Summary:
The last time fragment is over. It's Tuesday. Max slowly begins to understand, that her missing time-travel powers make her slower, inferior and weaker. Kate and Dana are the first persons that Max tries to confide in. After so many things to keep track of, Max begins to write notes and thinks about a plan.
Chapter 09 – Benevolence
Theme Song: P.O.D. – Beautiful (Acoustic Version at SiriusXM)
I hear the shot inside the restrooms. Something has knocked me out, it smashed me to the ground. A warm feeling around my abdomen soaks through my t-shirt. Must've raged too hard, this time. Nathan keeps shouting at me while I can't move a fucking muscle. He shakes my shoulders and hence the warmth around my belly starts to feel so wet. Outside the restrooms I can hear students running away or screaming. Footsteps bang on the dirty tiled ground. Sounds like the cracking of porcelain. Small dust particles rise as I'm breathing out and they tickled my nose. My jaw slowly opens a little gap by itself and I feel blood slowly leaving from the tip of my tongue. I'm dying. No, open your damn eyes! Focus. Behind the very last stall, I suppose, there's a poor little girl hiding. Oh my, I've just recognize her. The silhouette, her outline. I knew it once! Nathan walks in circles and paces back and forth with his hands waving about. I wouldn't recognize his shitface, after all. But I know the poor girl hiding and crying... an old friend and she came back? C'mon wake up! Get your fucking ass up!
Shit, I destroyed too much with my sharp tongue. The door behind me bangs open. Whatever girl is hiding behind that stall, I won't ever find out who she is. I've got some spare minutes left to think… or maybe seconds. The back of my head tingles… Rachel? Is that… I feel your closeness again? Searching for so long and now you're here? You are not dead, you've just abandoned me like anyone else. Among the blur that my eyes perceive, it is hard to understand what's going on. I guess, I see stepprick heard the shot and has entered the restrooms eventually. He kneels down to check my heartbeat, which I can still hear and feel concurrently. Very weak but… I'm still there. Come on, David! Hurry up! I'm still among the living… I'm not there for you maybe- ah shit, I dunno. Teardrops, I can hear them thumping really loud because my ear is pressed tightly to the ground. Tip, tap, tip, tap... someone's here and really sad. From my forehead, some strands of my blue hair slide down and cover my vision. The blur becomes narrower. My eyesight is surrounded by some sort of dark aura. Hell, get me out of here! I've got so much to live for. Rachel's voice? I can hear her again. The clear sound of her voice never was so close. I'm between two worlds. One of them is moving slower and slower and the other world becomes more and more audible. All this while I hear tears crashing on the ground like raindrops. Since my eyes are tinder-dry, I'm sure it's the poor girl's tears which are falling. The rainmaker's solace. David do something! He… he decides to grab Nathan instead. What are you doing? Stop it, I'm… bleeding out here.
The dark circle around my vision grows bigger. Fuck no. I can't hear anymore. The world is muted. My eyes become wearier. I'm leaving. I guess, I'll enter hell, or what? It's dark. I'm alone. I can neither hear nor see a thing. Just give me something… anything that would be great. What is this? My eyes reopen just a tiny bit. Back inside the world where Nathan apparently had shot me. A blue butterfly leaves this place. The quick flutters and blue appearance makes me sad. For only once I wish, I could've changed one thing in my life. Nothingness… everything is over. My thoughts remain. I hear someone's breath. He says my name. William! Where are you? Dad! Why can't I speak. I'm only sensing his presence. My way to hell with you? Please, never leave me again! Dad?! Dad!
I hear an accident. Squealing wheels and a crash…
Oh shit! Another hallucination. I hear a truck honking in the far distance. I'm in the shower. I'm in our dorms and I'm okay. I can barely hold my balance steadily. Jesus, my mind has gone too far this time. It can't be that I blackout evermore and forget where I was. I mean, what the hell? What was that? I relived Chloe's death and… and her thoughts, too. Were those her final thoughts? I can't trust this shit. I'm certain, that the Real-Max's feelings are slowly seeping through and reach my mind. Strange… all other visions I had were… like… very future oriented but inside of my head. However, this one felt so recent and true. Just as if it has happened in a fraction of a second. Worst thing of all, I remember the feeling of the cold bullet inside her abdomen. I want to go back to you, Chloe. Damn I miss you. For crying out loud, what is wrong with me?
The self-written tattoos aren't that easy to remove. I think that it's better to wait for them to fade. Grr, they just don't want to go away that easy. Hmm yes, the warm water feels so good around my skin. I could use my next 'mental enema' after this shitty vision – still need a better name for this – but this warm shower, too, does a great job of massaging my head. Suddenly I hear something squeaking. Someone uses the faucet and washes their face. My water stops immediately. The acoustic level in the bathroom fell to zero. I hear someone's breath. She utters a sigh.
