Chapter 9. Arrangements Not Made.

Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis were caught off-guard. Having to deal with a woman as formidable as Lady Myrtle giving you one of her signature "you are vermin" looks is never pleasant. Well, Lina and Zelgadis were caught off-guard; Gourry seemed alright, but he just might not have been paying attention.

"We're uh…" Lina began uncertainly.

"This is Miss Lina Inverse, Mister Gourry Gabriev, and Mister Zelgadis Greywords," Phil swooped in to explain. "They're friends of my Amelia's."

"I see," Myrtle said, not taking her steely eyes off of them. "And the nature of their visit would be?"

"Umm… to visit?" Lina offered. It seemed pretty obvious.

"And for how long?" Myrtle asked sternly.

Lina scowled. Where did this woman get the right to interrogate them about their stay? "For as long as we—" Lina began, not caring who she made enemies with.

"They're welcome to stay for as long as they want," Phil cut in, deciding perhaps it would be better if Lina didn't answer that in her current temper. "Miss Lina and her friends have served the kingdom on a number of occasions. Seyruun owes them a great debt," he said firmly.

"Really?" Myrtle said in a chilly tone. "And they served Seyruun… for free?"

"What?" Phil asked, uncomprehendingly.

"Well, I've heard something of Miss Inverse before," Myrtle said, and right there Lina knew that was a bad sign. No one ever spread nice rumors about her. "And I understand the prices she asks for her aid are somewhat outrageous."

"What?!" Lina exploded. "Look lady, have you ever tried to fight a monster? It's no cake walk! My prices are completely—"

"They are a little outrageous," Zelgadis commented, without much rancor.

Lina turned to glare at him. This was no time to be a smart aleck!

"It's 'cause she's so greedy," Gourry agreed.

"Hmmph," Myrtle went on. "Well it seems to me that Seyruun's debt has been paid."

"They're our friends!" Amelia exclaimed. "We're not letting them stay here because we have to. We're glad to have them here!"

Myrtle looked at Amelia as though she was a rather irrelevant detail. "I see," she said icily. She turned her gaze back on Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis. She gave them a… well, technically it classified as a smile. Her lips turned up at the corners, but the look in her eyes didn't change. "Then I'm sure I will look forward to their company."

The three of them got the impulse to take a step back. The thought: "We're doomed," ran across their minds.

Myrtle snapped her attention back to Phil. "Philionel! Where is Eldoran? Are you taking good care of him?"

Phil's expression darkened. "He's on the second floor. We have several skilled doctors and healers attending to him, but he doesn't improve."

"I wish to see him!" Myrtle demanded.

"Of course," Phil said, closing his eyes. He nodded to a servant who stepped forward, gave a little half-bow to Lady Myrtle, and motioned for her to follow him. For just one second, Myrtle's expression seemed to soften and she was just an old woman. But then she snapped back to attention.

"We shall talk later, Philionel," she said in a rather threatening manner. "Come along, Edmund."

"Yes, my treasure," her husband cooed, trailing after her billowing skirts.


"What a horrible woman!" Lina exclaimed as the four of them took refuge in the privacy of Lina's room later on. She looked to the side with some embarrassment and said: "Sorry Amelia, I know she's family, but honestly—"

"Don't worry about it," Amelia said, resting her chin in both hands. "She scares everyone."

"The nerve of her to act like we have no right to be here!" Lina raged on, once it was clear that she had permission to. "Where does that old bat get off thinking she can just come in here and boss everyone around?!"

"Calm down," Gourry said. "You gotta be nice to old ladies. Even if they act mean, they're just doing it 'cause they still want to be important."

Lina gave Gourry a surprised and suspicious look. "That's oddly insightful for you, Gourry. Where'd you get that from?"

"My mom used to say it," Gourry said calmly, "about my grandma."

"The same grandma who liked good penmanship?" Lina asked, but underneath it all she felt a little annoyed. Why didn't she know anything about these people? Shouldn't Gourry have told her about the important people in his life? Seriously, they'd traveled together for ages. You'd think he'd care enough to let her know.

