Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (though I wish I did), Back to the Future or their various quotes (I wish I owned that too...), GameBoy (MARIO!), The Tooth Fairy (I'll meet you tonight, in your ROOM), British slang (What the hell is a wanker anyway?), American slang ("Americans are weird."), or anything else that's too expensive for me to own.

A/N: So this chapter is...well...I like to say different (as in confusing). There's a lot going on and it's quite colorful, but a bunch of it doesn't make sense since I'm practically scrambling to find various explanations for certain things and so forth. Also, I'm trying not to make a whole novel out of this thing. My goal is to finish it in the next three or four chapters. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, thanks soooo much to those of you who reviewed! You guys really boost my confidence. Seriously, I know I'm not the greatest writer in the world, but that's why I love fanfiction so much. It's great practice and its fun too. But you guys already know that, don't you? So I'll stop boring you with my personal issues. Let's get back to the story, shall we?

CAUTION: A bit of mild language in this chapter, and most likely in the future chapters as well. So if you're sensitive to those kinds of things (Or if you're Mormon); BEWARE!

Oh and also, I forgot to mention: this story takes place in their sixth year, in case you haven't already noticed. Book six is disregarded, although this is a humor fic after all, so I doubt I'll really get into all that serious stuff within the Harry Potter series.

(Just kidding about the Mormon thing guys, no need to get so excited. Geez.)

oOoOoOo

"Ron," sighed Harry, rubbing his temples. "Why are you following me? I told you to stay in dormitory, or the Common Room, just anywhere but here!"

Ron sniffed disdainfully. "I can go wherever I want, you can't boss me around!"

Harry gave a wicked grin. "Yes, but I know who can…"

As if on cue, Hermione came striding toward them, books in hand.

Ron's brows furrowed, he seemed to be giving the new circumstances some contemplation.

"What's going on Harry?" asked Hermione once she had reached them.

"Ron won't leave," complained Harry. "And we already told him he couldn't come!"

"But I want to watch the show!" whined Ron.

"Ron, stop being so difficult," snapped Hermione crankily. "I thought we already discussed this last night; you can't come, it might jeopardize the situation!"

"What could I possibly do to jep…or…ize…the situation?" asked Ron stubbornly.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You're you Ron; Merlin knows what your twisted mind could come up with! This is a very crucial part in the plan, we can't chance it!"

Ron pouted. "Can I at least watch from a distance?" he said, looking pleadingly at Harry and Hermione.

"It won't be that exciting anyway!" cried Harry in frustration. "All I'll be doing is convincing James to ask Lily out, it's no big deal!"

"But weird stuff always seems to happen!" insisted Ron. "Besides, I was the one who had to dress up like a bloody girl in order for you to be able to get James to ask her out anyway!"

Harry hesitated for a few moments before saying anything. He hadn't thought of it that way…

"Oh please?" begged Ron, getting down on his knees and grabbing Hermione's hands, causing her to drop her books on the ground. Hermione scowled and withdrew her hands irritably, snatching up her books.

Ron frowned and turned to Harry instead. "Come on Harry," pleaded Ron, his eyes getting bigger by the second. "I'm your best friend…"

Harry looked away. He couldn't bare it when Ron made his eyes big. Harry would give in to almost anything when Ron did that, and Ron knew it.

"Please…?"

Harry glanced warily at Hermione.

"It's up to you Harry, but be cautious," she warned.

Harry gazed back at Ron. Ron's eyes were about a big as plates, and looked very much like a bunny's eyes or some other adorable animal.

"Yes alright," sighed Harry, causing Ron to squeal with glee. "But you can only watch from a distance, and Hermione has to watch you."

"W-what?" sputtered Hermione. "I'm not a babysitter!"

"Oh come on Hermione, don't be such a sod, it'll only be for lunch," replied Harry.

Ron made the eyes at her now.

Hermione closed her eyes tightly. "I won't, I won't I won't…" She peeked at Ron through squinted eyes. A few moments later she gave in. "Fine," she muttered, resigned to her fate. "I'll do it, but you owe me!"