"Hey! Water?" I nag quietly behind the curtain from my shower stall. Just at the same time, I've heard Kate clearing her throat and splashing some water in her face. "Max?" Kate startles and turns the faucet again. Cold water shoots from above and spreads all over my skin. The ice-cold water makes me cringe and shiver instantly. I stop the water and grab my towel. I'm as clean as a new pin. Wrapping it around my naked body, I can see all the bones even through the towel itself. Ribs, thorax, collar bone… ulna and radius in my arms. Creepy, even in the deepest gaps between my bones are hidden notes. Well, they all describe the same. But, something catches my eye. A written note on my heel of the hand. Instead of tightening the towel around my torso, I decide to contemplate the note. "The red miracle" it reads. My half-tightened towel slowly slips to the bottom and drops on the tiled ground. Kate opens the curtain, although I'm entirely naked. "God, I'm so… you look… miserable." I lower my hand and see Kate dropping her gaze to the ground. Ashamed. Yeah, I know I've been better sweetheart. I take my towel off the ground and rub my hair with it. I don't give a damn that she sees me like… this. Kate doesn't move at all. From what I can tell, she's thinking about something to cheer me up. Yet, the look of my skeleton body seemed to have stunned her ability to speak. I grab my chicks tee off the hook and squeeze myself into it. Wow, it's so damn big. 'Squeezing' is the wrong word for this. No surprise, Max. Kate looks at me again and tries to speak,
"Max, I-. We really need to talk, okay?" I didn't except that kind of an answer. "What is it?" I ask her. "I'm sorry for…" she waves about a little to buy some time, "this here… it's still early in the morning and I want to ask you, if you wanna hang out at a better place, later?" Early in the morning, she says? What? I fell asleep… like four hours ago, no shit! "What time is it?" I'm curious. Kate quickly answers me, "Eight o'clock in… about a minute. Look, I don't-" – "It's 8am?" Really? Wasn't that the same time, when I woke up? Time really fucks my life. "Yes, we're still in the morning. And after yesterday's incident there're no classes at Blackwell. So, rise and shine… and get away from here." – "How did I get here, then?" I ask her while leaving the shower stall. I grab my toothbrush from my bag and start brushing my teeth. Kate has won some energy and talks normally, now.
"You, denied medical treatment. And they let you go at own risk… that's that," Kate answers. So that's why I woke up here instead of the psychiatry? It was that easy? I think that Dr. Jacoby wasn't in charge of me. I guess the Prescott family hasn't found a suspect for Nathan's suicide, yet. Or was I just brought inside a regular hospital? Forget it! Before I deduce the wrong things, I should take care of myself. "Kate, I'll hang out with you, later, aight?" I try to smile. Dang, I feel the pain and contort my face. I can't smile right now, although I'm trying. Kate realizes my attempt to crack a smile. She almost bumps into me and hugs me tightly. Urgh, she really got some strength in her arms. But it's wonderful being back and feeling her gained strength.
I glance at Victoria. She's leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom. I can't trust my eyes. She has marks on her right arm. Has she cut herself? What happened to her? She's pissed as is well known. I can prove it… because I know her pissed off face well enough. "Stupid bitches," she says really angrily and pulls her sleeve down until her red lines disappear. "What's the matter, this time?" Kate confronts her. Victoria doesn't respond and walks away. Kate scratches her head confused and turns back to me, "Drama queens… I think it happened a lot to us, recently." – "Where do you even want to hang out?" I want to know. "Get dressed and meet me at the entrance of the boys' dorm," Kate answers, "And Max…?" – "Hmm?" Kate takes a deep breath, "Please open the door if someone wants to help and be there for you, alright?" I don't answer her. What shall I say? With a mild smile, she turns around and leaves. She stops, ponders a little and talks while leaving the bathroom, "We will make friends with the new student from abroad."
So, it's 8am and I had two very long visions. One of them was terrifying and the other one soothing. The terrifying vision was sadly realistic, whereas the soothing vision was undoubtedly akin to a sweet dream. If only I had some control over the things that I have to see or endure. Well, I spit out the frothy tooth paste and rinse out my mouth. As I raise my head to look into the blotchy mirror, I see that somebody has written with lipstick onto the glass. Phew, luckily not a link. What does it read?
STAY AWAY MAX
No link but nonetheless a threat against me. Stay away from what? Sanity? I leave the bathroom and try to avoid eye contact with anybody. Just stare to the ground and get back to Maximus-Abyss. It's all gonna be fine there. I open the door to my room, when something new has caught my eye. Someone was here and erased the gossip on my slate. It reads something different,
I'm stronger than all of you!
