Primeval 4x06

One-shot

Matt/Emily

Permission and Fruition

He couldn't sleep.

Matt stood outside on the terrace of his flat, watching the city lights winking in the nighttime darkness. It always amazed him how different everything looked after the sun went down. Every ugly block or crumbling building seemed beautiful when only the shimmer of street and window lamps could be seen. Gideon had once described it as diamonds on blue velvet.

Absentmindedly, Matt rubbed his sore arm. He could still recall the panic he'd felt at being trapped between the wall and a vicious Hyenadon. Seeing those pack creatures today reminded him of why he didn't own a dog…

and then there was Emily –Emily and the ring.

"He's dead now, you know." A voice said from somewhere behind him. Surprised, Matt glanced over his shoulder to see her standing several feet away. She'd been so quiet, walking barefoot across the cement; he hadn't even heard her approach.

Apparently she couldn't sleep either.

He watched Emily for a moment as she stood there. Her arms hung by her sides, her hands held the cuffs on his long-sleeved tee which she wore along with pair of shorts Abby had leant her. She still had on the dark eyeliner from earlier that day, and in the darkness, with the moonlight for a backdrop, she looked more beautiful and vulnerable than any woman he'd ever seen.

Hunching his shoulders, Matt ran a hand through his hair and turned away. His father had warned about distractions, but he seriously doubted the man had anticipated one quite like this.

Remembering that she had spoken, Matt responded off-beat with a slight gruffness to his voice.

"Who's dead?"

"My husband." Emily said dully, stepping up to stand beside him at the rail. Placing her forearms against the edge she leaned forward to look down at the dark pavement many stories below.

"I mean technically, he's been buried for centuries in this time." She said softly. Her shoulder brushed Matt's arm. He took a step away, putting inches between them. Emily noticed the shift with a sad frown.

"I could probably find his grave and visit him if I wanted." She continued trying to span the emotional distance which had begun to flourish since her marital disclosure at Jenny's wedding.

Matt wished she would, at least then he might feel less conflicted inside.

"The man never cared about me for me," Emily was saying as she slipped the gold band off her finger. "Why should anyone live with such a burden?" Placing the ring on the railing she spun it like a toy top.

The band hummed softly as it turned in place, glittering as its surface caught the bright light from the heavy moon above them. When it began to wobble, Matt slammed his hand down over it, catching the ring before the object could tumble over the edge into oblivion.

Rolling it in his hand, he felt the smoothness of the interior –she'd been wearing it for a long time.

"Put your ring back on." He ordered her, more for his sake than hers. As long as she was wearing it, nothing could happen between them. That was what he needed in order to complete his mission. Tomorrow he'd ask Lester about new accommodations for her –she sure as hell couldn't keep living in his flat. He hated to admit it, but he wasn't convinced he could trust himself around her.

"No." Emily said crossing her arms over her chest. "No, I won't."

Matt suddenly felt angry. Why wasn't she making this easy on him?

"Fine." He snapped, staring her straight in the face with an equally as stubborn attitude. Deep inside he wanted to hate her...

Throwing the ring across the terrace, Matt listened as it struck the cement and skittered out of sight.

"It's your life Emily, do what you want." With that he turned to leave.

Shaking her head in frustration, Emily reached out and caught his wrist. Her grip was surprisingly strong as she stopped him from going.

"What are you doing…?" Matt asked feeling mildly alarmed. Her touch made him nervous.

"I'm giving you permission." She said her eyes wide.

"Permission for what?" He asked, but he already knew.

"You may kiss me if you wish Matt Anderson," Emily took a step forward, "and I know you do."

"Emily, don't…" He tried to push her away but found himself unable to release her shoulders once he had them. She was closer to him than before, her arms sliding around his waist as she rose up to reach him.

"Matthew," Emily breathed his name with a tremor of pain in her voice. It was at that moment he realized she had tears in her eyes.

She was begging for someone to love her. Years of traveling the anomalies had left her detached and alone. The more he thought about it and the more he looked into her gaze, the more he saw of himself. They were both alone, different. Neither of them belonged anywhere, not really.

Suddenly nothing else mattered. Matt let himself pull her near. Feeling her frame against his, he slipped a hand up to cup the side of her face, brushing a stray tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb in the process. Before either had stopped to think, Matt dipped his head and kissed her lips. It was gentle at first, then deeper as the two began to accept what was happening.

They parted after a moment, Emily took a deep, shaky, breath –she looked as shocked as Matt felt. Neither had anticipated the rush of emotions that would accompany an act so simple in theory. Then, without a word, Emily reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, initiating the second kiss herself. This time the result was more passionate then the first.