Ron beamed.

"Great, let's go," said Harry, glancing at his (solar-powered) watch as he dragged Ron and Hermione along. "Now we just need to find James…"

"Hey Harry!" called James, running after Harry like a madman. "WAIT UP!"

"Oh hello James," said Harry, stopping his brisk walk so that James could catch up to him. You weren't at class, what have you been doing all day?"

"I over slept," panted James, putting his hands on his knees for support. "Look, I need your help. I have to ask Lily out, but I don't know how to do it." James paused for a second, apparently realizing that he and Harry were not alone.

"Ron and Hermione already know James, its ok."

James nodded at Ron and Hermione, who acknowledged him back. "So anyways, I need to find Lily," James said urgently.

"Alright, okay listen, keep your pants on, she's over in the Great Hall," said Harry, smiling slightly to himself. "What made you change your mind, James?"

James stopped panting and gave Harry a frightened look. "Last night, the Tooth Fairy came to my room…and she told me that if I didn't take Lily out on date, that she'd stuff her dress down my throat..."

Ron coughed loudly, his infliction sounding oddly like he was trying to cover up for having a laughing fit. Hermione elbowed Ron hard in the ribs and Harry grimaced. He could hardly believe that his dad was stupid enough to think what had happened last night was real. "Yeah, well uh…let's keep this dress-stuffing stuff to ourselves, okay?"

"Oh, sure, yeah."

Harry led James to the entrance of the Great Hall, while Ron and Hermione followed, making sure to keep slightly behind them. Harry spotted a glint of long red hair at the Gryffindor table, easily recognizing it as his mother's. "Alright, there she is, James. Just go in there and invite her."

James looked as if he would rather throw himself off the Eiffel Tower. He was wringing his hands nervously very similar to the way Hermione did. His eyes were almost as wide as Ron's were a few moments ago, but looked like a deer caught in a headlight rather than some other form of a pleading forest creature. "O-okay Harry… but I don't know what to say…"

"Just say anything, James, say what ever's natural, the first thing that comes to your mind."

"Nothing's coming to my mind!" squeaked James, wiping sweat off his forehead.

"But James," cried Harry frustratingly. "You used to do this all the time! You would ask her out every single day!"

"But there's one tiny detail you're missing," scoffed James. "She refused every time! Every bloody time since first year!"

"That's not the point," insisted Harry. For Pete's sake, James, it's a wonder I was ever born."

"What, who's Pete?"

"Nothing, nothing," said Harry hastily. "Look, tell her destiny has brought you together, tell her that she's the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Girls like that stuff. What, what are you doing James?"

James had gotten out a notepad and was scribbling frantically on it with his quill. "I'm writing this down, this is good stuff."

Ron gawked over James' shoulder. "Hey Harry, where did you learn all this romantic stuff?"

Harry paused for a second; Ron and James were staring at him. Hermione walked over, also appearing interested.

Harry chose his words carefully. "I've had…experience…"

"With who?" demanded Ron.

"Er…no one in particular…"

"I think you're bluffing!"

"Am not!"

"It wasn't Hannah Abbot, was it?"

Harry scoffed. "Of course not!"

"Who then?"

"I already told you! No one…"

"Was it Ginny?" asked Ron suspiciously. "It had better not…"

"…No…"

"Was it a Slytherin?"

"Possibly…"

Ron gasped. "Not Parkinson, please not Parkinson…!"

Harry shook his head.

"Hahaha, it was Malfoy then, wasn't it?" joked Ron.

Harry's face turned pale.

Ron stopped, disbelief written all over his face.

"It can't be…!"

Slowly, Harry nodded.

"No way!"

Harry gulped.

"That's not true!" blurted Ron. "Malfoy said I was the only one for him!"

