Awakening by Dubchick
Neon Lights
Chapter 9
The morning came brighter and sooner than I expected it too. Of cause I'd eaten and slept well as was becoming the norm after these things. The previous day's drama taking its toll on my human body as it always did, and now I expected the post symptoms. But I'd woken alert and restless, almost euphoric. The dreams that had filled my sound sleep not diminishing its value. The women in my dream's, I now knew to be my mother, though still full of fear and dread, seemed to glide through the dense tall trees, like a ghost toying with the dark figures with the bright eyes. She seemed to know the end was inevitable, but she was going to make them work for it. Like the outcome wasn't the point any more, the game was more important. She would stop, motionless, still like a living statue, until a dark figure was almost upon her. Then she would ghost away, her solid form changing to a whisper of smoke as she evaded his grasp. A dark smile all too apparent on her wistful lips and a similarly dark, delicious laugh echoed in the thunderous night's sky. As the Guardian searched for her again, so would I, scouring the leafy tree tops, searching up into the dark starry night, until the sparkle of tanzanite gave her momentarily away. But slowly her smoky form eventually gave way to her flesh self and the three figures all reaching for her simultaneously. A tremendous blinding flash of brilliant white light lit the seen, disorienting my sub-conscious mind for a second, and then I was sat bold right up in bed, the morning light pierced my already widely stretched eyes.
It had felt like I'd just set my head down a moment before, the previous nights nauseous feeling in my stomach brought on by my sheer lack of energy and the need to sleep. Gabriel had guided me to the lemon and white guest room, with its comfortable single bed, pushing away the decorative mosquito net as I quickly removed my trousers and untied the blue shirt, allowing the length of it to fall over my legs. I crawled under the covers, sleep taking me almost instantly. The last thing I remembered was Gabriel's sweet breath on my ear, and his words, 'Sleep well.'
Now I was most definitely awake, throwing back the clovers as I jumped up from the bed. I crept silently to the bathroom not wanting to encounter Gabriel before I'd had a chance to clean my teeth and sort the bird's nest that had probably settled on my head during the night. Behind me I could hear the faint beat of the radio as I pushed open the bathroom door. Gabriel was awake too.
The east facing white bathroom was blinding in the morning light. The mirror opposite the window glinted with the dazzling rays that streaked across the room, the filling basin bouncing them back up again towards my face. Squinting I quickly rubbed at my face with the cool water, only momentarily catching sight of myself before screwing my eyes up again and reaching for the cloud like towel that hung next the basin. Then my teeth in the same fashion and next the birds nest, pulling the brush through, trying to see any part of myself in the blindingly bright reflection - without success. But then I remembered the blind that hung inside the windows frame, feeling for the cord at the window and pulled it. Sharply the vertical slats rushing into place, bringing instant relief to my aching cheeks as they relaxed into a normal position on my face. The sharpness of the light subdued, leaving the room dulled by comparison, but still bright enough. Like a cheap pair of sun glasses, only blocking out the glare. I turned back to the mirror eager to make sure any trace of birds nest had been dealt with. But it wasn't exactly my face that greeted me in the reflection. Something had changed. I stared not totally sure what I was looking for, but something was different. Like when someone had their hair cut in a slightly different style, you know there's a difference, but you can't put your finger on it straight away. Then, there it was, quite literally staring me in the face. I winced away at first, sure it was a trick of the previous sparkling light, but when I blinked once, then again, it didn't change. A shrill gasp fell from my lips as my face flew closer to the mirror, my finger dragging down on my lower lid. My hazel eyes, weren't exactly hazel anymore. There was a subtle change. Any body else might have missed it, but I'd been looking into these eyes for eighteen years, and they where most definitely - wrong. The black pupil in the centre was as dark as ever with the hazel fading out towards the edges. But at the edge, where usually the dark honey line rimmed around the outside of my iris, before changing to the white of my eyes, there was a vivid aquamarine blue rim instead, that had never been there before. It could have been shock, or the fact that I'd stopped breathing, but my head started to spin as I stared closer at the unfamiliar rim. The giddiness made the room seemed to dip then sway. I clung to the basin to stop myself from going with it, remembering previous fainting spell from my school days when the school nurse used it as a mantra, 'breath: in through the nose and out through the mouth'. I concentrated; my giddiness persisted, as I slowly guided myself to the door. I carefully inched my way down the short corridor towards the living room, holding onto the wall and door frames for support. A steady beat from the radio came from the other door way on the opposite side of the living room. My hand grasped at the door frame, the giddiness still whirling despite my best efforts.
I called weekly. 'Gabriel!'
All signs of my former euphoria weas gone, but I was still alert, the beat from my unsteady heart sounded noisily in my ears.
I breathed again, more deeply, determined to rid myself of the condition that my too shakeable body seemed happy to hold me in.
But then he was there, instantly by my side, like he'd been there all along, not fifty feet away in the kitchen. His steadying hand rounded my waist, as he pulled my grasping hand around the back of his neck, steadying my stance.
'What is it?' He said hastily, concern in his voice.
