a/n: I'm the worst! I'm so sorry. Life has been quite busy. I'm studying full time and it's a pretty intense workload, and I'm working, and trying to maintain something that looks like a social life. Plus this chapter is quite revealing and I wanted to be happy with it before I posted it. It's still not perfect, but I also feel really bad about not having updated for such a long time.
When Kurt woke up the next morning he felt dazed and confused and for the longest time he couldn't work out why.
And then he did.
Lydia. His little girl Lydia had shown up at his father's front door last night in tears, because… Blaine was engaged.
That part of the fact shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. He and Blaine were over. They had been for a very, very long time, despite the fact it still felt like only yesterday he'd pushed Blaine out of his life and watched him walk away. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't know how to do this. He didn't know what the next step was. He knew what would be fair and right to do, but… that involved seeing Blaine. And he wasn't sure how he was supposed to handle that. He didn't feel ready for that.
Reluctantly Kurt pulled himself out of bed. A coffee would help him wake up and clear his head. He walked down stairs to the kitchen, where his was already sitting at the table with a steaming hot coffee and newspaper in front of him.
'You know, I think you're one of the only people in the world left still reading the printed newspaper.' He said lightly, maybe he could manage to steer the conversation away from the twin issue at hand.
'That tablet thing you got me for my birthday hurts my eyes after too long.' Burt grunted.
'You get used to it.' Kurt sighed, grabbing a mug and pouring himself coffee.
'So are you going to bring it up or will I?' Burt asked after a moment of silence.
Kurt sighed and sat down at the table across from his father. 'I screwed up.' He said.
'Yep.' Burt decided to be blunt.
'I… I officially have no idea what I'm doing anymore.' He admitted.
'I'm not going to tell you what to do.' Burt said standing up and placing his empty mug in the sink. 'But I hope you make the right decision.'
Kurt knew what the right decision was. He just didn't want to do it, as much as he knew he had to. He'd be happy to send Lydia home (with a promise that she'd come a visit when she could) and not see Blaine, not mention to Blaine, and keep the secret of the girls knowing between the three of them. But that wouldn't be fair.
He waited until the girls got up in their own time, and shared with them what was going to happen. He was going to drive the three of them back to Lydia's place, and explain to Blaine exactly what happened. The full story. And from there... Well, it was anything goes.
Kurt sincerely hoped Blaine would understand that they couldn't separate the two girls again, ever. And hoped that between them they'd be able to come up with some sort of plan of how to approach everything. They were both mature adults, slowly approaching 40 and they could sort it out. Kurt could stand to see his ex for a few minutes every few weeks if it meant his daughters were happy. He could do that. For them… only for the girls.
The drive felt extremely long, the stretches of highway went on forever, until finally they were at the turn off and navigating through back streets and large properties. As soon as they pulled up to the large house on acreage, it felt like the drive had gone by far too quickly. Kurt shut off the engine and tool a few deep breaths. He could do this.
'Um, dad, are you ok?' Grace asked.
'What? I'm fine. I... Ok, let's do this.' he said. He opened the door and got out of the car before he could think twice about what he was doing.
The girls quickly followed him, Lydia took the lead to the front door and had the liberty to knock, instead of just barging in.
The door swung open about five seconds later.
Kurt's heart fell right down to his stomach. Blaine was... Blaine looked... His hair was left wild. Gone was the gel trap he'd kept it in for years, and the curls bounced off his forehead in a ridiculous manner that suited him better than words Kurt could find. He was slightly scruffy, it looked as though he'd opted out of shaving for a couple of days and Kurt wondered if this was a usual look for him, or just for the holidays. He was a little bulkier with more muscle now, not quite as thin and lithe as Kurt remembered him, and the navy blue shirt he was wearing clung ever so slightly to his muscular frame. Making Kurt swallow hard as he took it all him.
Kurt wouldn't have been able to speak even if he tried as he realised that the entire drive he'd been hoping that maybe Blaine had lost his charming good looks over the years. But he hadn't. Instead he looked better than ever, even with slightly red, tired looking eyes. And Kurt hated him a little for it.
'Lydia, oh my God.' Blaine enveloped his daughter in a tight hug, taking no heed of the others before him. 'I was so worried about you.'
'It was only one night.' Lydia said, her voice muffled by Blaine's chest, which she was pulled tightly against. 'And I was with good people.'
'I don't care, I don't know them. You have no idea how panicked I've been. Lydia, no matter how upset you are you can't just go running off to a strange family I've never met.'
'Actually...' Lydia pulled herself away from her father. 'You kind of do know them.'
