Chapter 9 - Dance
As Elsie sat in the back of the taxi, surrounded by stony silence, she reflected that maybe inviting John Bates to her fortieth wasn't such a great idea after all. She was in the middle, a daughter either side of her, both facing the window and sulking. It struck her as such a shame as both looked so ridiculously beautiful in their respective dresses - yet their pouting countenances did them no favours.
Glancing up she caught John's eye in the rear view mirror, noting his eyes were directed distinctly southward. Casting a look at herself she noted the position she was sitting in, slightly hunched forward, which causing a great deal of her cleavage to be on show - bloody stupid dress. It was far too heavy and low-cut and she was far too old to be wearing it.
"So, this place?" he asked, "It's where?"
"It's my mother-in-law's, actually."
"Ex-mother-in-law?" he asked, and she caught his expression.
"Yes, I suppose so. But we get on well… she spends a lot of time with the children, they both do." She felt Mae huff beside her. "They live in Warter anyway."
"Whew, rich then?"
"Granny's a surgeon," Mae said proudly. "And Grandpa a solicitor."
"Yes," Elsie interrupted quickly. "They've done well. And it's very kind of them to host this for me."
"Granny's arranged for a marquee to be attached to the back, you know." Mae forced herself into the conversation again. "So we can dance in there, it's going to take up a considerable amount of the garden. It's very generous of her. And Daddy will be there, of course…."
Elsie rested her hand on Mae's knee, silently communicating for her eldest daughter to be polite and stop trying to show off.
John nodded, "I'm looking forward to it."
Sighing heavily, Elsie leant back in the car; she wished she was looking forward to it - truth was she couldn't wait to be going home and climbing into bed, perhaps hiding under the duvet until this entire birthday thing was over.
The girls jumped from the taxi as soon as it came to a halt, meeting at one side of the car and hooking arms as they gossiped. She pulled her dress along the seat, dropping her feet to the paved driveway and glancing up as a familiar hand was held in front of her. Breathing deeply, she took it and was helped out of the car.
"Hi," she said.
"Evening…" Charles' voice was deep, as if clouded with some emotion she didn't want to dwell on. "You -,"
He was cut off by the younger gentleman appearing at his side and Elsie abruptly dropping his hand.
"John Bates," he said, proffering his hand to Charles. "I work in Elsie's building."
"Oh, erm…" Charles' eyes were panicked as he cast a quick look at Elsie's reddening face. "Charles Carson." He awkwardly shook the man's hand. "Nice to meet you."
"And you… Quite the daughters you've got there."
"Yes, they're er…" The girls were standing at the steps to the front door watching the scene unfold. "Well, I'd just arrived myself, not even greeted my mother yet."
"Some property she's got."
"Yes." Charles felt his teeth gritting as this 'John Bates' slid his arm around Elsie's back, his hand coming on rest on her bare arm and his thumb rubbing up and down. Charles wasn't sure if she flinched at the movement or not but he knew he did.
"Oh for goodness sake," they all heard Mae huff behind them and Charles turned to see her stalk off up the steps and push open the heavy front door. Lily looked pleadingly to her mum, before going after her sister.
"She upset?" Charles asked concerned. "Something happen?"
"She just hates me, again."
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
Elsie shook her hand, "No, I… Just leave her, I don't need you to interfere," she suddenly said defensively, and she felt John glance to the floor, clearly embarrassed. "Sorry," she said immediately, biting her lip.
"That's alright," Charles replied, not wanting to argue with her on her birthday. Besides, he remembered how stressed she used to get when his mother held one of her parties. He imagined this would be similar if not worse.
"Just, you know, frantic getting all three of us ready and now she's in a sulk with me."
"Maybe you need some champagne," she heard John state, and his hand moved from her arm, resting on her back.
"Yeah, let's get a drink." The gift bag Charles held rested heavily on his arm, but he didn't want to present her with it whilst this 'Bates' was present. Nor did he want to tell her how god damn beautiful she looked with this man around; and she did look beautiful, breathtaking. Shining in the dark winter night. Her nervous demeanour - clearly she wasn't too happy about being the centre of attention for the night - only served to heighten her beauty in his eyes.
Turning away from her he quickly took the steps, three at a time, two steps and he was inside and moving away from them.
"Seems pleasant enough." John said.
"Mmm, he is." Elsie heard cars pulling up behind her; she stepped forward, convinced that if she hid in the loo for a few minutes she could pull herself together enough to greet her guests. Why was she so emotional tonight?
