Zugzwang

The past several months had been great. Victoria and Korey hadn't fought very much. Victoria hung out with Spencer on Fridays as usual, giving Korey time to hang out with his friends. The independence was good for their relationship. Victoria and Spencer spent their Fridays eating takeout, watching an episode of "The Office" and then talking. Victoria loved her talks with Spencer. The topics ranged from stupid pranks they'd done to their religious views. Victoria knew Spencer was more of scientific man, but he had admitted that he was beginning to question if there was… something.

"There's no proof that God exists." Spencer had said.

"There's no proof that he doesn't exist, either. I like to think of it this way… If I believe, and I'm right, I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. If I don't believe and I'm wrong, I have nothing to gain and everything to lose. I tend to be fairly pragmatic, too. But… I don't like thinking that's there's nothing after this. What's the point of existence if there's nothing?" Victoria had countered. Spencer, for once, hadn't had an answer.

Victoria smiled as she knocked on Spencer's apartment door. He answered and grinned. "Hey," he greeted her, stepping aside so that she could enter.

"Hello," Victoria replied. She faced Spencer. "Do you mind if we go do something tonight? I'm not really feeling TV."

"Sure," said Spencer. "What do you want to do?"

Victoria scrunched her lips thoughtfully. "Let's be super nerds and go to the bookstore."

Spencer chuckled. "Okay. Let me get my coat." He left the room and returned, wearing his peacoat. He allowed Victoria to step out first. He locked his door and the two of them headed out of his apartment building. The nearest bookstore was within walking distance of Spencer's apartment. They entered the bookstore. Victoria inhaled the aroma of crisp pages and grinned.

She led the way to the romance section. She peered at the titles of the erotica books, smirking at some of the obnoxious titles. She grinned and pulled out a particularly silly one. "Dark Desires after Dusk," she read. "Alliteration, much?"

Spencer raised his eyebrows and looked at it. "When young maiden Celeste decides to serve as the mysterious Lord Dracul's handmaiden, she discovers the wealthy man's dark secrets… And takes a bite out of the forbidden." Spencer grinned and set the book back on the shelf.

"Here's a good one," said Victoria. "For the Love of a Scottish Laird," she read. She giggled. "Look at his righteous mullet!"

Spencer and Victoria laughed together at the ridiculous novel titles and their cover pictures. Victoria then showed Spencer the Harry Potter books. He read the backs of them while Victoria watched, her eyes bright. Spencer looked at her. "Why do you love Harry Potter so much?" he wondered.

Victoria frowned. "It's pretty well written and it's got a great story."

Spencer shook his head. "You called it your childhood. Why?"

Victoria shrugged. "I read it as a kid."

Spencer stared at her, deadpan. "You can't lie to me."

Victoria rolled her eyes. "Fine!" she hissed, smacking Spencer's arm. She grinned, but it faded and her eyes grew distanced as she remembered her childhood. "I read the first few books by myself. I didn't like reading as a kid. But I read those books. My family decided to read them together as a family. When… When my parents got divorced, I reread the series," Victoria murmured. She looked up at Spencer, who was watching her closely. Victoria swallowed the lump in her throat. "They were my therapy, I guess. With all the shit that was happening… I needed something to numb the pain, or at least make me forget. So I read Harry Potter at least twenty-seven times during my parents' divorce."

"Twenty-seven times?" Spencer said.

Victoria smiled. "I don't have an eidetic memory like you!" she teased. She looked away. "You know, those books never stop being magical for me. Every time I read them."

Spencer glanced down at the first one. He stared at it for a long time before placing it back on the shelf. "Let's go get something to eat."

"Okay." Victoria agreed. She swallowed again. She hadn't talked about her parents' divorce in a long time. Not even with Korey. She was an honest person, but no one had ever asked her about her childhood. She pressed her lips together. She and Spencer walked in silence to a Chinese restaurant. They were seated almost immediately. Spencer ordered a glass of water while Victoria requested a Dr. Pepper. She looked at Spencer, who seemed to have noticed her silence.

