I own nothing although I would love to keep the Merry Men. Thanks for reading.
The meow thing is from Super Troopers and was in Office Hijinks. Thanks to Margaret aka whymelucylu for the suggestion of giving a gift to Cindy Lou aka leah-audrysgramma.
Warning: Language, Do not try this at home. As suggested, if you are reading at work, do so in private.
Office Hijinks II Ch. 9
Steph walked into the break room to get a butterscotch krimpet and ran right into the wall named Hal. He grabbed her arms to make sure she was alright and asked what she needed.
"Hal, its ten am. It's butterscotch krimpet time."
Hal shuffled his feet and turned pink, "Bomber, Steph, do you really need a krimpet? Your jeans are looking a little tight." Hal brightened, "I can help you with a fitness regimen in the gym if you want. We can go running and do some crunches."
Steph punched Hal in the stomach but it hurt her more, "Stupid man, are you calling me fat?"
Hal turned bright red, turned, and ran for his life like the smart man he is. Steph chased him as far as the second floor where Hector grabbed her to stop her.
Hector watched Hal run away as he held Steph, "Chica, what's wrong? What did Hal do?"
"He called me fat!"
Hector was stunned, "Did he actually say fat?"
"Well, no but I'm shipping him off. I'm going to talk to Bobby but I'll need your help."
Steph kissed Hector on his tear drops and ran to the elevator to go to the third floor. Upon arrival at Bobby's medical suite, she boosted herself up to sit on his exam table.
Bobby looked at her with a worried expression, "Where are you hurt Bomber? What's wrong?"
Steph smiled at him, "I'm not hurt Bobby. I have a question for you. Is there something that could be injected into someone about your size that would knock them out for about two days?"
Bobby was suddenly very nervous, "Stephanie, those pranks were just pranks. The prank war is over. It's all good between us."
Steph laughed, "It's not for you Bobby. It's for someone else. I'm going to ship one of the guys off. Hector is helping."
Bobby reluctantly gave her the sedative and informed her to left Hector put an iv in the victim for a saline bag so he didn't get dehydrated.
Steph decided to be very careful in her preparation so nothing would happen to the ass goblin, I mean Hal. She went to Binkie and asked for a few MREs so that Crap booger would have food. After she had the MREs, she went back to Hector and told him her plan. Her and Hector went to the parking garage and called the wart-flapped turd puke down. When the shit goblin arrived, Steph showed him the packing crate that they had.
"Hal, I need to ship something big, about your size, can you climb in and make sure it'll fit for me please."
Hal looked skeptical, "What are you shipping and to where?"
"I'm shipping a dingle handler. The crate will be marked 'Handle with Care' and 'Extremely Fragile'. It's going over night to Minnesota."
Hal didn't want to admit that he didn't know what a dingle handler was so he climbed silently into the crate. Once he was in, Steph injected him with the sedative and Hector started the iv bag. Steph dropped the MREs, a few hundred dollars, and a few bottles of water into the crate. Hector nailed the top on carefully avoiding the air holes. The crate with the poo-skinned slag wagger into a cargo van and left the garage.
The Next Day in Minnesota
Cindy Lou was having her second cup of coffee for the day while hoping that some thing exciting would happen. She had spent the day before with her granddaughters, Audrey and Leah, so maybe she should relax some. She heard a knock at her front door and a vehicle driving off. She put down her cup and went to see what was going on and found a large crate on her walk way with some grunting noises coming out. Cindy Lou watched in awe as it fell and broke open displaying a man. He stood up and Cindy Lou was awed at how large he was. Hal shook his head to clear the cob webs as he looked at the woman in front of him.
Cindy Lou stared at the 6'4" man with short brown hair and melted chocolate brown eyes, "I'm Cindy Lou. Who are you?"
Hal stared smitten at the woman, Cindy Lou, "I'm Hal from Rangeman."
That was all Cindy Lou needed to hear. She grabbed Hal by the shirt, "Come here big boy", and dragged him into her house.
Two Days Later
From: Cindy Lou
To: Stephanie at Rangeman
Subject: Mr. Yummy
Body:
Steph,
Thanks for the present. I'm enjoying him a great deal. I owe you one.
Cindy Lou.
From: Hal
To: Stephanie at Rangeman
Subject: OMG
Body:
Bomber,
I owe you. Hot damn, this woman is going to kill me but what a way to go.
Tell Tank I'm on vacation and then I'll need a vacation.
Hal
