Part 9
Why the hell was she in Germany, anyway? It wasn't like she actually liked this part of Europe or anything. If anything, she all but hated this place and the memories stored here. She would've enjoyed burning the nation to the ground, if it burned down the memories of that little room and that bed and that damn stinking doll! Asuka stared out her window while that stupid idiot Shinji behind her snoozed on a pink mattress intended for the redhead. He could take the damn bed for all she cared. It wasn't like she even liked pink anyway.
She clenched her fists, angrily, as she pounded the wall. That idiot couldn't stay awake until the damn sun set, could he? He had to be an unsightly loaf on a bed, unable to stand by her side, protect her from awkward conversations, salvage her from the past and all of its horrors. The damn asshole! He was such a jerk for being so inconsiderate! What a jerk! How much she wanted to just punch a hole through him!
She punched the wall again. Oh, who was she trying to fool? It wasn't that idiot she was mad at. She gave him credit for being able to endure two hours of her dragging him into every room she went to without complaining, even the bathroom, just to make sure that he'd be the main subject of conversation, so she wouldn't be alone with her family. She supposed it was inevitable that this would happen. All great things needed to end eventually, didn't they?
"Hey, sis."
All good things came to an end.
"Yeah?" Asuka turned to face her younger sister Kate, who was staring at her elder sister with a look of indifference.
"Mom wanted me to ask you if you could come down for a second."
"Not a problem," sighed the redhead, frowning to herself as she gazed out the window for a moment longer. There was no point running away. She needed to face it. Right now, or never at all.
The two sisters left Shinji asleep on the bed, snoring slightly. As they reached the flight of the stairs, Kate turned around to her sister, pressing her hand against the elder sister's belly. "Say, sis, I think I feel a kick," Kate replied, giggling.
"It isn't that developed yet. Give it a few months," the redhead sighed, frowning to herself as she asked, slowly, "What did mom want me for, exactly?"
Kate shrugged. "Not sure, you know?"
"Oh, okay." That didn't sit well with Asuka. The subject matter of their conversation could be one of many topics. For one, it could be about Shinji, which would be perfectly fine. On the other hand, it could be about the baby, which would be a little more awkward. And on the other hand, it could be about her real mother, which, if that were so, she doubted she'd be able to finish a coherent thought.
Her mother was standing in the living room with an old taped up box. It was covered in dust, filled with artifacts that Asuka hadn't seen in years. The icy woman glanced over at the German redhead with a small smile on her lips. "Ah, dearie, I had been meaning to ship this to you, but felt this required the more personal touch. This is a lot of stuff I've been meaning to give you from our house. Lots of old stuff that you'd be able to maybe give to your baby."
"Oh, so it's mostly baby toys?" Asuka asked.
"Mostly."
The redhead approached the array of dust covered toys, glancing at each one with relative indifference. Sure, some of it would be rather nice to give to her daughter—er—child, but a lot of it was rather old. An old plastic doll house sported a rather large crack running down the side. It more resembled the House of Usher than a child's toy, thanks to the thick layers of filth and ash that ensnared the plaything. One tea cup had been crushed under the weight of a plastic toy that was so damaged it was almost impossible to determine just what it had been in its former glory.
"It's a lot of junk, my dear, but I'm sure some stuff will prove quite useful," her mother replied, hesitantly.
"It's a box of crap. I don't remember any of these things," Asuka replied, in a false-sugary tone. After all, she needed to keep up appearances, didn't she? She needed to at least pretend she was happy. If she wasn't pretending, her stepmom would ask why she wasn't happy, and then she'd be forced to listen to a story about her real mother. All at once, she remembered a doll, hanging from a nose, a nightmarish dead, ghoulish body hanging in the air next to it, and the doll her stepmother had given her years ago. She could remember it so well, remember ripping the damn thing to shreds. It was almost as though that bitch was rubbing it in that her real mother was a lunatic.
As she returned to the land of the living, she noticed a small amount of fuzzy white cotton stuck to her fingers. As she pulled it away, Kate leaned in closer, curiously. "Hey, what's that on your hands?"
"Not sure," Asuka muttered in response as she removed the last of the cotton, "Looks like cotton, or stuffing."
"Stuffing?"
