Chapter 9 - In the Open
May 2006
Amethyst
The sun was shining and she could tell it would be an unusually warm day, so Amethyst put on the purple shirt with the black mesh. It was still strained in the chest, but fit perfectly in her belly. She did her makeup and turned in the mirror. Still had a ways to go, but damn was she starting to look fine. She slid a long sleeved top on over the shirt, knowing her mom wouldn't approve of it and headed downstairs. Her father was at the table drinking coffee and eating a bagel. Amethyst looked around. "Where's Mom?"
"Your mother had an early shift and will probably be late coming home. She called to say that Jasper's friend is having a baby and requested her to be there."
"Who? Lacy?"
Fetuao chuckled. "Well, it certainly isn't Matt. You should eat something, Peanut."
She felt ravenous, but poured a modest bowl of cereal and ate slowly hoping to calm her growling stomach.
"Look, I know your mom is on you a lot about your weight, so I don't like to make any comments. I just want to say I've seen you really trying these past few months and I'm proud you're doing something positive for your health." He cleared his throat. "There was an article in the paper though about girls who take it too far – starving themselves and such. I just want to make sure you're doing this thing right. You know, it's good to eat healthy, just make sure you're eating enough, okay, Peanut?"
Amethyst laughed. "Trust me, Dad, I love food way too much to starve myself. I just want to look prettier…perfect…like Jasper."
Fetuao folded his newspaper and looked squarely at her. "Amethyst, neither you nor your sister are perfect, but both my girls are beautiful in their own way. Weight doesn't make you ugly or beautiful – it's your heart and your mana – your spirit. You let that shine, Ames, and everyone will see every beautiful thing about you."
She finished drinking the fruit-flavored milk from the bowl, wiping the drip from her chin with the back of her hand. "Thanks, Dad." She glanced at the clock. "I should get going."
"Have a good day at school."
Amethyst grabbed her backpack and met Peridot at the end of the driveway. "Does your dad ever try to have awkward parent talks with you?"
"Uh…no."
"My dad was trying to boost my self-esteem or whatever."
Peridot shrugged. "I know my dad loves me, but he mostly pays attention to the news on TV or whatever western novel he's reading. My mom's idea of boosting my self-esteem is to tell me to do something about my hair and that maybe I should try contacts and different clothes…you know, so I can be some graceful waif like Pearl. You know, instead of the weird little nerd I am."
Amethyst shook her head. "I'm pretty sure my mom loves me, but she needs to get off me about my weight. I mean, she's fat, too." She stopped, plunked her backpack on the ground and removed the long sleeved shirt. "I have to run the stupid mile in P.E. today. Maybe I can just say I'm on my period."
"You'll get no sympathy from Ms. Wheaton. She'll make you do it anyway. You'd have to show up in a full body cast."
"Hey, do you believe all those, you know, rumors…that she's dating Ms. Garcia?"
Another shrug from her friend. "I don't know. And who cares if they are? Mr. and Mrs. Tellman are married and they both work at the school. I haven't heard anyone complain about that."
"Yeah but Mrs. Tellman isn't a lesbian."
Peridot scoffed. "Okay, and?"
"I mean, Ms. Wheaton is probably a lesbian and she's in the locker room with girls changing."
"Right and lesbian and pedophile are not synonyms. I've never even noticed her looking at us, much less doing anything to anyone."
"I guess I haven't either."
"And is being gay really the worst thing someone can be? I don't see anything wrong with it."
"There's not…I just…I mean everyone thinks that being gay is…well, kinda gay…I mean…"
Anger crossed Peridot's face, which was unusual for her. "There is nothing wrong with being gay, despite what the narrow-minded kids at school think. Maybe instead of listening to their crap, you could learn to think for yourself."
Amethyst felt her brows knit together in agitation. "I do think for myself."
"Really? You really have a problem with gay people?" Peridot asked as they walked up the steps of the school.
"Of course I don't! I mean…I don't think I do. I don't know anyone who's gay." Amethyst pulled open the door and entered the main hall of the school.
"When I did my report it said ten percent of the population is gay, so I assure you, you do."
