A/N: Sorry about the delay... An important anniversary celebration got in the way. Twelve years! Still feels like the middle of honeymoon. =)
Luna de Papel... Lets just pretend for a moment that we live in a virtual world where I have the magical power to send a wizard (you know which one I have in mind) to your door. Would you like him to sing you Happy Birthday? =)
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Chapter Nine – The "Mistake"
"So... Hermione... I've never asked you. Who's the father of your son?" Severus ventured out with a question that had been lingering on his mind for some time.
Completely caught off guard by the question, Hermione gaped at Severus for a long moment, before finally uttering her answer. "Er... I don't know."
The wizard pressed his thin lips tight together and glared at the girl in front of him disapprovingly. After an uncomfortable pause he shook his head slowly and drawled, "I have to admit... I had expected your judgment to serve you better."
"Oh no no no..." she turned scarlet as she realized what her answer implied. "It's not what you think! I... it wasn't... I... just... can't remember."
He arched a brow at the young witch in amusement. "Unfortunately, you are not making the situation sound any better." He stated coolly.
"Oh my..." Hermione buried her face in her hands and let out a frustrated grunt. "It sounds awful, doesn't it? But it's really not like how it sounds." Slowly she looked up at him and tried to explain in the calmest voice she could muster. "Remember I told you I woke up in this other world without any memories from this one? The park ranger who found me under a redwood tree took me to a police station for several tests. In the end they concluded I was not under any influence. They couldn't explain my loss of memory so they sent me to a local muggle clinic, and did more tests. But other than discovering I was eight weeks pregnant, they couldn't give me any answers to explain my condition. But no matter what, I'm sure it's not like what you are thinking."
"I'm in no position to judge, am I?" He stared at his cup of tea. "If I remember it correctly, you did tell me you were of age when you appeared in this parallel universe. You are certainly old enough to be responsible for your own actions, I suppose."
"I remember casting an age verification charm on myself, and found out I was over nineteen, but not yet twenty." She felt her ears burning in embarrassment. This couldn't have been a more awkward conversation. Taking in a deep breath she tried to change the subject. "I hope this doesn't sound... corny, but I really need to thank you for talking to me the night of the Yule Ball. Your words pulled me out from weeks of depression."
She hesitated with her words when she looked up and saw only an impassive expression in the wizard's face. Looking back down at her hands Hermione continued. "I did need the positive perspective of looking at this whole experience as a second chance. Just think of the difference I can make, although obviously I haven't been doing a very good job… I wish I could have foreseen Cedric's death." She let out a sigh and shook her head. "I'm just hoping I can soon remember some useful information from what I read about this time period, and help to prevent further losses." After a short pause she went on, "and at a personal level, for a selfish reason, I know I can certainly use a second chance."
She dared a glance up at Severus and found his dark eyes watching her intensely.
"Why do you say that? If I may ask?" He arched a brow at her.
Sending Severus a small smile Hermione began to explain. "The biggest regret I had to live with all those years in the other world was that I couldn't remember anything about my relationship with... with Toby's father, other than sensing a misunderstanding between us right before our separation. I do hope I can do everything right this time and perhaps..."
"Toby?" Severus' eyes narrowed at the young witch.
"Oh yes, that's my little boy's name." Her smile broadened as she thought of her son.
Severus fell quiet and turned to look out the window. It had just started raining. Muggle umbrellas opened one after another, like a fast forward film of wild flowers blooming in the field. "You never told me that's his name." He frowned, before staring into the distance.
"You never asked." She let out a soft chuckled. "But that's alright. I understand. We've never had any conversations like friends before today, have we? You probably couldn't see beyond a student in me all this time." She shook her head and let out a quiet laugh. "I wish you could though. I really don't feel like a fifteen-year-old girl. Thank goodness I'll be sixteen in September. At least I'm moving towards the right direction and am getting older. I just wish time could go by faster. I'm not sure if I can take being lectured like a child for much longer..."
"Who named your son?" He didn't seem to be listening.
Her eyes widened at his strange question. "I did, of course." Hermione answered plainly. "Although I have no idea why that name just popped into my head when he was born. I know it sounds ridiculous but I couldn't even remember my own last name in this other world! You wouldn't believe it..." She let out an uneasy laugh. "But the family name that I chose for us was actually from a word carved in the back of a necklace I was wearing. So yes... Toby is his name. Toby Prince. Why? Does that matter? Do you think there is a clue in the name I chose for him? Do you know who Toby's father is?"