And with another color somebody else has written a little slant,
I'm feeling guilty for what happened to you.
Uhm, that's nice. Two guys apparently do care about me. I enter my room with a better feeling in my gut. It's very dark in here. I walk towards the windows. And… God said, there'll be light. I open the blinds until the dusty dirty glass becomes visible. Argh, God's light is always painful. At least my eyes are better in adapting to the light, now. Wow, I just see, Kate and I really tidied up my room, yesterday. And after my return from the hospital, I obviously had redone my rage, but some stuff is still tidied and untouched. I should grab my clothes and give Chloe a call. Shit, even my wardrobe is a damn mess. I don't know what's used or fresh. Ah shucks, let's get into my daily lame-ass outfit. Jeans, tee and boring jacket. And a quick look on my phone. Where's Chloe's number? I thought I had asked her for the number of hers. Who are those people? That's not my contact list? I use the number from the most recent messages, to call her back. She almost picks up immediately,
"God Max, where are you? I'm waiting here at our windmill," – "Chloe, how did you get my number? I thought it was I, who saved your number." I want to find out. "You passed out while talking to Joyce, at the table. Then… I just… swapped our phones. I knew that something was going to change. Max please, don't leave me alone here." So, oh yeah… this isn't my phone. And since she knows her own number she simply wrote the messages to herself from my phone. "Max, are you there?" oh man, I forgot that I don't have all time in the world. "Chloe… I'll try to convince Kate and bring her with," I try to explain. I think, the more friends the merrier it'll be. Kate is a blessing - a good soul - and Chloe my significant other. "So how long will it take?" she asks. "About two hours. Chloe, I don't know what exactly is going on, again. I need to find myself." I hope she understands, it'll-, "Okay, as long as you do this, I'll get something from our house. Maybe Joyce remembers anything or has the slightest idea, what has happened. Trust me, I'll tell you everything that happened." Strange, I can't finish my thoughts? She interrupts me… what's the problem? "You hear me Max?" Chloe waits for her answer. "Eh… yeah, sure thing!" I try to keep up. "You sound stressed and down… Please, don't forget me, alright?" She hangs up fast. Seems, as if I've really lost all my old feeling about time. Being superior.
Yesterday… Monday… what has happened there? I tried to get my answers on what had happened to William. And Joyce needed some time to answer. However, I never heard her answer because I had left this world, shortly afterwards. The unholy time fragment thingy, in which I had to brutally murder Chloe, and she her dad. My, this is painful to remember. Phew, it was just a time fragment, nothing important or real. Get your shit together.
After all, I really want to know what my taste in music has changed to. I step to my bookshelves and inspect. "The Notwist" oh yeah. Great band but never thought I would own some of their albums. "Frames" okay I skip "In Via" for my mind's sake. What else do we have here. Gee, I remember nothing of it. Where is "Alt J" or all the other albums I've been keeping with me over the years? "Muse" and almost all their albums are collected and stacked. Whew, not now for my mind's sake. Oh, cool. "Bonobo with Animal Magic" I knew some songs but never thought that I might own an album within an alternate reality.
Dana stands in the doorway and knocks quietly. I wouldn't have heard her, if it hadn't been dead silence inside my room, all the time. She doesn't speak, so I look at her and hope that helps. "Hey, Max," God, how did she…? I remember her crying on the floor when Nathan killed himself, but she definitely has changed, too. And I mean, not good. She looks abysmal and I know that she might feel abysmal just as much. Her face looks deadly pale and she by herself looks so-, "Max?" she interrupts my thoughts. I can't think right now, my life isn't under control of rewind-powers, anymore.
I quickly catch up, "Sorry Dana, I didn't mean to-" – "Two grumpy bozos snooped around and walked into your room," Dana answers bummed. I have a look around. Well, it's still a mess, but. Oh shit, they grabbed my laptop. My bag is still there, for some reason. I try to speak to her, again, "Look Dana, you wanna hang out… and do some cool stuff?" Good grief! I'm worse without my powers than ever. "I just want to tell you. Because, there's no one else whom you could trust. I'm sorry," she walks away. Sounds like she doesn't make much use of her voice, just like Evan has mentioned. Albeit, he had me in his mind. Anyhow, the same clearly applies to Dana. Oh man, if I had my normal powers, I'd try to brighten her mood. Poor thing. I watch her walking back to her dorm room. My goodness, she can't even walk straight or, even less upright. At the same time, I see both Taylor and Courtney waiting in front of Victoria's door. Still enslaved, right? Yup, here are things that never ever change.