Nobody she could think of. But then, being out in high school was practically asking to be bullied. She looked around at the class and wondered who might be. Then Amethyst shook her head. Their teacher began discussing the book they were reading and Amethyst looked over her report, her heart skipping oddly in her chest. It was weird because she didn't have anxiety…she didn't even feel nervous. She took a couple of deep breaths and the fluttering sensation went away.
It came back though…in her next class and then in the one before P.E. She considered maybe she shouldn't run, but it was just jitters, right? She'd get even more, if she didn't run, she realized once in the locker room, pulling on her t-shirt. She could just imagine what might be said if she went to the school nurse to tell her she didn't feel well. Oh sure, fat-ass Amethyst just didn't want to run the mile. I mean, I don't, she thought. But I will because I'm gonna show them I can at least finish it.
She'd probably take all of class doing it, but she'd finish the mile. Amethyst sighed as she closed the locker and made her way out to the track where most of the class had gathered. The only person she knew in class was Kiki, so she stood beside her as they stretched. "You can probably do this pretty quick, huh?"
"Last week I ran it in 14:53 – I'm hoping to beat that today." Kiki gave her a smile. "How about you?"
"Oh, you know, just hoping to finish within class time."
"Class is an hour."
"Yeeeeaaah…"
"You okay? You seem a little tired."
Amethyst was going to give her some excuse about staying up late to finish homework, but Ms. Wheaton told the students to go to the starting line. Amethyst felt the fluttering in her chest again and breathed deeply. As much as she hated it, maybe she should start exercising. Not as much as Jasper, but as the doctor suggested, walking probably wouldn't hurt anything. She knew Jasper didn't talk about the throwing up part of it, but she'd have to ask if the heart skipping was normal.
A whistle barked – short and loud – from the side and the stomping of feet surrounded her. Amethyst groaned and started jogging. Kiki had sprinted well ahead of her and most of the class. Amethyst took another deep breath and ran harder, her heart protesting, thudding angrily beneath her ribs. She made it one lap around, stopping briefly, huffing and puffing.
"Come on, Palamo, get the lead out!" Ms. Wheaton shouted. "You can do it!"
She sprinted ahead, away from her teacher. Her boobs jiggled uncomfortably and she slowed down as her heart pounded so hard and skipped to the point where it hurt. She put a hand to her chest and stopped again.
Kiki skidded to a halt beside her, likely on her fourth time around the track. "Ames, you okay?"
Amethyst nodded, unable to say anything as she struggled to catch her breath. She sprinted again only for her heart to protest by sending a burst of pain through her chest and down her arm. Whether she'd tripped or not, she wasn't sure, but all of a sudden she saw the track coming towards her fast as she fell.
She never remembered hitting the ground.
Jasper
Jasper sat beside Lacy's hospital bed as her friend controlled her breathing and let out another low moan during a contraction. She reached over and squeezed Lacy's hand. "You're doing great."
"I thought you just like came to the hospital and popped the baby out." Lacy accepted the cup of ice chips from Carlos and put one in her mouth. "You know, like on TV. I pop it out and then get to eat a cheeseburger or something."
Penina laughed as she made a note in the chart. "Nope. First babies take a while and you're only at five centimeters.
"And I have to be at ten, right?"
"Yep. Are you thinking about having an epidural?"
Lacy shook her head. "Not yet. It's uncomfortable, but not unbearable."
Jasper's mom smiled. "I'll tell you I've helped deliver thousands of babies and when my time came I thought I was so prepared. You're never really prepared, but you are because your body is made for this. Plus, you have support. When I lived in Samoa and a woman was having a baby, multiple women in the village would help her – talk, tell stories, sing, squeeze her hand or rub her back – and it helped to have those people there who loved her."
Lacy looked at her husband. "You know any stories?"
"Uh…I can make one up." Carlos cleared his throat. "So one time, there was this dude named Carlos and he was married to this smoking hot woman named Lacy…"
Jasper raised an eyebrow, but her friend simply laughed and told her husband to keep going.
"And one day they won the lottery…"
"I like where this is going…" Lacy said.
Penina placed the chart back in its holder and laughed lightly. "I'll be back to check on you soon."
Once she'd left, Carlos continued his story, which involved Jasper getting some of the money and them living next to each other in mansions. "Also, I bought myself a Lamborghini because I deserve it…"
"Where is the car seat going to go?" Lacy asked.
