Chapter Nine

It'll Be Fine. Eventually

She hears heavy footsteps coming from behind. As it gets louder, she begins to catch the sound of his breathing and the scent of his laundry detergent as it reeked from his dress shirt. Tashigi waits for him to sit beside her before she talks.

"Why did you need to talk?" But he beats her to it.

Zoro eases himself on the same bench that she's seated, and she notes the space (approximately an arm length) he left between them, as if testing if she's even fine with him sitting this close. He's become this considerate, as well. She allows herself to smile at his gesture.

But this has dragged on for so long, she thinks.

"Zoro, what do you really think about our situation?"

He flashes her a startled look. "The divorce, you mean?"

She nods. "What do you think about it?"

She watches as Zoro's face turned from expressionless to confused, then it settled with the pensive look she knows very well each time they talked about plans when they were still married. She also knows not to bother him in this state because it really means that he's thinking deeply and considerately. Rushing him for a response will only result to another fight.

'So it's also crossed his mind several times, huh?' she assumes as she waits for the young man to speak.

When he does reply, Zoro only stared at the view of the bay before them.

"I… was mad for the first few months when we separated," he begins, "and I… went on an alcohol binge that I almost got myself killed with alcohol poisoning, which is a surprise since I'm good at holding my alcohol. Guess it was that bad. Had Sanji been absent that time, I'd have died earlier than I intend to. But that's besides the point." He laughs, but it's devoid of humour.

He clears his throat first before he continues. "I know you explained the reasons why calling it quits was the best way to go if we wanted to make everything work, and I thought I'd understand them all in time. But the truth is, I don't, and I still don't understand most of the reasons. I just decided that if you're so adamant about letting go, then be it." Zoro finally spares a look her way, and Tashigi sees that he doesn't look happy. "That's what I thought."

Pain hits her squarely in the chest as she registers the young man's gloomy expression. "During that time, I really hated you when you told me to let go of the university's offer, and even thought you were envious," she sighs heavily, "I actually took the job out of spite. Pretty immature, huh?"

The young man's head snaps to his right. "You did? I thought you took it because you really wanted it so bad."

"I really do! But about a small percentage of why it made me want to really say yes to the offer was to prove you that I am capable."

"And then that's when things turned more sour." Zoro quips and clicks his tongue.

She hums in agreement. "I assumed that each time you'd call me out for something, you were just waiting for me to screw up so that you can goad to my face that you were right all along, that I should've listened to you like a good wife should." She laughs listlessly, it almost sounds contrived. "Right now, I'm not so much proud of it. It wasn't an adult thing to do, obviously."

Zoro huffs. "Your pride rides very high most times, you know."

"I guess it does." Tashigi agrees solemnly. "That's why things turned south between us."

Silence descends upon them for a short while.

"I really thought it was for the best," Tashigi speaks, and she tries to keep her tone level even if she's about to cry, "I mean, we were fighting frequently over assumptions than we used to. Conflict is a sign of a healthy relationship, but too much fighting is a red flag already. Naturally, that was the logical solution I could come up with. For our sanity. For my sanity."

"But have you ever considered how our divorce would affect me? What about Yuuhi?" Zoro's voice drops, sounding a little somber.

She frowns as she tucks a bit of her hair behind her ear. "Yuuhi had it pretty bad the first few weeks, you know. And if it helps you feel better, I couldn't sleep as easily as I could even on those days that work was demanding."

Zoro shakes his head. She sighs loudly.

"I know I didn't consult you about it when I first filed our divorce papers, and truth to be told, I didn't really care much about anyone anymore but myself when I decided to take that leap. I'm sorry I was such an asshole back then."

This time, Zoro manages to chuckle lightly. "We were both assholes back then. As much as that hurts to admit, I also had times when I was being an awful husband to you. Like when I didn't properly explain what I really mean when I told you not to take the job. What I wanted was for you to trust me that time."

"That's… true," she agrees almost immediately. "But you weren't an awful father to Yuuhi. Except maybe when you didn't get in touch with us during your absence to even ask how she's doing."

"I'm… sorry about that. And if it will also help you sleep better at night, I couldn't sleep most nights thinking about how I'm going to face Yuuhi after leaving and not reaching out to you. Even if it's to check and see if she's faring well or something."

Tashigi doesn't hide the wistful smile on her lips as she meets Zoro's eyes. "That honestly makes me feel a little better about myself."

Zoro only returns the gesture. "I'm really sorry it's come to this."

"No. It's come to this only because I let it come to this. You only did what you thought would make things easier between us."

"But I had a choice to stop you, and I didn't. It's not your fault."

Tashigi looks at him sternly and crosses her arms on her chest. "I just told you, didn't I? I didn't consult you about this when I filed for our divorce. It was me."

She feels a weight on her knee and sees Zoro's hand. His touch was heavy, but it doesn't carry hate at all.

"Please tell me we're not going to argue over this, too."

Tashigi looks alternately between his eyes and his hand. "But Zoro—"

"Listen, Tashigi," he says strictly as his hand tightens a bit on her knee. "You may have been the first one to do something, but I also had a choice to stop it. If I only thought things through, and not assumed that this was indeed for the best, then maybe we'd still be together." His hand finally leaves her knee. "I guess we can say that we were both to blame that this even happened."

