A/N: I'm so sorry for the lack of updates for such a long time, lot's of school work and next week I have two research papers to write, but I will try to get the next chapter out before this weekend ends. Thank you so much everyone who reviewed the last chapter, seriously, I really appreciate it so much.

Isn't something missing?

Missing

"Great…"

He muttered in a white puff of air.

It was cold.

No… freezing and Mark didn't think to bring a coat in his rush to get out of the loft.

And as the snow started to fall on his coat-less shoulders it all seemed just too damn perfect.

Perfect way to end the perfect day that involved finding heroin under your ex-junkie best friend's bed, almost shooting up, fighting with the best friend… storming out of the loft into a snow storm without a coat.

Perfect.

He sighed and wrapped thin arms around himself in a useless effort to keep warm. Although, after a fight the cold felt good. It froze the heated feelings within him.

I like being numb…

It had been awhile since they'd had a fight this intense… it wasn't even their most extreme fight. No one threw in a punch, there wasn't a whole lot of screaming going on…. But the subject matter. Oh the fucking subject matter.

Mark leaned against a wall near a group of homeless people who huddled around a trash can fire in hopes of getting some warmth. Surprisingly he fit right in with them. Surprisingly he didn't feel naked and vulnerable without his camera right now. It was strange, he always hid behind his camera on the streets, but he didn't have it with him now and for some reason it was okay. For some reason… he felt like he belonged here.

How fucked.

He rarely felt like he belonged in his group of friends, but he felt like he belonged now with a group of homeless people on a street even though he had a home, even though he'd eaten yesterday.

But he didn't have a coat, didn't have a home he wanted to go back to anytime soon, didn't have food now…. It fit. He belonged.

He slid to the wet, snowy ground, keeping his back pressed against the wall behind him.

It was getting late.

Roger would probably worry.

Or maybe he wouldn't.

He didn't worry much about Mark…

No that was a lie.

He could still remember Roger worrying over him many different times just in his own way.

"Hey Mark…you should eat this… I had some earlier."

"I'm not really hungry."

"Fuck Mark when was the last time you ate?"

"Roger…"

"I'm serious Mark…I'll kick your ass if you don't eat this soup."

"I'm feeling sick… you eat it."

"And leave you starving? How much of an ass hole do you think I am?"

"I ate earlier."

"Mark you take back that fucking lie right now."

"Roger…"

"You eat this now. Or I will hold you down and pour it down your fucking throat myself! …What? Don't think that I won't."

"Roger! Roger let go! Get off me! Stop Roger no! Ow! Ow!"

"Last chance, Marky boy, this soup is getting in you one way or another."

"Fuckyooou!"

"Well now that you've chosen-"

"FINE! Don't! Roger I'll eat it on my own. Fuck!"

A self satisfied laugh, "Thought so."

Mark sighed pulling his arms closer around his shoulders as the memory faded away into the bitter cold around him.

And as if matters weren't complicated enough as they were…. The kiss…es. The kissing. God it was amazing, but just another product of withdrawal?

Fuck.

It was hard enough getting over that the last time. Well he never really got over it, just moved past it. But this time Roger remembered so it made it impossible to just let this go… to let it hide within him, boil down there till it burned him alive.

And he remembered… their first kiss…

"I can't…I need it you don't understand. I need it, I need it, I need it. Let me go please let me go."

"Roger… no. Roger, I can't."

"Please… I'm so lonely. It hurts, Mark, it hurts I need something I need it I need her. I need April…but she's not there… she's not here. Mark, please… please I need… I need…"

He didn't know what to say. How to comfort someone who wasn't all together there. He held on to Roger's shoulders and said nothing. Nothing at all.

The tears in Roger's eyes…the shaking… the sickness… covered in sweat and desperately clinging to anything near by.

"Mark…please I just need something. I need someone. Someone…something… someone…I need you. I need you…I please."

He froze.

"I need you Mark. I need you."

And Roger leaned forward desperately, clinging, grabbing…kissing.

Roger kissed him.

Just like that. And it was like that's exactly where his lips belonged.

And though Mark knew this wasn't really Roger that it would be wrong… he couldn't help but give in to this feeling in his gut he never realized was there before.

Give into the kiss which seemed to wash away the loneliness he'd been feeling in its fire, in its connection.

He couldn't stop.

The kissing, the holding…

Maureen was out fucking some guy.

The grabbing, the kissing…

Roger was suffering through withdrawal.

The holding, the grabbing…

And Mark was kissing his best friend.

Perfect…

Mark swallowed back the sick feeling in his throat. He hadn't let himself remember that in its entirety… for such a long time. It was like watching a movie of other people that you felt far too connected to.

It was getting late.

He was shaking, trembling hard and his fingers and toes were numb.

It was freezing.

Roger would probably worry….

But for once he just didn't care.

Though I'd die to know you love me…