My fallen gaze drew up to hold his eyes for a moment, until in the bright room, he saw it too. He looked deeply before pulling me over to the sofa, sitting me so a shaft of light hit my face making my instantly squint again. He effortlessly repositioned me like I was a cushion on the seat, not seeming to notice my weight at all, and stared in the same disbelief that I had moments before.
'What's happening?' I implored, though it came out as a whisper.
'Fascinating.' He seemed to marvel, but that wasn't the answer I was looking for. My hand gripped his, where his finger was gently widening my eyes, pulling the lids in opposite directions.
'Gabriel!' It seemed to bring him back.
'It's got to be the way your body is coping with what happened yesterday.' He shook his head. 'But nothing about it is normal. First you don't have any signs of a gift, what I would call normal signs of it at a young age. Then when it does come it seems to come in torrents, and now your eyes…' He shook his head again, his gaze not really looking at me now, he was lost in thought.
'But what's going to happen, are my eyes going to stay this way? Are they going to be like yours? Why is any of this happening?' I demanded a little louder than before, the nausea feeling returning to my stomach as it seemed to most days lately, and hysteria building with each sentence.
He looked at me now, his beautiful face confused, apologetic, 'I'm sorry.' He held my hand tight. 'I don't know. Your DNA hasn't changed since I met you. You're still the same.'
'Pardon?'
'I could sense any changes.' He said as his eye brows pinned.
'Pardon?' I said again, feeling like I'd joined the conversation half way through, or was the giddiness affecting my hearing and I'd missed a vital part?
'I can read DNA.' He said like I should already know. 'It's one of my….. gifts.'
I didn't respond just stared at him through my new eyes.
His eyes narrowed reminding me of the handsome Guardian. 'It's how I knew you were related to Bill. I just presumed he was your uncle as you said your parents had died. I didn't know who he really was until he told you himself.'
I took his hand, lifting it; examine it, turning it over, look at his palm then back again when I found nothing out of the ordinary.
'How?'
'That day outside your house, when he shook my hand. I can tell by touch. That's all it takes.' He shrugged his shoulder. 'It's how I knew for sure you where the person I was looking for. But I can't explain this change, or any of your changes. It's very… annoying.' His nostrils flares as he looked away, puzzling the questions in his head. Then his expression changed. He looked pained with a little bit of guilt; it froze me to the spot.
'I think maybe I started your transformation.' He said quietly, his eyes studying his hands. 'Something about coming into contact we me. I think my DNA might have triggered your gift into awakening.'
Now even my breathings stopped. My mind seemed to sway not helping my stomachs already fragile state. He didn't speak, just watched me as I slowly came to terms with his theory. I drew in a sharp breath and looked him in his forlorn eyes that bored into mine. 'If it wasn't you it would have been one of the Guardians when they came to get me.' I smiled weakly. 'I'm glad it was you.'
He tried to force a smile, but it didn't work. He shook his head solemnly, 'But I don't know how this is going to develop long term.'
It was frightening to see him like this, to hear the words. He was always so sure, so absolute. For him to be unsure about anything frightened me more that a hundred Guardian.
'Is it that my gift is second hand?' I murmured, not sure that it was the right term.
His eyes seemed to brighten. 'Second hand?' he considered it for a moment before continuing. 'You might be right. I'd not even considered that before. You didn't get your gift in the usual way. You weren't given it, you had it passed genetically. It doesn't work like that on my planet. You need it added to the genetic make up, it can't be passed on.'
'At all, no one ever?'
'No, never.' He sounded confused.
His hand glided across my worried face, trying to sooth my expression.
'It really isn't anything to worry about right now.' His reassurance didn't do anything for my expression or how I felt inside.
'But everything's so mixed up. This gift,' I used the term loosely, 'it's so unpredictable, so…shocking.'
He smiled at my phrase, but I hadn't meant it as a joke, it was just a poor chose of words.
'I don't know how to control it. It comes and goes of its own accord. Is it like that for everyone on your planet?'
'No.' he looked a little wary. 'Children have a long time to learn to control and manipulate their gifts, not just the one you know of, but many other talents as well.'
'What other talents?' I questioned, surprised by the concept.
He meaningful gazed into my changed eyes, examining then again before he started. 'All sorts of things, as I said I can read genetic make up, but there's other things. Strength, speed, agility, mental awareness.' My brow lifted in curiosity waiting for more. He smiled. 'Things like, problem solving, you know the speed the brain works at, mind reading, projection, suggestion.'
'Wow, like making people think things that aren't real and do things against their will?'
'Yes.' He laughed lightly, my expression obviously amused him.
His hand glided around my jaw line and brush gently along my lips, making me forget momentarily what we where taking about, but I refocused and continued.
'What else?' I was eager to learn more, this was the first time he'd spoken at any length about the genetic manipulation on Antaria and despite how bizarre I found it, I found it fascinating at the same time.
'Well, there's other gifts, like yours for instance. Defensive gifts as well as offensive gifts, like the Guardian.' His previously warm tone cooled on the last word. His eyes flickered away as if he was remembering something.
