Well look who, after getting proper sleep decided to go back and rework the chapter, I made it longer for you guys and you may actually like this version better.
I stare at the tree, then the group of people standing around it. My dad, Christina, Rose and their mom, Tobias is there and standing next to him is Zeke and Uriah. Hana is placing pillows on the couch for me.
I smile. "What's going on?"
"Well you were in the hospital, and we wanted you to be happy when you got home!" Rose smiles.
Caleb sets me carefully down on the couch. "There we go."
"Okay, presents then dinner?" My mom smiles. Everyone takes a spot. Tobias sits on the floor next to my head. Caleb sits at the end my feet aren't touching. Christina sits on the left of the tree with Rose and their mom next to her. Zeke and Uriah sit on the other side. My father gives up his chair to Hana, and sits on the love seat with my mom.
My dad is the closest to the presents so he starts handing them out. I look at mine then stick one out to Caleb. He takes it from me and unwrapping it.
"This is from, Mom and Dad." He hands me back the box and inside it is a new pair of mittens. They got a matching pair for Christina and Rose too. I have a present from Christina 3 pairs of stockings, black, blue, and red. She beams at me from her spot, holding up the dress I got for her. Red. It's her favourite colour and she looks good wearing it. I got a blanket from Stephanie and Rose. I pull it close. It smells like their house, cinnamon and sawdust. Caleb got me a new brush. I watch as Tobias, Zeke, Uriah and Hana trade presents.
"Hey here's one more!" Rose yells grabbing a small box in the tree. "It's for Tris! From Max? Who's Max?"
"Oh that's a friend of Four's, I had papa help him a while back." I smile, kissing Rose's forehead when she hands me the gift. "Did you like your hair clips?"
"Yes! They're so pretty!" She smiles.
"What's in the box?" Tobias pokes my leg carefully.
"I don't know," I look at it.
"Well open it up!" My father cups his chin thinking. "What if it's an engagement ring and he intends to steal you away?"
I see Tobias stiffen a bit before my father starts laughing. "Tris, I'm joking. Max is a nice boy but I don't think he's brazen enough to want to get on my bad side."
I had opened the box as my father was speaking. "It's a bus ticket to Chicago."
"Or maybe he is." My father whistles. "I expect three grandchildren by six years, and we're having Thanksgiving at his place from now on." He looks at my mother. "Should I ask for a horse? You know as part of our daughter's brideprice?"
I start laughing the best I can with my injuries. "A horse papa? Really? I would have at least asked for two horses and a chicken."
"That's absurd, what would I do with another horse?" He looks at me. Christina starts laughing.
Uriah looks at me confused.
"Our gran, she was of the wealthy class of the nineteenth century and she use to tell us this story before she died about how when her mother was going to marry her father, that our great-gran's father demanded that out great-grandpa's family give them half the fine china would be an inheritance to our gran's side of the family. Well when asked what they would like to get in return they demanded that if three kids weren't born in six years they'd get the china back, and that Thanksgiving was to be at our great-grans house every year, and that they were to get a horse, a chicken and a goose and a donkey from the farm for their other children.
"When our great-gran's father looked at them and said, well we have three horses would you like another? Our great-grandpa's father looked at him and said 'that's absurd why would I need another horse?' and walked out." I laugh.
Uriah still looks at me.
"They had only had one child." Caleb smiles. "They were trying to get the engagement called off."
"I find it funny," Rose smiles.
I shrug.
Tobias hasn't seemed to relax. Hana, Stephanie and my mom all vacate to the kitchen, Zeke, Christina, Uriah and Rose all run outside to throw snowballs at each other. Caleb and our father are watching TV, engrossed in the news.
"Help me up to my room?" I lean over and whisper. "I have a present for you up there."
He gets up before bending over to pick me up in a bridal carry. He carries me up the stairs and into my room, setting my on my bed.
"My dad was joking, you know." I kiss his neck before he pulls away.
"I know." He looks around.
"Then why were you so tense?"
He looks at me then away. "I wasn't."
"Yes you were." I lie back on my bed.
"Maybe I don't want you going to Chicago alone." He says after a minute going over and opening my closet.
"Well then who would you suggest going with me because I have someone in mind- what are you doing?"
"You told me you had a present for me, I'm interested. And I was thinking maybe me but you know it's your choice." He jumps out of my closet looking around.