"Sorry if it bothered you, talking about your parents' divorce." said Spencer.

Victoria made a face. "It didn't bother me," she said. "I just haven't talked about it in a long time."

"Why'd they divorce?" Spencer asked.

Victoria sighed. "My dad… My dad was sleeping with every woman from here to Brazil."

Spencer's eyebrows shot up. "Oh," he said. The waitress returned with their drinks. She left, giving Victoria and Spencer a moment to look over their menus. Victoria and Spencer were quiet until after they had ordered their meals. "My dad left my mom and me because… My mom is schizophrenic, and she wasn't taking care of herself very well." Spencer muttered. He offered Victoria a grim smile.

"I'm sorry, Spence." Victoria said.

Spencer shifted. "There was more to it than that. My mom… She witnessed a man in our neighborhood kill a pedophile… And the stress of that and her condition pushed my dad away. But he never called me. Never visited… I've seen him since joining the FBI, and he said he regretted it… But he still hasn't contacted me."

Victoria lowered her gaze from Spencer's. She could relate to that. "My dad packed up and moved to Los Angeles without telling anyone. The only reason we know he's there is because we had a private investigator following him for a while. He calls me about once a year, but… I never answer the phone."

Spencer frowned. "Why don't you answer the phone?"

Victoria met his gaze. "Because I… I don't want to talk to him."

"Oh," said Spencer. "I understand."

Victoria nodded. "Sometimes, I think about answering… But I never can bring myself to do it."

Spencer lowered his gaze to stare at the condensation dripping off his glass. "My dad Googled me. But that's it."

Victoria laughed bitterly. "It's like they think they can do this one thing to show that 'they care' and then that's it. My dad calls annually and yours Googles you. But they don't do anything else to prove that they're worthy of our forgiveness."

Spencer nodded. "I… If I'm ever a father, I… I'm not going to do that. I'm Henry's godfather and I can't imagine abandoning him."

Victoria nodded. "Yeah. I take care of my brothers. And even though I'm not always there because of work, I can't imagine abandoning them, either. I could tell them to live on campus at their school, but I don't want to. They're my boys. They make coming home more fun."

Spencer smiled. "You've done a good job, you know. Helping raise them."

Victoria shook her head. "Sometimes I doubt that. Their cursing would make a sailor uncomfortable."

Spencer chuckled. "It could be worse."

"That's true," Victoria sighed. She grinned at Spencer. The waitress brought them their food. Victoria dug into her fried rice and teriyaki chicken, drowned in soy sauce. Spencer widened his eyes at the amount of soy sauce she put on. She laughed at his face. "I'm from the Deep South, remember? Everything's salty and spicy."

Spencer laughed. "And you own a pet alligator, right?"

Victoria giggled. "Exactly," she said. She grew thoughtful. "Actually, on my grandmother's farm, there's a bayou and an alligator lives in it. We named him Charlie. And there's this ongoing joke that we feed naughty children to Charlie."

Spencer grinned and shook his head. "I imagine that does wonders disciplinary-wise."

"Well, my family is a bit… hectic. So it works on some but not most." Victoria chuckled.

"Hectic how?" Spencer wondered.

"Well, my aunt's favorite hobby is childbirth, so I've got quite a few cousins. I grew up as the oldest, so I was often the babysitter. I called her children gremlins because if you feed them they go crazy." Victoria explained.

Spencer smiled. "Isn't that with all children? Henry can be pretty wild, too."

"Imagine five younglings who should compete in gymnastics at the Olympics and who can't keep their clothes on." said Victoria.

Spencer's eyes broadened. "Oh. Wow."

"Yeah. I remember I was babysitting them one time and I turned away from the youngest child for a second and when I turned back, he was gone. I asked the oldest where he was, and she said, 'Oh, he's running down the street naked.' I look outside and sure enough, the dude's butt-ass naked running down the street. So I go out there, pick him up and carry him back home and put his clothes on. And then we all went outside to play and the little dude locked us all out, himself included. I had to go to a neighbor's to borrow a wire coat hanger to pick the lock." Victoria recounted fondly.