"Malfoy?" asked James, curiously. "You mean Lucius Malfoy? Because last night Lucius said he and I had a connection…"

The three paused; an awkward silence between them. Ron's face was bright red; he was glaring at Harry furiously. Harry, avoiding Ron's glare, fiddled idly with his shirt sleeve. James looked as if his heart were broken.

Hermione, on the other hand, looked positively shocked. "I thought we were here to get James to ask a girl on a date! Let's get back to reality, shall we?"

"That still doesn't explain how you know so much about romantic stuff…" mumbled Ron crossly.

"Anyway," muttered Harry, shaking his head. "Erm…where was I? Oh yes; James…I thought you used to ask girls on dates all the time…what happened?"

James sighed. "Lily's different Harry…I always seem to mess things up around her…whenever I'm near her I either stammer like an idiot or show off like a pompous prat. I can't help it, none of my charm works on her! It's like she's immune!" James fiddled with his notepad, looking miserable. "I don't know what it is about her…she's the only girl who hates me and I love her!"

"That is so SAD!" sobbed Ron.

Head pounding, Harry turned around to find Ron bawling hysterically on a tetchy Hermione's shoulder.

Hermione sighed. "Ron, I wish you would stop doing that."

"Hey guys…" said Harry slowly. "Do you mind if James and I had some privacy please?"

Hermione shoved a scandalized Ron off her shoulder. "Sorry Harry, but he kept inching forward and trying to eavesdrop." She glared at Ron.

"I was curious!" defended Ron.

"I doubt your brain has the capacity to learn anything," countered Hermione snappily.

Ron flushed slightly and scowled at Hermione.

James watched them with interest, taking occasional notes on his notepad as he was doing so.

Harry groaned. Listening to Hermione and Ron bicker was definitely not on the top of his 'To Do' list; he had more pressing matters. "How about we conjure up something to sort of distract Ron?"

"That might just work," said Hermione thoughtfully.

Harry grabbed one of Hermione's books and transfigured it into a colorful GameBoy, handing it to Ron.

Ron stared at the electronic, looking slightly lost. Hermione and James both gazed curiously at the GameBoy.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me that none of you have ever used a Game Boy before!"

The three of them shook their heads. Harry was surprised; he thought at least Hermione would know what it was, being a muggleborn. But then again, she was a girl and, as was Hermione's nature, probably never watched TV that much, which often had GameBoy commercials.
Harry tried not to roll his eyes as he showed Ron how to play. Ron and Hermione, both enraptured with the object, began to explore it immediately.

Harry smiled, satisfied with his handiwork. "Okay James…let's go."

oOoOoOo

"Lily, my density has popped me to you."

"…What?" asked Lily, clearly confused.

"O-oh," stammered James, realizing his mistake. "What I meant to say was-"

"Spit it out Potter, I haven't got all day."

James cleared his throat nervously. He looked terrified.

'I suppose I can't blame him,' mused Harry, who was sitting a few seats away to ensure that nothing too dreadful went wrong. Harry planned on only interfering if absolutely necessary. 'My mother looks like she's about to have a cow…'

And she had good reason too. Many of the students in the Great Hall looked up from their lunches to stare shamelessly at the scene.

James' eyes darted back and forth, as if looking for escape. But to Harry's relief he did not run, but instead stood his ground and continued. "…I'm your density-I mean, I'm your destiny..."

Lily arched one elegant eyebrow, her face otherwise expressionless. But before she could reply, Lockhart came striding forward confidently toward the scene, much to Harry's horror.

"So," beamed Lockhart, his face on the verge of looking constipated. "I see little Johnny Graham chickened out and talked you into delivering my message. Pathetic. Well anyway, do I make the check out to you, or "Messengers of Love"?"

"You sent this to me?" asked Lily, gesturing at James.

"Yes, and he's not doing a very good job of it either," frowned Lockhart. "I gave them specific instructions to recite a poem about your teeth." Lockhart turned to James, hands on hips. "Where's your manager? I want to have a word with him."

James glowered at Lockhart. "I'm not part of some poncy give-a-note-to-your-girlfriend club! I'm talking to Lily on my own accord!"

