Chapter 9: Don't Breathe Too Deep
Kristy
October 14
Life is ducky. College fun. I like the freedom. Will update later.
Normally, I love keeping a diary and I normally love being completely honest in my diary. So, I basically just trashed two things I personally love.
Nothing was going the way it was supposed to. My roommate wasn't a horrible beast or anything, but she was definitely not my best friend. In fact, we almost never saw one another. Only at bedtime, when we both getting ready to sleep or when we were scrambling around to get ready in the morning.
School wasn't too bad. I had a sinking suspicion that I wasn't doing that great in my environmental science course, but I was doing all right in the rest of them. It wasn't a class that mattered very much to my major anyways. Physical therapists don't really need to know much about volcanic eruptions and igneous rocks, do they?
And, ever since the accident with the Ramsey family, it's been hard to get through the day. Mallory calls me every single night now, which is way up from the one letter she had sent before (which all the Pike kids signed and wrote their own notes to me on). She's almost always close to tears and the littlest things set her off. If I mentioned Mary Anne, she starts wailing about what a horrible best friend she's been. If I mention my family, she cries about how Jessi has lost almost her whole family. Nothing I can say is right, but I know if I hang up too soon, she feels abandoned and a lot more scared that she was before she called me.
I put my diary away (along with its pathetic 4 sentence entry) underneath my pillow. I knew that my roommate knew where it was and I had seen her pull a tattered old notebook from her underwear drawer a number of times. Since both of us kept a diary, there seemed to be a kind of mutual respect for privacy between us.
Then, I stared out the window. Loads of happy people passed on the walkway below our dorm like they haven't a care in the world. Realistically, I know that isn't true, but something keeps gnawing at me that says that they don't know what it's like being in my shoes. So, I sighed and leaned my chin onto the windowsill, feeling uncharacteristically pessimistic.
When the door to my room slammed open, I almost jumped out of my skin. The intruder took a quick look around the room as I slid back onto my bed, then flipped on the lights. I instinctively covered my eyes.
"And, now you're sitting alone in the dark? Girl, we have got to get you out of this room!"
I shook my head, though I knew it wasn't going to do much good. Everyone always accuses me of being bossy and headstrong, but Mia easily won the bossy crown any day of the week. Standing at a lofty 5'10" (I never even cracked 5'2"), Mia is easily one of the most gorgeous girls I know. Her hair is a rich, coffee brown, her eyes a sparkling deep chestnut, and her skin a completely blemish-free light brown. Not only is she gorgeous, but, like Stacey, she grew up in New York City and has more attitude than most of the other girls can handle. Except me. I do love a good challenge.
"Turn the lights off," I moaned. "You're frying my retinas."
"No can do," Mia replied, gracefully easing herself onto the edge of my bed. "You need to get out."
"I don't feel like it." I pretended to be studying my comforter to avoid looking straight at her.
"Come on. You haven't gone at all since your friend died."
I looked up sharply. "My friend's family died. She's still alive, but her parents and her little brother are dead."
"Is sitting in the dark alone going to bring them back?" Mia asked, getting directly to the point. Normally, I like people who say what they mean. This was one topic that I would rather just continually beat around the bushes.
I stood up. "What are you suggesting?"
"I am suggesting that we get ourselves dolled up and go out on the town. Get some booze. Get a smile back on your face."
I shook my head. "We're not 21."
"We'll go to a party where nobody cares," Mia retorted instantly. She grabbed my hand. "Kristy, you're going to ruin your whole college experience by moping around in a tiny, dark dorm room." She frowned. "Unless you're one of those weird English majors."
"Still physical therapy," I replied.
"Good. Now, come on. For me?"
I couldn't help but smile and once I smiled, I had to laugh. I shook my head. "All right, but I don't think I have anything to wear to parties."
"Just find something nice," Mia replied, already rushing from my room to get dressed.
I walked to my closet and stared. I didn't have anything to wear to a party like the one Mia was suggesting. I selected a pair of dark blue jeans. They were kind of hip. At least, I had bought them this season and I knew they were what other people were probably buying. I started to take out one of my nicer button down shirts (the only kind of dressier clothing I owned) before hesitating. Mia might think I was mocking her by wearing that. So, instead, I pulled out a black men's undershirt that fit nicely and that I usually wore under sweatshirts. I tugged on my new pair of high-tops and finger combed my hair back into a ponytail.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I was making the effort, even if I knew I wouldn't quite cut it.
Mia burst in as I started to settle onto my bed for more people watching. "You're wearing that?"
"Shut up about what I'm wearing and I'll go out," I warned. Mia pretended to zip her lips and tucked the key carefully in her pocket. I laughed. "Fine, let's go."
We walked for at least a mile before arriving at what looked like a run down, three story house. I stared up at it with a kind of disbelief.
"Mia, this place is a dump."
"They serve those of us who are under 21," she reminded me, grabbing onto my elbow to keep me from walking away. "And, I haven't said one word about the horrible shirt, so you have to come in."
