Chapter Nine
Meanwhile back at Xavier's
Wanda, Emma, Jean and Ororo all wondered which foolish child had decided to write on the charts, but they were all suffering for it, including the adults. Logan was livid. He had called this assembly as soon as he remembered how to speak after seeing what they had done. He was standing the front of the room, cracking his knuckles and muttering to himself. He seemed to have once again forgotten how to speak though, because even those sitting closest to him had no idea what he was saying.
Eventually Emma volunteered to go talk to him. Actually she'd been asked to do it. Okay, so she'd drawn the short straw, the point was she was going to attempt to talk to him. Eventually, that is, because she was about to walk over to him when Logan let out a growl that would put most wolves to shame. Emma suddenly remembered that she had a very pressing appointment that had to be taken care of right then, so she left at a very fast walk - running would draw attention- as she ignored Wanda and Ororo attempting to call her back.
Wanda and Ororo both cursed her a coward, then had a short and nearly silent argument over who had to talk to him instead. Wanda pointed out that John was already her job as was fielding all of Logan's calls, and teaching 9th to 12th math, so asking her to talk to Logan was tipping the scales on responsibility. Ororo countered with being in charge of all scheduling, the greenhouses, the botany classes and meal planning.
When neither of them would bend on who had more of a workload (though Wanda did throw in her kids to tip the scale) they decided that this was really Anna's job. After all, Anna (or Rogue) was the best at calming Logan down, so they would add it to her ever growing 'to do when she gets back from her little vacation' list. The list had been growing for the better part of three years, if the LeBeaus ever did return, (which seemed less and less likely to some members of the staff as weeks turned into years) she would be busy for weeks. Some of it had become outdated, of course, but the list was still impressively long.
Satisfied with how to handle Logan, there was still the matter of the assembly. Logan was in no shape to hold it, and nobody wanted to get close enough to take over for him. Wade decided that he would do it, when Wanda poked him. She was beginning to worry about John's tendency to confess to things he'd never done when forced to sit still too long.
Wade, who had begun to become bored himself, walked calmly up to the podium. He gently pushed Logan out of the way, with all of his might, and faced the school. He cleared his throat, and calmly said in the cheeriest voice he could muster. "We don't know who did this, and we don't know how. But know this, if it happens again we will find you and we will ki-throw you in a deep black pit... with adders, and scorpions, and squirrels. "
"Wade, you can't threaten the children like that." Ororo said, exasperated.
" 'Ro, baseless threats only work if they don't know they're baseless. Now all the children know that we don't actually have a Squirrel-Adder-Scorpion pit because of your interference so if they do it again, it's on you. Do you really want to be to blame if they decide to write on the charts again? DO have any idea how long charts take to make? If you want to be the one responsible for Logan's insanity, be my guest, but don't come crying to me when your toast is soggy with tears and dragon spit."
"…What?"
"I KNEW IT! YOU HAVEN'T READ A SINGLE MEMO HAVE YOU?! YOU AREN'T TAKING ANY OF THIS SERIOUSLY! I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS. I NEED MY SQUEAKY BALL! WHERE'S MY SQUEAKY BALL? YOU TOOK IT DIDN'T YOU! YOU WANT ME TO LOOK INSANE AND COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT. YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN JEALOUS OF MY AWESOMESS AND MY STATUS IN THIS ESTABLISHMEN AND HAVE BEEN UNDERMINDING ME FROM THE BEGINNING! YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN TAKE THE SALESMEN AND BABY THREATS SERIOUSLY! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO TALK LOGAN OUT OF THE PHEONIX PREVENTION SQUAD AND LOOK HOW THAT ENDED! GOOD DAY TO YOU WOMAN!"
"Wade, the PPS turned out to be unnecessary and-"
"THAT'S WHAT THE ELVES WANT US TO THINK! IN REALITY WE NEED IT NOW MORE THAN EVER. JUST TODAY I FOUND EVIDENCE OF ELFINFLITRATION ALL THE WAY DOWN IN THE DANGERROOM. THEY'VE GOTTEN AS FAR AS THE DANGERROOM AND YOU STILL DON'T SEE THE THREAT. I FOUND SIX LITTLE SMELLY ELVES DOWN THERE!" Wade pulled out the 'elf' he had found to waive in Ororo's face.
"That's a statue with a potato on it instead of a head."
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT IT IS! I KNOW WHAT IT IS, IT'S A CORPRATE ELF! IF YOU CAN'T RECOGNIZE THEM FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN FROM THEM? THINK OF THE CHILDREN! THESE POOR FRIGHTENED LITTLE WAIFS ARE TERRIFIED AND IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE THE TRUTH. POOR LOGAN HAS LOST HIS MIND THANKS TO YOUR NON-SUPPORTIVE ATTITUDE AND THE BRATINESS OF THE CHILDREN, WHICH IS CLEARLY CAUSED BY YOUR REFUSAL TO RESPECT THE CHARTS." Wade had begun pacing as he shook the statue, which lost its potato head while he was screaming.
The children began calmly sneaking out of the auditorium, led by Paige, Jonothon, Wanda, John, Kitty, Piotr, and Hank. The little ones had already been removed by Jubilee and Bobby when Logan had begun knuckle popping. Soon it was just Wade, Ororo, and Logan in the room. Wade looked around, before dropping the smelly statue from his hand as he said. "Well that worked well. Better than any speech we could have mustered."
"You mean you were faking it?" Ororo said.
"You'll never know, and I'll never tell." Wade said in a sing song voice before he walked from the room.
Ororo walked over to Logan who seemed a bit calmer to ask him if he was all right. He glared at her impressively before he strode from the room as he yelled. "Wade! John!" The two in question appeared right away, as they were both still at the end of the hall talking to Wanda.
"I don't know where you two have gotten to, but assemble a team and go find those boys! I'm done being Mr. Nice guy, clearly I've given too much slack around here."