As she made to climb the steps, lifting her dress slightly to keep it from tripping her, she felt John's hand slide down her back and make quite direct contact with her backside.
For a second she paused, unsure what to do, but when he didn't move it she continued up the stairs. Good Lord, she'd inadvertently suggested to this man that she wanted him. What a bloody idiot! And her forty - old enough to know better - he must have been 34, 35? What a mistake to invite him so personally, make him think it was a date. It was her fault, she knew that, she had let him think it was a date. Maybe she'd wanted that, to try and pretend she could move on, date again as easily as Charles did.
Making her way inside she'd never been more grateful to see Angela or be pulled into a hug.
"Darling!" her mother-in-law exclaimed, gripping her upper arms. "Happy Birthday, for tomorrow, but happy birthday anyhow." She kissed both of Elsie's cheeks. "Where are my granddaughters?"
"I have no idea, they rushed inside." she said brightly, falsely, keenly aware of Charles hanging his coat down the hall and watching every move.
"Well, let me look at you." She held Elsie at arm's length. "Fabulously gorgeous."
Elsie rolled her eyes, "Mutton as lamb…"
"Nonsense. Like a diva." She patted her hand. "Sassy. You know I always admired that about you - you speak your mind, stand up to all us snobs." Angela seemed to notice John for the first time. "Oh, and who is this fine specimen, may I ask?"
"This is…"
"John!" Anna suddenly exclaimed from the other end of the hall, coming up to greet them. "You came."
"Elsie invited me, couldn't turn down a personal invite from the guest of honour." He kissed Anna's cheek. "Good to see you though, maid, you're looking very nice."
"Maid?" Angela asked, perplexed.
"It's an office joke," Anna explained. "They call me Elsie's maid because I'm always tottering about after her.
"It's mean," Elsie said, annoyed at the idea she was some sort of dragon. "She carries me!"
"Nonsense." Anna hugged her boss. "You look great."
"Thank you. And the house looks lovely, thank you both so much for this…" She looked up as Lily stomped down the hallway to her. "What's that face for?"
"Mae's locked herself in Granny's bathroom and is refusing to come out!"
"What in heaven's name has she done that for?" Angela asked, clearly she'd already made her way through a couple of glasses of the fizzy stuff.
"She's mad at me." Elsie said, "I best go talk to her." She took a glass of champagne from the tray on the side. "I may need this."
The three watched as she headed upstairs, Lily pulling on her hand.
"Challenging business, isn't it, kids?" John said.
"You have no idea, my boy." Angela sighed. "No idea."
"Mae, honey, please come out." Elsie said for the third time, "I can't stand here all night."
"You don't have to. Go dance with your stupid, idiot boyfriend!" Mae's voice came from under the door.
"Mae… we're not… he's not-"
"He just wants to shag about with you - you do know that, don't you?" she spat cruelly and Elsie was very aware of Lily lying on her Grandmother's bed listening to the argument play out.
"Lil' honey, why don't you go and see where your father is," she suggested.
"Do I have to?" she moaned, wanting to find out how her mother and sister were going to solve this.
"Yes. But for goodness sake don't tell him that your sister is behaving like a child and has locked herself in there."
"Tell him," Mae sulked, kicking at the side of the bath with the heel of her shoe. "See if I care, he probably agrees!"
"Mae! Don't you dare break anything in there! Lily - go and don't tell him." She waited until Lily had closed the door after her. "Mae Elisabeth Carson - you get yourself out of that bathroom this instant, I'm not asking again!"
It wasn't often Elsie's voice took such a tone and when it did Mae knew she was on thin ice. Reluctantly, she got up from where she lay on the bathroom floor, brushed hair hair back from her face and unlocked the bathroom door.
"Thank you," Elsie said, as her daughter's face appeared in the crack of the open door. "Will you sit and talk to me for a minute?"
"I don't like him," she said, folding her arms. "And I know what's gonna happen here tonight!"
"What's that then?"
"You're gonna drink too much, dance with that man, we'll end up having to sleep at Granny's and you'll end up having sex with that prick in your's and Daddy's bed!"
"I promise you I will not be sleeping with John. Not tonight. Not ever."
For a second Mae stopped. She'd been angry for so long with Elsie now - an entire week of sulking over this man's sudden appearance - that it felt good to just stop and think. Elsie had never even corrected her on the reference to their bed.
She felt tears fill her eyes as she stared at her mother, "I don't understand," she snuffled, desperately trying to keep her voice level as she spoke. "I know I've been a real child tonight mum, and I'm sorry for that, but I don't understand." She heaved in a deep breath. "I know you still love Daddy. I know it."