Spencer laughed. "How old was he?"

"Two." Victoria replied, shaking her head. Her phone beeped. She checked to see a text from Korey.

Where are you?

I'm out with Spencer.

Doing what?

Eating dinner. Why?

Just checking in. Be home by ten.

Okay.

Victoria put her phone away. "Sorry about that."

"Was that Korey?" Spencer asked. Victoria nodded. "Is he okay with this?" Spencer gestured between them.

"Yeah. Well, not really, but I told him to get over it. He hangs out with this girl Monica a lot, and I never complain about it." said Victoria.

Spencer frowned. "Well… Let me know if it becomes a problem."

"Okay." Victoria said, pinching her eyebrows together. Maybe Spencer didn't want to associate with her if Korey decided he didn't want Victoria hanging out with Spencer… She didn't blame Spence, but his words still stung a little bit.

Spencer looked around, eyebrows pinched together. He was wearing a tuxedo. He looked to his left. JJ, Rossi, Morgan, Hotch, Blake and Victoria were smiling at him from white, delicate chairs. His gaze lingered on Victoria. She nodded encouragingly. Korey sat next to her, both of them wearing wedding bands. Spencer looked to see Garcia standing beside him.

"Have you the ring?" she asked. Spencer raised his eyebrows. He felt something clenched in his hand. He pried open his fingers to see a diamond ring. He looked back at Garcia. "Put the ring on her finger." Garcia instructed.

"On whose finger?" Spencer asked. Garcia looked at someone standing in front of Spencer. He looked to see a bride whose face was covered with a thick veil. Spencer cleared his throat and slid the ring on the bride's finger. His stomach flipping over itself and his heart pounded. But he wasn't sure if it was good anxiety or not.

"I now pronounce you smart and smarter. Get to it, you two." said Garcia.

"Get to what?" Spencer asked.

"Kiss her, dummy." Garcia snapped.

Spencer lifted the heavy veil to uncover his bride's face. He knew it was Maeve… His eyes widened in horror when he laid eyes upon his faceless Maeve.

Spencer jerked awake and rubbed his face with his hands. Would that always be Maeve to him? A faceless bride? Or would she someday be his actual bride?

"I would like an omelet with all the fixings and a glass of water, please." said Korey.

"Coming right up," said the waitress. She peered at Victoria. "And you, miss?"

"I'd like a Dr. Pepper and a grilled cheese." said Victoria, handing her menu to the waitress.

"All right, I'll put that in for you guys." said the waitress. She skipped off.

"Why don't you lay off the junk?" Korey queried.

"What?" Victoria replied, frowning.

"Y'know, eat more salad, drink more water, workout some… I'd like to have a fiancée with washboard abs, you know." said Korey.

Victoria looked at the table. "Oh. Um… Okay." She didn't speak for the remainder of the meal. She gave Korey a quick kiss on the cheek before climbing into her car and heading for work. Her eyes burned with tears. Okay, so, she wasn't super toned. But did that truly matter that much? Why hadn't Korey said something before? She felt the tears escape her eyes and slip down her cheeks. "Damn it." she muttered. She stormed toward the bathroom.

"Hey, Victoria," said JJ. "There's an urgent case… Are you okay?"

Victoria sniffed. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. What's the case?"

"It's something personal," said JJ with a shrug. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, okay?" Victoria snapped, her tone harsher than she'd intended. Victoria turned away from JJ's bewildered expression and marched into the bullpen. Victoria couldn't be around JJ's perfectly toned body right then. Hotch gathered the team around as Victoria wiped her eyes. She noticed Spencer looked distressed and her thoughts about washboard abs and Korey flew from her mind. What was wrong with him? Why did he look like someone just kicked his puppy? Worse than that. He looked as if someone had just told him his mother was dead. Victoria's heart dropped. Oh God…

"Maeve's missing." Hotch explained.

