A/N: This chapter is on the short side, so I'll update two today. And thanks for all the follows and favs!
Emma was still curled up in a ball the following morning. Covers pulled to her closed eyes, she fisted it and rubbed the soft material down the bridge of her nose. It made her breath shudder and her legs tucked in tighter to her chest. Hook had already gotten up and was currently downstairs. If she could muster up the energy, she would crawl into the shower and rock under the water. Let herself shatter then pull herself back together for the sake of this wedding.
The door to the bedroom opened, followed by the smell of bacon. It peeked her curiosity. The bed dipped and a hand placed itself on her shoulder, "I made you breakfast."
A small smile tugged for half a second. Then it dropped. She twisted so her head lay back against the pillow and looked up at her fiancé. The tray on his lap contained pancakes, bacon, some syrup and a cup of coffee. Hook stood as Emma pushed on her palms, the cover draping over her raised knees. He placed down the tray and altered the pillows. Emma leant against them and gave a grateful smile as they tray was placed on her lap, "it smells really good."
"For once I didn't burn it-" he winked, because the first time he had attempted bacon they had ended up black and frazzled to a crisp, "is something the matter, Swan?"
Emma's breath caught at his sincerity. She pulled the tray closer then poured some syrup over the food, "nothing this breakfast can't fix-" shovelling in a mouthful she smiled at him, "s'good, thanks."
"I have to look after my soon to be wife."
Emma nodded and looked down, guilt intensifying. Cheating wasn't something to excuse away. The bad traits had always been there, she was aware of them when they had begun to date, but there were these moments. He would show affection and Emma did care for him, "Killian, I need to…"
He stood and frowned, crossed his arms and waited for her to finish, "you need to what, love?"
Emma shrugged one shoulder and gave him a lopsided smile, "need to get more of these pancakes."
"Yes, my love. Anything my love."
Reaching to the side, she grabbed a pillow and flung it at him with a…giggle. He grabbed onto it and made an expression as if he were butt-hurt, "you hurt me, Swan."
Emma stabbed her fork and shoved more pancakes into her mouth then took a sip of the burning coffee. She gave him a cheeky grin, whilst her insides turned to mush.
He walked back to the door, but spun on the last second, "oh, me and your father are going out to fish. I had presumed you would still be at the mansion, so we made plans. I hope you don't mind."
Emma's mouth opened and stayed that way for a split second, "oh…I…no, of course not-" she smiled tightly and nodded. He left the room and Emma deflated. The fork crashed on the tray and her head fell backwards against the wall.
By the time Emma had dragged herself downstairs, it was already afternoon. Hook had left a couple of hours before and she didn't expect him back any time soon. It left her with some time to herself and her thoughts. After some deliberation, she picked up the phone and pressed it to her ear.
"Mom?"
Emma sighed, "kid…erm…do you wanna come over? I have the house to myself, we could play video games and watch movies."
There was a long pause. Emma held her breath. "Are you and mom in a fight?"
"Yes, Henry. We got into a fight. I'm sorry I lied to you." More than sorry, if she were to lose him to she would lose her mind.
"You know I hate being lied to."
"I know, did you speak to…R-Regina?"
"Yeah," he said, full of accusation, "she said you hurt her."
Head bowing, she swallowed, before whispering, "I did…but I didn't intend to. I messed up, okay? But I don't want to lose you."
Another long pause where Emma bit her lip and felt her heart rate pounding, "I'll come over, but you've got to stop lying to me."
"Yeah? And I'll…try, but sometimes I do stupid shit. I'm probably gunna mess up again." Not that she wanted to mess up or hurt Henry, but she was a complete screw up and everything was spiralling out of control.
"Mom would tell you off for swearing. And I know mom, I don't expect you to be perfect, just you."
Emma nodded to herself. All of that was too painful to touch, "okay, want to meet me at the store so we can hoard up on junk food?"
"You're avoiding Mom."
"Yup."
"Fine. I'll walk all the way to the store just because you don't want to pick me up at the mansion."
"See you in about thirty minutes?"
"Yeah, see you then."
The line went dead and Emma fell back against the couch. At least she could make a start on mending one relationship.
It had only been a few days since she had run out on Regina and already she was stood outside of the Mayor's office, fingers twiddling in front of her middle and eyes glued to the door. Emma twisted as if to leave, shook her arms and went back to the door. Knuckles rested against the glass, but she sighed instead of knocking. She took two paces backwards, slid her hands into her jacket and continued to stare.