Elsie sighed, she didn't know how to have this conversation with Mae. To admit that she still loved Charles would just confuse her. She'd wonder why they couldn't be together. Something that, if she was honest, Elsie had wondered herself over the past few months.
As she gazed at her daughter, turning over in her mind how she was ever going to answer such a complex question, it struck her how mature Mae was now. She was considering things she never had before, asking questions she never had before.
Elsie reached to tidy up her daughter's unruly hair, messy from lying on the bathroom floor and smiled; despite her apparent maturity she could still have her childish tantrums.
"It was a mistake to bring John tonight," Elsie admitted. "But your father and I haven't been together for a long time and, as hard as it may be, you and Lil need to accept that. I appreciate that you don't like John but eventually you will have to accept that either your father and I are going to move on."
"I don't want that," she snuffled, tempted to stamp her foot. "Lil doesn't. Dad doesn't. And you know what, Mum, I don't think you do either."
"Nobody wants their marriage to fail but your father and I… however much we loved each other-"
"Love each other mum," Mae interrupted, drawing back from where Elsie's hands rested on her shoulders "You love each other. Not past tense. And this whole thing is stupid, I think." She turned her back on her mother. "I'm gonna go find Lil."
"Mae, wait!"
28th November 1995
It was (apparently) the coldest it had been since 1981. Robson and Jerome were at #1 in the charts. Goldeneye had just been released... And Elsie Hughes was just about to turn 21.
Charles knew precisely which one of these occurrences was the most important.
"And after all…." he sang, slightly off-key, as he flipped the frying pan and jiggled the frying garlic and chilli about inside. "...you're my wonderwall!"
His mother stopped by the kitchen door watching him, her brow furrowed as he attempted to imitate the guitar with his vocal chords.
"What are you doing Charlie?"
"Cooking!" he said brightly.
"It's got rather an overwhelming fragrance about it," she complained, opening the French doors at the other side of the kitchen.
"It's the garlic." He turned to glance at her. "I thought you were going?"
"We are."
"Well then…" he smirked, "wouldn't want to keep you. Planes don't wait."
She took the tickets from her purse and flicked through them. "They wait for first class customers dear."
Charles rolled his eyes; he didn't stay at home often these days but when he did he found it took no time at all for his parents to aggravate him, especially his mother - what with all this 'Charlie' business. He hadn't been 'Charlie' since he was eleven years old!
He wouldn't have been there at all save for the fact it was Elsie's birthday tomorrow, her special birthday, and he wanted to treat her. The attic was fine, they were happy, rubbed along nicely, but with his parents away it meant they could have the house to themselves. Eat in the grand dining room. Skinny dip in the hot tub whilst the air around them was frozen - he smirked at the thought of that - and there'd be no housemates to interrupt them.
"Come on Angela, really," his father said, stomping into the room. "The taxi's been outside ten minutes already."
"Don't be a bore, Edward," Angela sighed, reapplying her lipstick. "And you, young man," she said, fixing Charles with her legendary stare. "Don't be up to no good with that girl."
"Elsie," he prompted.
"Yes, her." She didn't have much against the lass, she was pleasant enough - smart, pretty - but she'd hoped Charles would grow out of it. Find someone of their sort for when it came time to settle down.
She kissed her son's cheek, "Bye sweetheart. See you in a fortnight."
"Yep. Enjoy the Maldives." He dug his hands into his pockets, watching as his mother bustled back across the kitchen.
"Come on then Edward."
His father shook his head, rolling his eyes and smirking at Charles. "Now, do make sure you're up to no good with your gorgeous girl," his father implored. "I'll pick you back some Brandy from the duty free."
Charles nodded, followed them to the door and physically relaxed when they'd gone. Finally.
Picking up the phone receiver in the hallway he quickly dialled a number. "Hey baby…"
"I have asked you repeatedly not to call me that."
"You love it."
"Clearly."
"Where are you?" she said, rolling onto her back on their bed, twiddling the phone cord in on hand, a pencil balancing in the other.
"Parents. And they're gone. So get your sexy ass into a taxi and get over here."
"I'm revising!" she laughed.
"Stop revising. You're 21 tomorrow. Get over here."
"I have an exam next week."
"Days away," he smiled. "Now, the parentals are away, the big house is empty, there's a bottle of Dom Perignon in the fridge with our name on it and the hot tub is warming up as we speak. So, come on."
She giggled, "I feel like a kid." But she was already getting up from the bed and throwing open the wardrobe door. "I need to pack."
"Already done, your overnight bag is here, I got all you'll need."