'Their gifts are in warfare. In beating their opponent regardless of how well, or poorly their opponent might be defended. Their also given training, so heightening their natural abilities. But their brutal, kill first and ask questions later kind of people, not that they would ask the questions anyway. It's their purpose, what they were built to do. They enjoy it, they live for it. It's like a nagging need inside that's never satisfied. They go from one to the next, to the next, to next. No compassion, no guilt, but the feeling of fulfilment only lasts a short time and their ready to start again.' The amusement had vanished from his face and his eyes where dark and brooding as they flickered back to my own, repulsion in his tone.
'Their lethal.' I swallowed as I spoke.
'Yes.' He nodded, and then his expression lightened. 'Well usually. We got lucky with that first one by the lake. I think he was probably a 'wonna-be' rather than a gifted Guardian. He was sent presuming you where a soft target.' I cringed at the thought. 'And the second yesterday, he wasn't expecting you to be gifted. You're human after all.' He smirked as he spoke about the last bit. 'Nobody on Antaria knows you have a gift, your Mother probably never knew. I didn't know until that day at the diner.'
It made me cringe again. 'Neither did I! And you found out before I did.'
He smirked at that too.
'Your gift seems to be connected with your emotions. When you're scared or excited it works best.' I smirked at that, remembering our first kiss, my face warmed but I don't think he noticed. 'Maybe I should try to help you to control it, or at least focus it so it's there again when you need it instantly.'
He shifted slightly now curious for my reply before he'd even asked the question.
'It's much stronger than it should be. How did it feel in your body? Did it take long for the force to fill you or was it instantaneous?'
I bit my lip, 'It took a short while, not long really.' I felt a little embarrassed, like I was a crazy person talking to a shrink. But he was no psychiatrist and I didn't think I was entirely crazy.
'It started in the cafeteria when I was with Anna.' I continued.
He looked confused. 'With cafeteria, but you said you saw him outside.'
I smirked, embarrassment barging it's way back in again. 'I did, but before that Anna and I were talking about… you.'
He raised an eyebrow, pulling his head backwards to size me up.
'I'd just realised something, or should I say Anna pointed it out.' My gaze dropped as my face grew hotter. I diverted the conversation, 'It started in my fingers…'
But Gabriel cut me off, his face searching mine. 'Hang on a moment. Pointed out what?' a smile clung to his bemused face.
'It's not important right now. Let me finish and we can talk about that later.' I shook my head, grinning, he didn't miss a thing!
'Later.' he said meaningfully, his expression amused.
I started again quickly before he changed his mind. 'As I said it started in my fingers, tingling, a subtle vibration. Then it rose up through my wrists, warming as it went, up my arms to my shoulders. Then it sunk down wards through my chest the heat increasing the more scare I got, down to my legs and feet. As it travels the heat contimued to mount, becoming hard to handle, but not as uncontrollable as it did that day at Bills house.' I mused to myself. 'That's when he touched me.'
'Where?'
'My wrist.' I pointed to the spot.
'Then.' he pressed whilst examining my wrist, all serious now.
'He crumpled to the floor, and he shook like I was a live wire or something. Then we seemed to be surrounded by the most high pitched screaming, or whistling sound. It was weird'
'Hhmmm.' Was all he said.
'What?'
'It's so much more powerful than anything on Antaria. It's like it's been amplified some how.' He was puzzling out loud.
'Mutated?' I threw in.
'Maybe, something like that. It's probably because Bill is human, but I can't be sure. No research has ever been done on it. As I said before relationships with 'aliens' are forbidden, and offspring…..'He trailed off as both his eyes brows rose.
I spoke in an almost whisper as I suddenly realised the obvious, 'Would they hurt you too, because of me, because of us?'
His eyes looked away, his answer not needing to be said out loud. I lifted his hand, pressing it to my lips then holding it against my face.
The silence pressed on, staring into each others eyes, until something else occurred to me.
'Aliens.' I made the word last longer than it should have, braking the painful silence. 'You mean humans right?'
'No.' he said quietly, shaking his head. 'You're not the only other intelligent planet in the entire universe' He sounded mocking now.
'What!' I exclaimed
'Tilley there's a lot of life out there. Some friendly, some not. That's why the Guardians are used. They're like an inter-world army.' He smirked at his words. 'They defend us, or at least that's how it started, but they are also used to control us now.'
'Oh.' I gulped.
'Anyway.' Gabriel said staring at my new eyes and bringing the conversation back on point. 'We need to try and find a way to control and harness your gift before it gets dangerous.'
'Dangerous?' My voice rose.
'It keeps getting stronger. You need to control it before…'
'Before what.' I demanded urgently.
He hesitated for just a moment, '….before it controls you, or worse, kills you.'
I sat like stone, stunned. I'd not considered its effect on me, on my body. I imagined a sterile white room, me in a straight jacket, convulsing violently, only the white of my eyes visible whist my eyes, what ever colour they where, had sunken into the back of my head, just like the Guardians yesterday. I pushed it away again focusing on Gabriel's full lips to dispel the image.
I spoke coldly and quickly. 'When do we start?'
