Chapter 9 - The Doctor
Author's Note: Blimey it's been awhile! This may end up being more chapters than I had planned, but I am a bit excited about where it's going =]
She was apologizing, trying to support him; she was letting him know that she'd stand by him even if he did stupid things like leave her behind.
"That's what time does, doesn't it? Wither and destroy." All he could think of was Rose, leaving him and growing old, or worse, having to explain to Jackie why Rose didn't make it back this time. He couldn't always be there to make sure she was safe and he was afraid one day she'd wander off and wouldn't come back. "You'd think I would be used to it by now."
He stared at the wood in the fire, watching the bark slowly turn white and shrivel up. He'd lost so many; so many people had left him, or had suffered by his hands. By rights he should just take her back to the Powell Estates, leave her with her mum and walk away. She'd be safe, and could carry on a normal happy life without him. But he didn't know what he would do without her, he didn't think he could live half a day without wanting her at his side. He needed her. He could vaguely hear her talking and he managed somehow to smile at her.
"Yeah." he replied. He wanted to tell her, how sorry he was and how much he needed her to stay, but he couldn't get the words out. He was desperately afraid of those words, because they meant so much more than just an apology. He needed her, like he'd never needed anyone before and that admittance could change everything. Did she even feel anything for him, other than their friendship?
He leaned back on the couch and sighed. Rose had leaned back against her own pillows and was began to doze off. The Doctor involuntarily squeezed her hand and stood. He'd tinker till she woke up and they'd be off again. He wasn't going to say anything, in the hopes that he could bury the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. He didn't know what would hurt most, telling her how he felt and risking her leaving him or staying silent and knowing she would leave him anyway, whether either of them liked it or not. He tiptoed out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. It was going to be a long night.