"Such as?"
"Sexy panties, toothbrush, make-up bag, brush, and more sexy panties."
"Bra? Clean clothes?"
"Neither will be required."
"Charles!"
"You'll be naked most of the time and balancing on top of me."
"CHARLES!" she exclaimed, but she was biting her lip to stop from laughing.
"Only kidding. Come on, I'm not stupid. I want to spoil and surprise you. So just get in a taxi, okay?"
"Okay."
"Good. See you soon. Love you."
Elsie rolled her neck, leaning her head back and looking up. The night sky was clear, pristine, a blanket of black decked with the dense stillness of uncountable stars. She watched them, fascinated, relaxed and carefree. Funny how he had the ability to do that to her. Whatever was going on, he calmed her.
"Happy?" he asked, approaching the hot tub, champagne bucket in one hand, two flutes in the other.
Elsie nodded, sighing happily, before glancing toward him. "Charles! You're naked!"
"Yes. And I'll be most disappointed if I find you're not."
"I've kept my underwear on," she said, flicking one of her bra straps. "I can't be out here naked!"
"No one will see," Charles assured her, placing the champagne and glasses on the side of the tub. "The fence is too high, and besides, our nearest neighbour is miles away."
"Don't show off," she sat more upright, her arms balanced along the edge of the tub. "And I am NOT taking my knickers off out here. Fantastic candlelit dinner or not."
"Spoilsport." Charles climbed into the tub, sighing in pleasure as the hot water enveloped him.
"You need to be careful," she said, watching him closely. "That thing's all shrivelled up now, probably frostbite, and I might have had use for it," she teased, pursing her lips together as she watched the expression on his face.
"Charming! Just for that, I may have to withhold the champagne."
"You wouldn't dare," she leant back again, closing her eyes. "It's my birthday, I should get what I want."
"I may need some convincing," he teased.
"I highly doubt that." Still, she deliberately lifted her foot, rubbing her heel up his shin. "I bet that's already 'convincing' you…"
"It may be," he replied.
She dropped her foot to the floor of the tub again, "I'm not going to play if you're going to behave like a boy." She said. "On my birthday."
"But I am a boy. A fact that I'd say you were more than aware of." He pushed himself off his seat and glided through the water to kneel in front of her. He took her face in his hands and pulled her in for a kiss.
She let him kiss her, did her best to resist, made him do all the work until she was giggling.
"What's funny?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking it's a good job we ate the same thing because you put so much bloody garlic in that sauce. Maybe not so sexy...babe..."
Charles clutched his chest in mock hurt. "I slaved for hours over that."
"And it was delicious, absolutely. But next time you're going to try and seduce a woman in your parent's hot tub maybe go for something plainer. Where'd you get the recipe from?"
"I...erm… I made it up."
She laughed, sliding her hands under his arms and looping them around his back. "That sounds how a boy might cook."
"I know how much you like spaghetti but my mother's cookbooks don't include anything less elaborate than lobster thermidor with raspberry coulis. And I wanted to cook your favourite. I'd seen them do it on 'Can't Cook, Won't Cook' a few months back. But couldn't remember the finer details like measurements… so I guessed."
"Well, it turned out pretty okay then, didn't it. Slightly less garlic and it will be…" she kissed his nose, "perfection."
He captured her lips in a sweet kiss, before reaching for the champagne. He poured a glass and handed it to her, causing her to giggle as it nearly overflowed. He loved the sound off her giggling; it was a sound he could happily listen to for the rest of his life. He'd even opt for a recording of it as one of his 'Desert Island Discs'.
Pouring his own glass, he sat back down next to her, clinking their glasses. "Happy 21st birthday."
"Thank you," she took a sip of the expensive beverage. "Wow, that's good. Your parents won't notice it missing?"
"No, because I bought it." Elsie began to reply but he held up a hand. "I know you're going to say something about how we're saving so we can move out of that attic and how I shouldn't be wasting money, but this is your twenty-first Els. It's special."
"Charles, this is s a £200 bottle of plonk!"
"£275, actually."
"That's the rent for the next -,"
"It's fine Els. I've been putting a bit extra aside over the last few months - foregoing the odd pint or takeaway - I wanted tonight to be special."
"You're such a fool," she said, but she was smiling at him, curling one leg over his where he sat beside her. "All these candles too," she said gesturing at where he'd stood them around the tub, "and the frost on the ground...so pretty...like you planned it."
"I may be a man of many talents, but I cannot control the weather. Been praying all bloody week that it wouldn't piss it down. That would have really ruined my plans."
