Disclaimer no Jutsu: Naruto is not owned by me.. that's creepy my mouse is moving by it's own right now. Haha it stopped at 'format'.

A/N : Like oh my god new chapter! It's all getting close to the end. One or two more chapters 'til I want to complete it.. maybe three. Sorry guys. :[ Enjoi what you can now! The writers block of iron cheese is slowly being eaten by ebil little dwarves.


Chapter Nine : Bananas Attack (part 1)

Tiredly, Sasuke gazed up at the ceiling. Naruto gave him the occasional squint several times, which only made him look like he was uncomfortably twitching. So... Itachi onii-san makes me take a part time job at the local grocery store, thinking he'll get discounts on food he buys, where Naruto apparently works. What could go wrong now?

Walking over, Naruto placed a big box by Sasuke. "Hey, stack the bananas." he muttered.

"Something wrong, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto gave him a blankish glare. "No. It's just boring to do all this stacking and helping people. Eh, whatever, I get enough money out of it." he walked off, only to be stopped by Sasuke again. The blonde gave him the epic no! you're leaving me! face.

"Usuratonkachi,"

"Well... I haven't even gotten close to getting over you, to be honest. And... I was raped by Sakura about a week ago. I just never told you." he sat down on the floor next to the box of bananas. Sasuke sat on top of him. (Like like they were in bed doing their thing.) The customers around stared wide-eyed, some SasuNaru fangirls squealing their asses off, ItaSasu fangirls screaming angrily, a barrier the author put up between them and the two blocking the way. The Uchiha found himself tempted to kiss Naruto. "Sasuke-teme, I don't know how to even get through life without you. I've been doing stupid things in the past three weeks."

Embracing the blonde, Sasuke sighed. "I-I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. This is what I get for being sexually.. and family confused. Like, Itachi's my brother, and as Gaara said : 'WHAT THE-- No one loves their brother like that unless they're lovers!' I really don't know anymore." Sasuke took Naruto's face in his hands... their lips were inches apart.

"HEY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T GET A DISCOUNT?!" a familiar voice high pitch screamed out in the distance.

Both Naruto and Sasuke's usual reaction made them scramble apart and open the box of bananas. Out of the rush, Naruto cut his finger on the box opening blade thingy. Worriedly, Sasuke put his mouth on the wound. There was the source of the voice, Uchiha Itachi, ninja, part of the akatsuki, twenty years old, five-foot-eight, 125.9lbs, former ANBU squad captain, male, black hair tied in a ponytail, killed his clan, loves his little brother like that, being stalked by Itachi fangirls, whatever more you want to stick in. He speechlessly pointed a finger at Naruto, mouth dropping open.

"CUT!" yelled out Bloody Itachi x3. "Get Naruto a band-aid! Make sure it has Hello Kitty on it!"

After the stage crew bandaged Naruto, he grabbed a banana and stood up.

"Sasuke-kun! How could you?!" Itachi screamed. "That's it! You're quitting this job! I don't get discounts--even worse--Naruto-kun works here!"

Naruto shook the banana violently at Itachi. "He's not quitting! I won't let you quit! Besides, Sasuke-teme needs moneys!" he tossed a banana at Itachi. "I'll duel you for Sasuke! The last banana standing wins!" Sasuke swore he could feel the tension between the two, like flames. Their eyes locked.

"All right, but I have to say, my banana is bigger than yours!!!" Itachi charged at Naruto. "I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!"

Every customer in the store stopped to stare, concerned Itachi and Naruto and ItaNaru fangirls watched from the sidelines. Sasuke was someone stuck inside a cage on the island of partially stacked bananas by the box of more bananas to be stacked. It became all Naruto : Clash of Ninja 2 like. Everyone found themselves in a battle field-like place with extra bananas surrounding the caged Sasuke. Itachi and Naruto spoke their battle quotes.

"I'm going to become next Hokage! Believe it!"

"Run, run and cling to life."

"Ready?! GO!" screamed out Sakura, the referee. "Itachi! I know you can do it! I have like all my faith in you! Don't loose! I'll be so sad if you do!!!!" she waved a flag at them.

Naruto gave here a frustrated face. "How the hell am I supposed to win if the referee is Sakura-chan?! She'll say Itachi-hime(um.. Itachi-princess) won even if I did!"

"Don't be chicken, Naruto-kun!" Itachi exclaimed. 'Turning on' his sharingan.

Don't look in his eyes... Naruto cringed a bit. His eyes were drawn to Itachi's beautiful eyes, though. They were like so amazingly gorgeous that everyone gazed into them. Damn it I'm looking at his eyes! Noooo!

Nothing happened.

"HAHAHAHHA HE THINKS SOMETHING'S HAPPENING!" Itachi laughed ebilly. Suddenly, Naruto spun around, bitch slapping him across the face. This impact sent Itachi flying into the vegetable section, destroying the stack of carrots that Naruto had worked so hard on. The blonde got all mad and turned red with that chakra that Naruto always uses in a situation when he's like pissed and stuff.

