He awoke in a dazed stupor, his pupils wide, his hands tingling. Severus tried to get out of bed but found he could not. Mentally, he kicked himself. He should have known better than to mix a Dreamless Sleep potion with alcohol.
Severus turned his head. His whole body felt paralyzed, as though he had been shaken awake in the midst of dreaming. There was a mermaid looking in through the porthole, its ugly face puckered against the glass. He half-heartedly raised a hand to shoo it away. It swam deeper into the lake, scaled tale disappearing from view.
Slowly, he brought his trembling fingers up to touch his pillow. It was wet. With tears, he wondered? With sweat from the forced repression of his unrelenting guilt? A boulder, again, found its way to his throat. This feeling was going to dig its claws into him and hold on for a very long time.
He was finally able to swing his legs over the side of the four-poster bed. Light was filtering through the lake water, dancing in white patterns on the stone floor. Severus looked back down at the bed, thinking of her laying there, unconscious and half-naked. He brought his whitened knuckles to his mouth to restrain his cries and wandered slowly towards the kitchen, despite the fact that his appetite had been dead for the better part of two days.
There was nothing in the ice box except a half-drained flask of pumpkin juice, firewhiskey, nettle wine and his supply of Dreamless Sleep potions. He closed it apathetically and turned toward the pantry. On the first shelf was the remainder of Darcy's cookies. He laughed bitterly and destroyed them with a flick of his wand.
Apparently, Severus had no choice but to attend breakfast.
When he entered the Great Hall, he was met with an enthusiastic burst of laughter. Severus sneered. Darcy looked to be the life of the party, telling some joke or another. The girl clearly had the rest of the staff eating out of the palm of her hand. She appeared to be in high spirits. Severus felt relief at the fact that the memory had not surfaced.
"Severus!" Dumbledore called, smiling. "We were wondering when you would join us."
"Yes, Headmaster," Severus murmured, then noticed that Darcy was sitting next to someone different.
"Lupin!" Snape barked, incredulous. "What in the devil are you doing here?"
"Well it's nice to see you too, Severus," Lupin smiled wanly. His robes were tattered, patched and slightly dirty. His face was more lined than Severus remembered it, and the circles under his eyes were darker. He had a fork poised between his fingers, his plate of eggs and sausage untouched.
"I am visiting Darcy. She is my cousin, you see," Lupin informed him, pushing the food around his plate absentmindedly. Snape snorted and took his place between Quirrell and Sinistra.
"I was not aware you allowed werewolves to dine with the staff, Headmaster," Severus hissed viciously. Several of his colleagues gasped at the remark, but others seemed to agree with him in silence.
"As you can plainly see, Severus, the moon is not overhead, nor is Remus covered in fur," Dumbledore said icily, his voice implying warning. Severus glared at his food but decided not to push Dumbledore further. As he looked down at his plate he could feel Darcy's stare boring into his cheek.
Severus gritted his teeth through the uncomfortably silent meal and ate little. After a reasonable amount of time had passed, he pushed back his chair in haste and, ignoring it as it clattered to the floor, swiftly left the hall, his cloak trailing behind him.
"A well-endowed female. A brunette, preferably," Severus muttered, shoving the newly minted coins under the tiny window in the lobby of the musty brothel. The clerk, a thin, balding man, took them, his eyes downcast. Severus glanced around. There were no windows in the room; only several winged armchairs and an oriental rug. As he looked to the left he saw a hallway which was punctuated by endless doors, all different colors.
He felt a book nudge his hand and looked down.
"That's our catalogue, that is," The man informed him. He lit a cigarette. "Plenty a' well endowed missies in there. Take yer pick."
Smoke drifted lazily through the box window as Severus flicked through the pages. He inhaled it into his lungs; the smell comforted him, reminding him of his days as a schoolboy in Hogwarts. He'd given up smoking years ago but occasionally longed to pick up the habit again. The scent and the memory of the nicotine sparked a sudden craving.
Trying to ignore the smoke-lust, his finger stopped on the picture of a voluptuous young girl – couldn't have been any more than twenty – who was dressed only in a Hogwarts uniform skirt and a green-and-silver striped tie.
"Who is she?" Severus asked, still gazing at the girl, her large breasts bare and enticing, her blue eyes dancing with lust. She curled a finger at him, persuading him to take her.