"Yep," Gourry said.

"What about penmanship?" Zelgadis asked.

"Oh, nothing," Lina said dismissively. Zelgadis wasn't to know about anything related to the fake spell.

"Hmm," Zelgadis said. He wasn't really dwelling on Gourry's family history or the merits of respecting your elders. Myrtle asking to see King Eldoran had jabbed at something in his mind. He never thought about it. He'd had opportunities, but he'd brushed them away. Phil's father… Amelia's grandfather was bedridden and was heading into a steady decline. He knew that. But he didn't know much of anything else. He'd never asked. Not because he didn't care precisely… more like he didn't want to care. And he didn't want to upset Amelia either. He knew she went to visit her grandfather occasionally, but never looked any further. His excuse was that it was a private family moment… but he knew he had more selfish reasons for keeping himself out of the loop.

And Myrtle's brother seemed to be her soft-spot. Well, even an old bird that tough had to care about something.

There was a polite knock on the door and, when given permission to come in, a messenger opened the door. "Princess?" he said. "Lady Myrtle has requested you to take tea with her and Prince Philionel and Lord Edmund in the sitting room."

A look of panic crossed Amelia's face. She might have been about to blurt out: "Do I have to?" but the messenger beat her to the punch.

"Please," he said with a pained expression, "don't make me go back and tell her that you won't come!"

Amelia found her resolve and nodded. "Alright," she said. "Tell her I'll be down in a minute."

The messenger nodded gratefully and bowed his way out of the room.

Amelia sighed and turned to her friends. "Well, I guess I'd better be going then. I'll see you all later."

"Unless she poisons you or something," Lina commented acerbically.

"Come on," Gourry said. "Don't be mean."

"All I can say is: good luck," Zelgadis said, rolling his eyes.

Amelia nodded miserably and walked out of the room. At an extremely slow pace.

"Well, that's that," Lina said, after Amelia had disappeared down the hall. "Wonder what that Myrtle lady wants to talk to them about."

Zelgadis shrugged. "It depends. It probably has to do with why Phil invited her here."

Lina knew exactly why Phil invited her, and that didn't help much since Myrtle didn't know. "The sitting room," she said vaguely. "That's the one they barely ever use with all the covered furniture and the vaulted ceiling."

"They probably took the covers off the furniture since they have guests," Zelgadis said. "That should be good news at least. Apparently she's a neat freak."

"There's a really loud echo in that room," Lina said almost wistfully. "A person could be just outside the door and hear every word that's been said."

Zelgadis stared at her. "No," he said firmly.

"Oh, come on!" Lina said earnestly.

"Why would we want to eavesdrop on Phil and his guests?" Zelgadis said. "There's no reason to do that besides the fact that you're nosy."

"That's a good enough reason!" Lina insisted. "Don't you want to know what she's saying?"

"I don't care," Zelgadis said simply.

"Well, I'm going," Lina said petulantly. "Stay here and brood all day if you want."

"Fine," Zelgadis said, though he really hadn't planned on doing much brooding. But then again, you never plan on brooding. It just happens naturally.

Lina tried one last shot: "And don't think for one minute that I'll tell you what she said!"

Damn it.


So Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis found themselves hovering outside Seyruun castle's sitting room. It was a rarely used room. Phil had the general attitude that entertaining should be done with the accompaniment of a banquet (a policy that Lina wholeheartedly approved of) so most meetings with guests were done in the dining hall. Meetings that didn't require a wide variety of condiments were held in what in another castle might have been called "The War Room." Phil disagreed with the idea of war, so he called it "The Long-Term Peace Strategy Room," which wasn't as catchy, but was fine since "war" and "long-term peace strategy" have a lot in common. Since it was where Lina, Gourry, and Phil had been talking matchmaking strategy, Lina had started thinking of it as "The Love and War Room."

But the sitting room wasn't used much. Neither Phil nor Amelia were into stifling manners, but clearly Aunt Myrtle was. She probably hoped someone would slurp their tea just so she could give them one of the looks she'd been practicing in the mirror.

