Disclaimer: What you recognize isn't mine. Lyrics: Inside of You- Hoobastank
(A/N: I'm nervous about this chapter and I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but I did what I could. Warning: sexual content. Pay attention to the dates!)
Chapter 7: Stripped
Just ask and I will do
Anything you want me to
There is no limit
To how far I will go…
And I'm sure I can't pretend to be a gentleman…
Mid- November
(Bella's POV)
Autumn was up to something and had to be afraid of our reactions to whatever it was she was hiding.
She was cooking.
Autumn never cooks. Ido, and she helps. And she was cooking gourmet food.
I was perched on the stool at the dining room table. Jacob was in the chair adjacent mine, his bare arm pressed against my side. We were eying Autumn suspiciously as she bustled around the kitchen, stirring food on the stove and reading directions on boxes.
She stopped and sighed. "You two can quit burning holes into my back. I'll tell you what's going on in a minute." Jacob and I exchanged looks and engrossed ourselves with other activities; I flipped through the magazine I held while he stared at the vacant space on the glass table in front of him.
Autumn arranged various dishes along the center of the table as Jacob and I scoped out the selections.
"What the fuck is this all about, Blondie?" He sneered. I hit his ankle with my foot, glancing up as Autumn placed a plate in front of me.
She smacked Jacob's head and he winced, rubbing the spot she struck. "Don't question me and just eat, mongrel."
She sat across from us. Irritated, I dropped my napkin onto my plate and positioned my elbows on the table, turning to Autumn. "What is going on?"
Autumn gave up postponing her motives and, overwhelmed, she stood to her feet, patting down the pockets of her black skinny jeans "I'm moving to Forks."
Jacob's head popped up. "What? Why?"
Autumn started to pace, fastening her hands together, twiddling her fingers. "The rent's almost expired on the house. We all have to gone by December 6th. The movers are coming next week to pack every piece of furniture, except a scant few for the two of you. I'll be loading up my own possessions as well. I'll be leaving November 30th."
I was upset. "On such short notice? Why didn't you tell me…us?"
"What are Bella and I supposed to do?" Jacob said, outraged.
Autumn shrugged. "Stay here until December 6th if you'd like. I already scheduled the movers to gather your belongings in December if you decide to remain until then. I'm driving up there and I booked a flight for you both to fly out."
She'd been organizing this without our consent, and it bothered me. Mainly because it brought me to one conclusion: I'd have to return to Forks in December. Reality would set in and the dream I'd been living in would end. I'd have to face the past sooner, rather than later.
"I've already purchased an apartment right outside the Quileute Reservation," she continued. "Embry's moving in with me. Also, I'll be nearer to Carlisle; he's close to figuring out how I'm possible and what I'm capable of."
"'What you're capable of?'"
She met my eyes, crossing her arms. "I don't know how strong I am. Why do you think I live on a fucking mountain?" She gestured to the room around us and the view through her windows. "It's so I can test that strength away from wandering eyes. And I have to move, or the freaking King Vampires in Europe will track me down."
I bristled and inhaled deeply, squeezing my eyes shut, bringing my hand to my forehead. "The Volturi, of course."
"Who?" Jacob said, confused.
Autumn rolled her eyes. "The Italian bloodsuckers Mafia, in terms youcan understand."
Jacob laughed sarcastically. "Ha. You have jokes, too."
Autumn's attention turned back to me. "You think you're the only one they're interested in, Bella?" I felt Jacob's eyes snap to my form, deliberating what Autumn's had revealed. "I'm a hybrid, an abomination in their eyes. I'm always on the run, like I'm a criminal, for goodness sake! If they ever captured me, they'd either butcher me or slice me open, dissecting me for answers. I'd much rather prefer Carlisle's blood tests than their ways of experimenting."
Jacob's chin was on his hand. He looked pitiful. "So we have to go back. No choice there."
Autumn nodded. "Basically, yeah. Besides, hasn't Sam already kicked your ass for running to Canada? I'm sure you won't have to endure it again. Though, it's not like you couldn't take him yourself. I've seen you in wolf form; you're his size, probably bigger"
"Screw that. I have no reason to confront him again, ever. I'm practically Alpha, anyways, and he's not too happy about that"
Uh, when did this happen?
"Oh and you have your own pack now?" Autumn snapped back.