"Oh goodness, you know I feel awful, I've been so preoccupied revising I didn't even notice you were stressed. And I'm usually the plotter."
"You are, but you're not the only one who can put together a surprise."
"You're quite the romantic, Mr Carson."
"I'm glad you think so… I have something for you.
"Oh good," she drained the rest of her champagne, and put her glass aside. "Because I feel rather adventurous with that inside me, I may just be tempted to remove my bra…" she winked at him, slipping forward into the centre of the tub.
He grabbed her, pulling her gently back through the water.
"Ooh, steady Charles, no need to rush!" she laughed, nudging between his legs with her knee as she leant in to kiss him. "I see the warm water has helped…"
He placed a hand on her chest, "Just one sec, Els… As much as I would love that, I really do have a gift for you." He reached back into the ice bucket and removed the long stemmed white rose that stood in it. Praying his hand didn't shake - he was nervous now the moment had actually arrived, he presented it to her.
"Aww, Charles, that's very sweet of you." She took it from him, "I don't think I've ever seen a white rose in 'real life' before." She smelt the flower, brushing the petals across her chin. "Is this some seduction technique? Do you want me to trail it across…. Oooh, wait." She tucked the stem of the flower down behind the middle of her bra so the flower rested between her breasts. "There we go. Ta-da!"
"Els…" Charles began. This wasn't going how he'd planned it; how he'd envisioned it in his head and he wanted this moment to be perfect, one that they'd remember for the rest of their lives. "Can you be serious for a minute, please?"
She looked up at him, his wide eyes and pale face. She'd seen that look before. Not for a long time, but she had seen it before. Was he really going to…?
Slipping the rose from her bra she held it between her fingers. "Okay."
"I love you Els. You make me so happy… happier than I ever thought I could be. And, if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. So…" he reached gently into the middle of the rose and plucked out a diamond ring, "Elsie May Hughes, will you marry me?"
She stared at the ring - some huge, rock of a diamond held tightly between his fingers - what the hell was it doing in the flower? She was very confused… was he… did he just… She looked back to his eyes, watched his mouth move, tried to get past the buzzing in her head long enough to make out what he was saying.
"I know I've asked before and you said it was too soon and we were too young - and you were right, but I'm not talking about getting married tomorrow - I know how important your studies are. I'm talking about building a life together after you've graduated."
She glanced from the ring to his face then back to the ring again. "Oh. Fuck."
Charles' face fell; certain that he'd misjudged things once again. He was just so sure that this was the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with. "I've offended you." His voice was flat, devoid of emotion which was strange considering the tumult of feelings he was experiencing.
"What…?" She only half heard his words, caught up as she was in the idea, in what he was suggesting - of course he'd asked before - three times - but that was different; they really were kids then and he was joking about, they'd only been together five minutes. It was years now. And she was so deeply in love with him. And she knew he felt the same.
She reached to grasp his wrist, "No." She shook her head. "Of course I'm not offended, that's the last thing… Charles, I just…" her face broke into a nervous smile. "I'm overwhelmed."
Her words were a glimmer of hope and buoyed him slightly. "You don't have to answer straight away. I won't push you."
"Of course I'll answer." She threw herself into his arms, the rose dropping into the water and the splash tipping over the side of the jacuzzi. "And of course I'll marry you, of course." She breathed deeply, closing her eyes and whispering by his ear, "I want to spend my life with you."
"Thank God," he breathed and drew back to look at her. "You'll really marry me?"
"In a church and everything." She said, half amused by the sheer wonder in his eyes.
He was elated. She said yes! He took her left hand and slid the cool metal band onto her fourth finger, staring deeply into his eyes as he did so. "I love you..." he whispered, before capturing her in a deep kiss. "...I always will."
Present Day
It was just after nine when Elsie retreated to the kitchen, escaping from the heavy thrum of music and the throngs of guests in the marquee - trust Angela to go over the top with the invites. She had hired staff for the night and most of them were packaging up leftover food, and as Elsie slunk onto a stool she couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty for how much had gone uneaten. Reaching across the table she pulled a half empty champagne bottle towards her and filled her glass.
It was odd to her sometimes, when she was in these situations, to believe that this was her life. It was a far cry from her birthday parties as a child on the farm, where jelly and ice cream had been an extravagance. She can remember quite sharply the first time Charles had brought her here and she'd felt a tremble in her stomach as his car had pulled up the long drive and revealed the sheer scale of his parents' house. Of course she'd always known he was from a wealthy family but there were few times where he rammed this point home. In fact, quite often, he did his best to avoid being categorised in this manner. Still, there was no denying that he had privileges other students could only imagine and many a time he'd failed to understand her need to have a part time job alongside her studies.
