Chapter 8: Conscience
A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations really. I just enjoy playing with them. Love & kisses to my fic-wifeys (Gabbysway2 & CorrinaTFF) .
Thank you to Robrator for my beautiful banner (http :/ / yfrog. com / h0znr8j)
Also, thank you to Ysar who surprised me with a banner for this story too (a very fitting EPOV banner me thinks) (http :/ / yfrog. com/kh92np
A huge thank you must go to ATaletobeTold and Albymangroves for the work they did to get this chapter into shape.
They fixed it, but I meddled and may have broken it again.
WARNING: There are elements of this chapter which are definitely not going to be easy for people to read.
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~ Conscience is the dog that can't bite, but never stops barking ~
~ Proverb ~
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Sweet heaven—that was the feeling that rushed through me as I drank from Bella. No blood, ever, had even come close to the taste of hers. I had imagined and dreamed of what it would be like, but my wildest fantasy didn't even come close to reality.
I felt a very light tugging and realized Bella was trying to pull her arm away. I was able to ignore it easily enough; I wasn't willing to relinquish my hold on her body yet. I was loath to let her go until she was still beneath me, and I was unable to draw another drop from her.
"E…Edward?"
The quiet question in her voice distracted me momentarily. I opened my eyes and met her gaze.
I felt the warm rays of the sun hit my back and watched as her eyes widened in fear. I clamped my free hand over her mouth, trying to avoid her screaming. I'd never experienced this before; usually I had sufficient time to finish before awareness seeped back into my victims. I panicked but remained unwilling to let go of her arm. I pressed my hand tightly to her mouth, suppressing all sounds. It wasn't until I felt the skin beneath my palm break against her teeth and smelled the fresh droplets of blood that filled her mouth that I realized how roughly I had treated her. I knew she was in the final stages of her life, but I didn't want to cause her undue agony.
I felt Bella's heart fading and watched as she paled. I knew she didn't have much time left, and so I drew deeper, pushing myself to end her agony as quickly as I could. However, the distraction she'd created wouldn't cease. Instead, it allowed another thought to filter into my mind—more specifically, another person's thoughts, those of a young boy coming to visit Bella. I had no idea who he was, just that he was only a few miles away. I had minutes at the most to get out of Bella's room.
Self-preservation—the only thing that could possibly override my blood-lust—overtook me. The decision to claim Bella in her own room had left me in a precarious situation. I made a quick mental list of the things I needed to do to clean it up. I quickly pulled on my clothes and gathered up some for Bella as well, throwing them roughly beside her on the bed.
My next step was to ensure I didn't spill a single drop of Bella's blood. I was planning on finishing my banquet once we were safely alone. I tore a strip from her sheet and secured it around the wound on her wrist, attempting to stop the flow. I dressed her quickly before trying to work out the best way to go forward. I couldn't risk the detection of blood or venom on her sheets or it might raise questions about her disappearance. I pulled the blankets roughly from the bed and wrapped them around Bella, giving me one easy package to take with me when I left.
There was almost no time left to arrange much more, so I continued moving as quickly as I could. I had staged enough runaways over the years to know what I needed to do. I needed to write a note to her family. I needed to know what her handwriting looked like. I upended her book-bag and flicked quickly through her homework. I found a spare piece of paper, one of her pens and scribbled down a quick note.
Dad,
I'm sorry. I just can't stand the constant rain.
Bella
In my experience, the shorter and vaguer the note, the better for throwing suspicion. If I went into more detail, I risked raising doubts about the authenticity of the letter. I repacked her school bag and threw it into the closet before shoving a pile of clothes haphazardly into a duffle bag that I found under the bed. I raced into the bathroom and grabbed her towel, toothbrush and any other toiletries I could find.
I was distracted from my whirl of activity by Bella's shrill scream. I ran to her instantly and listened intently to the voices around me to see if they registered the noise. Thankfully, no one had noticed it, or at least, they weren't dwelling on it if they had.
I tried to offer Bella what words of comfort I could, but I felt woefully inadequate. I'd never had to do it before; in all of my previous conquests, I'd never once been interrupted. I knew it was because I'd been smart in the past, but so stupid this time. I cursed myself silently for letting my desire for Bella's body and blood override my good sense. I knew I should have waited for a better time, a better place.
Bella shrieked again, an inhuman cry that I was sure would gain the attention of the neighbors if it continued. I apologized to her before pushing material into her mouth to act as a gag. I hated having to do it, but I was left with little choice.