"Are you kidding me? I'd rather jump off a cliff…" That hurt. Nice stab, Jake. "…that would actually harm me, than become Alpha. There are too many responsibilities. Beside's Sam's an ass."
I'd never been fond of Sam; I'd just admired and envied his relationship with Emily. My mood abruptly changed. Dejected, I had a brief vision that I'd eventually be in Leah's shoes. I looked at Jacob and he noticed my expression. He didn't say a word as wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his warm side, kissing the top of my head. My eyes closed instinctively at the contact.
Focusing his attention back to Autumn, he said, "Sam wasn't the one that beat me up; Embry did. I let him"
Embry would never…why would he?
Autumn gave him a deadly glare. "I wonder why." Jacob glowered back and they engaged themselves in a staring competition across the table.
Why did I always feel I was left out and unable to comprehend what the hell was going through their minds?
Autumn lost the contest and turned to me, smirking. Oh no. "At least I can have some alone time with Embry without worrying who will walk in or hear."
Oh, she was good. Bitch.
"I don't think I could last any longer here," she teased. "I don't even want to know what Jacob does, but Bella, you're loud."
Did she really just say that? I blushed immediately and tucked my head to the side, retracting myself from Jacob. He turned away as well, chewing his fingernails, his cheeks a rich red as well.
She wasn't finished. "So, now that I'll be away, you're free to express yourself vocally whenever you want." Would it ever end? My entire body flushed and Jacob shifted uncomfortably.
As much as he and I were comfortable together in any of those situations, when someone drew attention to our affairs, the awkwardness reigned. On another note, I'd have him to myself for a week. Forgetting Autumn was in the room, I met Jake's gaze, gently biting my lower lip as my heavy-lidded eyes traveled down his body. His eyes widened and he grinned, inconspicuously covering his crotch with his hands (or so he thought).
Despite the nervousness already seeping through my pores, I officially declared our week secluded would be the best week ever.
Yeah, I wanted him; and I didn't think it would stop anytime soon, at all really. I'd be his.
Late November
"What about my bike?" Jacob was concerned, looking at his 'baby,' as he spoke to Autumn.
She rested beside me on the hood of her car. "It'll be fine, darling. She'll be secure in the truck. Pinky promise." She held out her finger and Jacob snickered as he laced his own pinky through hers. "You better."
As the movers advanced on his bike, Jacob ambled after them, shooting me a smile, and petting my thigh as he swaggered past me. Tease. I grinned back, playfully shoving him away as I hopped off the car, coming to my feet in front of Autumn.
She gave me a naughty, 'Iknow how good me leaving is for you,' look. "So…one week completely alone."
I started drawing patterns in the dirt with my bare big toe, following the trail I left with my eyes. "I don't know how I'm going to go through this without your guidance." I laughed nervously.
"Just go with your instinct." She tugged my sleeve as she led me to the driver's side of her car, leaning her back against it. "If you need me, I'm just a phone call away."
I met her eyes, nodding. "I know." I rubbed my hands over my face, unsure. "I still don't know what I'm doing or if anything will happen."
She studied a point in the distance. "And you think he does?"
It had struck my mind, briefly, that Jacob knew what he was doing when it came to sex. His hands had mastered my body swiftly, and while the touches made me erupt with desire, I'd been skeptical. I always chucked the thought aside though, taking it as my own sexual anxiety.
Autumn changed the subject. "You must know what it's like to be away from someone you're in love with for long periods of time, right?"
Of course I did. Edward had left me for months, and I'd taken to attempting suicide, became emotionally numb, and nearly beyond repair. Jacob had left, too, and his absence had made me realize several things, mainly I needed him in different ways than Edward. Edward was an unhealthy addiction, a drug that I was hopelessly dependent on. I had been consumed with the feelings of first love when I was with him. But, Jacob was the air, the sun. He was, and still is, an addiction, but a beneficial one, not a degrading one. And while I was able to quit the drug that would lead me to a disastrous end of the life I'd known, Jacob encouraged me to live, and he made me whole, completed me. I couldn't live without him.
"It's like that with Embry. I hate not being able to see him. So this 'change of residence' puts me closer to him, and I no longer have to worry we'd lose that connection we had from the day I first met him, or that he'd forget me. It hurts to be away from him, as much as I play it off like it doesn't bother me."
"I know. I know exactly how you feel."