"So," they heard Phil say in a fit of jovial awkwardness, "isn't it nice us all being together like this?" You really had to feel sorry for the guy.

"Drop the lies, Philionel," Myrtle said bluntly. "I know you wouldn't invite me here unless you needed my help."

"That's not true!" Phil protested. "I just thought a visit would be—"

"Ha," Myrtle said, to make her disbelief known. She gestured to Amelia with her tea-cup. "It's about getting an engagement set up, isn't it? A woman's help is generally needed in these affairs."

Amelia gripped the handle of her tea-cup a little harder than necessary. Being treating like an object was getting old fast.

"Ah," Phil cleared his throat awkwardly. "No."

Myrtle looked surprised. "You have something in the works already?" she asked.

"No," Phil said. "We were actually thinking that we'd wait a bit."

Myrtle gave him a look that suggested that she doubted whether he was doing any thinking at all. "Really, Philionel? You can't be that foolish, can you? She must have gotten proposals already. With the other one gone, this one will no doubt be on the throne one day. Any nobleman would jump at the chance of being king, even if the girl is a bit," she sniffed, "untraditional."

There was the sound of china being slammed into "this one's" saucer.

"Well, I mean, we have gotten some—" Phil began, only to be cut off again.

"You've gotten proposals and you're just going to wait?" Myrtle asked. "Have you any idea how insulted her prospective suitors will be? Trade relations will suffer. Have you been thinking of Seyruun at all?"

"Well, of course I have, but—"

"It's this… fairy-tale stuff you've been feeding her, isn't it?" Myrtle spat. "She probably thinks she's going to go out there and find some romance." It was clear that the words "fairy-tale" and "romance" were on a long list of words that Lady Myrtle disapproved of.

"Arranged marriages can be romantic too, my dear," came the slightly whistley voice of Lord Edmund to Amelia. "Why, I remember the day I met your Great Aunt Myrtle," he said, misty-eyed. "It was a magical moment."

Myrtle snorted. It was an odd sound from such a genteel lady. It was a refined sort of snort, but nevertheless a snort.

"Our eyes met across a crowded room," Edmund reminisced.

"It was our wedding," Myrtle said firmly. "You asked your father which one the bride was and he pointed."

"Yes, but it was love at first sight," Edmund countered.

"You thought you were marrying my handmaiden for half-an-hour before someone corrected you," Myrtle said harshly.

"It was love at first sight then too," Edmund said with a sigh.

Myrtle shook her head in disgust. She turned back to Amelia. "I was two years younger than you. When I was your age I was already expecting our Edgar." She waved a hand toward Edmund. "Sixty-eight years of marriage. Eight children. Our marriage was for the good of Seyruun and for the good of Halrune. It was a political arrangement. It didn't have any of your romance. But sixty-eight years," she said, giving Edmund an appraising look, "and it's been mostly tolerable."

Edmund smiled as though he couldn't ask for a more glowing review.

"There's plenty of time," Phil said, trying to take control back of the conversation as Amelia gave Myrtle and Edmund a horrified look. "We don't need to rush into anything if she's not ready to get married."

"Pish posh," Myrtle said dismissively. "The marriage isn't that important. At least not immediately. Let her have a long engagement if she's so immature. Maybe she'll grow out of this awkward stage and grow out her hair so she doesn't look like a boy anymore."

Zelgadis had to gape from outside the room. How many cataracts, he thought in disbelief, does dear old Aunt Myrtle have to have to think Amelia looks like a boy?

"The point is to get the arrangements made," Myrtle said firmly. "That way everyone knows where they stand and the political climate can calm down."

"But I don't want to get engaged now," Amelia said, red-faced. Well, she thought, at least not to anyone Aunt Myrtle would pick out.

"That hardly matters now, does it?" Myrtle said with withering scorn.

"I think if she wants to wait we should let her wait," Phil said loyally.

Myrtle eyes were ping-ponging suspiciously between Phil and Amelia. "There's already someone, isn't there?" she asked sharply.

"No!" Phil and Amelia both said at once.