"No, that's the beauty of it because you have a really cool minivan for all the child stuff and I get to drive my awesome car."
"'Cool' and 'minivan' don't ever belong in the same sentence," Jasper told him.
Lacy put a hand on her stomach and her face contorted in pain as she tried to breathe through the contraction. She rubbed her belly once it was over. "Jasper, do you know one of your mother's stories?"
"Yeah." She thought for a moment and remembered the story Matt had asked her about. "Once there was a girl named Sina who had a pet eel and as she grew, so did the eel. By the time she was a young woman, the eel was so big she put him in a freshwater spring where she often went to bathe. Over time, he fell in love with her and tried to embrace her, but this made her angry and afraid. She could no longer go to the spring or the eel would stare at her. 'You gaze at me with eyes like a demon,' she cried.
"The village chiefs killed the eel, but before he died, he asked Sina to bury his head in Taumeasina. She did so and when she returned to that place months later, she found the first coconut tree had grown in that spot. She harvested the fruit and noticed that it had three holes resembling two eyes and a mouth, which can be easily pierced to drink the water. Every time she drank from a coconut, she would be kissing the eel who loved her so much."
"That's…an interesting story."
Jasper shrugged. "Not that different from a princess kissing a frog…definitely better than girls cutting off chunks of their feet to fit in some shoes. I mean, European fairy tales are dark as fuck."
Penina returned an hour later to check on Lacy. "You're at seven centimeters. If you want an epidural, I should put the order in now because it can take the anesthesiologist a little while sometimes."
"Should I? Did you have one?"
"I opted not to. Jasper came so quickly there wasn't time and I thought I could tough it out with Amethyst…should have had it with her. She was almost nine pounds."
Lacy breathed her way through another contraction. "It's not so bad. The OB said he's probably around seven pounds."
"It's up to you but if you wait too long you can't have it."
Lacy lay there as silence surrounded them for a few moments aside from the gentle whoosh of the machine keeping track of her baby's heartbeat. "I can take the pain. Women do this all the time."
"Well, yeah, Lace, they do but we also have all this technology to help," Carlos told her. He stroked her hair. "I know you're tough, but you don't have to be in pain if you don't want to."
"I want to experience everything." Lacy grabbed his hand and squeezed.
Another nurse poked her head in the room. "Nina, they need you down in emergency."
"Okay." Penina slid the chart back in its holder.
"Don't you work up here?" Jasper asked.
"Sometimes they have deliveries in the ER that aren't going to wait long enough to come up here. I'll be back soon, Lacy, but if you need anything Andrea will help you out." She smiled and walked out the door.
Her mother didn't return as Lacy's labor progressed and four hours later, the doctor came in to help her deliver. Jasper kept a hand on her shoulder and gave her free one to Lacy to squeeze. She had seen people in pain…heard screaming in battle. She glanced over at her friend's left side where a nurse was helping hold her stump to the side. Jasper had seen people maimed…and shot…she'd seen them die.
Lacy's scream erupted through the air as the doctor told her to push. "Here comes his head – you're doing great!"
"Get him out!" Lacy took a gulp of air and groaned as she squeezed Jasper's hand with all she had. She gritted her teeth and released a short yelp before laying back and breathing heavily.
It was almost a surreal experience as the doctor held up the crying baby. Her eyes crinkled above her mask indicating a huge smile. "It's a boy!"
And as he was placed on Lacy's bare stomach, Jasper was in absolute awe at what her friend had managed. Through all the pain, she'd brought an entire person into the world. He hadn't been here yesterday or even minutes ago and now here he was…small and perfect with ten fingers and ten toes that Carlos counted before the doctor let him cut the umbilical cord. And it wasn't just the birth of a baby, but of a mother, she realized as Lacy gathered her son in her arms and kissed his forehead. "Hi, Kyle…look, Jasper, isn't he beautiful?"
"Huh…oh…I mean…" Actually, he looked pretty wrinkled and she noticed his head as a nurse when to put a cap on it. It was almost misshapen like cone. "Is his head supposed to look like that?"
"Jasps!"
"No, I was wondering too," Carlos said.