She watched in confusion as the professor glared at her intensely for a long moment, before answering darkly. "No. Why should I? Little can be said about a name. But it's obvious you'll need this second chance, isn't it? Being a single parent at such a young age most certainly brought you plenty of disadvantages. Make sure you use the brilliant head of yours and make sound judgments this time around. Don't let that bloody Gryffindor bravery and sentimental ideology cloud your vision. If you are lucky," he drew in a sharp inhale before finishing his sentence icily, "perhaps you can avoid making the mistake and having the child."
Severus narrowed his eyes at the girl across the table as she stared at him with anger burning in her eyes. It was obvious to him the witch was furious. He frowned as he realized he was not witnessing a school girl's temper tantrum. He was face to face with a woman, a mother, and a very angry one. Before Severus could come up with a sarcastic comment to address the girl's reaction, Hermione hissed dangerously, "never... never call my son a mistake. No matter what the circumstances were, Toby was never a mistake. Never!"
As the last word left her lips, Hermione bolted from her seat. Without waiting for a response from the wizard she stormed passed him and walked straight through the door.
"Wait!" Severus let out a growl before quickly digging into his wallet and pulled out a few muggle bills. Throwing the money on the table he ran after the girl. "Stop!" He shouted into the rain, making several muggle pedestrians looking back at him in confusion. "Miss Granger!" He spotted her crossing the street, without slowing down at his words.
"Hermione!" He called again as he tried to find a break in the line of passing cars "Don't go any farther! Wait for me right there!" He shouted again, worried that she would Apparate without him. The last thing Severus wanted to deal with now was to see her drawing to herself any attention from the Ministry.
But his worries seemed to be unnecessary.
As if having done so hundreds of times, the girl flagged down a black taxicab and opened the door leading to the backseat. She paused for a brief moment before entering the car, looking up towards him. He felt a pang in his gut when he saw the pain in her face. Before he could call out another word, the girl got in the car, which quickly disappeared into the downpour.
Running a hand through his now completely wet hair, Severus let out a frustrated sigh. This was not what he had expected, at all.
It was a purposeless walk in the rain. Wandering along empty streets, Severus tried to sort out the emotional mess that was eating him alive.
The young witch's words were too much for him to process. Severus didn't know what to think of Hermione Granger any more.
She had no idea how far from the truth her statement was when she assumed he couldn't see beyond his student in her. If she only knew... his troubles had all just begun when he did see the mature woman trapped in a teenage girl's body. It was too obvious when they had their conversations. The way she described her experiences, articulated her observations, and conveyed her opinions all sounded nothing like a school girl. If Severus were to close his eyes, he would've been sure he was conversing with a colleague. He had secretly enjoyed their short discussions after class. She talked to him like an old friend, which was a very strange experience for Severus; because he couldn't remember when it was the last time he had a friend to talk to.
And then there was the night when she came to his aid. He was certain his miserable appearance would have scared the witch away. Instead, she stayed by his side, cleaned his wounds, and held him in her arms the entire night.
Years ago Severus had read about an unconfirmed study conducted by the healers at St. Mungo's. It was said that one of the most effective treatment for the lingering damage by the Cruciatus curse was bodily contact with someone who shared a deep emotional connection with the victim. It was said the Longbottoms would have died from the after-effect of the torture had they not had each other to hold on to. Severus didn't think much about the information at the time. After all, the study was unconfirmed. As far as his concerns, although Severus had experienced the curse first-hand, he had never thought he would have the good fortune to test out the theory. He knew where he stood in the world. He was all alone, with no one who would care about him enough to touch him.
But he seemed to have been proven wrong. As far as Severus could tell, the theory was verified when the young witch showed up in his room. When he was held tightly in her arms, he felt a surge of magic run through the spasm of his muscles. The presence of Hermione Granger calmed his nerves and soothed his pain. Did she really care about him that much? Severus wasn't sure if he wanted to know. After all, she was still his student.
He had been trying to avoid seeing her since the end of school. Knowing she was staying at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Severus always tried to leave as soon as the Order meetings were over, because he wasn't sure what he should say to her. Should he thank her? Would a simple "thank you" be enough? What should he do next? Should he encourage this "thing" between them? He wasn't willing to define this "thing" as anything more than "friendship", because the other alternative was simply inappropriate to consider.
On this particular day however, she didn't give him the option to quickly make his leave. He was surprised by the moment of exhilaration he felt when he heard her calling his name in the garden. As soon as he turned to look at her he knew he simply couldn't walk away with an excuse. He had missed her. He kept telling himself it was just another conversation with a young friend when he ordered them tea at the bakery. As their conversation went on, however, he was shocked by her words: she had named her son Toby, Toby Prince.