"Yes, there is," Myrtle said certainly. "Please don't tell me it's one of your little vagabond friends. A bunch of free-loaders if I ever saw one."

The free-loading eavesdroppers shifted awkwardly outside the door.

"Don't talk about them like that. They're good people!" Amelia shot back. Though she might have occasionally used the word "free-loaders" too.

"Aha!" Myrtle said, triumph shining in her eyes. "It is one of them. It's not the tall one because I see him trailing after that Inverse girl. I recognize that behavior." She shot a contemptuous look her husband's way. "It's the chimera one, isn't it? Got his eye on the throne, has he?"

The Inverse girl and the tall one exchanged a flustered look. What behavior?

"No! You're all wrong about him!" Amelia said, really getting upset at this point.

"Or maybe his eye is on something else then?" Myrtle said in a low suspicious voice as she looked Amelia over.

Outside in the hall, Zelgadis had his eye on the floor.

"Listen, we're just friends!" Amelia said, blushing. "Trust me when I say that that's the last thing on his mind."

"Is it that far back, Zel?" Lina couldn't resist asking in a whisper.

"Shut up," he said.

"What is he, a swordsman or something?" Myrtle asked in an unimpressed tone.

"And a sorcerer," Amelia added with a certain touch of pride.

"Hmmph," Myrtle said again. "And that's supposed to make him king material?"

"I never said—" Amelia tried.

"Might be nice to have a warrior king," Edmund commented lightly. "Not that I see anything wrong with your pacifistic nature, Philionel," he added deferentially, "but an experienced battler could bring something new and valuable to the game."

Zelgadis couldn't believe that they were actually talking about this. Like it was a possibility! They just steamrollered over Amelia when she said she didn't want to.

…Well wait. She hadn't actually said that she didn't want to. Just that it was the last thing on his mind.

"The chimera thing could be a problem," Edmund said thoughtfully, "but I'm sure that given time the people could—"

"Do you even listen to yourself, Edmund?" Myrtle rebuked. "We've had hunchbacked kings, half-paralyzed kings, elderly kings, child kings, and occasionally even undead kings. The chimera issue hardly matters. The public will stand for practically anything."

Zelgadis found that all rather hard to believe, especially coming from Myrtle of all people.

"But what they will not stand for," Myrtle went on, "is a common king."

Zelgadis clenched his fist. Oh yes, he thought. It does make more sense that that would be her problem. There's a certain type of people that think if your name is shorter than theirs then your blood is worthless.

"He's not—"

"The public has gotten used to common queens," Myrtle allowed. "I can't say that's been for the greater good, but it's a fact. Too many princes running off with servant girls," she added with a sneer. "But the people hold their kings to a higher standard. Seyruun must have a king of nobility. Which it is obvious to me your Mister Greywords does not have."

"He's not my Mister Greywords," Amelia said. "And what makes you think he's not noble? Just because you don't know who his parents are? He's one of the most noble people I've ever met!"

This surprised Zelgadis who would've never ascribed that characteristic to himself.

"Ha. 'Love is blind'," Myrtle quoted scornfully. "Of course nobility is about more than blood, you silly child. There are lords out there who have never even seen nobility. But your little friends look more like common crooks to me than nobles in disguise."

There was a sound that Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis knew with absolute certainty was Amelia rising to her feet in righteous indignation. They should not have been able to hear her point, but nevertheless they did. Experience with Amelia did that to you.

"Great Aunt Myrtle you are wrong!" she boomed. "My friends are brave and noble and true! They are allies of Justice which is more than I can say for you! They may have a few character flaws," she allowed.

"Thanks a lot," Lina mumbled.

"But they're honest about the big things!" Amelia rallied. "They don't deserve to be spoken about the way you're speaking about them!"

"Furthermore," Amelia added, gaining speed. "I can get married when I like to whom I like without your intervention!"

Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis exchanged nervous looks. There might be an explosion in the sitting room shortly.

Myrtle was watching her coolly. Her words seemed to be written across her face before her mouth went to the trouble of shaping them.

"We shall see about that."