"You're like a child."
"I never had a girlfriend buy me a present before, Tris." He looks at me.
"It's in my top dresser drawer." I stand up slowly and walk over to it. "Now this is something important." I open it and take out the gift. "Close your eyes."
I turn around and grab his hand opening it and setting the gift in his palm. He opens his eyes and there's my grandfather's pocket watch in his hand. "It's lasted so many years, and Dad was going to give it to Caleb but Caleb gave it to me. Said that when you're away from me you'll be able to have me close and have something to count down the seconds until you get back to me. Wait did you just call me your girlfriend."
"Indeed, my love." He leans in and kisses me.
New Years came and went. I was still sore, and the Pedrads went back to Chicago, so both Tobias and I were alone. My parents went out to a New Years party of my father's coworker and Caleb had spent all that evening packing, he decided to move sooner than he had originally planned.
Tobias is sitting on the couch with my feet in his lap rubbing them, he had kissed me when the clock hit midnight nine hours ago, and I'm staring at the TV when it comes on.
There'd be no trial for Jack Kang.
I wouldn't get to tell the people what he did to me.
Because Jack Kang was dead, the police on TV said they found his car outside of the highway three towns over. It looked like a mugging.
Tobias' hands still on my feet, I can only stare at the TV. Is this suppose to be closure for me? Am I suppose to feel better.
School was school, I guess in a way I was glad that Jack was dead. I wouldn't have to tell everyone exactly what happened. I didn't want to talk about it any more, it happened and I survived. God got his way. I don't think anyone mourned Jack. I don't think he had a wife or a lover or even children.
Walking the halls seem so different, even though now three weeks later most of the looks stopped. Molly nods to me every now and then as does Peter. They're not nice but they're not rude. They stopped searching for Jack's "killer" saying that his head wound must've been when he wrecked his car. Stephanie was given his old job at the grocery store until she could afford to repair the flower shop.
"What do you think?" I look at Tobias. He's in his kitchen stirring pasta for spaghetti.
"I think this is going to be the best damn food you have ever eaten." He replies.
"No! Does the opening to my paper sound good?" I stretch. "I'm all caught up by the way."
"That's good." He still doesn't look at me.
"What is it?" I get up.
"Are you sure you're alright? I mean, Tris it's barely been two months. I'm just worried that one day you're going to snap." He looks at me. "Not that you're crazy. I don't mean it like that."
"He's dead can we please stop talking about this." I turn away to walk back to the couch. "So your birthday is coming up!"
"Can we not talk about that." He looks at me.
"But this is important, especially to me!" I clench my fists.
"And what happened to you isn't? What is anyone suppose to not ask you about this, or just me?" He yells. "I mean since we can't talk about what happened to ask you how you're doing. Can we ask how this has affected me?"
"Oh it's all about you then isn't it!" I scream right back.
"I could have lost you, Beatrice! It's just we didn't even talk about it. And I don't know how to tell you how guilty I feel because I didn't run after you to demand for you to let me walk you home. And I don't want you to blame yourself. And you can blame me. But it's the second time that man did something to you, and both times it was my fault that I didn't go after you! I almost lost you, Beatrice. You could be someone completely different in front of me one day because of what happened has changed you so much."
"It's not your fault."
"Don't say that." He spits out. "I promised myself that I wouldn't let another woman I know come to harm by a man. I broke that twice with you! I love you, Beatrice. I love you so much. But I've allowed you to come into harms way, and I can't forgive myself."
I walk over, placing a hand on his back. "Go bathe, I'll finish here."
He nods before heading towards the bathroom. I take a deep breath and grab the pot of pasta noodles before draining it. I make a plate and set it down before walking over to the couch, my appetite having disappeared. I close my eyes to block out the sunlight coming in through the window.
I try to roll over and something around my waist keeps me from moving. My eyes snap open and I shuffle around the best I can, stopping when I'm face to face with Tobias. His eyes are closed and he looks peaceful his face for the first time looks boyish. I notice the sun is setting through the window so I must've been asleep for only an hour or two.
I unwrap myself from his arm and get up. On my way out I tug my pants off then head to the bathroom. Once done I head to the kitchen, I decide to make myself a small plate of pasta. I'm not hungry but I'm also not not hungry. I'm staring out the window and eating just pasta when hands find my hips.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"I should be asking you that." Tobias whispers, kissing the top of my head.