The doctor laughed. "It's normal and it will round out."
Jasper stepped back while the new parents took turns holding their baby once he'd been cleaned and wrapped in a blanket. She watched as Lacy kissed Kyle's forehead and rocked him gently. Then her eyes caught Jasper's. "You want to hold him?"
"Uh…sure." She had very little experience holding babies and had never been around one so little. The doctor had said Kyle was close to seven and a half pounds, but as Lacy placed him in Jasper's arms, he felt so much lighter. His eyes fluttered slightly and he moved a little before settling down. Jasper sat in a chair then dared not move.
"What do you think?"
"I think he's gonna break in my arms or something." She studied his tiny face trying to find some resemblance of either Lacy or Carlos, but the baby still looked very wrinkled, his face scrunched as though he'd sucked on a lemon.
"We haven't thought of a middle name. We were hoping his Auntie Jasper would have some ideas." Lacy smiled at her.
"My mom would appreciate it if…uh…if it were a biblical name," Carlos added.
"Um…okay…how about…uh…" Why was it so hard to think of a name? "Give me a minute…Jesus…"
"Jesus?" Lacy asked.
"I didn't mean it like…"
"Hay-soos?" Carlos pronounced it. "That's actually very common where Mom's from. She'd like it."
"Hey…sure….soos…Jesus, yeah," Jasper said.
"Kyle Jesus?" Lacy's voice held disbelief.
"Kyle Hay-soos," Carlos corrected, tapping her nose.
"Okay, but I get to name the next one."
She was going to go through it again? Jasper looked back down at Kyle. Okay, maybe his face wasn't so scrunched…maybe he was cute in his own way. She took a deep breath. She would have been due in two weeks…she would have been close to holding her own baby. No, she corrected herself, not just mine – also Sergeant McCoy's…my rapist's baby…that asshole. She wouldn't be getting ready to hold it, but to give it away. She closed her eyes and took a few more cleansing breaths. She had made a decision. She had to stick by it.
A nurse came in and approached her. "Are you Penina's daughter?"
"I'm one of 'em."
"When you have a minute, she's in the pediatric unit. She says it's urgent, but she didn't want to say anything until you were done here."
"Okay." Jasper gently handed Kyle off to Carlos and gave Lacy a hug before leaving. Before heading to the elevator, she leaned her back against a wall and let it sink in again. Her friend had a baby...a whole person. Her mom had said it was urgent, but her first thought was to call Matt and tell him what a miraculous experience it all had been. She wanted that – a baby – not now, but in the future sometime. Deep down, she wanted to know what it was like to carry life inside her, feel it move and bring it into the world. Maybe someday Matt would help her with that. Jasper smiled thinking about it…what it would be like to make love to him…for that love to be made into a tangible being. What was this feeling it gave her? Giddiness? Is that what it was when her stomach felt like it was made of butterflies and her head was filled with clouds? No one had ever made her feel that before…or made her smile quite like he did.
"Jasper!"
She turned toward the voice and saw her father making his way down the hall. "Dad?" She met him halfway. "What are you doing here?"
Fetuao put an arm around her shoulders. "Your sister was brought to the emergency room earlier."
"What happened? Did she get hurt at school?"
"It was something with her heart…an irregular rhythm. She passed out in gym class."
"How the fuck…she's sixteen. That happens when you're old." Jasper walked beside him to the elevator and pressed the button.
"They think she might have some sort of eating problem."
Jasper shrugged as her eyes flickered to the monitor showing which floor they were on. "Well, I know she said she's been trying to lose weight. She said she's doing what I'm doing though…maybe she overdid the exercise a bit. Or restricted her calories but isn't eating healthy food."
The elevator dinged and the doors opened, her father exiting before her. "The doctor thinks she may be throwing up her food…you know, on purpose…so he wants someone from psychology to talk to her. Thus far, she's been silent on the matter."
Amethyst
Amethyst was pissed.
Well, at first, she'd been scared when she'd woken up on the track, surrounded by paramedics and the prying eyes of her classmates. She hurriedly told them she had to get up. She had a science test later and needed to get her backpack. Nonetheless, she had been strapped to a gurney and taken away despite her protests that she was fine.
