All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, no copyright infringement intended.
Chapter 9
EPOV
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I shouted at Lauren as I pushed her away.
"Oh, come on, Edward, what's wrong with you? You have haven't touched me in weeks," she complained.
"It's over, Lauren, I can't do this anymore. I have told you a dozen times, and you're still not listening to me," I told her exasperated as I ran my hands through my hair. I was furious. When would she finally accept it?
"You know as well as I do, Edward, that you want me. Once we get little Eddie out to play, you'll forget that you ever said that." She said pouting, as she dropped to her knees and crawled over to me. She pushed her overly large plastic breasts together and licked her lips.
Her hands ran seductively up and down my thighs and instinctively things started to stir down below. I needed a release; it had been weeks and I didn't know how much longer I could hold back.
I felt her unbutton my pants and pull down the zipper. As she ran her hands slowly along my length giving me the much needed friction that I crave, I threw my head back and enjoyed the feeling. God, it had been so long. "I love you so much, baby," she says as she reaches to pull me free from my boxer briefs.
It was then that something snapped inside of me. I couldn't do it. I forcefully pushed her hands away. "Get your coat and get the fuck out of my office," I said disgustedly as I stood and refastened my pants.
"Fine, if that's the way you want to play this, Edward," She spat back. "You know as well as I do that you'll be back in a few days. You always are." She gathered up her coat and stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind her.
Lauren and I had been together for around 6 months. She was nice enough at times, but it was nothing serious on my part. She told me that she loved me often, and even though I didn't love her back, I would usually say "You too" just to keep the peace. It was wrong of me, but I figured that we would eventually just get bored of one another and drift our separate ways. She was nothing more than a quick fuck and now I wanted rid of her. It looked as though that was going to be easier said than done... Yeah, I'm a bastard...I wasn't sorry.
I've always been a bit of a player, a love em and leave em type. Meet them, take them home, fuck them, yada yada yada... That was until Vegas, I went there around 18 months ago with Emmett and Jasper.
I won't lie. I had a good time with lots to drink, and a few women. That was until one night when Jasper won big on the slots. We met up with a bunch of girls who helped us celebrate. We were already drunk from crawling the strip all night. I don't really remember much at all except that one girl. She had an effect on me like no-one ever before.
We went to the club in the hotel, laughing and rubbing our bodies together as we danced. We kissed, we touched, and before I knew it, we were back in my room. I remember staring into her chocolate eyes as I entered her, and I remember feeling like I never wanted to be with anyone else as long as I lived.
The next morning I woke with a hangover and an empty bed. She had left. I couldn't remember her name. I couldn't even remember what she looked like other than the look in her eyes as I made her mine. I felt lost. I had always treated women so badly, and yet I wanted this complete stranger so much...
I vowed there and then that when I got home I would try to treat women better... Jeez, I've even been trying with Lauren for 6 long months, but I really couldn't take any more of her. She had to go. Although I suppose I should give her an apology for the way that I've just spoken to her.
But, right now the only thing on my mind was Bella. I saw her as the door opened and she witnessed Lauren straddling me while deep throating my mouth with her tongue.
Bella's face, it was a mixture of shock and embarrassment. She had left quickly before I had a chance to react. I hoped that she was alright. I would hate to think that she was upset at what she had seen, or at least what she thinks she saw. It wasn't as if either of us was naked or anything, so that was okay, wasn't it?
I would send her some flowers and hope that would be the end of the matter.
Would she forgive me? It was a really unprofessional thing to do at the office, plus I had treated her appallingly in the past few weeks.
Bella. The first time I saw her was in the elevator. She wore a grey wool dress that clung to her curves and the most amazing pair of heels. I would have loved to have taken her against the wall right there and then. The feeling of those heels digging into my ass as I pounded into her would have been heaven. I smirked at her as I caught her checking me out in the reflection of the elevator doors. She was so beautiful. Her porcelain skin turned beet red as she realized that I had noticed what she was doing. We reached her floor and I couldn't help but laugh as both she and her blush walked away.