Time passed in the little cottage, the dreary grey sky sending down torrents of endless icy rain for what seemed like days on end. The weather had change dalong with my mood. The rains drumming never seemed to end, despite Gabriel's, sometimes foolhardy attempt to distract me. Days turned into weeks as he did his best to evoke any emotion that might summon up the raging torment, which I now considered it, from inside my body. At first he tried the straightforward approach, getting me to concentrate on how I felt that last time the heat had erupted from me. When that didn't work after exhaustive attempts he pushed harder as if he were trying to make me angry enough to call it up a fresh. Then came the endless horror movies, the adrenalin pumping action movies. All they did was to make me even more nauseous and nervous than I already was. I started imagining every creek was a werewolf baying for my blood, every bang was a gun pointed at my head, and with my vivid imagination I didn't need any help. I grew more terrifying and anxious, but still no raging inferno. He even tried underhanded tactics, not that I minded, trying to raise another emotion all together different. One that I welcomed as his warm hand glided up my arm raising goose bumps where they had traced. His lips urgent pressed against mine, but too often we just forgot about the training and lost ourselves in the moment.
I concluded, despite Gabriel's continuing attempts, that I wasn't trainable. It wasn't that I didn't want all the help I could get; I just thought it didn't work that way in me - for a human. I wasn't Antarian and if my personal inward volcano differed from the original, then maybe my ability to control it was different too. Frankly I'd given up on my ability to summon it at will, not that I was defeatist, but I didn't see the need to torture innocent house plants in the hope they'd end up a pile of frazzled ash, if it was never going to work. That didn't stop Gabriel from trying, but by this time I was so board with it I started considering going back to college just to have a chance to get away from all of it, and if a Guardian turned up I'd just practise on him, or he'd end my misery! Either way was better that the constant fear that filled my thoughts. Though I knew my inner self-preservation instinct would stop me before I even made it to the front door.
I sat now, head balanced on top of my hand, peering through the high living room window, propped up on the thick stone window ledge. The rain drops trickle down the pain in front of me. The greenish blue colours held within each rain drop bowing around the tear drop shape as it gathered momentum and lightly exploded as it hit the bottom of the frame. It had been nearly a month without leaving the, fast becoming, claustrophobic cottage. My hopeless boredom magnified when Gabriel wasn't here. He would leave for varying lengths of time every few days, leaving Bill to babysit. This had been happening for about two weeks now. It wasn't uncomfortable to have Bill here, though it did take a bit of getting used to, but it meant I was starting to get to know the person behind the man, despite the long silences. This was one of those times, when conversation had ended, nothing left to say.
Breaking the silence Bill exclaimed as the thought came to him. 'You have some post.' He hurried to his back backpack that lay a short distance from me, propped up against the thick stone wall, next to the front door. He pulled out a small pile of envelopes, and a post card. Then handed then to me an apologetic crease to his forehead. 'Sorry I meant to bring them with me for a while, I just kept forgetting them. Maggie reminds me, but I've got a brain like a sieve these days.'
'It's Ok.' I said shaking my head; it was just nice to have something from the outside world. 'Is she ok. Maggie? I've spoken to her on the phone but it's not the same as seeing her. I miss her.' It was strange, but I'd become accustomed to her fussing.
Bill smiled sympathetically. 'She misses you too.' I hadn't seen her in nearly two months. First Bill had just made it look like I'd been about at his house. Moving things about in my room, putting clothes in the hamper, saying I was so busy that I was more or less living at the college, then at Gabriel's on the weekends. But that couldn't last for ever, so after a while I phoned to tell Maggie I was going on a tour of Italy with some other student from college for a month or two, a kind of sabbatical. Maggie had always said my art degree was more like a hippie commune that an education so she wasn't surprised by my lengthy trip. Gran, in on the deception, had called Maggie and said she was paying for the flights and I'd get a job over there. Everyone deciding that it would be best if I lay low for a while, I had to agree. My house being the first place the Guardians would look, and Gabriel's the last, if ever. It was getting close to the time when I would need to make an appearance, but Gabriel insisted it was, 'not yet time to go out into the open.' So we were playing it by ear for now.
I smiled back at Bill, then he turned and made his way back across the room.
My gaze returned to the small pile of letters in my hand.
The small rectangle postcard with a night view of a harbour, the silver moon high in the navy night's sky was from Anna. She'd phoned to tell me that Robert was whisking her away for a long weekend to the coast. She'd hinted that we could go as a foursome, 'Robert keeps saying he's not had chance to get to know my friends', she hopefully added when she'd phoned the day after our conversation in the rainy car park of the campus. But obviously the timing was seriously bad. We'd kept in touch by phone ever since. She'd asked many times about that day, but I'd either evaded the question or made up a story about not being well, and then about being disillusioned with my course, but she didn't buy any of my excuses.
'You can tell me when you're ready.' She said sounding like a parent that wanted to be her kids 'friend.' She was a good person though, and I was pleased that at least I could shield her from my troubles, but wished I could confide in her all the same. I turned over the postcard to read the reverse. She was having a good time, everything was perfectly romantic, and she felt like she was on another planet. How ironic! But of cause that was over two weeks ago now, and this was all old news to me. I stared back at the picture on the front and toyed in my mind what it would be like to have a normal life, a normal relationship, and a human boyfriend. But that was something I wouldn't change even if I could. Gabriel was who he was. His situation made him who he was, it had shaped his character. I wouldn't want that to change, not even for safety.