She was mortified. Everyone would hear that 'Pala-moo' – the fat ass cow – had passed out while running. She couldn't imagine the things they'd say. Perhaps they'd joke that she was allergic to exercise or tripped to get a closer look at the track because she'd never seen it before. She was going to have to switch schools or be homeschooled.
The doctor seemed nice enough in the ER as she explained that Amethyst's heart wasn't beating properly. "It could be congenital or due to a virus. We'll know more after we run some tests. Any chance you could be pregnant?"
What was it with medical people and that question? That shouldn't even be a question. "No."
"We'll order a test to be sure."
Amethyst groaned and crossed her arms. "Save my parents the expense. I'm a virgin. Guys don't so much as look at me."
She was still in the ER when her mom rushed into the curtained area, relief washing over her face when she saw Amethyst sitting up in bed. "Are you okay?"
"They made a big deal out of nothing."
"You didn't pull some stunt to get out of your test today, did you?"
"No," she snapped. "In fact, I'm ticked because now I have to stay after school to take it instead of just flunking now. Plus, they actually asked if I was pregnant like I'm a slut or something."
Penina shook her head as she fussed with the blanket, pulling it up further. "It's a standard question for any girl old enough to be."
Amethyst flopped back against the pillow. "Well, I'm not."
"Good." Her mother felt her forehead. "You didn't seem sick yesterday."
"I feel fine. They said it could be congenital – that means something I was born with, right?"
Penina nodded as she grabbed the chart and looked it over.
"Mom! Are you supposed to be doing that?"
"You're a patient and I work here. You estimated your weight at one-fifty?" Her mother raised an eyebrow.
"I'm optimistic?" Amethyst shrugged. "I figure I'll get there eventually."
"You have that in your bra alone."
It wasn't long before her father arrived. He kissed her forehead and hugged her. "Not feeling well, Peanut?"
"I feel fine. I just got dizzy."
"You didn't just get dizzy," Penina interjected. She turned to her husband. "They think she has a heart problem. It could be her weight."
"Oh my God…Mom, just stop! You know, you're fat too!"
Penina scowled and put her hands on her hips. "When I was your age, I was not as fat as you. I didn't really gain weight until I had kids. And you don't need to say the Lord's name like that."
Thankfully the doctor returned at that moment and introduced herself to Amethyst's parents. "Her test results show low potassium and an electrolyte imbalance." The doctor smiled at her. "Can I have you open and say 'ah' for me?"
Amethyst's heart skipped a beat. What if this doctor noticed her teeth just like Dr. Shaw had? But she couldn't act like a total child and refuse, so she opened and let the doctor take a look in her mouth.
"Amethyst, did you know the enamel on your teeth is wearing down?" When she shrugged, the doctor looked down at her hand. "And those calluses by the joints on your hand – how did those happen?"
She slid her left hand over her right one and shrugged.
The doctor plucked the chart from its holder. "Are you concerned about your weight, Amethyst?"
"I know I am," Penina said. "She eats and eats and now there's something wrong with her heart."
"Do you sometimes eat a lot and then make yourself sick?" The doctor asked.
Amethyst looked down at her hands and fiddled with a loose thread on the blanket. She blinked back fresh tears threatening to escape. They'd make her stop…she knew they would. It was working so well and she was finally starting to look good.
"Amethyst!" Penina hissed. "Where on earth did you get an idea to do that?"
To point fingers would only get Jasper in trouble. But why shouldn't she? Her mom thought her eldest was perfect…if she suddenly wasn't, then maybe her mom wouldn't pick on her so much anymore. "I heard Jasper throwing up in the bathroom. I think that's what she was doing. She likes food too…"
"You really think Jasper would be that stupid?" Her mom asked. "She has to be in top physical form and I'm pretty sure the Army would catch it if she were doing this thing." She turned and put her hands on her hips. "And I can't believe I didn't know you were doing it!"
Well, so much for her mom not getting on her case. Amethyst crossed her arms and refused to make eye contact with anyone. She vaguely heard the doctor talking about moving her to another floor and having her talk to a therapist. She stayed silent as she was transferred and as she lay in her new room waiting for any news.
"Jasper's friend had her baby today," her mom told her. "So your sister is here too."