"It's called Kyuubi." Naruto sighed at the author.

"Who said I meant that chakra?" she laughed. "I mean the other one."

Growing wide-eyed, Naruto stared. "W-what?! How many red chakras do I have?!"

Itachi tackled Naruto. He slammed against the wall of dried goods.

Bounding towards Itachi, Naruto swung his 'sharp claws' at him. Itachi's black skinny jeans tore at the thigh. "How dare you destroy those beautifully arranged things?! I worked SO hard on them! Can't you keep your balance or something?! Or even dodge my actions?! You suck as an S-class ninja!" he cried emotionally, tearing-up over his destroyed arrangements. Every single one of those carrots and dried goods was taken care with such gentleness from the young ninja. All of his effort gone to waste... WASTE I TELL YOU!

Gasping at the insult, Itachi shook his finger at Naruto. "Oh no you didn't! I'm a super S class ninja!" he began to laugh maniacally. Every single person in the whole world gasped. Even someone with Itachi's uber training could never become such high ranked! Unless...

The Uchiha slammed his banana onto Naruto's forehead. It exploded into many bits. Rushing over to Sasuke, Itachi bent down to pick up another banana. Naruto smacked is ass with his banana, it bursted onto his pants, stick squashed banana. :P

"Le gaspeth!" Itachi exclaimed. "Okay, you ripped and banana stained my beautiful black pantalones. Sasuke worked so hard to make them! You will pay for this!" he lifted Sasuke's cage and began to run away.

"NO!" Naruto began to shoot at him with a banana launcher.

In slow motion, Itachi dashed towards the exit with every bit of energy he had within him, bananas exploding as they stabbed him. Five seconds later, Itachi fell over in defeat.

"Go on... Sasuke... my love!" Itachi coughed. "If I don't make it, I want you to know... I l-love... you..." he weakly smiled at his younger brother. Nearing tears, Sasuke opened the already unlocked cage and dashed outside of the grocery store. If only Itachi could make it just .000000etc1 more seconds... he could have made it out, he was halfway outside halfway inside.

Gracefully skipping down the parking lot, Sasuke uncoordinatly tripped on some broken .5 mechanical pencil lead on the road. He fell into one of Itachi's buddies--Sasori of the red sand. He was being accompanied by Gaara, his student... Sasori was a professional therapist, he studied under the best in the deserts of red sand...(I guess.) Sasori hugged the younger Uchiha.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun! You seem so troubled!" he dramatically yelled out.

"Sasori-sama, Onii-san is in there with Kisame-sama fighting Naruto-kun, Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade-hime, the ero-sennin(sp?), and whoever else I don't feel like mentioning. And even worse--"

"What could be worse than that!?"

Sasuke's face twisted into some awkward serious look. His voice was silenced. "Sakura-chan is in there."

"WHAT?! NO WAY!" Sasori cried out like some war cry. "I'M COMING ITACHI-SAMA!!!!"

Rolling his eyes, Gaara followed his teacher into the grocery store. War had begun. Turning, Sasuke saw Haku(ok. everyone knows it's Haku but Sasuke's too stupid to realize it is.) walking his way. For a second, the younger Uchiha thought he was a female.

Holy fuck. She is pretty gawd damned 'HAWT'! he gazed dreamily into Haku's eyes as the ninja approached him.

"Um... Sasuke-kun?" Haku tilted his head.

"You're so hot..." Sasuke drooled, Haku putting a bucket under his mouth.

"It's me, Haku."

"W-whoa! You're Haku!" he exclaimed out in total embarrassment. Smiling slightly, Haku nodded. "Whatever, you're still pretty got damned hot."

Smile turning into a blank stare, Haku crossed his arms and pouted. "Have you ever tried to call someone beautiful or pretty? It would mean so much more than hot.Hot technically means something related to sex." he continued his epic lecture about what to call someone. But like your average guy, Sasuke kept thinking about how hot Haku was.

"So, why are you here, anyways?" Sasuke questioned.

"Oh. I've come to join the war." Haku ripped off his kimono, wearing his ninja outfit under it. Quickly tying his hair up in a bun. Zabuza came to his side. "Sasuke, come with us to defend Itachi-sama." Two people in spandex tights appeared, Lee and Gai-sensei, they walked into the grocery store. The three gasped, they were against the spandexio peoples.

Sasuke ripped off his clothes, nothing under but green panda boxers, little chibi pandas eating bamboo against a pale green background. (As seen in Sort of Valuable) "Oops."

"CHARGE!" Zabuza screamed, taking the panda boxered Sasuke in with him.

To be continued... OMIGAH NOOO!


Hey, I sort of rewrote chapter one. : It's not as serious.

The next chapter : A sad attempt at an epic battle. :D

Warning : Involves the use of grocery store products and the abuse of them too.