One minute turned into two. Which turned into three. By the time she knew it, ten minutes had passed and she had yet to decide. It was made for her when the door swung open, followed by Regina stepping out of it. She froze, took one look at Emma then swiftly shut the door and continued down the hall.
Emma followed and Regina stopped just before the door to the exit. On a deep breath she spun and glared, "what do you want, Miss Swan?"
"I just want to talk." The look on her face was far worse than when she had shown her the engagement ring. "Please, Regina. All I want is to talk."
"You lost your right to that, now-" her head shook and she barged past Emma as if thinking better about whatever it was she was supposed to be doing, "leave me alone."
Emma didn't understand the concept. She never had before. Legs paced quickly to keep up with Regina, but the door slammed shut the moment she went to walk into Regina's office. The lock sounded and Emma pulled then pushed on the handle, forehead falling against the door, "oh come on, please, I'm sorry. I screwed up."
Both palms pressed into the door and she leant on one foot, closed both eyes and thought up ways to get Regina to open the door. Short of banging on it until the noise infuriated her, Emma groaned, spun and slid down it. With her back pressed to it, she sighed, "I'll stay here all night if I have to."
Perhaps she didn't deserve to talk to Regina, but days without seeing her had drove her crazy. It was hard to pretend she was happy when she didn't at least have Regina by her side. She thumped her head on the door, to receive…nothing. Unbeknown to Emma, Regna sat on the other side of the door in the same position and bumped her head against it with tears pricking her eyes, "go," she said sternly, "it's what you're good at."
Emma twisted, a hand on the door and the side of her head pressed to it, "I'm sorry," she whispered, wishing there was something more she could say. It wasn't adequate a word to make up for what she had done.
"Sorry?" she gave an incredulous chuckle, "I don't want your apologies. Come to think of it, I don't want anything from you."
"I know I messed up. I shouldn't have…I shouldn't…"
"What, dear? Treated me like a cheap hook up. I'm surprised you didn't leave cash on your way out."
The hurt in her voice had Emma close her eyes and press her cheek into the door, "you know it wasn't like that."
"It's exactly what that was like. You used me. I'm done being used."
"That was-" fuck. Each finger scraped along the door and she thumped her head again, "I didn't…Regina I messed up. It's what I do, but please, please, know it wasn't you. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Emma almost fell as the door was opened. She scrambled to her feet and wanted to crawl back down at the hard gleam to Regina's eyes. Her face tensed and she sneered, "you used me."
Her head shook, "no," and she took a step forwards to grab onto Regina's shoulders in an attempt to anchor her or comfort her. Regina stepped back and slapped her hand away.
"Don't you dare touch me." Her fists clenched by her side and those eyes sought out Emma's in a way which had her stomach churn. Hurting Regina made her ache more than anything ever had. It was like when she had brought Marian back all over again, but that time had been unintentional. "You. Used. Me."
Emma's bottom lip trembled, "I would never do that to you."
Regina spun and walked towards her desk. With both hands placed on it she took deep breaths. Emma shut the door and inched closer. "You needed a distraction. I offered myself up to you. You took the opportunity then left."
"That's not what-"
"Happened-" Regina spun, "your intent doesn't matter. I was a hook-up for you. Nothing more."
Emma crossed her arms and bowed her head. If she looked to her any longer she would end up a mess on the floor. Being on the receiving end of Regina's verbal blows would easily do that. "It was more than that."
Regina sneered, "you fucked me and left. I was a cheap dirty nothing to you."
"Regina." Emma's arms flailed as she took steps forwards. They crossed back around her chest to stop herself from reaching out, "that's a load of bullshit. You're more than nothing. Gods, you're…"
A palm hit her forehead. Emma wanted to scream, all the words and real feelings wanting to burst free whilst they couldn't have chosen a better timing.
"Would you ever leave him?"
"I…"
"So…what then, Emma? You expected me to be okay with what happened? Or were you planning on having an affair with me behind his back? Either way, I'm still your dirty little secret."
"No…that's not-"
"Have you told him?"
All Emma could manage was a shake of her head. Regina's jaw clenched and she turned back to face her desk, arms circling her waist. Emma wanted to pull Regina to her chest and make the pain go away. The one she had caused, "I'm sorry, it wasn't like that. You're twisting it in your head."
Regina chuckled without humour, "are you planning on telling him?" Emma's silence gave all the answers she needed. "I'm not twisting anything. You used me."
"Will you stop saying that?" Emma's arms flew into the air then slapped her legs.
