Romance is boring

Chapter 9: Ways to make it through the wall

The morning after that awkward night, Zero drove over to Jude's apartment and let himself in with the key he hadn't bothered to return. Guessing that Jude was probably still sleeping off his hangover, Zero fixed himself breakfast. Afterwards, he read a few magazines. Then he got bored and decided to check the bedroom. Jude wasn't there.

'Jude?' Zero called out.

'Bathroom,' Jude called back. Zero wondered if Jude had been in there the entire time and what he was doing. Not really the type to walk around with unasked questions, Zero knocked on the bathroom door and asked.

'What's taking you so long?'

The bathroom door swung open; propelled from the inside. Zero leaned against the doorway and raised his eyebrows as he took in the sight of Jude in nothing but a baggy pair of boxers. The lower half of his face was lathered with shaving cream. He was shaving the old fashioned way with what looked like an antique safety razor. It was very manly.

'Old school,' Zero remarked. Carefully, Jude moved the double-edged blade through the thick layer of shaving cream. He was clearly trying to ignore the athlete. Zero watched him shave for a while. Jude wielded the razor as if it was an extension of his hand. His movements were smooth and unhurried. He was obviously not going to rush this on Zero's account.

In a mug standing in the soap dish, there was an actual shaving brush that Zero had never noticed before. Was a traditional shave maybe like a relaxing ritual for Jude? Works for me, Zero thought. He was beyond turned on.

'What are you doing here?' Jude inquired, finally addressing him. He even stopped shaving to look at Zero.

'You're still my agent,' Zero replied. It was a bullshit answer and they both knew it.

'Is this normal agent/client behaviour? I feel like you're here more often than when I mistakenly, stupidly thought that we were dating,' Jude complained.

'You want me gone? All you have to do is say so and I'm gone,' Zero pointed out. Jude sighed and shook his head.

'No, I'm sorry. I'm having a bad start. I feel like shit.'

'I figured.'

'I shouldn't take it out on you,' Jude said. Why not? It's what I would do, Zero thought. He got it, though. Jude was way too well-adjusted - not to mention: sweet - to lash out at others.

'That's okay. It's kinda what I'm here for. I don't mind being your punching bag. You're terrible at it. Acting like an asshole is not your strong suit,' Zero responded, teasing.

'Now you're insulting my insults?' Jude quipped. Zero smirked, approached him and took the razor from him. Jude's befuddled look was priceless.

'Okay, what are you doing?' he asked.

'Giving you a shave,' Zero responded. 'Don't you trust me?'

'Do you even know how to do this?' Jude questioned, appearing to doubt that very much.

'Find the right angle, shave with the grain, yadda yadda yadda. Keep your head still,' Zero instructed, placing one hand on Jude's shoulder and pushing him down; forcing him to sit on the edge of the tub. Zero was about to begin when Jude grabbed his wrist.

'Gently,' Jude warned, reluctantly letting go of Zero's hand again. Taking heed, Zero applied minimal pressure when he softly slid the blade down Jude's jaw. Zero decided that he was doing a pretty good job. Yet, he asked for confirmation.

'Did I do that right?'

'Yeah,' Jude tightly replied. Relieved, Zero continued.

'Unclench, Jude,' he advised, adding, 'We're almost finished.'

Zero did his best to disguise how hard it was to focus while touching Jude. It's just a fucking shoulder, he told himself, but that didn't help. To be able to feel the solid muscle beneath the Jude's skin was extremely distracting. So much so that Zero could barely concentrate on the task before him. In an effort to find safer ground, he moved his free hand to Jude's throat.

Okay, that was worse. Jude's accelerated heartbeat thrummed through Zero's fingertips. The sensation went straight to Zero's dick; setting his body ablaze. He started to sweat. When Jude swallowed, the athlete's fingers slipped down a few inches to the base of Jude's neck. The hand holding the razor was trembling slightly. If I don't cool off, I'm going to slit his throat, Zero realised. He paused. Jude took the opportunity to bring up a valid point.

'Again I ask: is this normal agent/client behaviour?'

No, of course not, Zero thought.

'Why do you care? We're not any agent and client. We're Jude and Zero,' he said. He gingerly skimmed the blade along Jude's jawline one last time and laid the razor aside. Still with one hand firmly planted on Jude's shoulder, Zero stepped back to admire his handiwork. He took Jude's jaw into his other hand and rotated it to get a better look.

What occurred next was stupid. Zero's mind said no, but his body said please and he was all out of smart moves. His fingers skated from Jude's throat to Jude's chest. So stupid, Zero thought. His eyes drifted up to meet Jude's gaze. Jude was looking at him intently. Trying to gauge Jude's mood, Zero peered back. If Jude would let him, Zero would put his hands all over the agent. Discovering nothing but irritation in Jude's eyes, Zero smiled; pretending nothing had just happened.

'There. All done,' he declared and handed Jude a towel. Jude practically ripped it out of his hand.

'You're such a liar,' Jude replied, moving around Zero and splashing his face with water. Unsure of how to react, Zero kept his mouth shut while Jude dried his face. Suddenly, Jude turned on him.

'Why are you always touching me?' he demanded.

'I don't have a dog. I need to get my physical contact somewhere,' Zero joked, defensively.

'You're so full of it,' Jude scoffed. 'Give me a real answer. Why is it that, whatever we're doing, your hands are on me?'

'I'm so tired of you of all people accusing me of being a liar. I don't lie to you. You're the one person I don't lie to,' Zero retorted. Technically, that was true. I only omit and evade, he justified.

'No, you only keep things from me,' Jude snapped, as if reading Zero's mind.

'Kinda like how you keep things from me?' Zero countered. He was good at this: using people's words against them. It was a pathetic skill to possess. Jude frowned.

'I'm not keeping anything from you.'

'Except that you love me. Yeah. You said that yesterday. And it was obviously not your intention to tell me. That's different from just wanting to date me, Jude. I mean, that's complicated enough as it is, but you love me. I can't deal with that.'

'Then don't! Nobody is asking you to. You don't wanna do this? Fine. Stop it with the fake intimacy. Stop doing this push and pull shit. I'm trying to move on, if you haven't noticed. Or is that what this is about? You don't want me, but you like me hung up on you?' Jude yelled, his anger flaring up again.

'I'm not saying that I don't feel anything for you,' Zero replied. In response, Jude rolled his eyes.

'It would be nice if for once you said what you do feel instead of listing everything you don't feel.'

'I want you,' Zero confessed. 'That's the problem. You make me lose focus. It doesn't seem to matter whether I have you or not. You mess me up anyway.'

Stunned into silence, Jude stared at Zero for what felt like ages. If Zero could have taken it all back at that moment, he would have. He felt physically ill. He couldn't breathe. To get away from Jude's prying eyes, Zero walked out of the bathroom. Jude followed him; talking to his back.

'Look, I don't want there to be any misunderstandings. Is this you trying to hold onto me in any way you can? Because, like I said before, I won't leave. Whether you're interested in me romantically or not, I'll always be Team Zero. But you've gotta tell me right now if you don't want this. If you don't want me. Because if I find out later that this is just you playing me...'

The sentence trailed off, but Jude's meaning was crystal clear: don't lie to me about this. Zero felt lightheaded. Since losing Jude was not an option, everything was suddenly easy.

'I'm not fucking with you,' he promised.

'What are you saying?' Jude asked. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Zero spoke.

'The thought of you with anyone else drives me crazy. The thought of you with me scares me senseless. I'm in love with you, is what I'm saying.'