"Would you feel better if you did teach me how to fight?" I ask bringing up a past conversation.
"I thought you didn't want me to?" He pulls me close to him. "Why are you just eating pasta?"
"I wasn't completely hungry. If it'll make you feel less guilty."
"Bea-"
"No, stop right there. You brought this up we are going to talk. If you want this relationship to continue then we are going to talk. I'm sorry that you feel like this was your fault it's not. It's partially my fault, I'm to trusting of this town. I grew up here, I thought I knew everyone. I knew Jack Kang was a horrible man but I didn't know how horrible he was. I'm not naturally distrustful like you are, Tobias. Now I'm not holding you responsible for his actions, the first time you didn't know it was me, plus we weren't talking so I really didn't want to approach you. The second you believed I would've been safe. Just like I did. Now you can't blame yourself with what happened to your mother. You were a child and no man is to do that to their wife or their child." I lean back into him. "And lastly, I can't return it not right now. I'm happy that you love me, Tobias. But I can't say it back if you want me to mean it. Not right now, because right now I don't feel like I'm in love with you, I love everyone that's part of my family. So yes I love you but right now I'm not in love with you. Maybe one day I'll be able to say it and mean it."
"That's all I ask for is that you try." He kisses my cheek. "Can I ask how you're doing though?"
"I'm fine, I don't know how to explain it. I'm relieved that he's dead, Tobias. So relieved. But part of me is restless like even though I got closure I didn't get the proper closure. I think it'll fade with time." I pull away to put my plate in the sink. "Can we talk about-"
"Something different?" He looks at me.
"Well I was going to say your birthday." I look at him. "So you're going to be eighteen. Do you have any plans?"
He smiles. "You're the only one I know who wants to do something, Tris. I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was thirteen. I mean yeah I went out and got drunk when I turned sixteen but still that's not celebrating it."
"I can make you a cake." I smile.
"I don't know, I can have cake anytime." He crosses his arms.
"Oh made by your girlfriend that you're so in love with." I raise an eyebrow.
"Well I'm sure her mother would make me one anytime." He leans against the counter.
"Well damn, I got a new dress from my father. He gave it to me after you left and it goes so well with the stockings I got from Christina." I sigh.
"So if we celebrate my birthday?" He straightens up.
"I'd wear it, but you don't want to so I can't. I was also going to wear that thing you got me for Christmas. You know the present you conveniently forgot to give me until we were alone on New Years? The garter belt." I shrug and walk past him. I spare him a glance and I notice his face is flushed, his eyes are glazed over and he licks his bottom lip.
"Okay fine we can celebrate my birthday, since you make such a compelling argument. Just one question. When it's done do I get to see you in the garter belt and nothing else?"
I laugh, "you are such a pervert."
"You brought it up." He looks at me innocently.
"I'm going to bed." I shake my head and walk back to the bedroom when I'm lifted up, I give a squeal and hook an arm around his neck. All I hear is him laughing before he lies me down on the bed.
"Goodnight, my love." He whispers kissing my nose as he pulls the covers up over us.
Thirty minutes later I'm still lying there, sleep deciding it doesn't want to visit me. The room is dark and quiet minus Tobias' soft breaths. I sigh and try to flip over just to fall back on my back once again. I can't sleep.
I know what I could do to fall asleep, but I'm not doing that with Tobias right there and in his bed. I couldn't. But I could, I think. He's asleep. I watch his face as I slide a hand into my panties, he's still asleep, I can be quiet. I bite my lip, keeping my eyes on his face. I circle a finger around my clit, once twice, before moving down and entering two fingers in me. I know I can't go slow with this because I don't have a lot of time. I'm not in my own bed where I can have all the time I want where I don't have to worry about Tobias waking up and catching me. I grit my teeth, what I thought would help me fall asleep isn't, and I'm not seeing the sparks I normally do.
I feel a hand on my wrist and Tobias say. "If you keep doing that, you might actually hurt yourself." His eyes are still closed.
"How long have you been awake?" I ask quietly, hoping that the bed will swallow me whole. This is more mortifying than the period incident last year.
"The whole time, your moving around woke me up." He opens his eyes.
I don't try to move his hand from my wrist nor does he. We just lie there staring at each other. I don't know how he's feeling but I'm hoping this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon.