She was visibly upset again. "I had nothing living here, except a job, until you came along and my past was thrown in my face. My parents were murdered ruthlessly by the Volturi for disobeying the 'laws of nature' shortly after I was born, so I don't have them." I didn't know that, and I immediately sought to comfort her, gripping her hand. Over the months, I'd been gathering parts of Autumn's life, and this was just another piece to the puzzle of her history. "…and now…" Her face brightened. "I'll be near my friends, Embry, the Cullen's; I even have another job lined up for me already, compliments of Esme and Carlisle. It'll be a safe zone for me, you know?" She grasped my hand tighter. "Christ, Bella, I've been with numerousguys in my 70 years of existence and not once have I fallen in love like this, until now. Maybe it's a combination of the imprinted ideals of the werewolf blood in me, which did not happen between me and Embry, or the vampire side finding its mate. But he's where I want to be, like you here with Jacob." I smiled. A horn honked, startling me before she pulled me into a hug.
"Thank you, for everything you've done for me."
She giggled. "Bella, you act like I'm never going to see again. I'll see you in a week, okay?"
Jacob suddenly appeared, running his hand along my waist, as he circled around me to get to Autumn. I shivered.
He pouted. "What about me?" She hugged him as well, laughing. "Yeah, you too. I do love you," she grumbled into his chest. She opened her car door. "You two have fun." She winked. "Please don't go all Rosalie and Emmett on me and wreck the house before the next people move in." Huh?
She jumped into her car and I watched as she sped down the mountain, disappearing around the blind corner, the movers following behind her.
As soon as she was out of my line of sight, I turned to Jacob, holding his hands. He tugged me into his warm chest, my ear pressed just below his heart. He bent down as I locked my arms around his waist, and whispered into my ear, his hot breath tickling my skin, "You're all mine now, Swan"
What do I have to do
To get inside of you?
Early December, a few days before 'time is up'
I slammed into the wall beside my bedroom door as Jacob lightly pinned my body against it, considering his strength, as I kissed him fiercely on the mouth. He thrust his hips against mine, sliding his hands along my sides. The touch caused my legs to wrap around his waist, as his hands clutched my butt. His lips were attached to my neck as he covered every available surface of my exposed shoulders, collarbone and neckline.
We'd been behaved shortly after Autumn left, busy with packing our own stuff, taping boxes shut, cleaning the house, and closing things up at work. When Autumn made her announcement weeks ago, we instantly put in our two weeks' notice, and our last day happened to be today.
In celebration we had gone to dinner, and soon after, we made a trip to a dance bar in a small inn in the surrounding area. It was popular to locals and we'd danced ourselves to near exhaustion. Yes, me, Bella Swan, assisted by Jacob, moved gracefully with my feet firmly planted on the floor.
We'd stumbled into the house shortly after 11, laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. We'd changed into more comfortable clothes and cuddled on the couch, watching a movie. Jacob's hands had been skimming my back beneath my shirt throughout the movie and my hand had been stroking his thigh through his own shorts in the process. About ten minutes into the movie, his free hand caressed my bare thigh and crept towards its destination. The second his finger 'accidently' slipped beneath the fabric of my shorts, slinking towards my inner thigh, my body was on fire. His eyes followed the path his hand made, ignoring the movie, and it came in contact with me through my underwear. His thumb brushed conveniently just a fraction above where he knew I'd spin out of control and I sprung up onto his lap.
Moments later, we'd found ourselves in this position; I was undressed down to my bra and underwear and he was down to his shorts.
He reached behind me, twisting the knob to my room, as he supported me with his arm. My hands and mouth were occupied with the scorching skin of his face, neck, shoulders, and chest, everywhere accessible to me, as he carried me inside.
(A sex scene was here, but because of fanfiction's guidelines you will have to go to my BlogSpot OR my group for this story on JacobBlack-n-Pack linked in my profile to read the scene. JacobBlack-n-Pack has full chapters and BlogSpot will just have the scenes. I hear they're taking down the more graphic stories here, so to be safe, the scene is there. I know it's annoying, but I'd rather not have this story deleted)
I removed myself from his body. He ran his hands along his drenched face, turning to me. "Wow."
I relaxed beside him, peering up at the ceiling, giggling as I pressed into his side.
I kissed his lips, spent. His fingers caressed the corner of my mouth, running along my bottom lip. A part of me hoped he was fantasizing about what my mouth would feel like on a certain area of his body, but I was not ready for that step. "Was that really the Bella I know and love? Or are you some kind of pod-Bella?"