It had never been too much of an issue, the differences between them, and infact they'd found that their different experiences of life had complemented each other well. But then, they always did manage to complement each other quite well.
She jerked on her seat when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders, massaging her muscles.
"Why don't you relax, Elsie, come and dance?"
Leaning forward, away from the heady scent of his aftershave, Elsie was surprised to find that it took her a moment or two to remember that she had in fact arrived with John Bates - he was her 'date', to all intents and purposes, despite the fact she was sitting in the kitchen pining for her ex-husband.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I've been very rude, haven't I?" She moved to get up from the stool but instead ended up turning on it, and his hands being either side of her resting on the polished marble surface of the breakfast bar.
"Anna's been entertaining me, she's pretty smart, pretty funny."
"She is."
He was looking at her mouth in a peculiar way, in a way that probably meant she should have been prepared when he kissed her. But she wasn't.
It wasn't that it was decidedly terrible. It's just that it wasn't Charles. And she never had been able to separate the physical from the emotional, not even when she was a teenager.
His lips pressed against hers, then his tongue made a sweep of her mouth and then he pulled back and they stared at each other. She thought she saw the recognition in his own eyes that there was a distinct lack of passion on either side of the encounter.
That certainly wasn't what he expected, he'd lusted after the woman for months. All that effort gone to waste. It wasn't often he made a mistake when choosing a potential fuck buddy but this time he wasn't too proud to admit he'd been wrong. No chemistry.
"Sorry," he said, moving his hands.
"No, I… it's fine," she shrugged. She wasn't sure if it was, but at least it meant they could brush it aside and move on.
"You want a drink or anything?"
"I'm fine, I'm just going to sit here a moment - too much champagne."
"Alright, you don't mind if I…?" He was already walking backwards across the room, back towards the party.
"Enjoy yourself."
Once he'd gone she spun round on the chair again, pressing her forehead on the table. "Oh shit! Oh god, oh god, oh god!"
"How come you're hiding in here?" Beryl asked, entering the kitchen, empty champagne glass in hand. "And what's God got to do with thing?"
"Just getting myself a drink, that's all," Elsie mumbled against her arms, face still hidden.
"Yeah right. And I'm Mrs bloody Clause." She sat down on a stool across from her. "And don't tell me I have got the bosom for it."
"It was just a bit noisy in there."
"And nothing to do with the fact that you and Charles have deliberately avoided each other all night?"
At that Elsie drew in a strangled sob.
"Hey," Beryl rested her hand on her friend's arm across the table, "Hey, what's going on?" She rubbed her palm across Elsie's skin soothingly. "Whatever's happened?"
Reluctantly Elsie sat up, mascara on her cheeks.
"What's all this? Drunk too much?"
"I love him so much," she said, in a half-strangled voice. "But I couldn't make it right, couldn't be what he wanted me to be."
"I assume we're talking Charles and not the guy you brought with you tonight." Beryl said, handing across a napkin.
"What a fucking idiot." She blew her nose. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. Who else you gonna cry to about turning forty?"
"Thanks." She snuffled again. "To be honest, I don't even know why I'm here. Could there possibly be anything stranger than celebrating your fortieth birthday in your ex-husband's parents' house?"
"It does sound a little odd, I'll grant you that. But this is you and Charles, not just any old couple. You make the odd seem normal. Who else do you know can bear to even see their ex husband and share a pot of tea with them without wanting to smash him repeatedly over the head with it? Yet you two have even managed to holiday together." She held up her hand before Elsie could interrupt, cutting her off. "And don't give me any shit about 'doing it for the girls'. It suited both of you to spend so much time together."
Elsie sighed heavily. Usually birthdays didn't bother her but for some reason this one was causing her to dwell on things, to analyse things she'd usually brush over. She didn't like it and she certainly didn't like how melancholy it had made her. "When I was twenty one and we got engaged, I thought by the time we were thirty our lives would be sorted. Now I'm forty and I don't know what the hell I'm doing."
"I don't think anyone knows what the hell they're doing. Nobody does. That's the joy of life."
"Ah but the difference is, you have someone to share the crazy with."
"Very true. And you could have too if you'd only swallow your God damn pride and sort it the fuck out." She reached across for Elsie's champagne glass and downed its contents. "And let's face it, if you do think you're done for good with Charles and you can't cope with things like this anymore, well then, at least you've got the sexy new rugby player showing more than a passing interest."