It was only then Blaine paid attention to who had come to drop her off. His gaze first landed on Grace, a look of confusion crossed his face, before his eyes flicked up to Kurt.
If Kurt had been nervous before it was nothing compared to now. Blaine's rich, hazel eyes stared right into his, and Kurt could see him trying to process everything and struggling. He said the only thing that came to his mind.
'Surprise.'
'I...' Blaine started and stopped. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it. It didn't work. 'How?'
'It's a long story.' Lydia said. 'You should probably invite them in.'
'Right.' he nodded. 'Right. Mason.' he said as a look of horror crossed his face. 'I... Living room, I have to take care of something really quick.'
Lydia looked back at Grace and Kurt and shrugged. She led them into the living room of the house while Blaine disappeared elsewhere. The three of them sat in a heavy silence and waited.
Blaine walked straight into the kitchen and took a deep, shaky breath. His heart was beating at a million miles an hour.
Was this what a panic attack felt like? His breathing become shallower and shallower and his hands were shaking something fierce.
Kurt.
Kurt was in his living room.
Right now. Kurt Hummel sat in his living room.
And not alone.
No. Kurt was with their two daughters. The both of them. Lydia and Grace were in his living room and…
Wow. He didn't remember breathing being so difficult.
And dammit why did Kurt have to look so good?
He was dressed casually, in tight jeans, and a plain knit jumper. But his legs were just as long, his eyes just as bright… and looking at Kurt again for the first time in fourteen years made Blaine feel like he was drowning.
Several moments later he'd calmed down a bit more and was able to focus on the task at hand. Kurt. Girls. Mason.
Mason.
In a panic Blaine raced up the stairs, where Mason was, hopefully, still lying in bed (he wasn't exactly an early riser). He slowed down as he reached his room, and sure enough Mason was lying there, on his back, his phone in his hands, proper up on his chest as he scrolled through something. Blaine knocked quietly announcing his presence.
'Morning sleepy.' He said.
Mason looked up from his phone and over at Blaine, grinning when he saw him.
'Hey.' He sat up. 'What's up?'
'Uh… Lydia has returned.'
'Good. Good. That's… I'm glad she's returned.'
'Yeah… well, there are some things we need to sort out, it can't really wait and I think that… maybe it would be better if you left for now.'
'Oh… are you sure?' Mason asked. 'I mean, I am your fiancé… maybe I should start to get to know your daughter.'
'I want you to. But, not under these circumstances. I know my daughter; it could get a little ugly.'
Mason frowned. 'In what way?'
Blaine sighed and sat down on the bed. 'Just in the… maybe let me handle the teenage daughter stuff for now kind of way. I know this whole debacle has been over, well, us and I think it's going to be easier to talk to her without you here.' He wondered, briefly, if he should tell Mason the truth, and tell him about Grace and Kurt. But considering he was still trying to wrap his head around things himself he chose against it. He'd deal with it all later.
'Ok… so, I guess I'll go into town for the day and come back later.'
Blaine bit his lip.
'Tomorrow?' Mason asked, his eyebrows raised. 'Blaine, hon, we're engaged. Your problems are my problems.'
Blaine nodded. 'You're right. Yeah. But… Lydia is my daughter, and that makes this solely my problem, for now.'
'Fine.' Mason sighed. 'I'll get dressed, go home and see you tomorrow.'
'Thank you, Mase.'
'You're welcome.' Mason said rolling his eyes. He got out of bed, and walked around to Blaine's side and kissed him softly on the lips. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'
'And Mase,' Blaine said.
'Yeah?'
'Please use the back door.'
'Fine. I love you.'
Blaine nodded, swallowing thickly. Right now, with Kurt sitting in his living he couldn't… he tried, but he couldn't.
'You too.' He managed to get out instead.
x x x
The three of them sat in the living room in silence.
Kurt's palms were sweating. He couldn't think of a time he'd ever been so anxious.
Fourteen years and three months. That was how long it had been since he saw Blaine.
Fourteen years… god that was a long time.
He was sure that he'd thought about Blaine every single day since they split up. Every time he looked at Grace he was reminded of Lydia, and was then reminded of Blaine.
The man he'd planned to have a family with long, long ago.
Instead they'd both ended up with broken fragments of what could have been.
'Hey…' Blaine slowly walked into the room, and all three heads turned to him.
Kurt took a deep breath to steady himself as Blaine took a seat in an empty armchair.
'So…' Blaine said. 'I think I need to be caught up.'
'Yeah… yeah.' Kurt nodded. 'I think that… yeah…'
Grace and Lydia exchanged glances, they wore identical looks of exasperation.
'Maybe we should start.' Grace said tentatively.