It would have been too much of a coincidence. And Severus was instantly terrified.
He would've been lying if he said he didn't care about the girl. She did change the way he saw her in the previous few months. But he still had a hard time getting over that she was his student, no matter how she didn't sound like one. Having a relationship with a student and producing a child was never something Severus could imagine himself doing. It was not right, not acceptable. Or was it?
He looked up into the darkening sky and let the icy drops of rain washed down his face. What was he supposed to do? Was this a second chance for her? Or for him? Frustrated, confused, and cold, Severus could only think of one thing he must see to: at least he needed to make sure she made it back to the house safely. It was, after all, his responsibility if anything happened to her when she was out alone in these dangerous times. The Dementors could go after Harry Potter. No one could guarantee that they wouldn't also go after his friends.
Quickly Severus found an empty alley way and used it as a cover. With a soft pop the wizard Disapparated into the pouring rain.
His timing was quite right when he rounded the corner towards Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. He watched as the black taxicab pulled up slowly, and the brown-haired witch emerged from it. He felt his heart racing as he watched her call out the hidden house and run to the front door. In a split second he thought for sure he was going to call out her name and ask her to forgive his rude words. He soon was glad however that he didn't. Right before the young witch reach the top step of the stairs, the door flung open and a red-headed boy came into view.
"Hermione! Where have you been? Mum has been scolding me for almost half an hour! She said I shouldn't let you go out by yourself. Hey... what's wrong?"
Severus watched from a distance as Hermione rushed pass Ron Weasley and ran into the house.
"Hermione! Are you crying? What happened...?"
That was the last word Severus could hear before the young wizard closed the door behind him. Within seconds, the Order's safe house disappeared into thin air.
Thunder boomed in the distance and the rain continued to pour as if determined to wash away all the reasoning in the world. The wizard in black closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. How he wished the rain could also wash away his misery. With a whirl of magic, he disappeared with a quiet pop, leaving not a trace in the wet and gloomy street corner.
"What are your plans for getting my godson to my house?" Sirius entered the kitchen with a bottle of firewhiskey and three shot glasses in his hands. "Are you sure you don't want a shot Arthur?" He set a glass down in front of Remus and one in front of Mad-Eye, and asked Arthur Weasley as he set the last glass down for himself.
"Thanks Sirius. I think I'll pass." Arthur smiled at their host and turned to help his wife carrying a basket of bread to the table.
"Yes, we're all set!" There came a cheerful voice from the other end of the table. With a stack of plates in her arms, Tonks was walking around the table happily distributing them and the silverware. When she walked pass Mad-Eye she tripped over the cane lying next to the wizard. Luckily Remus was right there to catch her by her waist.
"Are you okay?" The wizard asked with great concern while taking the remaining plates from Tonks. "Go sit down. You must have had a long day. Let me help you with these."
"Um... thanks Remus." Tonks' hair turned into a bright shade of pink as she passed the rest of the plates to the wizard.
"What do you mean we are all set Tonks? Why didn't I receive any instructions?" Sirius brought the young witch's attention back to the table.
"Oh I'm sorry..." Tonks brushed aside a strand of hair and tried her best to hide her blush. "I thought Mad-Eye had told you about it already. I've sent the Dursleys a fake invitation to an award ceremony. They were quite taken by the surprise, that Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. The day after tomorrow they will be all dressed up for an evening outing. We will take the opportunity to pick Harry up by broom."
"Do you have to announce the Order's plans to the entire world?" Mad-Eye growled from behind a newspaper. "What happened to my advice to you?"
"Oh I'm sorry..." The pink-haired witch frowned at her mentor's words. "I thought everyone here knew about this already. I didn't realize..."
"Right... Everyone here knows except for me!" Sirius raised his voice and scanned the room. "Why didn't anyone tell me about the plan?"
"Calm down, Padfoot." Remus set a plate in front of his friend and padded his back. "Remember what Dumbledore said? You need to stay put. We'll bring Harry here the day after tomorrow."
"But that's my godson! Why do you all have to listen to that bloody Dumbledore!" Sirius slammed a fist on the table. "I'm sick of being cooped up in this damn house!"
"Sirius," Molly chimed in from a corner of the kitchen. "Watch your language... the children..."
"Children?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "They are just as capable! Within a couple years they will be ready to take on the Death Eaters themselves. Don't let me start reminding you how old we were when we got involved with the fight the last time around..."