Big whoop, Amethyst thought. Her stomach growled; she'd missed lunch at school. Her mother's words echoed in her head about what she'd estimated her weight to be. She didn't need to eat. However, her dad went to the cafeteria and brought her a sandwich, a carton of milk and a Jell-o cup.
"Are you sure she needs that?" Penina asked.
Amethyst crossed her arms. "Fine, I won't eat it."
"It's Jell-o. She's in the hospital – give her a break." Fetuao checked his watch and looked at his wife. "Which floor is Jasper on?"
"Six. I told another nurse to tell her to come down here."
"I'll go look for her." He left the room.
"Great, now your perfect kid can show up," Amethyst said.
"Jasper is far from perfect."
"I guess no one's good enough for you."
"Stop it, Amethyst. I love you both. You don't have to be perfect."
Amethyst ripped the top off the Jell-o and shoveled it into her mouth. "Maybe I'll just start eating everything and be fat again."
"It would do you good to keep it down! I can't believe you thought you had to be perfect to the point where you started doing this!" Penina put a hand to her forehead. "And I'm a nurse…and your mother…and I didn't know…"
"Let's make this about you…by all means." She tore open the saran wrap over the sandwich. "Well, you didn't have a mom who was constantly on you about your weight and you don't have a sister who outshines you in everything! You don't even have a sister!"
Her mother grew silent, crossing her arms and nodding. "You're right…I don't."
Jasper entered a few minutes later with their father. "Hey, Ames, how're you doing?"
"Okay, I guess. Lacy had her baby?"
"Uh-huh, a boy. Dad said something about your heart? About you throwing up your food or something."
"Yeah, I'm fat and crazy, apparently."
"She said she got the idea from you," Penina said.
"What? Ames!"
"I just…I heard you throwing up and I thought you were doing it because you love food…" Amethyst pushed away her tray with the half-eaten sandwich on it.
"When was this?"
"Around your birthday…I thought you were doing it to keep your weight down…Mom assumed you were pregnant."
Jasper's lips pressed together and it was a moment before she answered. "Well, it wasn't because of my weight."
"I knew it," Penina said smugly.
"Baby Girl, what happened?" Her father asked.
Jasper shrugged. "I was pregnant and then I wasn't." She paused for a second, her brows knitting together in concern, sorrow flashing in her eyes. "I didn't say anything because there was no point."
"And the father? It couldn't have been Matt," her mom pointed out.
"No…um…" She looked at the floor, exhaling. "Um…it was…he died…that night in the siege."
"Oh, Jasper…" Penina put a hand to her heart. "Watching Lacy give birth must've been so hard. You'd have to be close yourself."
Her sister nodded. "I'd be about thirty-eight weeks."
"It's hard, Jasper, but…"
Her sister gave another shrug. "I've talked with someone about it and I've pretty much moved on. These things happen and I wasn't ready, so I'm not exactly heartbroken."
Amethyst rolled her eyes and rolled onto her side. She was the one in the fucking hospital and now the conversation was all about Jasper. So what if she'd been pregnant? She was beautiful and dating a hot guy. They'd probably get married and have two or three kids. Meanwhile, Amethyst doubted she'd ever have sex, much less children.
Jasper didn't stay long – thankfully – and their father offered to walk her down to her car. Penina sat down in the chair by Amethyst's bed. "I love you, Amethyst and maybe sometimes I don't show it the way I should."
Amethyst remained silent.
"When I was growing up, I was heavy, too. I know it's a different society there than it is here. Here you're told that thin and blonde is the 'standard of beauty' so you want to lose weight and dye your hair…"
"I want to dye it purple, not blonde." Tears threatened to surface again. "I just don't understand how we have the same parents and Jasper came out perfect and I came out wrong."
"You did not 'come out wrong'. You came out like me."
"Yeah and when you were growing up you were somewhere where you could still be big and beautiful. You didn't have a perfect sister always overshadowing you."
Penina looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. "There was a girl in my village who was very beautiful – tall, curvy – a lot like Jasper actually. She was the village taupou…"
"So she was the main taualuga dancer – big deal."