Blaine turned his gaze to her. 'Grace?'
She nodded.
His face turned a little softer 'I can't believe how grown up you are. Look at you, you're practically an adult.'
'Ok, let's not get ahead of ourselves.' Kurt said quickly. 'She's still a child. Both of them are.'
'Dad, I'm fifteen, I'm hardly a little kid.' Grace huffed indignantly.
'So, anyway, it all started on our first day at Dalton.' Lydia interrupted quickly, she was eager to get back on topic, because it was about time she heard a good explanation for why they'd done what they'd done.
'Right, yes.' Grace said. 'Day one, people kept mixing us up.'
They explained their story, how they both resented the other, the fight they'd had (which after hearing Blaine decided he was going to tell the Dalton faculty he didn't appreciate not being made aware when his daughter was physically assaulted, even if it was by the girl who turned out to be her twin sister), the photo Grace had had (which after hearing Kurt raised an eyebrow at... he had no idea where she'd even found it), discovering who they were, switching the first time...
'Wait, so... the last weekend you were home,' Blaine looked at Lydia. 'It was actually you, Grace?'
'Guilty as charged.'
'God. No wonder you were so upset last night.' Blaine was looking at his daughter again. 'I told you I was marrying someone you'd never met before. I'm so sorry Lydia. If I'd had know I would've-'
'Unbelievable.' Lydia muttered.
'What was that?'
'I said, unbelievable. As is, I cannot believe what you just said.'
'Lydia, I- what do you mean?'
'What would you have done if you'd known? Waited until Christmas to tell me? Because newsflash, meeting a dude once is not enough to know them. Even if it had been me home that weekend he'd still be virtually a stranger to me, and you just want... you me to welcome him into my life with open arms? It's not going to happen. Is that why you shipped me off to boarding school? So I wasn't in the way of your love life anymore? Because right now, I think we can see there was a perfect solution for that, that wouldn't eat away at your precious money. You could have sent me to Kurt to live with him and Grace.'
Blaine looked like he'd been slapped in the face. Her stared at Lydia, completely stunned at her outburst. For a moment he had no words. No clue what to say.
'Um... Grace, Lydia, why don't you two go... somewhere else?' Kurt cut in quickly. 'Just... I don't know, go and occupy yourselves for a while. I'm sure you can do that.'
'Ok...' Grace said softly, standing up. 'Come on Lyd, you were talking about the horses and I didn't get to see them last time.'
'Fine, whatever.' Lydia stood up and stalked off, Grace quickly followed her, leaving Kurt and Blaine, for the first time in almost fifteen years, alone.
'So... is this part where you tell me it was a mistake to trust me to be a father?' Blaine asked bitterly.
Kurt smiled softly and shook his head. 'No. Not at all. It's the part where I tell you, you look really good.'
Blaine looked up from the ground. His eyes met Kurt's and his stomach swooped, just like it always had when he looked at him. Blaine sort of resented the fact that even after all this time Kurt still had that affect on him.
'So... so do you.' He said. 'Really... you... you look really good.'
'Thank you Blaine.'
Another moment of the two of them staring at each other passed. Kurt cleared his throat.
'Um... I got the girls out of the room because I thought you should be made aware of how Lydia is feeling, and I... I kind of get the sense that she's not going to willingly offer up the information to you.'
'Ok...'
'She um, she told me she feels like she's a second thought to you.'
'What?'
'She said that she doesn't feel like you really care, and... I think she was really hurt that you didn't ask her first what she thought of Mason, and you bringing him into your lives in such a way. I'm not pretending I know anything about your relationship with her, this is just what she told me. I know you love her, unconditionally, because that's just the sort of man you are. But I don't think she knows it.'
Blaine ran his hands through his hair, clearly distressed. 'And I suppose you're just winning father of the year right?'
'No, Blaine that's not-'
'I mean, you must be. You have a great relationship with your daughter, so great that mine is running to you for help. I bet you're loving this so much.'
'No. I'm not loving this at all actually. I'm not loving that ourdaughter's took months to tell us they knew about each other. I'm not loving that last night Lydia came to my door in tears because you're getting married. I don't love it at all. I hate all of this. This whole situation.'
Blaine sighed. 'Sorry, I just... I have no idea what to do. I never do. I'm not cut out for raising a kid. It was fine when it was just feed her, change her, get her to sleep... but now... I know nothing about girls, especially teenage ones. I don't know how to communicate with her, there's like this giant wall and, the worst part about it is that you were right.'
'About what?' Kurt dared to asked.
'You should have taken them both in the first place.'
'Don't say that.' Kurt said. 'Don't you ever say that.'
