Deprogramming
Chapter 8
by Scarlet Eve
Go big or go home.
December 10, A.C. 201
Late Afternoon
Trowa stood off to the side, holding a cup of hot coffee between his hands. The steam rose up from the liquid, bringing along the rich smell of the coffee beans that Catherine bought special whenever she could. He was watching the packing of the circus. Three days after Relena had shown up at the menagerie completely soaking wet, the rain had finally stopped and the cold air of the coming winter began to settle. The ground had quickly frozen into a hard surface, made mostly of mud. The spring thaw would not be pretty, Trowa knew, looking at the footprints that had been frozen into the mud.
But now, the sun was shining through the cold blue sky, and all around him, preparations for the next jump went on.
His thoughts continually returned to Relena. He knew he'd made a mistake by kissing her and hoped that he hadn't fractured their unstable relationship any further. He was also a bit nervous about leaving her in Brussels for the winter, but Quatre had said he'd keep an eye on her whenever he was in the city. The idea still made him nervous, though.
He planned to see her that evening after work and see if she wanted to get dinner before he left. He wanted a chance to make sure she would be alright, and to say good bye until spring, or at the very least, anytime he might return to Brussels for business.
Trowa wondered if he should admit Relena of his feelings for her. He thought maybe if he came clean about it, he'd feel better. His guilt had increased ten-fold since finding out that Heero was indeed alive and well. Did it mean that he would be coming back to Earth soon? And if he did… would he and Relena resume their relationship? Trowa had tried to avoid thinking about that. Naturally, Heero was first, Relena's first everything, and probably held up higher in her heart than anyone else. Trowa scolded himself for ever letting himself think that she might reciprocate his feelings.
"Hey there, why the sad face?" Catherine asked, appearing beside him holding her own cup of coffee.
"Just thinking," Trowa said. Catherine smiled sadly and nudged him with her arm.
"Smile! The sun is finally out! And soon, we'll be somewhere warm again," she said, her voice cheery, as always. Trowa glanced at her and summoned up a smile. "There you go!"
"When are we leaving?" he asked, looking back out over the progress.
"Tonight. Midnight," Catherine said, then took a long sip of her coffee. A wistful smile came over her face.
"This is so much better than that stuff the managers buys," she said, looking fondly at the black liquid in her cup. Trowa chuckled, and Catherine moved away from him. "Don't stand around and be lazy all day!" she called back. Trowa watched her retreating back for a moment. Though he knew he could be of some help somewhere, he wasn't in the mood. The roustabouts hardly needed his help anyway. Trowa finished his cup of coffee, cleaned it, and replaced it back in his trailer. He didn't want to leave for the winter on a bad note, so he changed and left with his car to see Relena.
Relena's estate looked deserted. Even the outdoor lights were off. And as the sun set, it threw dusty shadows over the building, making it look like it had been empty for many years. The only thing that told Trowa someone was there was a single window, through which a yellow light blazed. Trowa pulled the car to the front door and shut off the engine, and waited. He was beginning to get cold feet now, as he knew that the inevitable rejection was soon to come. Taking a deep breath, he slipped from the driver's seat and crossed the pavement, his shoes echoing hollowly against the mostly deserted brick estate. Hoping that Relena would hear, he pressed the button for the doorbell.
It was several minutes before he finally heard some noise on the other side of the door. The light in the entrance hall flicked on, and the door was opened by a harassed looking young woman. Trowa quirked an eyebrow.
"Yes?" she asked, staring at him like he was some sort of transient. He didn't recognize her as anyone on her staff.
"I'm here to see Relena. I'm her friend, Trowa Barton," Trowa answered. "I didn't know she'd hired anyone else." The young woman whispered his name, repeating it over, and finally nodded.
"Miss Darlian hired me to be the caretaker when she moves into the city, but she's still here, and she's causing a fuss about everything," the girl said, her voice turning into a whine. Trowa tried to hold back a smile.
