasn't been the right time, I guess."

"Well, then you know what I think?"

I looked up at him, certain he'd tell me no matter what.

"You need external motivation."

"I'm doing fine on my own."

He outright laughed. "That's bullshit if I ever heard it. So, you're in fencing rut and a bedroom rut, why not link the two?"

"What the hell, Garrett?"

"I challenge you to win Nationals. And not just win, but to decimate the competition."

"Yeah, fine I'll try."

'Nope, not good enough. You've really got to have a reason, and the glory of the win isn't enough anymore."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Time to use the backburner, big boy. Prioritize. Put Bella and whatever is up with your mom on hold until you win."

"What if I don't win?"

"That's the spirit, sport!" He shook his head at me.

"Seriously?"

"Then you'd have to wait until you do."

"That could be a while."

"All the more incentive to knock the cobwebs out of your head and get your ass in gear, don't you think? Bella's a hot young woman. Think she'll wait forever?"

"Why would I take this challenge?"

"Because you don't have a choice."

"Why is that?"

"Because remember we always said if I beat you . . . you'd owe me big. Well, I'm cashing in right away."

"Why would you want that as your reward for winning?"

"I like sparring with you, Edward. Don't want you going all soft on me now. Actually, it might be better if you stayed soft for a little while anyway. Wouldn't want you getting all worked up for nothing."

He couldn't stop himself from laughing. I took a deep breath. I could probably handle shelving my family issues, but the other component to this challenge was more daunting. No sex unless I won Nationals. It was still a few weeks away. Could I even make it that long? But he was right about one thing. As much as I didn't want it to be my whole life, when I walked away, I wanted it to be on my terms, not because I suddenly sucked. Fading away was not the way to end nearly twenty years of a competing in a sport. I was also reminded of all the people counting on me.

"Hey, Garrett. Fine. I 'll take your bet, but get your gear ready. We're going again."

He raised an eyebrow, but he complied. The audience was bigger. The intensity of the match even harder.

It wasn't exactly easy, but I managed a win that time. I called Laurent to up my training schedule.

I was so going to get laid.

-Γ- Alignment of Strategies

"What are you doing?" Love exploded at me.

"Getting his head in the game."

"You are not! You are undermining everything! You are supposed to help bring them together, not drive them apart!"

I held my hands up to diffuse her tirade.

"You are the one who was proud of him when he decided to wait. I am simply reinforcing that. If you want this to work, he needs to grow up. Otherwise he'll break her heart."

"Like you and the fair Katrina?" Love asked innocently.

Yes, just like me and the fair Katrina. I walked right into that one. Better not to think about Kate now. Focus on the end game.

"Edward's thinking with the wrong head. He's doing this because his pride was wounded and he's confused. In the process of focusing on this little challenge of mine, he'll be forced to understand what his priorities are. Remember, I'm the 'get a life' guy."

She leaned back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest.

"Think about it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. All of this focus on training will mean less time together, more time alone to think about what he wants. Not just from her, but from his mom too. Both of them are critical to his evolution. If I am going to change his life, the first thing I have to do is make him think about other people and how his actions can impact them."

"You are playing a dangerous game," Love taunted me. "Just remember, you have as much to lose as he does if you don't pull this out."

"Trust me, he'll come out the other side of this stronger. Consider this as payback for that whole Lysistrata stunt. I'm only taking one man out of play. You took down a whole country of women."

She studied me for a long moment, debating the merit of my argument.

"Just remember what you stand to lose."

Like could ever forget.

And the plot thickens….the challenges have started to roll, granted a bit more subtly than you might have expected, but trust us when we say it's going to be rather intense from here on out.

A little shout out to our beloved ElleCC and LaViePastice for the lovely Fates pimpage. We repaid you in a manner we knew you'd appreciate…

So lot's of stupid men this chapter…who's your vote for the biggest idiot? I count four options in all….

Running List of Challenges:

Tanya – Love Life

Edward and Bella

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Garrett – Get a Life

Win Nationals

Edward grows up

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The Fates – Save a Life

SUV 'accident'

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Mythology Reference

Lysistrata (Attic Greek: Λυσιστράτα, "Army-disbander") is one of the few surviving plays written by the master of Old Comedy, Aristophanes. Originally performed in classical Athens in 411 BC, it is a comic account of one woman's extraordinary mission to end The Peloponnesian War. Lysistrata convinces the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their husbands as a means of forcing the men to negotiate a peace, a strategy however that inflames the battle between the sexes.