"Yeah, like the stuffing you'd have in a stuffed toy or a—a—" She couldn't say it. If she said that word, the word that began with a "D," then she'd give it strength, she'd make it real, she'd make the pain emerge yet again, pain strong enough to burn her heart and soul, her moral and strength, her resolve and composition, to the ground in a pile of ashes.
Her mother glanced at the box, and leaned in toward the box. She reached out for it, groping toward it. "Maybe you can look at the rest later, or—" Asuka grabbed the woman by the wrist, holding her back, holding her arm still, holding her away, holding the nightmarish memories close. Slowly, Asuka released her stepmother, leaving her hands at bay. The redhead turned to the box. She reached inside, tossing toys aside, throwing houses and tea sets aside as she found more stuffing, more of that cotton, stuck to the toys. Finally, at the very bottom of the bin, she saw it.
A small doll, ripped down the middle.
The first gift she had received from her stepmother.
The last doll she had touched following the death of her mother.
She trembled as she stared at it, reaching out for it with shaky hands. Slowly, her fingers wrapped around the object, her eyes transfixed into its beady black set. She couldn't believe it. How was this possible? It just couldn't be true. Why would this doll be here? Why would it be here? She glanced at her stepmother, her eyes pleading for an explanation for why this doll had to be in a box filled with toys and goodies from the past, why the horrible memories of the past had to be at the bottom of pleasant memories.
"I don't follow what's happening," Kate mumbled, "It looks like an ugly doll, though."
Very slowly, Asuka pulled the doll closer to her chest, holding it to her heart, keeping the memories as close to her as possible. She didn't care what anyone said. She didn't care what anyone said. All that did matter was that she needed this doll. She glanced over at her mother, slowly, as she said, "Can you put all that back in the box please?"
"Oh, uh, certainly," her stepmother replied, "Kate, put this stuff back inside, will you?"
"What? Why do I have to—?"
"Asuka?"
The redhead glanced up at the stairs behind her. There that big idiot Shinji stood, a confused and dopey expression on his face. He was so stupid, standing there, so moronic, so damn annoying. What was he doing there, just staring at her as she held a doll to her chest. What was he doing, anyway? Judging her? Judging what she was doing like some sort of stupid superior judge of some kind. He wasn't perfect. He had problems. She didn't deserve to have that idiot just stare at her like that, like some stupid idiot.
"You dummkopf!" Asuka cried out as the idiot embraced her, his arms comforting her like a warm, soothing blanket, enveloping her in warmth as she cooed to herself, almost silently, but enough to relieve the pressure building in her chest, the pressure to cry out in joy that she had been saved.
"I'll go get dinner ready, won't I?" her stepmother mumbled, leaving the room in favor of finishing things at the kitchen.
"I don't get it. What's the big deal about a doll?" Kate asked.
"A doll? Is that what set you off?" asked Shinji, curiously.
"Yeah, but don't worry. I'm fine," Asuka replied, nonchalantly rubbing her eyes, "It's not like it's a problem or anything."
"Did it remind you of something?" Shinji asked.
"No! Not at all! Just—"
"Just what?"
"Stop interrupting! Dummkopf!" She couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't explain what she really felt, what she had gone through so many years ago when she had first ripped the doll into pieces. "Look, can you do me a favor and put this in my bags?"
"Oh, okay."
About fifteen minutes later, dinner was served. It was a rather simple meal, with lots of steamed meats and vegetables. She did love the taste, despite the fact that she had to admit to herself Shinji's food was much better. Still, that didn't mean she had to give that idiot another reason to inflate his broken ego. "I missed this great food. You don't get this sort of stuff in Japan. It's all fish and rice there, but this, oh this is just so filling! I mean, you wouldn't believe how much that idiot makes, but it isn't satisfying at all. It leaves you wanting more."
"Thanks so much for being supportive," mumbled Shinji.
"I'm glad you approve," her stepmother replied, nodding in approval, "Still, we have much to discuss, Asuka."
"Like what?"
"Well, we need to discuss wedding arrangements, where it's going to take place, and, perhaps most import of all, the baby."
"How did you guys ask each other out?" Kate asked, anxiously, staring at the two of them.
"A little random," Asuka mumbled.