"Could I see her? Maybe I can help," Trowa offered. The young woman shrugged her shoulders and stepped back, allowing Trowa into the estate. She quickly took a moment to tie her hair back up into a bun on her head, before waving vaguely in the direction of the stairs.
"She's in her office. I'm sure you know where it is," the young woman said. Trowa nodded, thanked the woman, and headed off towards the steps. The woman disappeared, muttering to herself.
At the door to her office, Trowa knocked and waited. Finally, after a moment, the door opened, revealing Relena, her cheeks in high color, hair pulled back in a long ponytail. It was because of her apparent excitement that Trowa wasn't sure if she was happy to see him.
"Trowa?!" she said. "What are you doing here?" Relena opened the door wider and let him in her office. Trowa blinked once at the chaos. The floor was covered in boxes of papers, and her laptop was sitting in the middle of a ring of folders.
"I uh… I just wanted to see you before leaving," Trowa said, stepping into the room and attempting to avoid all her documents. "What are you doing?"
"Packing," Relena said. "I'm taking Duo's advice and moving into Brussels."
"So soon?"
"It happened quickly," she said, setting a stack of folders down inside a box, standing up tall and tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I called about the townhome, and when I told the landlord my name, he told me I could go look at it right away! I went during lunch, and I just fell in love with it! I signed the lease right then, and I'll be moving much of my stuff this weekend."
Trowa gave her a sad smile. "I'm glad this move is making you happy." Relena stopped moving and stared at him.
"Trowa…"
"Have you heard anymore about Heero?" Her chin dropped.
"He called me," she began. "He's coming back soon, but he didn't tell me anything more about what he's been doing." She was twisting a ring around her finger, some nervous gesture.
"It'll be good to have him around again," Trowa said, though inside, he didn't believe his own words.
"Trowa…" Relena said again. She took a step towards him. "I…" She paused and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I think there are some unsaid words between us." Relena took his hand in her own and led him towards the leather couch. They sat side by side.
"I've become fond of you, Relena," Trowa said. He hated the word 'fond.' What he felt was so much more than that. But he felt he couldn't tell her that he loved her. Not now that Heero was back in the picture.
"You've been a great friend to me these last few years," Relena said. "But I think that… I can't."
"Can't what?"
"I can't return your feelings." A heavy silence fell in the room. Both Trowa and Relena held their hands between their knees.
"Because of Heero?" The question hung in the air.
She didn't respond right away, and Trowa took that to be a bad sign. "Not necessarily." Trowa wanted to scoff at her, but he kept it to himself. He could tell she was struggling with the conversation as well. "You know he hurt me by leaving. I won't know how my feelings for him have changed until he returns."
"What if I had been the one you found washed up on shore?" Trowa asked suddenly, and he saw the immediate hurt in her eyes. She looked away, but not before he saw the beginnings of tears in her eyes.
"We can't play the "what if" game," she said, her voice breaking. "I didn't control my fate, or my destiny, just like the rest of you. Things just happened that way. It's not that I don't care for you, Trowa. I do. You've been the friend and rock that I've needed these last few years. I regret that I have been selfish, using you so much for support. But you must understand that things are very confusing for me right now."
"Yeah," Trowa replied, not feeling quite convinced. There wasn't much more he could do, and he was already walking the fine line between leaving her for the winter as friends, or with her angry with him. He made the better choice this time, and backed down. He rose up from the couch, and Relena followed suit, but not before she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "The troupe probably won't be back in the area until May or June next year," Trowa said. "We stayed here longer than expected because the weather stayed warm." Relena nodded.
"I look forward to your return. Perhaps you can visit for Christmas? Or the new year?" He shrugged. "I'm sorry, Trowa." He shook his head, and gingerly pulled her into a hug, which thankfully she returned.
"I may be able to visit. Keep in touch?"
"Of course." Trowa tightened the hug. When he finally released her, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Without another word, without a formal goodbye, Trowa turned and left the office.
A/N: Thanks to the reviewers! Gonna just let the story unfold however it wants. Not till later though. I've had these first several chapters written for like, a year. Lol
-SE