I pace back to my desk. Yeah, they stole my laptop, but for what purpose? Just when I think about it, I've totally forgotten what I've seen, after I escaped the last time fragment. It shocked me and it concerned Nathan and I. But what? Whomever they may give my laptop… or perhaps they just stole it to make some money with it. I don't like any of it. Maybe I should ask Kate. She knew a lot about the vortex-party. It could also be that there were more than only one vortex-club event. I should turn 'vortex-party' into its own bad joke. 'Cortex-Party', because I remember jack shit! I suppose, Nathan had drugged me and tried some disgraceful things with me. While I'm trying to get everything together, I just realize that I can't receive messages by my parents, any longer. Oh… I must get to Chloe. But I don't want to leave Kate behind.
Hey, if I can't use my diary to write my memories down, I can still use my skin. The messages will fade and aren't existent, once I'm back in 2015. Still, I must set a high priority to my mental condition. Do merry things, period! I grab my bag, look inside and find the polaroid from the burning horizon and my camera. Alright, where is my diary. Look around, Max. Oh, right next to Lisa. Teddy's head lays near the diary. Sigh, maybe I should take him to Kate and ask her, if she knows someone to fix it. If I can't cuddle with Chloe at night, why not him? I pick his head up and search for the body in this mess. Wowser, I've just realized how much things are piled up randomly. Oh… ye, I see his leg showing up under my dirty clothes. Gotcha, my friend. Holding his head and body in both my hands makes me sick. What has this place become? Everything worked out without Kate or Chloe being endangered. Now, it's my Teddy and Nathan who bit the dust. And when I'm just thinking about my childhood… it was so much luck that I had survived swallowing Teddy's eye up. If the door to my room had been closed, things would be different… very different. I give my old friend a tight hug. I feel his gratitude. What do you mean, old friend? You wan'a hug again? Come here, we will fix you and soon, everything is going to be fine. I stuff him into my bag and close it.
I leave my room and receive a message on my… - I mean - Chloe's phone. Unknown Number says, "we know you were part of the vortex-club incident. we know your stepdad in charge of security. we know you. don't fuck with us!" Oh, shit! Chloe is interconnected with Nathan and me? I cannot believe this crap but now let's get to Kate. Chloe's phone shows 8:30am. Enough time to increase sanity.
-
A chime echoes in my head. I feel how I change the position.
-
I've got a bad headache. Yet, I can still feel my recently cleaned body. At least, something. I'm lying on my couch. Dressed in my tee with chicks on it. The blinds are closed all over. I think, I get the feeling of this. The stereo is turned on and runs… uhm, I don't know this song. I watch to my left to the stereo and look at the description displayed on the tiny screen. It's too small. Must get up and walk towards the display. It reads "P.O.D. with Beautiful" and seems to be an acoustic version. I never listened to them. Who are they even? I jump back onto my couch and draw a huge breath. At this moment I wish, the strings on my guitar aren't cut. I could back this nice song. I can pick out A-major, already. Oh man, why's my guitar wrecked? Everything turned to shit. But, I can certainly tell that I can't waste more of my precious time. Fine, let's get some shit done! The soft blueish glow around the stereo's display is enough to find my way through the messy room. I grab a pen while getting the blinds open again. Wow, I don't know where I got this song but it surely deserves a second run. Whatever, I start writing on my right arm:
-dana sad
-pulse-powers
-letters of despair
-how i leave hospital?
-chloe at vortex-party
-kate vortex-party
-student from abroad
-william (what happened?)
-windmill?
-red miracle?
-visions of other lives
-other's thoughts
Okay, so far so good. As yet, this is all what I can remind myself of. I'm also going to master my ciphering skills to write all this into the diary with no negative consequences for 2015. Oh my, I totally forgot to mention the most important one:
-burning horizon
Still I must find out its meaning and purpose. It was Chloe who took the photograph and pinned it on her wall inside a time fragment. Outside a time fragment - as far as I can tell - I've got no immediate control over anybody or anything. Except for my own stuff like the diary and specific polaroid images and maybe still time travelling. For instance, the "Fire Walk with me" image was a specialty. I'm inspecting it, at the moment and I am slumped, yet again. Despite it's still there, I utterly disappeared from the mirror's reflection. I don't understand. What about my first selfie from Jefferson's class? Oh well, if the polaroid wasn't sucked up into so much blood, I could tell whether I was still on there. Shit this polaroid is absolutely useless. I toss it away.