"Oh, what?" stammered the surprised Shinji, "How I asked her out?"
#
"If you want, you can take her home with you now. Her condition has stabilized in the past week or so."
"Thank you so much," Shinji had said, bowing respectfully as the red haired German girl was escorted out of her room, a grim expression on her face. She had been inducted in the asylum for several months now, ever since society had completed its reconstruction. He could only smile now, seeing the German salvaged from her self-imposed shackles. She had driven herself mad, and now she was reaping the benefits of her perseverance.
She was so beautiful, like an Angel.
Well, not that kind.
"I can walk on my own," Asuka had grumbled toward the nurses assisting her as she had shaken out of their grip. It had been at this moment that Shinji new Asuka had, beyond a shadow of a doubt, recovered. He had been worried, after all. It had been a few months since he watched her thrown into this place for her own safety. She had just snapped so horribly after all she had seen. Shinji couldn't blame her. She had been confronted with so much, forced to endure so much, and she didn't have the liberty of being able to override her pride in order to confide her concerns in someone else.
"Nice to see you're alright," Shinji had said, hoping to break the silence as he drove her home.
"Alright?" Asuka had laughed, but it was a vacant laugh without any true passion to it, "I guess that's one way of putting it."
Shinji hadn't know exactly how to respond to that one. Such a difficult comment, so cold and indifferent. Casually, he switched tactics. Anything to get her talking. "Where should I drop you off?"
"Home."
"Where's home?" Shinji had asked, hoping to prolong discussion.
"That apartment we shared, remember? You still own it, right?" Asuka had replied.
"Well, yeah. I've been practicing cello constantly while you were gone. I think I've really improved. You gotta hear—"
"Did you learn how to play Moonlight Sonata on your cello?"
Shinji considered this. No, he hadn't. He knew exactly what song it was, and maybe he'd be able to try adapting it to work for the cello, but there was one major problem with Moonlight Sonata. "Well, that's usually a piano piece."
"Oh. I tried to learn it for my violin. If you want, we could do a duet," Asuka had replied, her voice flat and empty.
"Something the matter?"
Asuka was silent.
"Did something happen at the asylum?"
Asuka was silent.
"Can you at least talk to me about it?"
Asuka was silent.
"Could you at least—"
"They played Moonlight Sonata over and over again at that asylum," Asuka replied, flatly, "They played it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. It's enough to drive someone mad."
"Oh, uh, well, it's a nice song, you know?"
"You know when the played that song, usually this one guy would scream. He must've hated that song, being exposed to it so long. The people there got used to it, but he couldn't. He couldn't adjust. I used to tell him to shut up at first, but then I got to understand why he was in such pain. He hurt that way because he was sick of that song being forced on him. All he needed was someone else."
"I'm not sure I follow—"
"But he had no one else. No one listened to him because no one understood him, and no one understood him because no one was listening to him, and no one was listening to him because no one—"
"Calm down." Shinji put a hand on the redhead's shoulder, frowning gently as he gazed over at her, a serious expression on his face. "I'm here. I'm listening to you."
"Please don't leave me," she whispered as she held herself in her own arms. "Please don't abandon me. Please don't kill me."
Shinji glanced at her, and said, softly, "Okay, I'll never leave you, okay?"
#
"Oh, Shinji was being really pathetic and whiney, so I decided to ask him on a date to make him feel better," Asuka grumbled.
"That's not it at all," Shinji grumbled silently.
"Oh, so what was your story, huh?" Asuka snapped, a sarcastic grin on her lips.
"Well—"
"What names are you considering for the baby?" Asuka's stepmother asked, curiously.
"We haven't really—"
"Rei if it's a girl," Shinji replied.
"Wait, what?" Asuka stammered, "There is no way, and I mean no way at all, that we're naming my daughter Rei!"
"And why not?" Shinji asked, "Rei was such an important part of our lives when we were kids."
"Well, let's go down the list, shall we? Number one, she's a damn doll. Number two, she's a clone of your mom. Number three, she's a damn doll!"
"You said that twice."
"Just to reinforce my point!"
"What if it's a boy?" Kate asked.
"It's not going to be a—"
"Kaworu."
"Shinji, shut it!"