They'd opened a door and both were eager to cross through. Emily's heart beat faster as she clung to him. For the first time in her life she'd finally found someone within whom she could believe. Standing on the edge she wanted to let go, let him take her over. All she wished was for him to make her heart a better place, after the years of pain and regret she'd carried around from her past. Whatever was left of her, she wanted him to have it.

Emily was terrified of such thoughts. She knew if he were to ask her for more at this particular moment she would be unable to refuse him.

Matt held her tightly in his embrace as they kissed. Everything he'd ever said or felt about her came flooding back to him. He'd promised his father that she'd meant nothing to him, but the agony was she did mean a great deal.

A great deal too much.

This revelation caused Matt to break away, highly disconcerted. He wanted to ignore the weight of Emily leaning into him for support, her knees weak, her eyes closed as she caught her breath, but he couldn't. She was what was real for him, not some mission that had been planned for him since birth.

Pressing his forehead against hers, Matt's own heart beat a mile a minute. He could feel her body trembling and he knew the power he had over her in those precious seconds. The question was what he would do with it...?

Matt jumped awake, his hands coming up to rub his face. He was thankful something had disturbed him before the dream had a chance to continue.

Sitting up straighter in the living room chair, he heard the sound of paper rustling. Blinking in the early dawn light, which had begun to spill through the floor-to-ceiling windows of his flat, Matt tried to focus his bleary eyes on the person sitting in the settee across from him.

It was Emily.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" She asked looking up from what appeared to be a sketch journal.

Matt hesitated. "No." He said. Yes. He thought grumpily.

She was dressed in his shirt and jeans again, her bare feet tucked under her as she drew steadily with a pencil in her leather-bound book.

"What are you doing?" He asked, trying to shake the unsettled knot in the pit of his stomach, leftovers from the troubling dream. So much was revealed in the subconscious when one slept and Matt didn't like what he was finding in his.

Smiling proudly, she turned her journal around to reveal a portrait of his face. He was surprised at how peaceful he looked fast asleep in black and white.

"I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind." Emily said turning the book back around to appraise what she'd done. Graphite and charcoal smudges covered her fingers. Matt noticed a small smear on her nose. He ignored the sudden thought of, "how cute", as it popped into his head uninvited.

"I don't mind, I just don't understand." He said trying not to sound irritated. He was mad at himself –not her.

"Oh," Emily shrugged. "I've kept this through all my travels. I like to draw what's around me. It helps me hold the memory of all the places I've been –all the people I've met."

"Is your husband in there?" Matt asked before he could stop himself. Emily frowned and slammed the journal shut.

"I only draw what I want to remember Matthew." She said harshly. Standing up, she tossed the book on the glass coffee table with a loud bang, and walked over, arms folded, to stare out the east window.

Matt cringed and pushed his blanket away. Picking his shirt up off the floor, he pulled it over his head and headed for the fridge.

"I'm sorry." He said, stepping behind the kitchenette counter. Emily only tilted her head upward in response.

Pouring them both a glass of orange juice, Matt carried the tumbler to her as a peace offering. She took it, without a smile, and continued to watch the waking city.

"So have you figured out what Ethan is going to do with the Gateways?" Emily asked after a strained silence.

"No." Matt answered, "But whatever it is, he's going to do it soon."

"Did your father know about your mission?" Emily glanced at him before taking a sip of juice.

"No." He lied, "Gideon didn't know anything about the Anomalies."

"I'm surprised more people don't know about them." She murmured. "I mean they appear all the time, you'd think more people would see them."

"People tend to see only what they want too." Matt said looking down at her. For a minute the two studied each other, both for different reasons. When the moment had passed, he set his jaw and gazed out at the rising sun.

"I've spent my whole life waiting for this and now it finally feels like it's coming to fruition."

"So you have a plan then?" Emily asked, curious.

Matt nodded. "Yes." He said definitively, slipping her a side-glance when he was confident she wasn't looking.

And it doesn't include you. He thought. I'm going to need Lester to find you some new quarters.

Since Emily's Anomaly had closed several days before, it was uncertain how long she would be stuck in this time, and he refused to let her hang around his flat any longer.

The sooner he put distance between them, the better it would be for both parties.

He didn't like how she'd managed to get inside his head.


A/N: I like the idea of Emily knowing how to draw, since it would have been standard requirement for ladies in her time. I gave her a sketch journal because I feel she would have kept track of everything she saw, like an early explorer. If anyone is wondering where it came from, my theory is it's not a pocket journal, but it's just small enough to fit into the lining of her jacket. Not much to say about Matt/Emily, other than I'm miffed they didn't kiss before she left.

Thanks to everyone for reading/reviewing!