Lockhart burst out laughing. "You mean…hahahaha…you're hitting on…hahaha…Lily…hahahaha…you're doing…hahahaha…terrible…hahaha...Merlin, this is rich…ahahahahaha…."

"I'm doing just fine!" hissed James angrily as Lockhart doubled over. "At least I talked to her myself rather then send some prick to do it for me."

Harry bit his lip, wondering if he should interfere now before things got worse. This plan was turning out to be a disaster.

Looking around the Great Hall, Harry could see that many people were now gawking at the scene, surprise and amusement etched on their faces. He groaned. So much for asking Lily out on a date discreetly…

Lockhart rose up from his laughing position, still chuckling slightly. "You're not calling me a coward now, are you?"

"Yeah, in fact I am," snarled James.

In an instant the grin on Lockhart's face melted away and formed into a sneer that could rival Malfoy's. Lily glanced back and forth between James and Lockhart, biting her thumb. It seemed to Harry that she was trying her best not to get in the way, as if James and Lockhart were two very big dogs having a fight over a bone. Harry only hoped that the fight would refrain from being violent.

"So," smirked Lockhart. "You have a thing for Lily, do you?"

Lily gazed up at James from where she was sitting, her eyes widening by the second.

"Yeah, I do. And I've liked her since First Year! Beat that you git!"

Whispers erupted throughout the Great Hall, and Harry silently cheered on his dad.

"Lily would never like a thing like you, she likes refinement and style, isn't that right Lily dear?"

"She doesn't care about refinement and all that poncy load of rubbish!" shouted James before Lily could answer. A wave of silence swept over the Great Hall at once.

"Of course she does, and it's not poncy. It's called having class, something you most certainly don't have."

"Why you spoiled little pansy!" barked James, whipping out his wand.

Harry debated against interrupting for half a second, but it seemed that for some miraculous reason the teachers did not notice the little brawl in the middle of the room. If Harry didn't save James and his chance with Lily, who would?

"Alright enough!" cried Harry, sounding uncannily like Hermione. He jumped up from his seat and hastily placed himself between Lockhart and James' wand. "Come on guys, don't fight…let's just have lunch and…er…be friendly…towards one another…or something…"

James stared at Harry, an incredulous look upon his features. "But Harry, he's insulting me!"

"And doing it rather well too," smiled Lockhart smugly.

"Hey shut it you!" spat James, trying to get a clear shot at Lockhart around Harry, who stood in front of him with his arms outstretched.

"Ooh good one," drawled Lockhart in a bored voice, his words dripping with sarcasm.

"Why I oughta-" growled James, but didn't get to finish because Harry yanked James away by the arm, dragging him quickly toward the exit.

"That obnoxious, scab-eating, creep!" exclaimed James, once they reached the hallway.

Harry let go of James' arm, panting considerably since James, being fairly strong, was struggling ferociously whilst Harry was holding him back.

"Why did you drag me away Harry?" questioned James. "I could have knocked his brains out!"

"I didn't want you to get in trouble," said Harry, reminding himself, once again, of Hermione.

James sighed, calming down. "…Thanks Harry, I probably would have been banned from the dance if you hadn't stepped in…I'm sorry about blowing up…"

"I would have done the same thing," grinned Harry, remembering all those fights with Malfoy. "I'm just sorry my plan didn't work."

"It would have worked, if that prat wasn't there," offered James.

"Thanks."

The sound of approaching footsteps alerted Harry and James that someone was coming. But before they could even exchange curious looks, Ron appeared from around the corner, dragging a preoccupied Hermione with him.

"Hey," panted Ron, letting go of Hermione. Harry stared at Hermione in surprise. She was playing the GameBoy furiously, not even looking up to observe her new surroundings. "I saw that little episode back there…tough break…"

"Ron," said Harry slowly. "What happened to Hermione…?"