I snorted. "That was all me. I promise."
That time was coming. If this is what it's like, touching him, I could only imagine what it'd be like to sleep with him.
I've have Jacob Black completely before we returned home.
Homewas with him, like Autumn had said before she'd left, but I'd been gone from Forks for close to six months. It was time to go back.
Just not yet.
For now I'll play the game
And I'm waiting for your move
But I've got to say
That I never lose…
Jacob and I rinsed off in the shower. Now that he'd seen me, my insecurities faded and I chose to remain nude. Regrettably, Jacob was putting on his sweatpants.
I was lying under the sheets of my bed, the fan on, even during this time of year, because I felt overheated. Jacob was distressed as he sat on the edge of my bed, not looking at me.
I couldn't help but panic. "Did I do something wrong?" My voice shook with emotion.
He abruptly scanned his eyes over to me. "No." Then he glanced away. "I did. I shouldn't have gotten so feral with you."
The tone of my voice changed and I was angry as I sat up in my bed, clutching the sheets to my chest. "You know who you sound like?" He stared at me, horrified. "Edward."
Jacob gritted his teeth. "I am not like him."
"I know." I sneered. "It was mychoice to let you do that. If I wanted you to stop I would have told you. Isn't that what you said to me, months ago? 'I'm doing this at your speed.' I…was it just not good enough?" My voice cracked. "We didn't have sex, so there's still time for me to practice…"
He stood to his feet. "Don't ever think that! That's not what I meant. You were perfect. I've never found someone so appetizing in my life."
The blanket had slid off my chest, but I could care less. I wanted some answers. "Then what do you mean?"
"I don't deserve you," he said, distraught.
"Bullshit."
"Would you listen to me?" He growled, inches from my face. I cowered back, cocooning myself in the covers. He softened and pulled away, frantically rubbing his face. "I'm sorry."
"Does this have anything to do with what happened when you were in Canada? You never talked to me about it," I whispered.
And it was true. He'd never hinted at anything he'd done there.
My heart was pounding. I dreaded his next words.
He ran his fingers through his hair. "It has everything to do with that."
"Jacob, just tell me already. Please."
He addressed me, and contempt flooded through his words. "Bella, I was a mess. Fucked up is the only way I can put it. I wasn't myself, to be precise. Drugs didn't work, I couldn't get drunk. I was so submerged in heartbreak over you that I did things I would never boast about and I regret them every single second I'm with you."
Everything that'd been in my face for the past few months came rushing back. Jacob's guilty look when I mentioned he was going to my first. His exchange with Autumn when she broke the news she was moving. Her sideways look as she asked if I thought Jake knew what he was doing. Jacob saying he allowed Embry, his best friend, to fight him. All along, they'd known something and I didn't.
And there was only one thing it could be as my mind replayed the moments I'd shared with Jacob, the two of us being intimate, his skilled hands touching me, the way he knew how to enact a response from me. No…it couldn't be. Not my Jacob.
"You know what you're doing when it comes to sex?" I tried to disguise my developing pain, but my voice messed with my words, giving me away. "I mean…who can s-say you d-don't, right? The Pack shares a common mind."
Please don't say it Jake…please tell me I'm wrong…
His eyes filled with tears. "It wasn't the Pack."
And my fully mended heart shattered into a million pieces. "No," I gasped, my throat tightening; it was difficult to breathe.
I scrambled out of my bed, struggling to compose myself with my hands as I reached for my robe, my uncertainties returning. The tears fell, my chest constricted. The grief. The realization.
Jacob wasn't a virgin. I could accept it, if it was one girl, but my mind flashed to tons of blurry faces of girls with Jacob. I stumbled to the other side of the room, as far away as I could from his form blocking the door.
Jacob reached out to me. "Bella, please. Let me explain," he begged.
The dam broke. "Tell me what!" I screamed. He flinched. "T-that you were sleeping around with girls, too many girls, and you came back to me, acting like everything was perfect in the world and we were going to be together…God…" I felt disgusted with him, with myself. "And I-I…I let you…" My hand cupped my mouth, my tears unstoppable. "I let you do things that…" I motioned to his bed. "And you…" I tied the robe tightly around me. "And I-I told you I'd never done any of this and I thought that you hadn't either…and…Oh God…" I fell back against the bed, humiliated, hurt, and so small.
"Bells…" Jacob pleaded with me, his voice breaking.