'You did.'
'I was angry. But even through that I saw that both of them meant the world to you, and I knew that it would break you if you never saw them again.'
'But I...'
'But nothing Blaine. You are a good father, I know that. Lydia's a great kid. Granted, I've only known her for a handful of hours… but she is a great kid.'
'I've regretted splitting them every day since the moment I left New York.' Blaine admitted softly.
'Me too.'
'Aw, how sweet.' A voice came for the doorway.
Kurt and Blaine both looked over to see the girls watching them.
'It turns out I'm a little bit afraid of horses.' Grace said.
'And we were wondering if we could get an explanation for this whole thing.' Lydia said, stepping into the room, with Grace just behind her.
'After all, it is us you split and... we think we deserve to know why. Who knows when we'll get the two of you in the same room again?'
Kurt and Blaine glanced at each other.
'They have a right to know.' Blaine said.
Kurt sighed. 'I know... I know they do, I just... don't really like thinking about it.'
x x x
2018
'Aren't they just the cutest babies you ever saw?' Blaine asked. The two cribs were side by side, and both girls stared up at him with wonder in their eyes as they slowly took in their surroundings.
'Adorable.' Kurt said. 'They're perfect.'
'They have your eyes.' Blaine said fondly, tearing his gaze away from them and looking at Kurt. 'I love you.'
'I love-
Kurt was cut off by an all too familiar beeping noise. 'Sorry, I have to take this.' He took his phone out of his pocket and answered the call on his way out of the room.
Blaine sighed. At least, for now, he had the two little angels before him to keep his mind off things while Kurt worked insane hours. He couldn't wait for Kurt to get the promotion he was after.
2 Months later
It had been building up for some time for Blaine, where Kurt was at, he didn't know. But this was the first time they'd been alone together since the twins were born (Rachel had agreed to baby-sit them for the night) and Kurt still had his phone glued to his ear.
'Kurt... Kurt!'
'Hold on a moment Gloria,'' Kurt covered the mouth piece of the phone and glared at Blaine. 'What?'
'This was supposed to be a night for just the two of us. Not the two of us and your entire workplace.'
'I'll be five minutes and then I'm done for the night.'
'Right, like the last five times you said that.' Blaine muttered as Kurt returned to his phone call.
Blaine sighed and began to eat his pasta, knowing it would probably have cooled down completely by the time Kurt was done if he chose to wait. It had been the same old, constant story of late. There were moments where Blaine actually forgot that he was married, that he had a husband. Because Kurt was so absent all the time. Even when he was there... he wasn't really. Just the other day, Kurt had gotten the girls mixed up, he couldn't tell which was which and... even the part time Nanny they had knew that. She was only around two days a week, and still, spent more time with them than Kurt did.
'Ok, that is out of the way, my phone is off for the night, and now I can enjoy this meal.' Kurt said brightly, missing Blaine's now sour mood.
'Alright.' He said softly, if not also a little sarcastically. If Kurt noticed his tone, he didn't comment.
They finished their meals, and Blaine quickly got up ready to clear the table, and wash the bowls, so it didn't have to be done later when Kurt grabbed his wrist.
'What are you doing?' Kurt asked.
'Cleaning up.'
'Why?'
'Because it needs to be done.'
Kurt shook his head. 'No it doesn't. Not right now. Let's just enjoy tonight.' Kurt tugged on Blaine's arm, pulling him closer and tried to draw Blaine into his lap. Blaine resisted. 'What's wrong?'
'Nothing's wrong Kurt. Everything is fine. I just don't want to have to do all the washing later.'
'I'll do it later then. Let's just... go and lie on the couch and talk.'
'That's unlikely.' Blaine muttered.
'What?'
'It's unlikely... the chances of you actually cleaning up later are slim to none.'
'Blaine I... what? I'm the one who's, in your words, uptight about everything being pristine.'
'But you're also the one who spends more time in the office than me.''
'I'm trying to get a promotion, to earn more money, to provide for our daughters.'
'But you're not spending any time with them as a consequence! Is that worth it to you? Spoiling them rotten at the price of not knowing them at all?'
'What do you know about working hard to provide for a family anyway? Your Dad was handed a multi-million dollar business, and didn't have to do a thing to keep it running. And I do know them, I know what foods like they, I know the difference between a hungry cry and a please change my diaper cry.'
'Oh great, thanks for throwing the fact that I grew up a little more privileged than you right in my face. Real mature Kurt. You don't know them, you mixed them up the other day.'
'One time! I mixed them up once! I was tired, I'd had a long day, and Lydia has always had more hair than Grace, but that's quickly changing and it confused me while I was half asleep.'