I continued to move things around Bella's room, staging it to look as though she had genuinely run away. I thought about booting up the computer and running a search for plane tickets, but taking one look at the old machine, I knew it would take longer than I had. Instead, I scribbled a few notes with addresses and phone numbers onto the top sheet of a pad before ripping off the page and pushing it into my pocket. If Bella's disappearance was investigated, hopefully that would give them a few false leads—and me a greater head start.
Finally, I was finished. I picked Bella up as gently as I could, placing her over my shoulder and jumping from her window. I fished the keys to her truck out of my pocket and opened the passenger door.
I placed Bella in, trying hard not to jostle her too much, before racing around to the driver's side. I knew I was risking exposure, every inch of my uncovered skin was glittering in the bright sun, but I hoped my speed would make up for it. I kept a close watch of the minds around me, ready to react if anyone grew suspicious.
I put Bella's truck into gear and drove off just seconds before the boy turned into her street. He noticed that she was driving away, but I noted with satisfaction that he didn't feel that he had a right to follow her. He was only coming down to check on her because her father had called in a favor from his father.
I already knew my destination before I'd left Bella's room. My first stop would be to dump the car, and I figured the Volvo at the bottom of Lake Crescent could use a companion. I drove straight there, not caring about covering my tracks. The only ones who might already know of Bella's disappearance would no longer try to stop me. I knew the Cullens would allow me to cover my tracks, because if they didn't, they risked unmasking their own identities.
I willed the old truck to go as fast as it could, wishing it had just a little more speed. In just over half an hour, I arrived where I wanted to. I found the quietest spot—there were no human minds nearby—and stopped the car. I placed Bella on the ground beside the lake and unwrapped the blankets from her body. I needed everything to disappear with her car, except her rucksack, I wanted to hold onto that for just a while longer. I stuffed the blankets underneath the seat so that they wouldn't come loose and raise suspicions.
Knowing that I couldn't get my clothes wet—they were all I had until I could procure some more—I stripped off and then began to push the car toward the lake. It didn't take long to get the front wheels into the water.
I dove beneath the surface to pull the car further into the lake. I needed to take advantage of the full depth, putting the vehicle in a place where it would lie undiscovered for years. I pushed the metal of the truck in on itself, making it look unrecognizable. I swam a short distance away and surveyed my handiwork. To my perfect eyesight, it looked like a misshapen truck, but to a human, it could have easily passed for a rock. It was far enough into the lake that no one would suspect it was a vehicle. I knew I was being pedantic, but after the terrible mistake I'd already made, I needed careful now.
I swam back to the shore and climbed out, quickly drying myself off and redressing. I swept Bella's rucksack onto my shoulder before kneeling down next to her. I could smell the blood still pumping through her veins and the promise of more of her sweet delight compelled me to sweep her gently into my arms and run toward one of the places I had originally planned to take her for our final tryst.
It was a tiny place I had found once I knew Bella was my next one. Deep in the forest, a reasonably short distance north of Lake Crescent, a series of trees had been felled but not moved many years ago. The trunks crossed over one another to form a secret little den. The space inside the twisted trees was lit from above while the sun was high in the sky, but most of the day, it was shadowy and romantic, almost like something out of a fantasy novel. The ground within was not covered by grass, but instead a soft moss grew over the wood and bracken. The best part was that it was so deep into the forest that it was unlikely another person would happen by, but if they did, the ancient trunks gave more than enough cover from prying eyes.
I placed Bella gently onto the ground, trying to jostle her as little as possible. The adrenaline running through her veins was already making her scent smell a little different compared to the sweetness of the endorphins earlier. It actually smelled just a little less appealing, but not so much that I was unwilling to finish the rest.
I gently lifted Bella's punctured arm and began unwinding the hasty bandage. My unbeating heart plummeted to my stomach when the bandage came away almost clean. I sat motionless for a moment while the reality of what I was seeing hit me—where there should have been a wound still pumping fresh blood there was a freshly healed scar. Already the tattered edges of her skin had woven themselves back together. The skin of her wrist was cold, unnaturally so. The color was wrong too; it was paler than the rest of her arm, and seemed to glitter ever so slightly in the pale light. I raised her arm to my nose and breathed in. I realized that it wasn't adrenaline changing the scent of her blood—it was venom.
I swore. Then I swore again, repeatedly, before taking my frustration out of one of the long settled logs, kicking it with all of my might and sending it crashing further down the incline. It splintered against the trunk of another ancient tree, which split up the middle from the force.
It shouldn't have happened so quickly. I recalled the only transformation I had witnessed: Esme's. It had taken at least a day and a half before the venom had begun to heal the wounds on her body. I tried to think of reasons why it would be different for Bella, and my mind kept coming back to the same conclusion.