"You just complained!"
"Too late, we're already here!" she laughed, dragging me up the front steps and into the house.
Very loud, very bad music immediately assaulted my ears and a red plastic cup filled with beer was shoved into my hands. I looked down at it in surprise.
"First drink's on the house," the guy at the door said. "After that, you gotta get your own booze."
"Don't worry," Mia shouted. "I'll buy tonight."
"I'm not drinking tonight," I tried to tell her, but she was already waving and smiling at people I assumed where friends of hers. I raised the cup to my mouth after about 10 minutes of being ignored and nearly choked on it. Mia turned to me in surprise.
"What?"
"This is disgusting!"
"Finish it and I'll get you something that isn't gross."
It wasn't a very reassuring comment.
So, I finished the beer and, true to her word, Mia bought me some kind of fruity mixed drink with what I believe was rum in it. I couldn't even taste the alcohol, which I figured was a very good thing. I drank it quickly and started on another drink, this one a lime green color. My face was starting to get warm.
"Mia, I think I'm getting drunk," I said.
"That's what we're here to do," she laughed and tossed back a straight shot of vodka. The boys standing around us cheered and she waved her arms to encourage them to cheer louder. I watched for a moment, then turned to the bartender.
"Can I have one of those?"
The guy behind the counter studied me for a moment. "Have you ever had a straight shot before?"
"No, but I think I can handle it."
"Most people puke it right back out again," he warned me, pouring some of the clear liquid into a shot glass. I grabbed it from his hand and tossed it back into my mouth.
It burned. It burned my mouth, down my throat, and finally into my stomach. I clenched my teeth together and shut my eyes, willing myself not to throw it right back up and after a minute, I reopened them. The boys around Mia and I cheered loudly and Mia wrapped her arm around me.
"And, there's our little party animal! Get her another shot!"
9
Ring.
I shoved my hands over my ears. Nobody I knew would be calling me at this ungodly hour.
Ring.
I squinted at the clock. It was three in the afternoon.
I immediately jerked upright, dragging the alarm clock with me.
"I slept through my classes," I moaned. Ring. "Oh, God, all right. Hello?"
"Kristy?"
"Yeah, who's this?"
"It's me." I made absolutely no connection. "Your sister. Karen. Remember me?"
"Oh, God, Karen. Sorry. Why are you calling?"
She didn't respond right away. I could tell I had pissed her off, but my head was really starting to throb.
"I just wanted to talk to you," she said, her voice absolutely icy.
Ice would be a good thing right now.
"I'm sorry. I'm not really awake yet," I told her and stumbled out of bed. The room swam for a moment and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.
"Kristy, it's three in the afternoon! Don't you have morning classes?"
"I didn't feel well," I lied. Karen waited. "Stomach thing."
"I know when you're lying to me, but I don't really think I want to know the truth."
"Karen, come on."
"You know, I just wanted to ask you something, but if you're 'sick,' maybe I should wait until you feel better."
I paused in my attempt to start changing myself out of my previous night's clothes and into some fresh ones. "Karen, I am sick."
"No, you're hung over. Don't think I'm an idiot. I know what a hang over sounds like."
"How would you know that?" I demanded.
"Whatever, Kristy. I'll talk to you later."
"No, wait, Karen."
But, she had already hung up. I swore as I hung up my phone and looked around the messy, dark dorm room. I scratched at the back of my head, then bent over to retrieve a more comfortable pair of sweatpants. There wasn't really any point in getting dressed up. Since I had missed my classes for the day, I might as well just wear sweats, like I usually do on weekends.
Then, I decided to check up on my AIM messages.
bklver4eternity (10:14 am): Just wanted to call to check up on you. Jessi is doing all right.
kristykicksass2 (3:15 pm): Sorry, I've just been busy at classes, how come you didn't go to school today?
bklver4eternity (3:22 pm): I brought my lap top to Jessi's room so that I can watch over her.
kristykicksass2 (3:27 pm): What about school?
Bklver4eternity: (3:31 pm): The teachers are sending all of my homework with the triplets and I keep up at home or the hospital.
I hesitated. Even before she had decided to go to boarding school, Mallory loved the challenge of school. She loved the work for just about every class, even if she tried valiantly to disguise her love from us "cooler" members of the BSC. I didn't know how I felt about a Mallory who didn't seem to care much.
kristykicksass2 (3:45 pm): All right. Just as long as you're happy.
Bklver4eternity: (3:46 pm): I'm not happy. I'm just trying to be a good friend.
Bklver4eternity: (3:46 pm): I have to go. Jessi's awake.
Bklver4eternity: (3:47 pm): Bye.
I dutifully put up an away message so that nobody would think I was online anymore. I closed the lid of my laptop and crawled back into my bed. I was hung over and exhausted. I figured spending the day in bed might be the best thing for to do right now.
Just before I sunk into sleep, Karen's face flashed in my mind. I suddenly recalled how her voice had sounded, frightened almost, and drifted into an uncomfortable, unrestful sleep.