Wait a minute, I think, I took another selfie on the hallway. Yeah, I've found it in my bag. It still exists. Although, no matter how hard I try to change something, people and obstacles remain the same throughout the day. On the next day, my choices seem to have taken effect. And it all depends whether or not I'm able to break the afore mentioned day's sordid rules. Monday was the most gruesome experience, thus far. Jefferson's disgraceful way of strangling me is beyond anything I've ever experienced. Although I hate this piece of shit to death, I wonder what had happened to him after the police had taken him in. Imprisoned beyond any doubt!
So, some things do make sense and are rather comprehensible. But the photograph of the burning horizon is amazing but… senseless. I was able to take it with me and keep it up to here, whereas my self-taken picture from the time fragment has never been printed in this reality. Remember? The floating roof stuck in mid-air because that's how time fragments rule? I take a longer note beneath my upper arm next to the 'burning horizon' note:
-Chloe's polaroid real - not mine
Just at the same time, I look at my wall of photos near the bed and could cry instantly. The floating roof image is placed at the ceiling. How? No wait, I understand. Now it all makes sense. This makes my last note redundant. I can scratch it through. Apparently, I must fight against the Real-Max, whom I will meet in the psychiatry, later again. It gives me the feeling that I'm not supposed to be here. This would actually explain the Real-Max's negative attitude against me. The song on the stereo has finished. I turn it off. Meanwhile I can see the album from P.O.D. added on my bookshelf. "Murdered Love" along with six new strings for my guitar. Murdered love is beyond true. 'Beyond true' in another reality but not here. Sweet, the new guitar strings can only have been Kate's doing. I would believe her since I trust nobody else on this weird Tuesday morning.
I form my hand into a fist and I concentrate. I wish so much to find out all this, in an instant. No searching, no being nosy, no snooping around, no nothing. I want to be with the people I love and…
I pulse through time again. I don't feel any pain, there is no humming of the whales, nothing.
I'm into someone's dorm room and my clothing hasn't changed. The blur has disappeared and I see both Kate and the student from abroad crystal clear. Kate hugs him and rests with her head on his big chest. He smiles and pets her shoulder. Her necklace sways, the golden cross spins slowly. They both haven't noticed me, yet. The student from abroad talks quietly to her, "Although I can't help you out, I want to say thank you." – "Thank you? Are you kidding? You understand how horrible this is?" Kate rejects his cuddle for a moment. "Oh, I didn't... I didn't mean to…" he gives in. "It's okay, it's just… this makes me so anxious. And you've never seen me being desperate!" she deescalates their conversation. True words Kate, I know how desperate you can possibly be. How can't they spot me? It's just the same. The same like in Nathan's room, before he ended himself. He didn't react neither to Chloe's nor Evan's nor my presence. It must have something to do with the pulsing. Kate gives him a bear hug again and says, "Thanks for giving her new guitar strings. I want to see her smiling again. How did she react?" the guy smirks as he hears her question. Oh man, he's so creepy. "No problem, I do this for us, of course. She's said nothing because she was… eh sleeping. So, I decided to turn on some music and play some of… my music I wanted to borrow her." Kate looks up to him. Damn, she's like a minion next to him. "Why did you do that?" she wants to know from him. He reacts calm, "I think it's great to wake up to music. That's all." To be honest, what he has just said was even creepier than me waking up to his music and being confused where all the stuff on my bookshelf came from.
"I wanted to say 'thank you'… because you were there for me when… when-… everyone else was partying or clubbing. I needed someone, so much. You've took me… up… here and made the stay at Blackwell possible. I didn't expect this much shit to happen, though. God appreciates this. I'm sure," the German finishes his interrupted initial thought. He stammers a tad. I think, Kate concerned reaction has unsettled him. His English has suffered the same. But Kate chuckles, "Don't be nervous. I'm just worried. She's been through some real shit, y'know? I should've taken care of her at the party…" Oh my, none of you has any idea… sigh. She stops embracing him and says, "Excuse me for being such a mess right now. Shit's hitting the fan everywhere I go. I'll head to the boys' dorm entrance and meet her. Wait here, okay?" – "Fine."
I'm afraid of moving a muscle and blow my cover. I'm confused that my time-pulse neither hurt nor made a painful sound. The student from abroad walks towards me. I notice that I'm standing in front of his window. Obviously, he looks right through me and talks to himself. "The world needs more of you, Kate," he quietly says to himself. Fuck, he's not what I remember. Another damn hypocrite. Fucking pretender. You won't hurt Kate, I swear to you, asshole! He leans a bit forwards. I've almost moved my hand to slap his face, but it seems as if he just stares into the woods through the window. Then he says something that made cringe me a little, "What does 'shit hit the fan' mean?" Got an easy answer for you: the person right in front of me.
