Meet Frog

Date Posted: 11/28/15

Word Count: 907


"So then I stood up from the table and took five steps over to the sink. I put my bowl in first, and then my spoon, and then I turned on the water - to rinse them out, you know, before I washed them. I waited, like, 37 seconds for the water to get hot. I put the plug in, squirted in a little soap, and while it was filling, I had to dig through my other dishes to find the freakin' sponge. Stupid thing got buried."

"Yes-"

"Then I finally found it and decided to wash my bowl first. Bigger dishes are easier to get out of the way. After the bowl, I moved on to one of the ten pans in the other side of the sink - my sink has two basins in it, one for washing, one for rinsing. I use them backwards just for kicks."

"Hana-san-"

"I spent five minutes scrubbing that pan. That takes me to about 7:55 in the morning. Then I pick up another pan-"

"Hana-san!"

"That one took me 7 minutes!"

No matter how many times Urusai Hinji objected, the ANBU refused to listen. It was no small wonder that his last psychiatrist retired so suddenly! Was the boy like this all the time? What with the rambling and the henge he refused to put down and the devil-may-care attitude… He didn't know how his sanity would stand it.

"When I said 'everything that's happened since your last session', I didn't really mean-"

"It had all this crusty burnt Shogayaki sauce - 'cause I'd had that three nights before, like I told you ealier - and I had to use a knife to scrape most of it off. I really should have soaked it or something. Anyway, I finished that one and set it in the drainer and then grabbed another one - this was the one that I used to make that roasted eggplant recipe I got from Kakashi-taichou. The one I burned to a crisp because I forgot about it? Yeah, that one."

Urusai kneaded his temple, willing away the mounting headache. This teenager had rambled on like this for 50 minutes straight! Ever since he'd opened his mouth to ask what had gone on since his last evaluation… This was Urusai's first session with Hana Yaseino, after his previous analyst, old Ganjo Naya, finally retired. Said he was getting old - at 62, he wasn't kidding. But Urusai couldn't help but wonder if this talkative boy was real the reason why. It was certainly making him consider retirement, and he was only 33.

"Oh, hey!" Hana's rambling finally came to a halt. He was staring up at the wall over Urusai's head. Where the clock was. "Look's like we're over time. Listen, Hinji-san, I'm sorry for going so far over!"

Urusai glanced at the clock himself. Indeed, the session had gone over - by six and a half minutes. He resisted the urge to send the young ANBU operative a glare. He knew. Oh, he knew. And he was mocking his pain.

The cheeky grin that the young man gave him then only proved his theory right. All that ceaseless nonsense, that constant chatter, it was a plan enacted, fully intentional and fully aware of its purpose. After all, if Yaseino could blabber on for an hour straight, then there was no time for other questions.

Still, he had other clients waiting. He and the rest of the T&I staff were tasked with evaluating each and every Leaf ANBU operative this week, and so they couldn't afford to spend more time than they needed on one single person.

His pen trembled in his tense hand. Urusai gave a stiff nod to his current client. "It's… no trouble. I should have noticed. You are dismissed."

"Thanks!" said the boy with far too much gusto. He jumped to his feet, and gave a casual stretch of his arms toward the ceiling. "I'll have to fill you in on the last two weeks next time."

"Uh… that won't be necessary." Urusai forced a smile. "We'll find something else to discuss."

The boy shrugged. "Whatever." Then he stuffed his hands into his pockets, turned on his heel, and marched out of the office. When he thought his back was turned far enough, Urusai spotted the grin on his face turning wicked.

Oh yes. That boy was a hellion. It was certain now.

Urusai then turned to examine his own chaotic notes that he'd managed to scribble down during his hour of torture. Mostly an incoherant mess, but he figured that best summed up the experience. 'Uncooperative,' 'selective hearing,' 'willfully ignorant,' and 'ignores any and all attempts at deeper conversation' were the main threads, along with several reiterations that this constant rabbit-trailing was intentional.

What a nightmare.

He wondered if it was worth it. He imagined Ibiki Morino's stern, disapproving face, and mentally backtracked.

No. Urusai Hinji was a shinobi of the Leaf. He'd faced many, many greater obstacles. He would just have to endure this latest one with steadfast tenacity. He could do this.

He imagined Hana Yaseino's impish little grin, cackling away in subtext as the real one yammered on and on and on and on and on and on and…

Urusai dropped his head to the table with a rather hard thump. Who was he kidding? This was going to be his toughest client yet.