Regina spun back around, "no, because that's what you did," she spat, came close enough so their noses almost touched, "if you never planned to be with me, you never should've kissed me."
"I didn't plan to leave!" her chest heaved, "all I could think about in that moment was that I needed you."
Regina's head snapped to the side, "we all know you'd never leave him."
Emma swallowed. A week remained until the wedding, it was a done deal as far as she was concerned. Unless she told him the truth. Each time she had tried, the words jammed in her throat. She would lose everyone. She would be alone.
"I can't," she whispered, arms circling her waist.
"Can't or won't?"
"I don't know," she admitted softly, the tremble to Regina's body breaking her in two, "I'm sorry. What can I do to make it right?"
"Nothing."
Regina's chest quivered and her head remained to the side. Nothing had ever felt so bad than to witness what she had done. "You're my best friend."
Brown gleaming eyes looked upwards before Regina caught Emma's gaze, voice filled with tears and higher in pitch, "that's the problem."
A tear rolled down Regina's flushed cheek. Emma took a step forwards and lightly gripped Regina's shoulders. Their eyes met and made little movements as they stared. With arms still tucked into her chest, Emma slowly wrapped her arms around Regina's shoulders. Giving her enough time to pull away.
"I hate you," she said, but burrowed her face in Emma's neck.
Elbows dug into Emma's rib cage as she held on tighter. One hand went to the back of her head and the other held her closer, "you can hate me, I deserve it," she whispered, "but…" please don't leave me.
Regina flinched as if she had only just realised whose arms she was in. She pulled back, "you can go now," she said, turning so Emma's hands dropped away, "shut the door on your way out." With stiff movements, she made her way back to her desk, stopping by the window to stare out of it.
It took a moment, but Emma nodded to herself, "I don't want to lose you," she said, turned and left the office as quickly as her legs would carry.
Emma plunged a forkful of cake into her mouth, then another and another. Granny eyed her, but when Emma pouted and pulled the cake to her chest, Granny simply huffed, wafted her arms, said, "eat me out of a business," then walked away.
Snow was sat on the stool next to Emma, nibbling each cake to see which one she preferred. She sighed at her daughter's lack of manners, "Emma. You aren't supposed to eat the entire cake. This is about testing them to see which one you like best. Then you pick one out for the wedding which is happening in just over a week."
"This one tastes good," she shrugged, shovelling a giant piece of chocolate cake into her mouth, "we'll just use this one."
Snow had seen Emma pile in the junk food when things weren't going so well, using it to comfort. It wasn't as if she hadn't ever ended up in pyjamas with a tub of ice cream to go with them, but Emma had eaten about half of the cake and was still going. "Emma, is something wrong?"
"Nope." Her hand went to her stomach and she pushed the cake away, "okay, I think I'm done." She placed her head in her arms and stayed that way, shoulders quivering.
"Sweetie, what's the matter?" She circled Emma's back, glancing around to see the diner was practically empty.
"Keep messing everything up," she mumbled, not wanting to move and unable to believe she was almost crying in Granny's diner. She peaked her head up, eyes red rimmed, "am I doing the right thing?"
"You're marrying for love, what could be more right than that?"
Emma's mind didn't go to Hook, it went to another person. The one person she couldn't imagine out of her life and yes, she had risked everything to go to the underworld to save Hook, but she had just felt the darkness seep from within and the emotional tornado which had hit had overpowered her senses.
Emma shrugged again, "can we go?"
"We haven't even picked a cake yet. Your wedding is next weekend, Emma." It hurt more than she could've imagined. She was a mess and the fact her mother was blinded to that…hurt. She pushed away from the counter, stood and made her way out of the diner. She was outside before an arm pulled her back and wrapped her into loving arms.
"Mom-" her bottom lip trembled and she buried her face in the crook of Snow's neck. The last time she remembered this happening was under a cave with a trigger as they had almost died. Before she and Regina combined their magic and it'd stopped.
"Tell me what's wrong, sweetie. I know you haven't been enthusiastic about this wedding, but I thought it was because of the visions. I just want you to be happy, Emma." Emma cried outside of Granny's and it was so uncharacteristic of her, Snow didn't know what to think.
Emma remained silent, pulled away and wiped beneath both eyes. "It's nothing, just cold feet. I should…go back, I should be with him." Snow wasn't convinced, but Emma's head fought in never ending conflict. One she could end with the simple decision. It had been easy before, it could be easy again. Emma turned and walked away from Granny's, ignoring any attempt her mother made to get her to stop.
Nothing about it felt easy, no matter what lies she continued to spin.
