Chapter nine:


"You can't go dressed like that."

I looked down at my clothes. "Why not?"

"Because you told Slughorn you basically wanted to interview for one of his established connections, that's why," said Regulus sternly. He folded his arms. "You look like a muggle—and a rough one at that."

I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Regulus to nag about useless details. I pulled my t-shirt off and dropped it on the floor in the hallway before digging through my wardrobe.

"Don't you own any wizard's robes?" he continued, following me.

"Nope. Don't need 'em."

I could feel Regulus rolling his eyes. "Of course not. What would be the purpose of a wizard being in possession of a wizard's wardrobe?"

"Next you're going to tell me my pants make my arse look fat."

"On the contrary, a normal meal would benefit you tremendously," said Regulus, sounding bored.

"How's this?" I asked, extracting a sort of blue-grey button down shirt. It was one of the few shirts that weren't completely wrinkled.

Regulus scrutinized it for a moment, then shrugged. "It'll do. Have you thought about what you're going to say to Slughorn?"

"About a thousand times."

"And have you decided on your words?"

"No."

Regulus sighed in exasperation.

"Look, I'm only going to freak out if I continue to overthink this," I said, hastily buttoning up my shirt. It was true; the more I tried to rehearse some sort of segue from "good afternoon" to "so tell me about Voldemort's horcruxes," the more suspicious everything sounded. I thought better on my feet anyway.

"Tell me again why I can't go in as you with a Polyjuice Potion?"

"Because you're a git."

Regulus rolled his eyes, but didn't respond. He turned from my bedroom doorway, and I followed him into the front entryway.

"Because I need to butter up Slughorn first—and he's probably going to ask questions about a lot of stuff you don't know about," I answered, looking under the table for my shoes. "It's less suspicious if it really is me."

"Don't you dare mess this up," said Regulus sharply. "He's our only lead at the moment. I don't care how vile it makes you feel, play to his weakness."

"Merlin, Reg, I haven't got brain damage," I snapped. "I had him as a professor, too. I know how to act around him."

"Right, well, good luck," said Regulus, crossing his arms as I slipped on a light jacket.

I apparated onto the sidewalk just around the corner from Slughorn's address. His house was on a row of neatly-kept brick houses on a serene, tree-lined road. The simplicity did not match Slughorn's influence at all.

I walked up the narrow path to his doorstep. Straightening my jacket, I knocked twice. The door swung open of its own accord, and I found myself in a neatly-kept foyer. Slughorn was in the adjacent room, preparing tea.

"My dear Sirius!" he said with genuine warmth when he spotted me. "Have a seat! I've just got the tea ready. I hope you're partial to lemon squares—Dumbledore's just sent me this recipe."

"You're very kind," I replied, summoning up my long-lost manners. "I hope I'm not imposing on you—"

"No, not at all! In fact, I was rather wondering what you have been up to these years," he said. He sat across from me, dressed in smart clothes and a pair of house slippers—the very same outfit he would wear during his private daytime parties in school. He gave me a sideways look. "Just absolutely dreadful what happened to you."

"Yes, well, I've… managed to make do with the circumstances," I replied, taking the tea Slughorn handed me. I cleared my throat hastily. Already I felt like a complete twat, but I had to get through this believably.

"It is my understanding that you are the guardian to Harry Potter as well," said Slughorn, his eyes wide as he prepared his own tea with a little too much sugar.

"Yes, he comes to stay with me over school breaks," I replied. My face was already starting to hurt with the fake smile plastered on it.

"He must be very much like his parents, I presume?"

"Exactly like them," I replied, ignoring the drop in my stomach at the mention of James and Lily. I had to clear my throat again. I needed to taunt Slughorn with just what he wanted. "Talented on the quidditch pitch, like his father—Harry made the House team in first year."

"That's wonderful!" Slughorn exclaimed. "I was never a quidditch player myself, you know, but I always appreciated the sport."