"Oh that," grimaced Ron. "Well, I let her borrow the GameBoy thing, and then she refused to give it back to me! She's completely addicted!"

It was true. Hermione, her tongue sticking out in concentration, was completely enthralled in the game she was playing. Pressing buttons like mad, she didn't even cringe when Ron poked her.

"Hey," Ron chuckled, poking Hermione repeatedly. "This is fun…"

James approached Hermione cautiously. After circling her a few times, James tapped her on the shoulder. Hermione did nothing but continue pushing her buttons. James tapped her again. Nothing. James giggled and joined Ron in poking Hermione repeatedly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Leave Hermione alone guys…"

Ron and James reluctantly withdrew their fingers from Hermione's arm.

"Now we need to wake her up from her trance somehow…" said Harry, rubbing his chin.

Harry snapped his fingers in front of Hermione's eyes. She did not react. Harry tried gently pulling the GameBoy out of her grasp. That did something.

"MINE!" shrieked Hermione, frantically yanking the GameBoy away from Harry.

"Wow," muttered Ron, eyebrows raised. "Glad I didn't try that…"

Harry shot Ron a dirty look. This was going to be harder than he thought…

"Hermione, come here," cooed Harry. "It's okay; I just need to take your GameBoy so we can talk to you…"

Hermione gazed at Harry suspiciously before returning to her game.

"Er," said Ron, his hand clutching the back of his neck. "I don't think talking to her is going to work Harry…"

"We could stun her," offered James.

Harry shook his head. "She'd never forgive me."

"We could send her to Rehab," suggested Ron.

Harry and James paused to stare at Ron.

"It was only a suggestion!"

"So what do we do Harry?" asked James.

Harry furrowed his brows. If only Hermione were out of her stupor, then she would be able to think of something…

"What would Hermione do?" questioned Harry.

"Read books?" asked Ron, scratching his head.

"No," said Harry sarcastically. "She'd do the Tango, what do you think Ron? I'm trying to figure out what she'd do if one of us were in her situation."

Ron scowled.

"DUCK!" cried James.

"WHERE?" shouted Ron, looking around wildly.

"Er…pardon?" asked Harry, blinking.

"Quick jump! Now do that laser thingie!" exclaimed James. Harry ran his hands through his hair frustratingly. His father was hovering behind Hermione's shoulder, shouting commands as if his life depended on it. Why did video games have to be so darn addicting?

What to do, what to do? Harry slapped his forehead. Of course! Why didn't he think of it before?

Shoving Ron (who was still looking for the duck) out of the way, Harry bent over and put his lips as close as he could to Hermione's ear.

"HERMIONE! THE LIBRARY IS ON FIRE!" bellowed Harry.

Hermione gasped, dropping the GameBoy. "I'm coming!" cried Hermione, darting away to the library so fast that she caused a slight breeze.

"Hermione!" yelled Harry exasperatingly. "Wait! I was just…argh…"

"Harry?" whispered James nervously.

"Yes?" asked Harry.

"You won't let the Tooth Fairy get me, will you?"

Harry sighed, massaging his forehead.

"I still can't find the duck," pouted Ron.

oOoOoOo

Harry examined the book in front of him, cursing silently. Why did all their plans seem to fail? It just wasn't fair. And why did he have to end up here again, of all places?

ANOTHERFLASHBACKHOLYSNITCH

After Harry and the others found Hermione in the library (she was hugging as many books as she could, much to Madam Pince's dismay), Harry convinced her that he simply had to tell her that the library was on fire considering the desperate circumstances. Hermione forgave him and Harry contemplated the current situation; their latest attempt to get James and Lily together didn't work, they were out of plans, and they needed inspiration.

Harry had described his observation to Hermione, who agreed.

"Yes Harry," agreed Hermione (told you so). "Not only do we need inspiration, but we also need some information. You see, Lupin and I are extremely close to fixing the Time Turner now, but we need one thing."

Harry slapped his forehead. He had practically forgotten about the Time Turner, seeing as he was so busy trying to get his parents to fall in love. "What is it Hermione?"