The young lady nods slowly. It does make sense, after all.

"I'm sorry I didn't stop you." He says it close to a whisper.

Tashigi shakes her head. "I didn't expect you to, but it isn't because you've given up like I did or that I didn't trust you or anything. I guess I just knew that you'd ride this out just because I was so insistent about it." She reaches out, but she only touches the tip of his knee that is close to the concrete bench. "I'm sorry I gave up on our relationship that time. I'm glad we were finally able to talk about this."

She gasps when two hands grabbed hers, enveloping it with the familiar warmth she's grown accustomed to way back.

"Me too," Zoro mumbles, and she almost misses it because she's more focused with the warmth covering her hands. She can't take it.

"And I missed you."

Without much thinking, Tashigi lets go of the tears that had been waiting to cascade down her gloomy face since they started talking.


She doesn't know what to feel or what to say even after talking with Zoro. She's actually surprised that it didn't go as she expected (arguing, blaming, and one leaves storming out of the park without even resolving anything), but she'd take it over the dramatic scene her head concocted before this day came.

She now finds herself at the passenger seat of Zoro's car, but they're not yet heading home this time. What should have been a heartfelt moment by the park ended so soon just because Tashigi's stomach grumbled in protest. She suddenly remembers that anticipating their talk actually kept her from eating a decent meal for lunch. So now they're off for some ramen around the area.

Tashigi can still feel the warmth of her cheeks (from embarrassment), much to her chagrin.

"Come on, it's not the first time I heard your stomach grumble. I've heard it more than a thousand times already." Zoro teases.

"You're not helping, you know," she mutters, "and it had to happen when the mood had become a little lighter."

The young man lets out a snicker. "But wouldn't it be more embarrassing if it happened when we were being all dramatic? That would really ruin the mood, too."

Tashigi only snorts and rolls her eyes.

The space between them isn't as pronounced as it was at the park. Zoro is seated on her right, and is only a few inches away—enough to allow her head to rest comfortably on his shoulder, and to let his head rest on top of hers. But not this time, she quickly scolds herself—as they both wait for their orders to arrive.

Perhaps when she's ready, and he is too, then she'd be able to do that for as much as she wants to.


"What do you think about people who can't seem to make up their minds?"

Miss Robin cocks her head to the side. "Pardon me?"

"Well, don't you think they're irresponsible for being indecisive?" Tashigi finally looks up from staring at the floor for the first ten minutes of their session. "I mean, there's always a logical choice between options, but they still can't make up a decision."

"Rather than irresponsible, maybe they are deliberative." Her counsellor remarks, then straightens her back. "What is going inside your head?"

The young lady breathes out and braces herself for some story telling. "I've been thinking about how the divorce may not be the most logical solution to my dying marriage back then."

The older woman settles herself comfortably on her office chair and nods to tell her that she's ready to listen.

Tashigi claps her hand before speaking. "You've probably noticed that when things get rough for me, I react almost immediately without much thought. I'm rash, as one would call it, and what happened back then probably was caused by my rashness. I didn't even give him the time to air out his thoughts about legally separating."

She looks at her counsellor, as if waiting for her approval to continue. Miss Robin only smiles reassuringly.

"I honestly thought things would be much better if we're not together anymore. I did think about how this divorce could hurt Yuuhi, but for the most part, it's just because I couldn't take it anymore. So I called it quits. And now, here we are.

"Zoro's arrival opened up so many wounds that haven't matured to scars yet, and it confused me so much that I began to doubt if I made the right choice. I guess I haven't really been over the whole break up," she pauses to let out a humorless chuckle. "I mean, if I were, I probably wouldn't have stayed single for two years, right? Divorced individuals who meet others eventually remarry when they can. I haven't."

"But didn't you say during our previous sessions that marriage hasn't really crossed your mind until Zoro?" The older woman interrupts, but without raising her hand to indicate her turn to speak.

Tashigi rubs her chin with her index finger. "That's true. I didn't really see myself as marriage material even up to now. Which I guess is the reason why I even thought about getting a divorce." She lets out an exasperated breath. "This is becoming more convoluted."

"You did say so yourself; one's understanding of life tends to be complicated." Miss Robin says almost quietly. "Would you like to proceed?"

The young lady nods curtly and psyches herself to go on with her narration.

"Those things aside, the divorce also made me see and realize things I wouldn't have noticed if it didn't push through. Like how important family is to me, and how difficult it is to raise a child as a single parent. I've to admit that I took it lightly, and didn't see how it'll affect my work and my daughter. And it made me sad each time I'd chance upon Yuuhi watching her friends play with their dads during family events at school. More than that, I also realized that, in spite of the things that I misunderstood about Zoro, he is probably the only one I'd marry." She feels her cheeks flush an angry red when she hears her honest thoughts. 'I can't believe I said that.'

Miss Robin inclines a little forward from her seat. "What are you thinking right now, Tashigi?"

She swallows the lump in her throat. "Am I… a horrible person if I decide to change my mind this time?"

"That question," her counsellor begins, "is something only you can answer."