"My feelings exactly," I replied. I sounded eerily like Regulus. "Remember when James had me play on the House team and I blacked out for four days?"

Slughorn chuckled at the memory. "Yes, and you cannot imagine the fright you gave everyone, falling from that height. We were all very relieved when Poppy assured us you would make a full recovery." Slughorn gave a small, contented sigh, watching me. "Well, enough reminiscing! Let's get to the point of your visit!"

Ha. If only you knew.

"I've become rather interested in…curse-breaking," I lied. "My friends, the Weasley family—their eldest son works in this field. Normally I'd have asked him, but Egypt is so far off…I was wondering if you knew anyone local that I might get in touch with."

"In fact, I know just the person—" Slughorn got up and brought over a framed photograph. The wizard in it couldn't have been more than a year out of school. "The son of an old pupil—Robert Orwell. He just secured a position with Gringott's—the youngest wizard to achieve such a coveted position—and I'm sure he'd be more than happy to help you break into the field, so to speak."

"It's not so much a job I'm looking for," I said slowly. "Rather, I'm looking to create a security system."

"Oh, to keep the media owls at bay?" Slughorn asked seriously.

I couldn't help but smirk at that. Then I said more seriously, "Well, I'm sure you've heard the rumors—Voldemort's thought to have returned to England."

Slughorn jumped at the name, and the pleasant air about the room shifted.

"Don't say the name, my boy," said Slughorn with difficulty. He cleared his throat, taking the photo back from me. I waited for Slughorn to settle down in his chair.

"It may be worth it to contact Orwell all the same," he finally said.

"I don't mean to alarm you," I said carefully. "It's just that Harry's my whole life—I promised James and Lily I'd protect him."

Slughorn shot me a sympathetic look. "Yes, yes, of course I understand. You'd want to take every precaution."

There was a pregnant silence. Slughorn had a slightly pained look on his face that caught my attention. It didn't look like sadness—it was guilt. A feeling I knew all too well.

"There's something I came to ask you," I continued slowly. I hesitated, thinking of the best way to form my lie, but Slughorn seemed to take it as me collecting myself. "After I was released from Azkaban, I inherited my brother's Gringott's vault, as well as my parents'. I didn't look at it until very recently, and inside was a letter for me, that he had written before he died. Regulus had joined the Death Eaters, you know…"

"Yes," said Slughorn stiffly. There was a sad look to his eyes. "Yes, I was very saddened to hear that news. Such a promising boy."

"In the letter, he mentioned something called a…a horcrux," I continued, carefully framing my words. "He said he had destroyed one, but that there were more. I have no idea what he was talking about—I can't find mention of the word anywhere."

"That question may be better asked of your friend, the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," said Slughorn quickly. His tone was uncomfortable.

"I did, and he's never heard of it."

"Then I'm afraid you may have reached a dead end, Sirius. I cannot help you with this—"

"Did he ever mention it to you?" I pressed. "Regulus always said you were his favorite teacher."

Flattery. I was really getting desperate.

"I'm not sorry to say I haven't heard the word in about fifty years," said Slughorn stiffly. "It's the darkest form of magic, and better left forgotten—now, let me give you Mr. Orwell's address—"

"What about…You-Know-Who?" I asked, playing my last card. "Sorry, it's just—you taught him as well, and—"

"Oh, dear me!" Slughorn interrupted. "Look at the time! I shan't keep you any longer, Sirius, I'm sure we both have other things to be getting on with. I'll owl you Robert Orwell's address as soon as I find it," he said, standing up and pulling the tea cup from my hand. With one motion, the set had disappeared, including the tray of as-yet untouched lemon squares. "I must check on a new potion I'm brewing out back, so I trust you can see yourself out."