Hermione gave a feeble smile. "Um…well, we need 1.21 gigawatts…"

Harry stared at Hermione, bewildered. "WHAT? Where the hell are we going to get 1.21 GIGAWATTS?"

"Shh!" hushed Hermione. "Not so loud!"

Harry held his head in his hands.

"Look," whispered Hermione. "I think I know where we can find that out and where we can find our inspiration."

Harry gazed at Hermione wearily. Where else? The library of course…

ENDOFFLASHBACKTOOBAD

Harry shook his head. 'Flashbacks again? I really need to stay away from that meat loaf...'

Harry sighed, letting his head drop into the book he was reading. His head was throbbing…

"I haven't found anything yet Hermione," complained Harry, his voice slightly muffled owing to the current surroundings of his face.

"Just keep looking Harry," said Hermione stubbornly, not even looking up from her research.

Harry groaned and lifted his head. Ron was fast asleep next to him, drooling all over the page he had laid his own head on. Harry elbowed Ron sharply in the ribs

"Ow!" yelped Ron, rubbing the spot where Harry had jabbed him. "What was that for?"

Ignoring Ron, Harry turned to Hermione. "I ran out of books, this one's useless."

"Try that one over there," said Hermione distractedly, pointing in the general direction of a large book at the corner of the table.

Harry walked over to the volume, hands behind his back. Bending down, Harry inspected the title. 'Incredibly Dangerous and Stupid Ways to Travel through Time'. How specific.

"Are you sure about this book Hermione?" asked Harry, wiping dust off the cover.

"Desperate situations call for desperate measures," replied Hermione pensively. "Or in this case bizarre reading material."

Harry grabbed the gigantic mass of pages and lifted. "Ah…" grunted Harry. "This is heavy…"

"What is?" asked Ron thickly.

"He means that the situation is complicated Ron," explained Hermione patiently. "It's sort of like American slang."

"Americans are weird," remarked Ron.

"No," panted Harry, slamming the book down on the table. "I meant that this book is really heavy."

"Oh."

"I still think Americans are strange."

"Look who's talking," sniggered Harry.

"Harry?" cooed a soft voice form behind them, interrupting Ron before he could retort.

Harry looked up; his mother was standing anxiously in front of him. "Oh…hello L-Lily…"

Hermione watched Lily closely, her hand stopping in midair from turning the page of her book.

"I was wondering Harry…" began Lily awkwardly. "…if I could talk to you…in private?"

"Oh yes of course!" exclaimed Hermione, grabbing Ron by the scruff of his neck and dragging him out of his chair. "Er, we'll just go now…" And with that they were gone.

"So…" said Harry uneasily, pulling on his neck collar. "What was it that you wanted to talk me about…?"

Lily took a big breath and sat promptly next to Harry. "Harry, this may seem a little forward, but I was wondering if you would ask me to Slughorn's Dance on Saturday…"

'Uh oh…' thought Harry, his heart thumping wildly against his chest. 'My own mother is asking me out on a date!' "Uh, you mean nobody's asked you?" gulped Harry.

"No, not yet..." smiled Lily, scooting closer to Harry.

Harry almost choked, realizing that his mom was now flirting with him. "W-what about James?"

"Potter?" exclaimed Lily, her nose wrinkling. "Oh…well I know him and all, but…well, I think a man should be strong…" she scooted closer to Harry. "…so he can stand up for himself, and protect the woman he loves…don't you?"

Lily moved so close to Harry her side was touching his. Harry shivered slightly. "Y-yeah…I suppose…"

This was turning out to be one hell of a week.

oOoOoOo

A/N: We all knew there was something wrong with those Malfoy's, eh? Did you notice the Back to the Future references? If you did, then a good future and healthy life to you and your future/current/non-existent children/heirs/accidents!

Anyhoo, tell me if you liked it, if you didn't, if you have any constructive advice for me, or if you just have to urge to review someone's story.

Godspeed!