"It's a little different there. She's a ceremonial virgin charged with important duties that go beyond dancing, but this taupou in particular was an elegant dancer. A lot of men in the village wanted her. Then we got a handsome visitor who was tall and muscular with gentle eyes and a perfect smile. Everyone thought he'd end up with her."
"And they did…" Amethyst finished bitterly. "They ended up married and had like ten beautiful kids and live in the paradise that is Samoa forever. And you ended up here in Rain Central with Dad and now you're here in a hospital room with me."
Her mother laughed. "No. That man was your father. He chose me. We were friends and I thought he would be with her, but she…left the village, the island…all of it. And our friendship grew to more. Your dad is a good man who saw beyond my weight and my looks. You know, looks fade – neither of us look like we did back then, but because we fell in love with what's on the inside, we're still in love today."
"So two beautiful people like Jasper and Matt have no chance?"
"Of course they do, but you'll have your chance too and he won't care about your weight." She sighed. "You are beautiful, Amethyst – inside and out. I say what I say because I want you to be healthy, not because I want you to be like Jasper. It sure backfired, didn't it?"
"Yeah, sure did."
"You'll meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow…"
"I'm not crazy!" Amethyst protested.
"No, you're not, but you probably need someone to help you with your body image and whatever else you might be dealing with. A different doctor is also going to do an ultrasound of your heart to make sure there's no lasting damage."
"I guess I really screwed up."
"Hopefully, since you've only been doing this since October, you'll be fine, but we can't be too careful."
Amethyst lay back against the pillow. She had no idea what awaited her in the morning. The unknown was scary. She hoped there was nothing wrong with her heart. She also hoped she didn't gain any weight. God, what if the kids at school found out? As if sensing her worries, her mom reached over and squeezed her hand, giving her a smile. Her father came back and squeezed her shoulder. One thing she knew for certain was that her family was here for her.
Jasper
Jasper walked down the hall with her father a little bit before he spoke. "Why didn't you say anything, Baby Girl?"
"What? About the pregnancy?"
"We would have helped. We would have been there."
Jasper shrugged. "I know. I would have said something, but then I wasn't pregnant and there was nothing to say."
"I didn't know you were seeing anyone over there."
"It was casual." She could not tell her dad the truth. His sorrow over her pregnancy was bad enough. If she told him she'd had an abortion…if she told him about the rape…it would destroy him. Her mind flickered back to a time when she'd been about ten and a neighbor boy threw a rock at her. She'd thought her dad was going to kick his ass and the kid had been so scared he'd wet his pants. Jasper wouldn't put it past her dad to track down Sergeant McCoy and kill him.
"How are you and Matt doing?"
"Good."
"Well, he hasn't come to ask me for your hand, so I just wondered."
Jasper gave an amused laugh. "You really want this to work out."
"His dad was my best friend once. I think it would be great if you two hit it off, got married…made us grandparents."
"Yeah, we're not even close to that."
"Of course, it's up to you, Baby Girl. I'd love for it to work out, but it's your decision."
They reached the elevator and Jasper pushed the button to go to the main lobby. "Mom acts like my eggs are going to die tomorrow."
"Pffft, your mom's one to talk. She had you when she was thirty-three and Amethyst when she was around forty. You have plenty of time." The elevator dinged and they exited, walking through the lobby and out to the parking lot. "You know, if you wanted to talk to your mom, she'd probably understand. She…uh…she had a miscarriage. It was shortly after we were married – before you were born."
"I'm really okay, Dad. I barely had time to process it." She moved her keys from one hand to another as they approached her car. "I guess today was a little hard, but I'm still in therapy. I can talk about it at my next session."
"Therapy?"
She nodded. "That night…the siege…it was hard. I lost a lot of people I cared about, so we've been discussing that."
Fetuao put an arm around her. "And how are you doing with that?"
"Some days are easier than others. I'm sure you saw some horrible things when you served, so you know how it is."
"To be honest, I didn't see a ton of action, but I knew others who did and I don't know if some of them were ever the same." He pulled her close and kissed her temple. "But you're strong and I know you can conquer and rise above."
"Now you sound like my therapist." She chuckled and hugged him. "Thanks, Dad." She thought about what he'd said about her marrying Matt and smiled at the thought of having two men who loved and supported her so much.