Victoria widened her eyes and looked at Spencer's dead eyes. He looked at the floor. "I know he thinks he'll get away with this and he might. I have a wealth of knowledge I should be applying to this case… Behavioral patterns of violent stalkers, recovery strategies, victim survival odds… But right now I can't focus on anything for more than four seconds at a time, which makes me the dumbest person in the room. So… Please help me. Help me find her." Spencer's voice was barely more than a whimper. Victoria softened. She wanted to help, but how could she? She wasn't a profiler…

"We don't know if we have a case. So we'll be working on personal time. Does anybody wanna leave?" Hotch said. Nobody moved. "Good. Let's get to work."

Victoria approached Spencer as the rest of the team dispersed and headed for the conference room. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked gently.

Spencer flinched away from her hand resting on his arm. "I'll be okay when we find her." He stalked toward the conference room.

Victoria's chest panged, but she followed. "Are you okay?" Garcia whispered to Victoria as she took a seat.

"I'm fine." Victoria muttered. She noticed Spencer looking at her. She looked away pointedly.

Victoria worked on watching the team's interaction, especially with Reid. Since they were working on personal time, they had more opportunity for going rogue… Victoria blinked, hard. The team wouldn't do that. She couldn't doubt them now. After Garcia found Maeve Donovan's address and workplace, Rossi and Blake left to interview coworker, JJ and Morgan went to investigate Maeve's apartment while Reid and Hotch went to interview Maeve's parents. Victoria and Garcia retreated to Garcia's lair.

"Okay, honey bun," said Garcia. "Tell me what's wrong."

Victoria stared at her. "We should be focusing on the case."

"We will, but right now, you and I are waiting. So, tell me what's wrong." said Garcia.

Victoria parted her lips to respond, but she stopped herself. "Reid needs us more right now."

"Doing what? We've done all we can for the moment. Speak to me, vanilla sugar." said Garcia.

Victoria's eyes filled with tears. "K-Korey said… He said I need to s-stop eating junk and workout b-because he wants a fiancée with 'washboard abs.'" Victoria whimpered.

"He did what?" Garcia snapped.

"Please don't make me say it again." Victoria said thickly. She wiped her eyes. "Ugh, I feel so selfish that I'm upset about this right now."

"Baby V, you are beautiful. If Korey can't deal with it, then kick his sorry butt to the curb! He should know your value by now. You are priceless, vanilla sugar. You're beautiful, inside and out. Like a golden Oreo. Don't let that man tell you otherwise." said Penelope, taking Victoria's hands in hers.

Victoria offered Penelope a watery smile. "Thank you." Victoria murmured.

"But?" Penelope said, catching onto Victoria's hesitance.

"But… It's more than that," Victoria admitted. She looked away from Penelope. "When my parents got divorced, I… I was self-harming. But not with a blade. I… I was anorexic. And Korey knows that."

"Victoria, you never told me that…" Penelope whispered.

Victoria pressed her lips together. "I don't like talking about it. Because it sounds stupid."

"It's not stupid. V, I can't believe… Do not let Korey dictate what you do with your body, understand? You are gorgeous. You don't need to be a size zero to be beautiful. I mean, hello! Look at me!" said Penelope.

Victoria chuckled. "You're right," she admitted. "Thank you. I feel better."

"Good," said Penelope. She hugged Victoria tightly. "I hate it when my babies are hurting."

"Am I interrupting something?" JJ's voice called from the doorway.

"No," said Penelope. "What do you need?"

"We need to scan these." said JJ, holding out a set of pictures.

Victoria got up from her chair and approached JJ. "Hey, I'm really sorry about earlier. Korey said something rude to me and I took it out on you." Victoria apologized.

"It's okay," JJ said with a small smile. She squeezed Victoria's arm. "Tell me about it later?"

Victoria nodded. JJ and Penelope got to work, with Penelope rambling about Roseanna Arquette. "Whoa," JJ said. "Look at this."

Victoria peered at the picture, where Maeve's face was blacked out. "Is that… black eyeliner?" Victoria asked.