'But none of this changes the fact that you aren't here. You never are and... I miss you.'
'I'm here right now Blaine.'
Blaine shook his head. 'No, you're not... you've spent more time of the phone than talking to me. When was the last time we had a proper conversation?'
'I...' Kurt stopped, the realisation flashed before his eyes. 'I just want them to have everything.'
'So do I... but I also want them to know their fathers, and I want their fathers to actually know each other. You know, one of our artists complimented me the other day and I'd forgotten how good that feels.'
'Oh, that's exactly what I want to hear.'
'What?'
'Some random guy hitting on my boyfriend. I mean, history shows that all a guy has to do is compliment your eyes and you'll jump straight into his bed without a second thought.'
'That was once! And I was seventeen, alone and lost... I cannot believe you're holding that against me right now. I thought you'd forgiven me for that.'
'Forgiving isn't forgetting, Blaine. And who knows? You did it once, who's to say you won't do it again? That you're not doing it now?'
'No. You know what Kurt? I'm not doing this right now. I'm tired of you picking fights, of you ignoring how I'm feeling and not even bothering to try and see things from my perspective right now. I'm just... I'm not. I'll see you later. And for the record… I'm your husband!' Blaine grabbed his keys off the table they kept by the door and slammed the door of their apartment shut.
Kurt sat there, on the couch, staring after the door for a long time. Until eventually he had to get up and clean up from dinner. As he washed the dishes, changed into his pyjamas and crawled into he kept his mind carefully blank. He didn't want to think about it. He couldn't. So he didn't. He didn't think about it at all as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, before finally drifting off to sleep at five in the morning.
Blaine didn't come back until late the next afternoon. Rachel had already dropped the girls off, and Kurt had made up some lie to her about Blaine's whereabouts... not wanting to admit to the fight they'd had. When he walked in, Blaine threw a file down on the kitchen table.
'What is that?' Kurt asked.
'Divorce papers.'
Those words caused Kurt to stop in his tracks. His eyes met Blaine's and Blaine refused to admit how he saw Kurt's heart breaking in them.
'W-what?' Kurt asked in a choked out whisper.
'I... I actually got them a while ago.'
'What?'
'All we do is fight. And when we're not fighting, your working, or the girls are crying and... this isn't a marriage, Kurt. It hasn't been for a long time. I feel closer to people at work than I do to you.'
'You've actually been thinking about this?'
'Why are you surprised?'
'Because... this is just a bump in the road! Having kids isn't supposed to make things easy. It's supposed to be hard. Working to support a family is supposed to be hard.'
'Yeah, it is. But you, my husband, are not supposed to feel like a stranger to me.'
'Well then,' Kurt straightened his back as he approached the table and picked up the files. 'If this is what you want.'
'It is.'
3 Weeks Later
'You can't take them from me!'
'Well how else is this supposed to work? You've already said you never want to see me again once this is done.'
'They're my kids.'
'No, they're our kids. Both our names are on the birth certificate.'
'It was my sperm, Blaine.'
'Yeah, what a hard task providing that must have been, being given free porn to masturbate over.'
'It's hardly free when you're ten grand for the process. Which by the way, was also provided by me.'
'See, this is why we're getting divorced. You don't have the first clue about what being married means. The minute you say I do there's no more yours and mine, it's ours.'
'Can we get back to the matter at hand here? You have no right to take both my daughters away from me.'
'And neither do you. They're my daughters too, Kurt. You can't...'
Kurt bit his lip and stared at the ground. It was something... he'd thought about... not too in depth, but it had crossed his mind. It was wrong, he knew but...
'Ok? What are you thinking now?' Blaine asked.
It made Kurt's heart feel oddly heavy that despite everything, Blaine could still read him with more ease than any other person he knew.
'There are two of them.' He said quietly.
'Yeah...'
'I... we could...' He shook his head. 'Never mind. We'll find another way.'
'Split them up?' Blaine asked.
Kurt looked up at Blaine sharply. 'What? How did you...?'
'It crossed my mind too.' He shrugged. 'It makes sense doesn't it? We each get to keep one of our kids, and never have to see each other again. Who looses?'
'Um, the girls. They loose.'
'Find a better solution then.'
He didn't. Kurt didn't find a better solution. Splitting them was the only thing that made sense. So that was what they did. Blaine returned to Ohio, and got a job in business financing.
Kurt got the promotion he was after, it came with better hours (and some work he could do at home) and better pay. And started creating his label on the side, on the nights he was kept up, restless after dreaming, yet again, that Blaine was still at his side. Their lives went on, and neither of their daughters ever suspected a thing.