Esme was near the very brink of death; her heart was hardly beating at all when Carlisle had found her. She was in the morgue because she had been declared legally dead. Bella, on the other hand, was the picture of health; her heart was beating strong and fast, especially so because of the events that happened before and after I'd bitten her.
I looked back toward Bella and watched as tears slid down her cheeks. I knew I had to remove the gag that I had placed in her mouth earlier. The sight of it made me feel physically ill—I hadn't enjoyed having to do it—and there was no one around that could hear her screams here. I wondered whether I would be able to get some sense out of her, and give her peace before ending her life.
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It had been six hours since I removed the gag. Six hours of relentless, spine-chilling screaming. I could almost hear the lining of Bella's throat wearing away with each fresh cry. Each time I thought the horror might have been over, and that maybe her screams would end, she merely drew a fresh breath and the shrieking would start all over again.
I knew I could have silenced it. It would have been so easy, and there were so many ways I could have done it. I had considered my options; anything to end the pain she was suffering. I could have delivered a crushing blow to her head or I could have torn her heart from her chest; anything which would stop her heart pumping the venom around her body and kill her instantly. Somehow though, I just couldn't. It just seemed far too…cold blooded. It wasn't the gentle fading of her life after experiencing the ultimate pleasure that I had planned.
I knew there were now two paths I could tread; either allow the change to continue and deal with the immortal fallout later, or end it now, along with her life.
I didn't want her to suffer any more than she already had. I knew the kindest, most compassionate thing I could do was to put her out of her misery, but I simply wasn't able to. I couldn't deliver that final blow.
Instead, I knelt before her, vacillating between what I should do and what I absolutely couldn't do.
Sometimes, I offered her words of comfort in an attempt to quiet the gut-churning howls coming from her. Not that my words did anything, it was like trying to calm a thunderstorm by reasoning with the clouds. Other times, I would curse my own stupidity for allowing such a horrific mistake to happen.
I wasn't a complete idiot; I knew what was happening to her. I knew her body was being recreated cell by cell into something new, something much stronger and permanent. Her genetic code was being wiped clean and rewritten in venom. The sweet smell of her blood had already been invaded by the insidious scent of my kind, making her much less appealing to my thirst.
The sun was beginning to sink into the horizon, and still I sat with Bella, unable to follow through on the decision to kill her.
"Please, please, just kill me!" she begged in a strangled cry, almost as if the debate raging in my mind was on display for her to see.
"I'm sorry, Bella," I murmured. It was an apology, but I wasn't sure what it was for.
It wasn't for drinking her blood. Even with the chain of events that had occurred since taking her, I couldn't regret that. I could feel the strength granted by her blood rippling throughout my body, cell after cell drawing in that delicious substance and using it as a fuel. The memory of her flavor haunted me even as her shrill cries filled the air. Her taste had been even more exquisite than her scent had hinted. Hers was, without a doubt, the finest I'd ever tasted. Even now, I longed for just one more drop.
I was addicted and all it had taken was one sip. At that moment, I knew there would not be another like her for many years, if ever. I opened my eyes again as that melancholy thought settled over me.
So what was I apologizing for? Not for taking her body that she had so willingly offered me, because I couldn't regret a thing about the way her warm arms had wrapped around me. Or the way she had opened up for me. Or her moist breath whispering against my skin. I grew hard thinking about the sounds she'd made and the scent of her arousal.
It certainly wasn't an apology for crashing into her world. With her scent, she would have attracted another nomad at some point, and they would have taken her faster and with less concern for her welfare during the process.
The only conclusion I could come to was that I was sorry for not being able to grant her final wish. I couldn't kill her, and I couldn't stop what was happening.
"It's too late," I murmured.
"You don't know the half of it!"
I turned around suddenly when Alice thought and spoke the words simultaneously. For once, someone had been able to sneak up on me. I had been lost in my own wandering thoughts, and Bella's screams practically drowned out every other sound. I didn't like the feeling of being surprised, and I instantly crouched over Bella in a protective stance as Carlisle and Jasper joined Alice.
Are they here to kill her? I wondered. My eyes flicked down to Bella's writhing body as another scream issued from her before snapping back up to challenge the Cullens. My lips drew back into a snarl.
If they wanted to do anything to her, they would have to come through me.
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A/N:- *Waves to those still with me*
Hands up if you like Shakespeare? Well, I have an awesome fic rec for you if you do. Edwardsisobel is in the midst of a drabble-fic based loosely on Romeo & Juliet. She is sticking to exactly 100 word drabbles & it's amazing the depth of emotion she can pour into such a limited word count. Go check it out (and maybe even tell her I sent you). The story is called Beautiful Tyrant. She's also writing a slashy side-fic for it called Splendour Mine which is worth checking out too. Actually, check out everything in her profile.