JJ looked up with wide eyes. "I'll go tell Spence."

"Think female scorned. We slept together, you broke up with me, now I'll do anything to get back at you." said Morgan.

"Reid? Could that fit Maeve? Could she have possibly been in a relationship with this woman?" Hotch asked.

"No… No." said Spencer, scowling.

"Spence… This morning you didn't even know she was engaged." Victoria pointed out.

Spencer glowered at her. "That's not the answer!" he snapped. Victoria flinched. Spencer got to his feet. "Think celebrity stalker."

"How? Maeve's not a celebrity." said Blake.

"She's the star in her field, though." Spencer argued, pacing.

"It's a stretch," said Rossi as Spencer took a seat on the opposite side of the room. "Celebrity stalkers are usually non-violent."

"You wanna tell that to John Lennon, Rossi? What was it Mark David Chapman said after he shot John Lennon? 'All of my nobodyness and all of his somebodyness collided!' Well, Maeve's somebody and this… bitch is a nobody!" Spencer yelled. He realized everyone was staring at him. "I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from. I can't be very helpful right now, I should leave." Spencer tried to storm out of the room.

"Reid! Yes you can. You have a hundred-point-five days of communication with the girl and your brain can let you recall every word verbatim." said Morgan.

"She probably revealed details about the unsub to you and neither of you even noticed." said JJ.

"There's too much of it and I can't sort through any of it with any clarity." croaked Spencer.

"Then pick one of them and they'll go through it with you." muttered Victoria, gesturing to the profilers sitting around the room. Spencer looked at her for a second before glancing at the floor.

"Blake." he muttered.

"Okay. Let's get out of here." Blake agreed. Spencer and Blake left the bullpen together, Victoria's red eyes still imprinted on Spencer's brain.

Victoria's phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID. Korey. She put her phone back into her pocket. Her phone rang two more times, both of which Victoria ignored.

"Parker?" Hotch said.

Victoria looked up. "Sir?"

"Do you need to take that?" Hotch prompted.

"It's not important." Victoria replied shortly.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked.

"Yep." Victoria snapped. Hotch and Morgan exchanged a glance. Victoria left the conference room to see if she could somehow help Penelope with finding Bobby's new girlfriend's actual name.

Victoria scribbled down notes for her report as she listened to Penelope type furiously. Victoria wasn't sure if she liked Spencer and Maeve together or not. She wouldn't approve of Maeve until the geneticist had done more than prove her intelligence. So far, Maeve had kept a pretty big, hurtful secret from Spencer. Maeve had been engaged… And the guy was obviously still madly in love with her. Was Spencer just Maeve's "rebound?" Victoria closed her eyes. Spencer was her closest friend. She wanted to see him happy. And Victoria wouldn't approve of Maeve until she did just that. So, Victoria prayed that Maeve would be saved, for Spencer's sake. If she wasn't… Victoria bit her lip. Spencer would be devastated. And Victoria didn't know if she could help him.

"I got her! The unsub, I got her!" sang Penelope, jerking Victoria from her thoughts.

"Let's go tell the others." Victoria said. She and Penelope entered the conference room and waited for Spencer and Blake to return. Spencer took a seat while Victoria and Penelope remained standing.

"Her name is Dianne Turner. She worked as a research assistant at Mendel University while Maeve was there." said Penelope.

"Did she apply for a PhD there?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, she was one of a bunch of internal applicants that got rejected." said Penelope.

"Looks like she left not long after Maeve." said Rossi.

"Correct. She now works at a local junior college." said Penelope.

"Dave, you, Reid and JJ take the residence. Morgan and Blake take the campus." said Hotch.

"What was her doctoral thesis about?" said Spencer.

"Says here 'spontaneous cellular death in suicide patients.'" said Derek.

"There's that suicidal behavior again." sighed Blake.

"Except cells don't behave that way. Why is she so obsessed with it?" said Spencer.

"Let's go." said Hotch, gesturing to the team.