Elsie bristled at the suggestion. "Don't. That can be chalked up on the side of major balls ups. But I seem to have sidestepped that particular issue; a distinct lack of chemistry, when it comes down to it."
"Oh… Look, you gotta sit this out til at least midnight, by then everyone will be so drunk they won't notice when you slip away." She stood from her stool. "But stop moping. You may be forty years old but you and I both know that you're bloody gorgeous and that dress fits you like a second skin. So, as maddening as it is for me to say so, get your perfectly formed tits back in that marquee and do some mingling. Because from the pile of presents I've seen, you've had a couple of thousand spent on you."
"You're a right bitch sometimes, you know that, right?"
Beryl nodded smugly.
"I honestly don't know why we're still friends," Elsie said, placing an affectionate kiss on her friend's forehead.
"Easy. I'm the sexier side of you."
It didn't seem to matter where she went or who she was talking to that night, Charles couldn't keep his eyes from her. Earlier in the evening she'd seemed sad and that thought niggled at him, distracting him from his own enjoyment of the party - he'd do anything to curb her sadness. But she seemed more settled now and was moving easily from group to group, mingling, chatting, laughing... knocking back the champagne.
Mae had been thoughtful enough to text him prior to their leaving the house, so he'd gotten a taxi at the same time, making it there just a few minutes before they did and then waiting for his girls. As she'd pushed open the car door he'd taken her hand, helping her out, ready to shower her with compliments, to put the recent awkwardness behind them and make sure she had the best birthday party possible.
But she'd brought someone with her. Brought a date. And he'd felt like he'd been stabbed in the guts when this stranger emerged from the other side of the car and put his arm around Elsie. Put his hand on her.
"You're staring at her Dad," Mae said, as she came up behind him.
He turned to his daughter abruptly, "What? Sorry?"
"You're staring at her Dad."
"I don't know wha…"
"Don't lie, Daddy." Lily interrupted, staring up at him with wide eyes.
Charles swallowed - why was it one's children had the unique ability to make you feel guilt like you never had before? "I was just checking she was alright. That's all."
"You've been staring at her all night," Mae said, folding her arms and frowning.
He smiled, "You know, when you frown like that you look exactly like your mother when she is in one of her moods… it's a look I'm sure you've seen often," he said pointedly.
She twisted her mouth, "Yeah. Well, I'm sorry about that, but she brought that man with her and he's clearly a git."
"Now, you don't really know him." Charles said, "Let's be fair." He twisted his head round again, spotting where Elsie had moved to chat to Beryl's son at the opposite side of the room. If he were being honest he didn't really feel like being fair, he felt sick to his stomach at the thought of Elsie dating somebody else - that brought its own share of guilt with it, considering how Elsie must have felt when he was dating Alice (as short lived as that whole thing was).
Still, this 'John' appeared to have been given the brush off. Either that, or he'd bored of waiting for Elsie's company, as he'd spent the entire night either laughing, drinking or dancing with Elsie's assistant Anna - pretty young thing she was; Charles wasn't entirely sure John was the one for her, but each to their own.
"Dad, go and ask her to dance," Mae said forcefully, her hand pushing into her Father's back.
He glanced over the dancefloor to where Elsie stood talking to William - she was stunning, more than stunning, a goddess. The sparkle of her dress shining in the darkness of the room.
"Dad!" Mae said again, pushing him harder until his feet shifted slightly.
"Mae-bae…" he grumbled lowly, but when he glanced up Lily was standing in front of him, her chocolate-brown eyes pleading, her expression almost desperate.
"Please, Daddy!" she said. "Please."
"Pleeeease…" Mae added and he felt her push him once more and then he was somehow making his way across, avoiding dancers as he kept his eyes on Elsie. She looked up before he even reached her, held his gaze the whole time he moved.
He ignored the boy standing with her, the conversation they were clearly in: "Dance with me," he said, more of a statement than a question, and then he held his hand out and she slipped hers into it, following him onto the dancefloor.
She felt oddly detached from what else was going on around her, she knew people would be watching - of course they would - and Charles had never really enjoyed dancing to pop music, not since he was in his early twenties anyhow. As he slid his palm across her back, his fingers tracing the shape of the gemstones on her dress, the feel of her bra beneath it, the warmth of her, the music abruptly changed - one track cut off as another began.
It was slower, which was one thing in Charles' favour, and they soon settled into a rhythm, swaying discreetly as others around them did the same.