Before I really knew it, Slughorn had disappeared from the room.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself, casting a dark look around the room. There would be no cracking the information out of Slughorn, and he definitely knew something. I got to my feet slowly, looking around at all the portraits and photos sitting on shelves and tables lining the room, on the mantle—every available surface had a picture of some prodigy Slughorn must know. Quidditch players, successful business owners, politicians—it went on. Several of them were autographed, and Slughorn appeared in at least half. Others had newspaper clippings mounted alongside the photo. I moved to a bookshelf in the corner, and there in the middle was a photograph of Regulus and I, taken from our school days.

Other than my bizarre celebrity status, neither of us had really amounted to anything. I was a popular name amongst gossip magazines, and Regulus was all but forgotten entirely. A dead name.

I knew Regulus would be furious with the news when I got home, and I mentally prepared myself to hold back a majority of the insults I'd be tempted to throw.

"Nothing?" he said, stunned. "Not even a number?"

"He hardly acknowledged that he knew what I was talking about at all," I said exasperatedly. "I tried everything I had—Harry, you…nothing got to him. Whatever he knows, he's determined to keep it a secret. And then he all but kicked me out on the spot."

"Great—so now we're back to right where we started."

I sank into the couch across from Regulus. "I guess so."

We were silent for a long while, mulling our options over—what options we had. I fiddled with a cigarette for so long I had crushed the filter before realizing I hadn't lit it yet. Tossing it aside, I picked out a fresh one.

"Andromeda."

"What?"

"Meet with Andromeda," said Regulus. "You won't meet with Narcissa, so Andromeda will have to do—Bellatrix was close to the Dark Lord, so perhaps they may know something, some link to the Dark Lord—"

"You think Cousin Bella just up and told Andromeda where Voldemort may have hidden another horcrux?"

"Are you determined to be useless?" Regulus countered. "It's better than nothing at this point."

I rolled my eyes. "All right, fine. We'll have us a family reunion—"

"You will," Regulus said sharply. "I'm staying dead, remember?"

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered to myself, pulling a sheet of parchment toward me and scribbling out a hasty letter. "Dear Andy—haven't seen ya since I was chucked in prison. Mind if I stop by?"

Regulus shot me a dark look, clearly unamused.

"Fine. Dearest Cousin Andromeda—far too many years have passed since we last supp'd, and I intend to close the gap—"

"You're such a pain in the arse," said Regulus, getting to his feet and heading for the kitchen.

I ignored him, finishing the letter quickly. I bypassed the kitchen and instead headed to my owlery through the laundry room. If I remembered right, Andromeda didn't live too far from here, so it was likely I'd get a response before the day was out.

Regulus and I passed the rest of the afternoon mostly ignoring each other, too irritated with how my meeting with Slughorn went to make any real conversation. While Regulus holed up in the small library, I made myself useful in the garden, picking bugs off the strawberries with one hand while I drank a beer with the other.

Late in the afternoon my tiny owl reappeared, dropping Andromeda's letter on my head and taking off before I could send her on another trip. I broke open the parchment, and in Andromeda's elegant scrawl, read,

Dear Sirius,

What a pleasant surprise to hear from you! If you are without plans this evening, you're welcome to stop by for dinner—our house has grown quiet with Nymphadora away, and it has grown rather dull around here. Enclosed is our address—don't worry about advance notice, just come by whenever you can.

Love,
Andromeda

I felt weird reading Andromeda's letter—I hadn't seen her since she got married, and certainly hadn't spoken to her since before I was arrested. Yet she spoke like nothing had happened—she certainly didn't sound disgusted to hear from me, so I suppose that was a plus.

I got to my feet slowly; my back ached from being hunched over for so long. Once a few joints had cracked, I picked up my basket and made my way inside the house. I left the strawberries on the countertop while I made my way into the sitting room.

"Andromeda invited me over for dinner," I announced.

"Good. You can head over there right now," said Regulus, checking his watch. He was dressed in my old muggle clothes and looked eerily like me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't think of any response. Regulus didn't notice. I gave a half-shrug and walked down the hall to the bathroom so I could shower off first.