The other letters where a load of junk mail, pre-approved loan application, credit card application, and a hot tube brochure! Where did these people get their mailing lists from? But the last one was a long thin white envelope with the college crest in the top left corner. I ripped it open and pulled out the white A4 piece of paper that was neatly folded inside. My eyes flew over the polite but firm words that had been printed on the page and signed by Mr. Bram.
'What is it?' Bill face looked concerned from across the room, so I suppose my face must have given away something from the letter.
'It's from the college.' I started, the disbelief sounding in my voice, as my eyes drew up from the page, 'they say as I've had so much time off, if I don't produce my finished painting to a high enough standard for the show that I'm off the course, and they want it in one weeks time.'
I felt a trickle of a tear run down my face, the salt water ran over my lip and into my gaping mouth, considering my current situation it should have bothered me, but it did. 'Can they do that?'
Bill shook his head, shrugging at the same time. 'I don't know, but if they've sent you a letter I suppose they can.'
'That's not fair.' I knew I sounded like a child but I couldn't believe they, or should I say he, was going to try to take away the only thing I was good at. 'I've phoned everyday to make my apologies, doesn't that count?'
'I guess not sweetheart.' Bill said sympathetically. Then his face lightened. 'Can't you do something, get the painting done?'
'How, it's at the studio and Gabriel will never let me go there, not at the moment.'
'How about Anna, couldn't she sort out what you need, and then I can go and get your stuff and bring it here?'
He waited as I mulled it over.
I smiled, the plan taking hold of me. 'That's a great idea, as long as Gabriel doesn't mind me turning his home into a studio. Thanks Bill.' It felt like the best bit of news I'd received in a lone time. A lump formed in my throat as I smiled back at him.
'No problem kid!' He smiled widely back, and the word he used made the lump feel even bigger. It was a recent phenomenon, the introduction of affectionate nick names. It had developed natural, and I liked it, though each time he used one it affected me in this way, bringing a rush of emotion that I tried not to show, thought my fingers tingled in delight. It made us sound like a proper father and daughter. The way I'd always imagined it could be. How it had been for all my class mates when I'd been in school. I wished they could see me now.
Just then the front door swung open as Gabriel pushed his way through.
'Hey Bill' he said as he padded the short distance to where I sat, the rain water running from his inadequate jacket. His lips touched my fore head for a brief moment, droplets falling over my cheeks. It made me blush just a bit. Though Gabriel's feelings where not hidden in front of Bill, the whole situation still made me feel a little self-conscious.
Gabriel seemed energised, excitable. But was it just the time stuck inside that zapping all my energy? It might just have been a normal energy level for a person, I couldn't tell anymore. The outside world seemed a distant memory. The thought of walking down the street alone seemed impossible at the moment. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do it again. I felt irritable, irrational, like I couldn't judge anything accurately anymore. Maybe I was going crazy, or just more crazy than I was before! Ah, I just needed to get out.
'Hi Gabriel. Everything went well.' Bill enquired as if he had known Gabriel's plans.
'Yeah, no signs, everything's quite.' Gabriel seemed just as at ease as Bill.
'What's going on?' I asked feeling like I was being felt out of the loop.
His fingers traced the line of my furrowed brow as Bill turned, and walked back into the kitchen.
'It's nothing, just a little reconnaissance.' He said idly, watched the movement of his finger with his head cocked to one side. 'I've made a perimeter, to keep you safe. Just a precision.' He sounded wistful, but the through that we might need a precision started my stomach off again. He saw it in my eyes and changed the subject, quickly snapping his finger away and raising his head, the energy instantly returning to his face.
'You've had a letter from your college?' he said eying the piece of paper still in my hand.
'Yeah, they want to get rid of me.' I said glumly, his distraction working.
'What? Why?' he reached for the letter and read quickly over the lines, much faster than I could read, faster that most humans I guessed.
'Well, we'll just have to make room for you to work here.' He said happily hugging me around the shoulders and squeezing me in for a moment.
'Really. Are you sure?' I pulled back enough to scrutinise his face, my energy levels peeking for the first time today.
He was calm, beautiful as ever; his face seemed to glow from the biting wind outside, his hair jewelled with the diamond like droplets of rain on the otherwise perfect waves of hair.
'Of cause, you have a talent that should be fostered. Plus you promised I could see it when it's done and you can't break your promise.' He smirked sarcastically before crushing his lips to my forehead again.
I squeezed him back, smuggling into his chest, the fresh rainy scent clinging to his black biker jacket.
'Thanks.' I said muffled against his chest, though the thought of him seeing my work did worry me a little, even my heart sped a bit at the thought. I'd have to take precautions of my own. Produce my own perimeter!
'So what should we do,' he questioned still holding me to his chest. 'How do we get your things here? I don't think they'd fit on my bike.'