"Good luck." Victoria and Penelope chirped together.

Victoria stepped into the hall to listen to her voicemail.

"Vicky, look. I know what I said was mean. I shouldn't have said that. Vicky, I love you so much it hurts. You are so hot and sexy. Sexiest woman I know. You don't have to do a thing to be the smokin' piece of ass you are. I love you, babe. I can't wait for you to be done with this case so that I can take you out and show off to the world my sexy fiancée. Love you, bye." Korey's message ended. Victoria felt her cheeks burn. Her stomach trembled with butterflies. She entered the bullpen, barely containing her smile.

Victoria resumed typing up her report for Cramer when Spencer burst into the bullpen, demanding that Garcia find any property under Dianne's name. Spencer and Hotch argued about something for a moment. Victoria frowned and left her desk to come within earshot of the conversation.

"What're you going to do?" Hotch demanded.

"I'm going to tell her that I love her." said Spencer.

"Tell who?" Victoria demanded.

Spencer turned. "Dianne."

"He's going in." explained Garcia.

Victoria felt the color drain from her face. "No. You can't. You could get killed!"

Spencer pursed his lips. "It's already been decided." he snapped. He and Hotch stalked out.

Victoria's jaw fell open while her mind raced with a billion thoughts and scenarios of how this could go terribly wrong. She turned to Penelope. "Garcia… He… He can't…" Victoria sank into a chair beside Garcia.

Penelope hugged Victoria. "It's okay. He's Dr. Spencer Reid. He can do this. He'll save Maeve and then they'll have baby geniuses and all will be well."

Somehow, Garcia's words didn't make Victoria feel any better. She waited, clenching Garcia's hand, for news to come. At last, Garcia's phone rang. She answered with it on speaker. "Hey, what happened?" Garcia asked.

"Is Spencer okay?" Victoria demanded.

"No," said Morgan. Garcia and Victoria looked at each other, horrified. "Maeve, Bobby and Dianne are dead. Reid… Reid watched."

Victoria drew away from the phone. Garcia and Morgan continued to talk about what happened. Garcia needed details. Victoria didn't. She tuned them out. Maeve was dead. Spencer watched. Oh God… Victoria bit her lip. Her eyes burned with tears.

She looked up sharply when the team arrived at the bullpen to gather their belongings. All of them wore equal expressions of shock. Except for Spencer. He just looked… dead. Victoria rose from her seat and crossed over to him. She wrapped her arms around him.

"Spencer, I am so sorry… If you need me, you know I'm here for you." Victoria murmured, tears leaking from her eyes. She drew away from Spencer and looked up at him.

"I-I don't need you." Spencer croaked.

Victoria's heart twanged. "Okay." she choked.

Spencer glared at her. "Stop trying to counsel me. I don't need you, all right?" he yelled.

Victoria dipped her head and pursed her lips. "Okay." she breathed. She pushed past Spencer and headed for the stairs. She wasn't about to get into an elevator with the team. She heard Penelope call her name, but she didn't stop. Once outside, she dialed Korey's number. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey." he greeted her.

"Hey," Victoria choked.

"Babe, what's wrong?" said Korey.

"Tough case. Wanna get dinner?" Victoria said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Yeah, dinner sounds great." said Korey.

"Maybe I'll even order a salad for you." Victoria said, smiling. Korey laughed.

"As long as we can waste it with dessert afterward." he said.

Victoria slid into her car. "Of course. I love you."

"I love you, too." Korey replied.

"Race you to Olive Garden." Victoria said.

Korey chuckled. "You're on, babe." He hung up. Victoria smiled weakly. She noticed someone standing outside and looked at the person. It was Spencer, watching her. His eyes glittered with angry tears. Victoria looked away, her own eyes burning. She put on her seatbelt and pulled out of the parking lot without a second glance at Spencer.

Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter, please! Thank you!

Guest: I try to update quickly because I know how it feels to wait for MONTHS for someone to update… And I love writing this story. I'm glad you love it! Thank you for the review.