"Padfoot." Mad-Eye put down the paper in his hands and shot the wizard a glance in annoyance. "You know perfectly well Dumbledore is right. You'll only bring unwanted attention to the Order if you go out there. We don't need any more trouble right now."
"Trouble? You call me trouble?" Sirius boomed. "Think twice before you speak Mad-Eye! You lot are the ones who invite a Death Eater to tea every week, sitting in my house talking about the weather. What's that greasy git doing here? You let him in with the action but not me?"
"Sirius." Remus sat down next to the aggravated wizard and put a hand on his shoulder. "Did you have too much to drink again?"
"Keep your hand off of me!" Sirius bellowed. "I'm so sick of staying in this sodding house all day long. I'd rather die fighting than sit here hiding."
Sitting in a corner of the table between Ginny and Ron, Hermione frowned at Sirius' words. She didn't understand why that statement sent a chill down her spine.
"Look at that greasy git." Sirius went on with his bitter complaint. "He sweeps into our meetings every time like a saint walking into a worshiping hall. Why do you all listen to him anyway? What makes his information so valuable?"
Trying desperately to calm his friend, Remus scolded Sirius harshly in a low voice. "Sirius! You're making a scene! Severus is on our side now. We all have different assignments. His job is to pass along the information to us. And yours happens to be staying here, for now."
"Don't try to pacify me Moony." Sirius said between clenched teeth. "You of all people should know... Snivellus is not trustworthy. That git is full of lies! You're all going to be sorry one of these days."
"I trust Dumbledore." Remus replied sternly. "He trusts Snape, and so should we."
"Really mate?" Sirius narrowed his eyes at the wizard next to him before scanning the room. "Do you all trust the git just because Dumbledore trusts him? The thought that the old man might be wrong never crossed your mind?"
The room was so quiet that the only sound could be heard was the charmed ladle stirring the bubbling stew on the stove.
"Snape is one of us, Sirius." It was Mad-Eye who finally broke the silence. "Dumbledore cleared his name years ago. I was there. End of discussion!"
"You are all a disappointment to me." Sirius let out a grunt and stormed out of the room.
Shaking her head and letting out a sigh Molly brought the stew to the table. "Alright everyone. Dinner is served. No more discussions about the Order business. Pass me your bowl Hermione, and Ginny, you too. Let me get you some beef stew..."
Hermione sat quietly in her seat, playing with a piece of potato in her stew with her spoon. She had no interest in the food in front of her. All she could think of was Severus.
Replaying Sirius' words in her head, Hermione quickly realized Severus had very limited allies in this war. Was Sirius the only one who shared the sentiment about the former Death Eater? Would everyone still trust Severus and help him if Dumbledore was not there to back him up?
She wished she could have had a longer conversation with Severus earlier that day. How she wished he would let her be his friend! But she didn't understand why it hurt her so much when Severus called Toby a mistake. Did she overreact to his observation? Thinking back, Hermione had to admit her simple story of having a child at a young age with no knowledge of the father of the baby sounded painfully wrong.
A small smile crawled up the corner of her lips when she recalled the night she brought Toby to Severus' garden to watch the meteor shower. How she wished this Severus would know her Toby! She was sure that if the older Severus liked the boy, so would the wizard's younger self. Then she remembered the words the older Severus shared with her during that quiet night in his garden. He had told her about a mysterious woman who had given him a reason to fight the war. Was she with him already? Hermione could feel her heart turning into lead at the very thought. Was it jealousy that was eating her? Without realizing it, Hermione's brows twisted in a tight knot as she stared at the stew absentmindedly.
"Hermione my dear, are you alright?" Molly suddenly appeared from nowhere and asked the young witch kindly. "You're not touching your stew. Did you catch a chill in the rain?"
"No, I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley." Hermione answered quickly and tried her best putting up a small smile. "I'm just not very hungry tonight."
"I'm sure Sirius' rant didn't help your appetite, either, did it?" Molly shook her head and walked away.
No one but the pink-haired witch sitting across the table caught Hermione's quiet sigh. Tonks had been watching the girl from a distance the entire time. Smiling inwardly Tonks picked up her spoon and turned her attention back to her barely touched stew. Apparently she was not the only young witch who might be love sick at the table.
TBC
I think Hermione needs a girlfriend right now. But I'm afraid Ginny is not quite the one to offer any advice on those specific issues. Sorry about the slightly slow development. I guess relationships take a lot of time and faith, especially when it comes to this special pair. =) But still... We'll have some speeding up to do next time!