"Ah, one of our finest girls. Her name be Alicia. Is that yer choice?" The man asked.
"Er – yes. Yes." Severus decided. The man smiled lecherously.
"Very well, sir. I'll get me keys and take ye to the room."
The man jingled a large ring of keys and walked ahead of him down the long and winding hallway. After walking several paces, he stopped in front of a green and silver door, the frame carved into hissing snakes. He knocked first, then slipped a silver key into the lock. The door swung open.
"Alicia? Are ye ready for ye client?" He shouted hoarsely into the bedroom.
"Oh yes, Tibbits, let him in!" A low, feminine voice replied. Tibbits gave Severus a knowing smile, patted him briefly on the shoulder and took his leave. Severus quickly stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.
The walls were draped in green velvet, covering dark wood paneling. The wooden floor was blanketed by an oversize wolverine-pelt rug, its fangs bared menacingly. In one corner of the room sat a green velveteen love seat, and across from that a coffee table with a silver tea seat and potpourri. There was a wardrobe on the other side and a small shelf for brandy, wine, and whiskey. In the center of the room was a gigantic green and silver bed, dripping with fine linen and adorned with large, ornately jeweled pillows. It was crowned by a semi-transparent silver canopy.
"Admiring my dormitory?" A voice said behind him. Severus turned to see Alicia, dressed in an altered version of the Hogwarts uniform. The normally demure gray skirt was drastically shortened. The white shirt revealed her tight, flat belly and her gray stockings were pulled up mid-thigh, held in place by gray garters. Her oxfords were high-heeled and adorned with leather bows.
Alicia was prettier than her picture implied. She had full, red lips, large blue eyes sheltered by sweeping eyelashes, and high, regal cheekbones. Her long brunette hair was expertly styled in two ribbon-bound pigtails.
"Indeed, it is rather...lavish," Severus remarked. Alicia smirked, wonderingly slowly over to him. Severus's cock twitched in his pants as she stroked his neck with one long-nailed finger.
"What are you in the mood for...?" She trailed, at a loss at how to address him.
"Professor," Severus said.
"Ah, yes, Professor," Alicia crooned, softly planting a trail of kisses down his neck. Severus's erection was quickly evolving from hard to stiff.
Only using her hands, Alicia removed her top to reveal her full breasts, nipples pink and hard. Severus choked back a moan and cupped one of her breasts in his hand, massaging the nipple with his thumb. She groaned into his neck.
"Professor, can this be considered extra credit?" Alicia whispered, her breath hot on Severus's ear.
"Yes," he gasped as her hand found his twitching cock. She pulled down his trousers and took the throbbing member in her hand, stroking it slowly. Biting the inside of his cheek, Severus slipped his hand under her skirt and felt her full, smooth buttock.
Alicia stepped back and let her skirt fall to the floor, now completely nude save for her garters and stockings. Severus stared at her, drinking in the beauty and impossibility of her perfect, proportional body.
"Don't you want me, Professor?" She whispered, allowing her own hands to explore the most private places of her body. "Mmm...will you take me, Professor?"
Trying to ignore the strange churning feeling in his stomach, Severus lead her to the bed. She lied down submissively, squeezing her breasts in anticipation. Severus removed his trousers and straddled her, perching between her smooth legs.
Suddenly, his erection began to soften. The scene was too fresh, too familiar. His stomach lurched and he shuddered, trying desperately not to be sick. Beneath him, she was Darcy, naked and broken by his rage. Hurried and sporadic, Severus climbed down from the tall bed and yanked on his trousers and shoes, flicking his wand to tie the laces.
"What in the bloody...?" Alicia muttered incredulously. "Where are you going? Come back!"
Severus ignored her. Alicia stumbled forward and grabbed his shoulder in an attempt to detain him but he jerked away from her hand. Without looking over his shoulder he fled, walking as quickly as he could without breaking into a panicked jog.
"Hope ye had a good time, come back soon!" Tibbits called, but Severus had already gone.
His eyebrow twitched. Severus raised a finger to it in hopes to calm the spasming muscle. His mouth was set in a grimace that no whore could alter. He felt horrible, and that was it. He almost laughed when he realized that he had thought that a purchased tryst could somehow relieve him. No, no rendezvous in a Hogsmede brother could make him forget what he had done. If anything, he would have to drown it in drink.