'Already covered.' I replied burying my face deeper into his chest.' He smelt so good I couldn't tare myself away, only the thought of Bill in the next room made me focus.
'Bills going to help me.' I said brightly.
'Then it's agreed.' Gabriel pulled my chin upwards to lightly touch my lips before turning to join Bill in the kitchen.
So we were set. I called Anna to ask her to organise my sketches, paints, brushed, pallet, easel and of course my canvas for Bill to collect. Anna had roped in the ever dependable Robert to help Bill load everything into the back of his delivery van at the campus that afternoon. Robert had even offering to help unload at the other end. Robert's assurance him it wasn't an inconvenience –'he was quit insistent,' Bill told me later, though Bill had declined. This was all done without Maggie's knowledge - of cause. She also didn't know I was missing college without permission, and that I was lying to her about which country I was in, so Bill thought it best she didn't know about this either, the questions would have come thick and fast if she'd have caught wind of this. It didn't seem right being so deceptive, but it was a condition of Bills. He wanted to keep her and Emily out of the madness, and that I could respect.
Once Bill has transferred everything into his trunk he brought it over that night.
So there it all stood. In the buttermilk light of the table lamp in the guest room. My things arranged around the small window, to make full use of the natural light, when it showed up again in the morning. A sheet covering the almost finished painting. I'd said it was to stop any dust sticking, and to a certain extent I was telling the truth, but it was mainly because I couldn't bare Gabriel seeing it yet. It seemed irrational. Soon, as long as the facility deemed it good enough, it would be hung on the wall of Launcesters art gallery for anyone and everyone to see. Plus there was a gala evening, put on by the college, to show case the event. But those people would be strangers, their opinions didn't count, though I had once worried they did. The painting wasn't about them. It was about my feelings more that just colours on a canvas. It was about personal things like desire, and love and fear. So to have it laid out for him to see before it was even finished, before the full story could be seen, presented me with more anxiety than I thought I could handle. After my conversation with Anna the last time I was in the college cafeteria, I knew what the painting needed to finish it. To give it that something it was lacking right now.
The recollection made my breathing shorten; it came in sharp waves, as I stood in front of the painting alone. My head spun just a little, like sitting up too fast. It could have been lack of oxygen, but it also could have been from the sudden fear and realisation that all too soon I would finish my first serious, professional piece of work I had done as a 'real' artist. I pulled the cover abruptly, it falling back over the swirling figures, reaching the floor, covering any sight of what was underneath. As I contemplated this thought a silent hum began to vibrate my right balled up hand, like the after effects of using a jack hammer for too long. The heat started to circle and penetrate my fingers. I lifted my hand and brought it up to my faces. It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable, but as I saw it I gasped in shock. My fingers were splayed in my open hand and a little streak of ice coloured lightning jumped from one finger to the next and encircled along their length. It crackled and spat as it moved and touched. In a mesmerized daze I moved my fingers back and forth playing with the blue sparks that danced now all over my fingers and palm, turning my hand as the sparks moved, tickling over the back of my hand. The lights crisscrossing without injuries, tingling as it went. I swallowed hard, catching my breath as a horrified excitement washed over me from head to toe. Then, moving my fingers with less caution and balling my hand into a fist, the hum moved along warming where the light touched. The neon sparks tracked up slowly over my wrist and towards the length of my forearm, moving up towards my elbow as I pushed my arm away. The smile that had wavering over my lips now vanished quickly. My eyes widened, and fear set in. It was growing, quickening up towards my shoulder. I pulled my neck backwards trying to put as much distance between my arm and my face. It wasn't stopping.
A sudden knock on the bedroom door made my lengthening neck snap sideways. My saucer like eyes stared at Gabriel's changing face as he peered in to the room. His expression turned from cool and calm to anxious fear as he saw the crackling electrical charge crisscrossing my arm, the sparking lights, like a single coloured firework filling the room.
His jaw tightened, the distress momentarily surging through his stance, then he steadied his composure. 'OK…' He spoke carefully not moving from the door. 'Breath.' He cautioned.
I took a second to comply, not realising I'd stopped. I managed shallow and quick movements causing the giddiness to return.
'Breath deep and slow.' His voice just as calm, but commanding.
I fort to maintain my already weakening grip on my hysterical emotions, and deliberately focused on my breath, still holding my arm aloft, my eyes wildly watching the crackling accent.
'Concentrate.'
'What?'
'Concentrate. Focus on the edge of the light.'
'What's that going to do?' I snapped back, out of my mind with fear.
'Trust me.' His voice was hard.
I obeyed.
Now the lights was half way up my upper arm, skipping over my skin, tingling like when your foot falls asleep. It drifted higher. The warmth beneath the tingle not concerning me anymore, it was the sparks that had my attention.
'Just concentrate on that point, let it fill your mind'.
I pushed out a loud gust of air, as my fearful eyes pin pointed the exact point as it slowly moving towards my face.
'Concentrate.' He said again urgently.
'I'm trying.' I responded through gritted teeth, the words sounding frantic and slightly irritated.