Then a sickening thought crossed my mind. "Did they look like me?"
"No. Not at all. They never had brown eyes…I couldn't. They were nothing like you…"
I leapt to my feet and confronted him, livid. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"
"No, of course not! But, it was mindless fucking, Bella! It didn't mean shit! You're the only girl I've ever loved…" Then he was fuming. "Bella, you were days away from being his and becoming one of them," he yelled. "How was I supposed to feel? Was what I did any worse than how you used me and left me without a thought, never giving me the light of day? The fact that, by then, you should have been a monster, is that any better than what I did?"
That hit hard. Too hard. I could've punched him, but I'd rather it'd harm himand not me.
I grated my teeth. "Maybe so. Yes, I led you on, I know. But we weren't together, like we are now. I would've gotten over what you did if I went through with the wedding." He cringed. I was cruel, but I had gone too far to take back my words. "But, instead, I ran away and got involved with you. Only it was time for me to be led on, believing I was your one and only."
"Then you shouldn't have given me a chance to prove I could be yours, if you didn't want me," he hissed.
I stepped back, feeling as if he'd slapped me. "How could you even think that?"
"You won't let me explain myself and tell you why I did what I did."
I was tired. Heartbroken. Still too much in love with him to hate him for what he had done. I surrendered, clutching my aching head. "Please…leave me alone…" I whispered. "For now. I need to think about this, alone. Please." He gazed sorrowfully at me, hatred for himself reflecting in his eyes.
"Get out!"
He backed away, slowly; agony marring every feature on his face. His body was trembling as he hurtled the door open, nearly shaking it from his hinges.
I collapsed to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, sobbing.
Had this all been a big game to him? Was I just another notch in his bedpost?
No, I wasn't. My heart told me I never would be. But the thought of him with another girl, naked and having sex with her, then the way he'd casually touched me, taking his time with me, spiked a full out controversy in my head over what I should believe.
I knew he loved me. I didn't doubt it. The betrayal was a line we would have had to cross eventually, and I would get over it, in time. Because, truthfully, he hadn't betrayed me. These girls had been before us, when both he and I thought there would be no such thing as us, never again. Ever.
A piercing, eerie howl I knew belonged to Jacob echoed through my window from the dark, moonless night outside.
Hours later, I laid in my bed, unclothed, close to drifting off to sleep, my eyes weary from crying. A warm, naked body press against my back. I recoiled at his touch, squeezing my eyes shut as the misery overcame me again.
"I'm so sorry, sorry for everything…sorry for running, sorry for screwing random girls and refusing to tell you about it, sorry for being such a fuck up," Jacob whispered against my hair.
His hand tenderly touched my waist and instead of feeling revolted like I should have, a surge of calm swept through me and I brought both of his hands around my waist as he pulled me closer to his body.
I gulped. "Have there been any more girls since you and I…?"
He immediately responded before I could finish my sentence. "No. Since Embry, Quil, Seth, and Leah found me, I haven't touched another woman that way since. I haven't been with anyone but you. I would never do that to you."
And he hadn't. I was sure of that now.
Jacob was always brutally honest, and he'd proven that again hours earlier.
"It's in the past and I regret it, greatly. I would never cheat on you. It's going against everything I am. I was aching, lost. I couldn't think of anything else to make it go away. Although it was stupid, rash, and the worst thing I've done, I was safe. The almost never-ending disappointment over everything fades when I'm with you and I forget what I did, what I put myself through."
I pushed it all aside. At the start, when we'd decided to be together, we had agreed that the past didn't matter. He'd said himself that his promiscuity was a onetime thing and I trusted him. I had to.
I couldn't forgive him, not yet, maybe not ever. But, I would put this behind us and move forward, not backward. People make mistakes; I'd made plenty. There was always room for improvement.
I loved him, with every fiber of my being, and I wouldn't let a fault of the past he regretted immensely have me question my feelings for him.
I'd move on.
I turned into his body and met his eyes. My own had long since adjusted to the dark and I read his eyes. He was broken, remorseful, and weak. I didn't say a word as I fell into his embrace, my entire body compressed against his own. I gingerly stroked his face as he held me and I kept my eyes locked on his until sleep welcomed me.
(A/N: They did not have sex if you're wondering…it was just heavy rubbing against one another… (and, again, you'll have to read the sex scene on my BlogSpot or JB-n-Pack))