I saw her again during a meeting in the conference room. She blushed and I smirked at her as I looked her up and down. She took my breath away as she stood before me with her hair up again, showing the delicate skin of her neck. She wore a pair of skinny leg pants and combined with her pumps, they made her legs look a million miles long. Her top was a beautiful ivory color that hung loosely and yet accentuated her perfectly full and rounded breasts. She was a vision.
As I shook her hand, a feeling of being home ran throughout my body. I knew right then and there that I wanted her. Or should I say, I wanted to fuck her!
That was until I realized that she had a child, and if she had a child, then she had to have a husband or a boyfriend.
I couldn't take my eyes off of her, I glanced down at her wedding finger and noticed that there was no band, she wasn't married. But still, she obviously wasn't single and I may be many things, but I am no home wrecker.
I couldn't understand why, but all I knew was that I didn't like it one little bit when she laughed with my brother. I could feel my jaw tightening and my anger raged, I couldn't bring myself to be around her after that. I wanted her so badly and knew that it could never happen.
I met her son just a few days later. He had green eyes and a similar hair coloring to mine, chubby legs and a killer smile. He was beautiful, just like his mother. My heart melted as he crawled over to me and pulled himself up. I grabbed hold of his hips to steady him from falling. He was playing with my old train set that my mother had brought in for him. He seemed to love it, and we all laughed at how carried away my father and Emmett would get making their "Choo-Choo, and Chug Chug" noises.
I think that I fell in love with his chuckle that day. I think we all did. I have never had much interaction with children, let alone babies, but with Bella's son I felt at ease. I just wish that I could feel that way around his momma. I ignored her as she sat on the sofa with my mother.
I knew that my mother wasn't stupid, and I think she secretly realized that I found Bella attractive. She just had the decency not to bring the subject up with me.
I was not happy when my father gave Bella the temporary position as my PA. I couldn't seem to spend two minutes around the woman without me fucking up in some way, and now he wanted her directly under me... To be fair, I wanted her directly under me as well, but for completely different reasons.
We tried to avoid one another as much as possible, but it was useless. We had a few spats, but Bella could really give as good as she gets and ended up ripping me a new one ... she's so feisty... I just want to kiss her even more.
Eventually, I had no choice but to try and make an effort. I really wish that I had done it sooner. Why had I been so horrible to her? Once I gave her a chance, we started to get along really well. It really hurt me when she said that she thought I hated her... If only she knew the truth!
Once we had called our truce, or rather once I had pulled my head from out of my ass, she really was a pleasure to work with, and we had begun to develop a great friendship. I enjoyed her company and would occasionally seek her out on the pretense of work just so that I could spend time with her... I wanted to spend all of my time with her.
I cleared up my desk, grabbed my jacket and made my way into Bella's office. I noticed two cups of cold coffee on her desk as I walked behind it, taking a seat, and picking up her photos that she proudly had on display.
As well as a picture of her and some friends, she also had one of her son fast asleep cuddling up to his teddy bear, he looked adorable. I picked up the one that I had dreaded to look at the most, but felt the need to do so. It was of Bella, her son, and a man who was probably his father. She looked so stunning, her smile lit up her whole face as she held the very tiny baby in her arms. Behind her stood her boyfriend, he had one arm wrapped around Bella's waist and the other hand resting on the baby in her arms; his chin was resting on her shoulder and he was grinning proudly, the look in his eyes was one of love.
I replaced the photo back where it belonged, sat back and rubbed my hands over my face several times. What was I doing? I've had so many women that I never really wanted... and now I wanted nothing more than a woman I could never have.
A/N
So, that was EPOV, did it give any insight as to what Edward is thinking? Hopefully, now you can see what caused him to struggle with his feelings for Bella. He can be such an ass, but he does have a soft side I promise!
This chapter was originally intended as an outtake but so many of you were wondering just how Edward's mind was working that I thought I'd slip it in as an extra chapter.
I would also like to take the time to thank everyone who has reviewed and stayed with this story. I'm trying to reply to each and every one of you.
Special thanks once again go to TwiMoments, (my rock) jamieloveschad, & leaf_chick. Thanks ladies for all your help.