'Imagine it now, your mind pushing it back down towards your hand. Visualise it, don't allow for any doubt. Visualise!' His voice rose on the last word, as he remained motionless, gripping the door frame with one hand.
I concentrated hard, the sweat building on my brow as the temperate in my arm rose, the exhaustion almost overwhelming. I grit my teeth again. Nothing seemed to be happening. Then for one moment it moved, back down my arm, towards my elbow, the ice blue sparks dancing back down the path they taken.
'That's it.' Gabriel encouraged. The relief nearly choked his voice.
Excitement filled me, an over confident smile bursting over my lips as I looked across at his wide eyes that where now calming, the sweat on his brow matching my own. But that was the wrong thing to do. The sparks shot back up getting closers to my shoulder again, along my outstretched arm.
His momentarily exuberant face fell as he shouted again, 'Concentrate!'
My eyes shot back to see what Gabriel had already seen.
I did – again - hard. My eyes narrowing under the strain. The now burning hum increasing in intensity making my arm feel too heavy to hold up. I strained under the pressure, but it didn't move. I pushed again. The effort draining me as the sparks and heat went with it. The lights slowly slid back over the crease of my elbow, along the centre of my shaking arm, cooling as it receded back along my forearm. With more effort that I thought I had left in me the spitting firework quickly retreating into my sweaty palm and along each finger until it was a slowing pulsating beat that filled only the ends of my fingers. Instantly my finger tips became painfully freezing cold, as if they'd been plunged into a bucket of ice water. Then the sub-zero temperature shot up to the highest point where the sparks had ended. As the cold thud shot through my arm I reached for it with my left arm as the cold became too painful to withstand and I shouted as the pain swept upwards.
'AHHH!'Gabriel caught me around the waist as my knees buckled and my body dipping before he glided me instantly back up again, into his body.
'Is it burning?' he screamed frantically.
'No, it's f-f-freezing.' I stammered, the cold reaching my shoulder and a sudden tremor shot down my back. The icy wave seemed to lessen the pain in my cradled arm. Goose bumped rose over the rest of my rigid body, chilling where they rose, erupting cold rippling over my entire body like waves. My body slumping against Gabriel, as he read on my face that it was over.
'Whow!' He exclaimed. His expression was full of relief mixed with wonder, his eyes sparkled with it. 'That was amazing. Are you alright?'
'I don't know'. The shock of the experience not allowing me to think, let alone make an informed decision.
He guided me to the bed where he carefully sat me down, and quickly tugged the lemon duvet as the shudders continued throughout my body. He sank to one knee in front of me, gazing up into my face.
'Did something happen in here?' His face glancing at the window in confusion, 'Did you see something outside?'
I shook my lowered head, unable to speak, my chin violently shaking from the slowly subsiding tremors in every corner of my throwing body.
'Then why…?' He looked fearful, though I knew it wasn't for his own sake.
My good hand flew up to my face covering my eyes, massaging my temples, trying to sort out my rattled brain, as my breathing laboured under the intense shivers.
I stayed there for a moment until his finger swept over my raised hand, gently pulling it back to my lap, his hand felt like a furnace next to mine. His mesmerizing tanzinite eyes glistened with questions I wasn't capable of answering yet. Then he looked at me closer, his eyes boring deeply into my own, as he stopped, then focused in hard. He flew to the light switch that was on the wall next to the open door for the overhead light, and returned just as quickly. His strong hand carefully taking hold of my face as he stood over me, and tilting it upward, so the light fell over my astonished expression. His eyes narrowed as his lips parted, a sharp low gasp falling from his mouth.
'What?' my voice was bleak; a sacred edge filled its sound. 'What is it?'
He inhaled hard as his gaze released mine, than flicked back again, his hands falling from my face.
He looked wary, 'It's your eyes.' He hesitated. 'They've changed!'
A cold shiver ran down my spin again. They'd not recovered from the last change, through the colour had started to reseed in intensity.
'What?…..How?…What?' Confused I scrambled for the words I needed, but they wouldn't come.
He glazed around frantically, then ran from the room, a few thumps and bangs, then reappeared in the doorways holding the large mirror from the bathroom, and held it under my lowered face.
Too fearful I instantly closed my eyes, squeezing them shut. What I couldn't see couldn't be real! I told myself. But knowing the inevitable I slowly unscrewed my face. Straightening, and pulling in a long breath before looking down to stare at the reflection staring back at me.
It was weird, and considering I was becoming accustomed to weird, this really was strange. It was nothing like the last time, nothing subtle about it at all. The eyes that looked back at me now where ghostly. The white that filled the outer space of my eye was still there, and the icy aquamarine blue rim in its faded form was still there, along with the black pupil in the centre, but what filled the space in between looked unreal. Looked synthetic, like the coloured contacted lenses you get for parties, but this wasn't a bright yellow smiling face or cat's eyes, but a total lack of colour. The colour in-between was the same colour as the outside of my iris, totally crystal clear white, no marks, no blemishes, no tiny veins. Just snowy white with an icy blue rim where my iris used to be.
