Chapter Nine

"What happened, Sir? Why did Carter remove herself from the mission," Jack asked an obviously concerned General George Hammond.

"I don't know, Colonel! She just said she needed some time off," he told the man who had stormed into his office unannounced just a minute earlier. "I spoke with Dr. Jackson, and he is as in the dark as I am. How did you find out?"

"Frasier. She let it slip thinking I already knew. She didn't tell me anything else. I don't even think she knows anything else. How much time did she ask for?"

He was pacing back and forth, running a hand through his already mussed hair, making it stand up in all directions. Hammond looked at him and was almost glad he was bald and didn't have to worry about dealing with a mess like that.

"She asked for a month, but she said she might need more. Now I know you're worried about her, Jack, but quite frankly there's nothing any of us can do for her if she won't tell us what's bothering her. And you know how she tries to put on a brave face, always burying her problems in her work. Well this time she isn't even trying to do that. She was in tears when she left here, Jack. I've never seen her so distraught over anything," Hammond confided in the man.

"I don't suppose she would talk to me," Jack wondered aloud.

"It would be worth a try...if you can find her. Dr. Frasier said she phoned Sam's house, but got no answer. She isn't answering her cell phone either. If she's not at home, where would you start looking for her?"

"I don't know, but I'll worry about that later. Right now I'm going to her house," he said as he rushed out the door. Hammond saw a man on a mission, and he knew that reminding him of his promise to Dr. Frasier to remain in bed for a few more days would do any good. He could only hope and pray that Jack would be successful. He also hoped and prayed that Sam Carter would be okay, whatever it was that had her so upset.

Sam had locked herself inside her house and didn't have plans to come out any time soon. She had heard her phones repeatedly ringing, but nothing inside her wanted to talk to anyone about how she was feeling. And Sam knew that was why people were calling her. She imagined that Janet and Jack were the most likely people to be worried about her right now, since her father was undoubtedly off on some assignment somewhere. Even if he was in the states, she doubted he thought much about her at all.

She knew her reaction was unreasonable and childish, but right now all she wanted was to be left alone. That way she wouldn't have to deal with trying to remember what had happened. Because she knew that if the SGC got wind of it, she'd be tested, probed, analyzed, hypnotized and interrogated until she lost whatever self-respect and privacy she had left!

Her more rational self knew that sooner or later someone would come looking for her. Well, she would just have to deal with that if and when it happened. It happened much sooner than she expected.

When she saw the military jeep pull up to her house, her first thought was that General Hammond had sent Marines to arrest her and bring her in for questioning. Of course she knew that was her over-active imagination at work; she had done nothing wrong, even though a part of her felt like she had. It was not the military part that felt that way, it was the woman in her who felt she had wronged Jack O'Neill.

And there getting out of the jeep was the very same man, come to check up on her. She was upset to see him for two reasons; first she didn't want to talk to him, and second he wasn't supposed to be driving anywhere in his condition! And there was another problem she hadn't expected to face, at least not this soon; Jack had a key and could let himself in!

So the question was, did she pretend to not be home and hope he would just go away, or did she answer the door and tell him some sort of lie right off? By the time he'd gotten to her door, she had made up her mind to pretend to not be home. Maybe he didn't have her key with him!

Sam moved quietly to the back of the house as the doorbell rang for a second time. She was too antsy to sit down, so she paced back and forth in the kitchen, keeping away from the windows. Then she heard it...the sound of the lock on the back door turning. She just stood, frozen in place as Jack entered her kitchen.

"Sam, what the hell is going on with you," he yelled seeing her standing there. Then he got a better look at her and shut his mouth. She looked like she hadn't stopped crying for a week! Her hair was sticking out all over her head like she hadn't combed it, and she was dressed in ratty old sweat pants, a worn T-shirt and white athletic socks.

"Jack, what are you doing out of bed?" She was really surprised that he had escaped from Janet.

"Hammond told me you asked for leave...a month or more! Why, Sam? And why didn't you come talk to me about it? I thought I meant something to you," he said, his voice angry and hurt.