"You know your underwear is actually restricting your movements, and your thighs are too tight. Is this how you've always been doing this? Because this doesn't sound like the time I heard you."
"Heard me?" Pull our hands up above the blanket.
"Yeah the night you went to the movies? I came over to give you that locket. I was going to knock on the door but when I got close I hear you, on the other side. Around that time your friend Al came up and turned right around and left. Even then he didn't like me much but I guess I know why." Tobias raises an eyebrow small smirk on his face.
I can't get my head around the fact that Tobias stood there and listened to me. "So you stood there the whole time."
"I know, I know. It's fucking weird. But I didn't I stood there for five minutes before I realised what you were doing. Al came up then left. I left a minute later, leaving the present next to your mailbox." I groan, face and neck burning. "But you have to admit, it some what turns me on knowing now that you think of me. So were you thinking of me then?" He leans closer placing a kiss on my shoulder.
"Yes." I whine.
"If it's alright with you, would you like to know what it really feels like?" He pulls himself up onto his elbow. "But that's only if you want to."
I look at him, he's asking right now if I want my fantasies to come true. "Is it a normal thing you do with your girlfriends?"
"Never had a girlfriend, Tris. I've only done this to two people before." He looks at me.
Instead of answering I reach down and pull my panties down before kicking them off. Why not be selfish. His smile is bright, and he kisses me. "One condition." I pull his face close to mine. "Be normal. I want you and that polish accent of yours that I love so much."
He laughs. "Anything for you, my love. Anything." One of his hands trails down my stomach before stopping. "Ready?"
I spread my legs and nod. He kisses me as two of his fingers press against me, I grab the back of his head pushing him closer, muffling the moan that came out. "Be loud. I like it." His fingers press against me a bit harder, moving in a small circular motion. "Do you want me to start with one finger and work up to two or do you want to start with two?"
I think of his long fingers, perfect for this job. "Two?"
He chuckles. "Okay, but if it hurts, I'm stopping. No matter what."
"What if I like it?" I place a hand on his back.
"You won't if it hurts, trust me." He slides his fingers down pressing them into my entrance. He works them into the first knuckle before pulling out. His eyes hold mine as the press in again, this time to the second. I gasp when he pushes them in all the way. "Okay?"
I nod. This is better than I imagined. He starts moving them in and out of me, his gaze always stays on my face, it doesn't travel down to look at where his hand is working. His other arm is wrapped around my shoulder holding me close as he kisses me, my neck. "Can you rub against my-" I close my eyes tight when the heel of his palm starts rubbing against me. The fire that I couldn't feed earlier is doing just fine with him, "faster please?" His fingers move faster.
I can feel it, my release. I look at him, and I don't know if it's something he can see on my face or in my eyes, or if it's just the way I start to tighten around him that tells him. "Close?"
"Yes." I moan, winding one hand into his shirt the other he takes with his unoccupied hand. "So close."
He runs his nose along mine. I've never seen another person look as he does in this moment. His brow is furrowed, eyes closed, mouth open like mine. Almost like my pleasure alone is what's getting him off. I stare at his face before tightening one last time and crying out.
I lie there and pant, whimpering when he pulls his fingers out. He pulls his shirt off before using it to clean between my thighs. :You don't have to."
"But I want to." He replies.
I run a hand down his stomach. "May I?"
"You don't have to." He looks at me.
"But I want to." I kiss his shoulder, he pushes his sleep pants down some. Taking my hand and wrapping it around himself.
"You've never touched a man before have you?" He noses at my cheek.
"No." I bite my lip.
"Then I will teach you what I like, like you told me what you liked." He moves our hands. "Squeeze tight on the way up, but not too tight." I do as told, palm sliding loosely down him just to tighten on the way back up, one my thumb brushes the tip of him and he hisses.
"Sorry, I'm sorry." I feel worried that I did something wrong.
"No it's fine, that was fine. I like that. It's just, it was a little too much for me." He looks at me before leaning close. "Meaning if you do it again I just might come." And then I understand, by watching his eyes, his face, hearing the noises he makes. I understand why he acted the way he did while touching me. I understand why couples like doing this so much. I brush my thumb over him again and he grunts as he spills on my side.
He uses his shirt to clean up again before tossing it to the floor. He fixes his pants before lying down and opening his arms for me to slide over into them.
"Goodnight, my love."
"Goodnight." I kiss his chin.
