It had been going on for a month now. The same thing. Rowan had yet to wake up. Alec had healed after a week and a half of being in the Infirmary, but he still spent his time in the same chair he'd been in since he felt well enough to stand. He spent days, even nights just sitting in the chair, staring at the pale face of Rowan, barely breathing. Alec's depression came back to him, full force, when he woke and saw her like this. After everything they'd been through, neither of them got the chance to enjoy life. The infant slept soundly next to him in her swing. Alec had demanded that they leave her in the Infirmary, hoping that it might wake Rowan one day. He hoped maybe one day she would hear her crying and wake up. He could only hope. Hope was all he had left.

A hand gently touched his shoulder and Alec never bothered to look to see who it was. Magnus stood beside him, holding a cup of coffee and a bottle.

"You should eat something."

"Not hungry." Alec replied, taking the cup of coffee from him and setting the bottle on the bedside table for when Rowan's daughter woke from her slumber. He continued to stare at her pale face, sighing soflty.

He felt Magnus' hands go to his shoulders, lightly rubbing them between his palms. Alec wanted to shrug him off, but his aching muscles never gave him the chance to.

"Why don't you go and get something to eat? Clary's offered to watch over the two of them to let you get some fresh air." Magnus practically pleaded with the elder Lightwood to leave the chair that he had taken up residence in.

"I said I'm not hungry, Magnus." Alec said, his tone final.

Over the past month, Alec and Magnus had gotten closer, to a point where Magnus practically had to drag Alec away from Rowan's bedside, just so the young Shadowhunter could get some rest. It didn't happen very often, though. Alec was still as stubborn as ever. And tonight was no exception. His feelings for Magnus were like an oil spill; he'd let them overflow and now there wasn't a damn place in the ocean that wouldn't catch fire if he dropped a match. You never know when, and you never know who, but someday a stranger will burst through the door of your life and transform it utterly. The world will be turned upside down, and you will be happier for it. He and Magnus, they were in love, of the realest, truest kind. Well maybe some thought he wasn't, but Alec wasn't the type of person to go showing off his affection, other than to his sister or mother. Or Max. They were exceptions. He felt something he'd never felt before - but he had a sinking sensation that he recognized it anyway. He was pretty sure he felt like he was in love.

Magnus nodded and left the room without another word, shaking his head at Clary on his way out. There was one of his loneliness's coming, one of those times when he sat, aimless and depressed. It was a self-absorption with no comfort, a demand for expression with no outlet, a sense of time rushing by, ceaselessly and wastefully - assuaged only by that conviction that there was nothing to waste, because all efforts and attainments were equally valueless. Alec couldn't stop the thoughts from running through his mind, the thought of losing her to something as trivial as Death itself. He had no illusions about his addiction to her. She had her fingers sunk firmly into his heart, and could do with it what she wished.

In books or movies, people in Rowan's condition were either buried or stuffed into a glass coffin to await true love's kiss. It was her favorite thing in the world, Alec thought sadly. The trivial mundane fairy-tales. Despite her bad ass exterior, he knew Rowan longed to be protected, so she didn't have to protect herself, longed to be swept off her feet to a far away land, away from all the dangers of the world. Maybe she was better off there? Maybe, Alec thought, maybe she was better off in this state - away from the world, no worries, no problems. Maybe she was better off this way.

The point wasn't that you tried to live forever; the point was that you lived, and did everything you could to live well. The point was the choices you made and the people you loved.

A small cry came from the infant beside him. Alec looked down at her, the splitting image of mother and gently took her from her swing, settling her in the crook of his arm as he reached for the bottle. The small infant took it willingly and hungrily, sucking away at her heart's content. He remembered helping his mother feed Max when he was this little. It amazed him, how fast time went by when you least expected it.

Alec tilted his head to the side, to see who had come up behind him. The gentle touch of his mother's hand on his shoulder made him wish everyone would just leave him alone. He didn't know whether or not his best friend was going to live or die and all Alec wanted was peace to enjoy what little moments he had left to spend at her side. Instead, he had his family and friends bugging him every chance they got.

"She's beautiful." His mother smiled softly down at the infant, brushing her hand softly over the baby's head. So soft... so precious, she thought. "I remember when you were this little. You were cute at that age." She grinned at him when his gaze lifted toward her.

Jace, Clary and Izzy had all walked in. "Alec ..." Jace said as he stepped over to his parabatai and gently patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry. For thinking she was a traitor."

Alec looked up at him, nodding. "It's okay." He looked back down at the infant in his arms. "To be honest.. I knew of her for awhile. I tried to get Rowan to let me in.. and.." He paused, attempting to shove his emotions back into their cage. "We have to find Valentine. He has to pay for what he's done."

"We'll find him." Clary nodded, along with the other two.

"Why don't you go rest for a little bit?" His mother questioned. "You're eyes are bloodshot and you need to sleep, my son."

"We'll take turns watching over them. We'll come and get you if anything changes." Clary added, nodding between his mother and her.

"Come on, Alec." Jace pleaded with his brother.

Maryse wasted no time in taking the tiny infant from Alec's arms, where she was quiet and content. Jace had grabbed Alec's arm and pulled him up and out of the chair, Maryse taking Alec's seat as he did, so that Alec couldn't protest. His bones ached and longed for a peaceful night's rest, but Alec couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring himself to leave her side. Not after he had lost her the first time. Jace wrapped his arm around Alec's waist to steady him and, along with Izzy, they took Alec back to his room, promising they would come get him if something changed.

The walk to his room was a stressful one, Alec struggled with himself, struggled with the fact that he wanted to go back to Rowan. He wanted to call Magnus and beg him to do everything he could to wake the fallen shadowhunter. Jace must have sensed this, because he and Izzy tightened their grip on him as they practically dragged his to his room.

When they reached his room, Alec felt his muscles give out as he climbed into his bed, exhaustion taking over him. Unaware of how exhaust he was, Alec barely registered Jace and Izzy climbing into the bed on either side of him, keeping an eye on him. Izzy had taken Alec's hand and Jace took his other hand, letting him know that they were there for him silently, as exhaustion took hold over the older Lightwood and he drifted off into a slumber.


AN: My feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels. Holy crap, guys.