The head spinning started again as my breathing became shallow and I hyperventilateed into the duvet that draped around me, nearly dropping the mirror to the floor. I rocked back and forth, mulling the extraordinary image over. I looked back into the mirror again, staring into my own eyes. The more I looked the more my breathing stabilising. I turned it over in my head, considering the reasons, considering the consequences. Considering it against the bigger picture. I straightened my demeanour, tightened my jaw, and resolved myself to be brave. Pulling the mirror closer, though my mind was still in turmoil, I somehoe decided it wouldn't scare me. I would see fine. I'd not lost my vision; I wasn't blind, just different. Maybe I was being rational or maybe my brain was just protecting itself, but it wasn't the end of the world, quite the contrary. Why did it matter? It didn't. Something else pushed the panic from my mind. Filling its place.
I looked up to meet Gabriel's still anxious expression, and though my brow was creased, a smile flooded my face.
'I controlled it.' I exclaimed.
His face softened, and a matching smile drew up over his mouth, though his eyes still looked confused. 'You did. I knew you could, you just needed motivation, and an electric bracelet of light sure was motivation enough!' He said as he held onto my hand, squeezing it lightly. 'And your eyes, it doesn't bother you?' Gabriel asked now sounding confused.
I shook my head, and bit my lip. 'No, it doesn't. I don't know why, it should, but it doesn't.' I laughed a little sound, it sounded at little of hysteria though I felt confident in my statement. 'Weird isn't it?'
He nodded his head, a low laugh coming from his mouth, 'Yes, it is.' He laughed now openly, though confusion still laced the edges.
That was the last thing I heard. My vision simultaneously blackened, and I felt the motion of my body collapsing backwards onto the bed, but I never felt the impact.
I woke with a start, still in the little yellow bedroom. Pulled back up onto the pillow with the matching duvet pulled up around me chin. My mind reeled with confusion. Hadn't I just been talking, sitting at the edge of the bed gazing at Gabriel's quivering, confused face? Then a shift of weight drew my attention across the room to a figure sitting in the small cream leather armchair, haloed by the sun light that streamed in through the thin curtains behind them. Gabriel quickly slid out from his seat, kneeling in front of where my head still lay. His face washed with relief as his arms reached out to stroke my face gliding up over my hair.
'How are you feeling?' His scared eyes searching into mine.
'Confused. What happened?'
He frowned. 'Tilley, you blacked out. You've been out for over two days!'
My body froze, suddenly stunned by his words. 'Two days?' the sound coming out as a gasp.
He shook his head. 'One moment we were talking, you showed no ill effects from the light show you had going on. Then you passed out. At first I just put it down to the effort of you controlling your gift. But then you didn't wake.' He dragged his hand through his glossy raven black hair before continuing. 'I've been going out of my mind.'
I sprung up to face him, swinging my legs up underneath me feeling no dizziness, no nausea, only the grumble from my demanding stomach, but that was usual in the mornings, especially two mornings following an attack.
'I feel fine. More than fine actually, I feel great.' I laughed quickly shrugging my shoulders. I felt like I'd had a good sleep, but certainly not for two and some odd days!
'How are my eyes?' I asked grabbing for the large mirror that stood propped up against the bed side cupboard. His strong hand got there first and glided it up onto the bed with ease.
Tilting it up towards my face I could see clearly and the glaring sunlight streaming in made it unmistakable. 'They're back to normal!' Astonishment in my joyful voice. 'Even the blue ring has gone from the edges!' I flashed a smile at him, but his face was still serious.
Pushing the mirror to the side I jumped out of bed too excited and too full of energy to keep still. I felt not just great, I felt restless, like if I stayed still for one minute longer I'd go crazy. Like I had two mornings ago. My feet felt like they needed to be on the move. I danced round the bed, Gabriel rising as l bounced towards him.
'Take me out.' I demanded still bouncing in front of him.
His hand garbed my forearms in an attempt to slow me down. 'Are you sure you're up to going out?' He said smiling at my dance, 'Calm down your making me nervous.'
'Yes, come on I need to get out of here. I've been cooped up here for too long.' My face coyly pouting as my feet still danced around, lightly hopping from one foot to the other.
'It might not be safe.' Gabriel tried to dissuade me.
I pouted again, pulling the sides on my lips into a frown, slowing my dance.
'What about breakfast?' He said wavering, and then I knew I was in with a chance.
'Pleasssse!' The pout slowly turned into a smile as I stood perfectly still, only my fingers wriggling, tilting my head to look up into his big blue gorgeous eyes, with my newly ordinary brown ones.
He blew the air out of his mouth slowly, looking up into the ceiling above him in defeat. A huge smile grew on his face as he swiftly looked back down to me.
'Alright. But not for long, just a couple of hours.' He cautioned.
I jumped around clapping my hands. I must have looked like a triumphant five year old, but I didn't care. I couldn't be stuck in this house for another day, and I knew the only place I wanted to go.
He shook his head, the smile still lingering on his lips. 'You're impossible.' He crooned.
I skipped to the door, wanting to get ready before he could change his mind. Then I turned, a gleeful smile on my face as I sang out, 'It's a gift!' and wafted out the door, the low rumble of his laughter following me down the corridor.