"You look beautiful," he said, looking into her eyes, determined to let her see the honesty in his own, that there were no hard feelings, no matter what he'd said the other day. He wanted her to be happy, wanted things to be amicable; they'd always been such good friends no matter what else had transpired.
Elsie smiled at him, glancing up to his face; he looked so sad, almost lost.
"Thank you," she whispered, then looked away again, it was too hard…
She focussed on the music, on the lyrics; it was a song she knew, Mae had played it loads the previous year, dancing around the kitchen to it...
I tell myself you don't mean a thing,
And what we got, got no hold on me
But when you're not there, I just crumble
I tell myself I don't care that much,
But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch...
Gasping for air she breathed deeply, very keenly aware of why the previous song had suddenly ended - her two daughters were standing expectantly at the side of the dancefloor, Lily's hands clasped in front of her chest, Mae's arm around her younger sister's shoulders.
"I think we've been set up," she said.
"Is that so bad, really?" He was staring down at her, holding her closer now, pressing her against him - he'd watched her dance with that man earlier in the evening and it had almost killed him. "Elsie…?" He prompted.
"It will just confuse them," she said, tears in her eyes, her chest tight. "It's too hard."
He didn't want to see her cry, never, and he slid his fingers up into her hair, guiding her face to his chest. For a while they moved like that, he kissed the top of her head - once, twice - and then dropped his face down to the side of hers, whispering by her ear, "I love you. You know that. It's only ever been you. It always will be."
And then he turned her head, closed his eyes and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.
Only love, only love can hurt like this,
Only love can hurt like this
Must have been a deadly kiss
Only love can hurt like this
Snuffling, Elsie shifted her hand on his back, clutching at him, she felt almost desperate - like she wanted to crawl inside him and disappear.
"I don't want a divorce…" she mumbled; embarrassed and ashamed.
His relief was palpable. "Neither do I."
Her heart trembled at his words and she moved her face, eyes closed as she sought his mouth and they finally let their feelings take over and their lips touch. Tentatively, shakily, but it was a kiss and it felt perfect.
When he drew her into a hug, kissing her head again, brushing haphazardly at his face to to clear the tears from his eyes, he caught sight of his two girls jumping up and down at the side of the dance floor and he grinned at them - parent trap indeed.
Lily's hand felt warm and secure in hers as Elsie made her way carefully down the icy steps to the waiting taxi. In fact, both of her daughters seemed to be floating on air ever since the impromptu dance (and kiss) that somehow seemed to have taken place between she and Charles. She wasn't quite sure how it had happened, or what it all meant yet, but she was certain of one thing - she was leaving the party feeling a whole lot happier and more secure than she had when she'd arrived.
She watched as Mae hugged her father goodnight, how the young lady seemed to linger in her hold of him, before clambering into the back of the taxi. Lily did the same and Elsie folded her hands together, suddenly feeling like she wasn't exactly sure what to do with them.
"Well…" she mumbled, when they were 'alone'.
His smile was serene, "Well."
The warmth in his tone made her step in closer to him. "I suppose we say goodnight?"
"I suppose so." He placed his hands gently on her upper arms and leant in to tenderly kiss her head. "And, officially, Happy Birthday."
"Ah, I'd forgotten," she said, surprised, she hadn't noticed it was after midnight.
"I'll call you later in the day?" His thumbs were rubbing gentle circles against the material of the jacket she had around her arms - his jacket.
"A-ha."
"And we'll, you know…"
"Arrange to meet?"
"And talk?"
"And talk."
This was silly. She'd known him for over twenty years yet she felt like a teenager experiencing her first real crush.
"Good." He tilted his head down as if he were going to kiss her mouth and she lifted her head a little, only for them both to look away embarrassed when they heard the distinct giggling of their girls.
"Subject of amusement," he said.
"Perhaps we should save this for when we're really alone?"
She nodded, reluctantly parting from him.
"Wait, mum!" Lily shouted, scrambling over Mae's legs, leaning out of the car and pointing her phone at them. "Let me get a picture of you two together."
"Oh Lil, you know how I hate these things," Charles grumbled.
He felt Elsie's hand momentarily rest on his forearm, "A picture will be fine."
She stood beside him, smiling at her two girls staring up at them from the back of the taxi.
"Four seconds to take it," Charles said.
"Mum wouldn't even get her hair right in four seconds!" Mae teased.
Lily snapped away a few times on her phone, "There. Done."
"Painless see Dad. We'll text it to you later."
Now he smiled, feeling Elsie's hand squeeze his very briefly, "Goodnight Charles," she said, before climbing into the back of the car with the girls.
"Goodnight darling," he said, closing the taxi door.