"Will this be all for you, sir?" The clerk asked, pushing the cigarettes into Severus's hand.
Or suffocate it with smoke, he mused, fingering the package eagerly. It had been so long.
"Yes," he answered, handing over the two sickles. Tucking the cigarettes into his pocket, he ventured forth into Hogsmede and hailed a carriage back to Hogwarts.
As he approached the doors of the Entrance Hall, he saw a figure walking towards him. Lupin waved, smiling slightly, his other hand resting on his wand, which was tucked into the belt of his trousers.
"Good afternoon, Lupin," Severus said curtly.
"Good afternoon, Severus," Lupin replied. "I wondered if I might have a word."
"Actually, I have business to attend to. You understand, of course," Severus drawled, glaring at him.
"Ah, but this won't take but a minute! Let's have a stroll about the grounds, I insist," Lupin smiled, gesturing to the lavish flora of the well-manicured Hogwarts grounds. Sneering, Severus walked in step with him, thinking that if he annoyed him enough he could simply hex him and return to his quarters.
"I'll cut right to the chase," Lupin informed him.
"Yes, please do," Severus glared. "I have better things to do than waste perfectly good time conversing idly with half-breeds."
Lupin looked wounded, and Severus turned his attention to the lake, which they were slowly approaching. It was full to the brim, reflecting the hot sun like a gigantic mirror.
"There are memories I'd like for you to have," Lupin fished a small bottle out of his ratty shirt pocket. It was filled with churning silver liquid. "It is a collection which I do not need. They are of you and Lily...I'm not sure whether that would cause you pain or not. However, I figured it had been long enough...if you do not wish to view them yet, you can store them away, or whatever. They are yours to do with what you wish."
Severus stared coldly into him, attempting to overturn any hidden motives. It appeared there were none. He did not know whether to be thankful or angry. Gingerly, Severus took the bottle in his fingers and put it in his pocket next to the cigarettes.
"Thank you...I suppose," Severus murmured, his lips pursing slightly. "This is not the real reason you are here, is it?"
"No, no, I did wish to visit with Darcy. However, I thought I might as well kill two birds with one stone." Lupin paused, looking thoughtfully at Severus, whose brow furrowed. "Severus, I never hated you. Perhaps I did not speak up for you but I did not assist in planning any of the things Sirius and James did to you. I am sorry, though, that I did not take action on your behalf."
A blush tinged Severus's pale cheeks. He laughed bitterly. "I do not see what it presently matters, Lupin. Your little gang was dissolved long ago. Two members are dead and one is in Azkaban, left to rot with the dementors. And you? By the state of your robes you don't appear to be employed; that much is certain," Severus ruthlessly spat.
"Do not dare try and gild my opinion of you by exposing your inaction. It does not clear you of guilt, Lupin. Your hands were just as bloody as theirs!"
Severus turned on heel and strode towards the castle, leaving a dumbfounded Lupin behind him.
Stupid fucking mutant half-breed, Severus inwardly seethed, ignoring Dumbledore's rules and lighting a cigarette as he walked through the chilly dungeons. He would have smashed the damn bottle had his curiosity and pathetic bleeding heart not gotten the better of him. Lily. Perhaps he would never let go.
When he got to the portrait he hurriedly mumbled the password, taking an especially long drag and savoring the feeling of the smoke flowing lazily into his lungs. As the portrait swung open he exhaled and a large cloud of green smoke ballooned in the air.
"To hell with you, Lupin!" Severus spat, seizing the bottle and throwing his fist back, meaning to smash it and watch the liquid evaporate into nonexistence. However, he found his hand would not move forward. Teeth gnashing, Severus clenched the bottle and moved his arm back again, but he could not allow himself to destroy its contents. Sighing in exasperation, he placed it on the table and fell weakly to a nearby chair, sucking on his cigarette until it burnt down to the butt and reproduced itself in between his trembling fingers.
Authors Note:
I apologize for the lack of updates. Finals are approaching and I have been incredibly busy with school and work. Come June, hopefully updates will be more frequently.
I also apologize for the fact that this chapter probably qualifies as filler. I'm sort of at a loss of what to write next, for most of my bigger plans are centered around Sage's adolescence. If anyone has any ideas, any ideas at all, please do not hesitate to let me know! You will be credited accordingly and showered with my undying gratitude. :)