"You do, Jack. That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to get upset or worry about me," she told him. He was moving closer to her all the while she was speaking, and Sam was backing up, her nervous agitation obvious to him.

"Sam, what happened on the mission that has you so upset?" She didn't answer, and he stepped into her personal space, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek. She flinched as his fingers touched her skin, and he pulled his hand back.

"Nothing! Now just go away and leave me alone!" But Jack was not about to leave her in this state, so he decided to take it slow and easy. Maybe he was being too pushy, he thought. He'd go slow. Yeah, he could go slow...for her.

"Sam come and sit on the sofa. Let's talk. Come on," he said, taking her hand and giving her a slight tug in that direction. She pulled her hand away, but followed him over to the little family room off her kitchen, where they sat on the sofa facing one another. He noticed that her knee had brushed his when they first sat down, and she scooted back so that their bodies were no longer touching at all. He thought it was odd that she was so sensitive to touch.

He had seen that symptom before in rape victims when he was in Guatemala. Guerrillas there had raped a village girl. When the American troops had arrived, the girl wouldn't allow them to touch her in any way because she was so traumatized by what had happened. So they had had to take her to a hospital in another area where there were female nurses who could treat her injuries.

Jack hoped it was his imagination, but Sam was exhibiting some symptoms of rape victims. Besides being sensitive to touch, she clearly was avoiding the truth, trying to pretend that nothing happened.

"Sam I think something awful happened to you on Denai, and you're trying to pretend it never happened. But Sam, pretending it never happened will not make the pain, anger and anxiety you're feeling go away. It will only get worse if you don't tell someone and face it!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jack. Nothing happened. I'm perfectly fine! I just need some time away from...everything!" She was fidgeting with her hand in her lap, constantly smoothing down her sweat pants over her thighs.

"Sam listen to me. I love you, and I am here to help you. I won't hurt you. You know that, don't you?" Jack slowly reached out and took hold of her hand, letting his hand rest on her thigh. She didn't pull away this time, and he was encouraged to try something else.

"Sam, I think you were raped by someone on Denai. Am I right?"

He was looking at her face, but she was staring at some point on the opposite wall, behind his head. Then slowly her eyes moved and focused on his, and a tear slid down her pale cheek. It was followed by many more tears as the dam burst and she cried freely, her chest heaving with great sobs. Jack held his other arm out to her and she moved quickly into his arms, wrapping hers around his waist. They sat like that for several minutes as she cried.

Suddenly she began to talk, the words partially muffled because her face was pressed into his shirt.

"I always thought I was too good a soldier to let someone take advantage of me. I was proud, arrogant and stupid, and look what it got me!"

"Shhhh! You are brave and talented and a very good soldier. I have a feeling that whoever did this had some help. Like maybe a drug?" She sat back and looked into his eyes.

"I think it was their alcoholic drink. I should have been more careful. I should have known that stuff was affecting me more than just a little alcohol. It was my own fault! He probably thought I wanted to..." She began to cry again, but this time the tears fell more slowly, and her nose had started to run. She got up and went to the little desk by the back wall, where she pull two tissues from a box.

Jack wasn't surprised by her reaction; he had heard that many women thought rape was their fault. He needed to get her to see the truth.

"Nah, not your fault, Sam. Anyone who would think that is an idiot!" He gently hugged her, but didn't press the issue, quickly releasing her.

"How about a cup of tea, Sam? I'll join you? Will you make some? And maybe some toast. I could use a bite to eat." She nodded and he sat quietly while she filled the tea kettle with water and put it on the back burner. She came over and sat with him, taking his hand in hers.

Sam smiled, and she felt better. Now if I can just find out what that guy used, he thought. Then he'd make sure his government knew and that the guy would pay for his crime! He knew there was a chance this could cause problems between the Denai and Earth, but he didn't give a rat's ass! Sam was the important issue here, and he'd do whatever it took to help her!

TBC