Meeting with Andromeda unnerved me far more than having tea with Slughorn did. Maybe I felt like a jerk because I only contacted her under false pretenses—maybe I should have written her earlier, genuinely.

Whatever, it was already done. I turned the tap on and stepped under the hot water, scrubbing the dirt off my arms.

I dressed while Regulus lectured me on points to cover while I was over.

"Okay, Mother, I get it," I finally snapped, digging through my dresser for some socks.

"Well, we don't exactly want it to go like Slughorn's meeting," said Regulus tersely.

I sighed audibly at that. "Oh, for Merlin's sake—you know that wasn't my fault—"

"That is beside the point," he replied. "Just try not to screw it up. You weren't exactly the best guest at the family dinners."

I opened my mouth to reply, but then a memory of slipping itching powder into Narcissa's and her new boyfriend Lucius's robes crept into my mind. "Remember when Mother got so mad at me she actually chucked her plate at my head?"

The corners of Regulus's mouth twitched and his eyes softened. "I've never seen you duck so fast."

"You have to admit, I alleviated the boredom."

"If you want to put it that way," said Regulus diplomatically. "Although it was rather entertaining to watch Lucius squirm while Uncle Cygnus interrogated him over the first course."

I smiled to myself. "Poor bastard had to excuse himself from the table—took him 'til desert to figure out what was going on."

"I think Narcissa claimed it was an outbreak of dragon pox," Regulus mused.

I laughed at that. "I almost wish I stuck around through coffee to see it."

"Right—Father's questions about the Malfoy Manor would have been enough to kill you."

"Might have been worth it to see Malfoy scratching in his pants all night," I said, smirking at the thought.

"Yeah, well, go on," said Regulus, shooing me away. "And try to return with an actual lead."


I had only managed to knock twice before the front door flung open, revealing a familiar, dark-haired face.

"It's wonderful to see you again!" Andromeda exclaimed, throwing her arms around me. I returned the embrace awkwardly. "Come in, come in—he's here, Ted!"

Andromeda's house was cozy but neat—I vaguely remembered Andromeda telling me what a slob Ted was when they were still dating.

"Dinner's still cooking, but I've got a pot of tea ready," she said, leading me through the house and into the kitchen. She all but pushed me into one of the chairs, summoning a set of tea cups from the cupboard.

"I don't think we've ever properly met," said Ted, reaching across the table to shake my hand. He was fair-haired and portly, with a kind face.

"I don't doubt you've heard all about me," I said, my feeble attempt at a joke.

"Just what 'Dromeda's told me about you blowing up the toilets in the Prefect's bathroom," he said, winking.

I relaxed a little at the obvious warmth. "Sorry to—show up out of the blue," I began hesitantly.

Andromeda waved a hand dismissively as she filled up all the tea cups. "Nonsense. We're just happy that you've contacted us—Nymphadora's away at some three week Auror training camp—"

"She's what?"

"I know, can you believe she's that old already?" said Ted. "Graduated Hogwarts four years ago, and trained for the Aurors right after. She got accepted last year, but she still has to go through periodic training to move up the ranks."

"What year is Harry?" Andromeda asked, taking a seat next to her husband.

"Just started his fourth year."

"Already?" she said, surprised. "My, they certainly grow up fast, don't they?"

There was a second's awkward pause. I reached for my tea cup and took a sip.

"So what have you been up to?" Andromeda asked.

I hesitated for a second. "Not much," I said, which was half-true. Not much until a week ago. "I spend most of my time in this garden I made." As soon as I said it, I realized how pathetic it sounded. Three years of freedom, and a vegetable patch is all I had to show for it. "Remus helped me start it—I've got a pretty decent growth going," I added lamely.

"I just don't have the patience for it," said Andromeda, sighing. "I'd love to grow our own vegetables—stuff for homebrews—but I kill everything I plant."

"How did you pass Herbology?" Ted asked her. Andromeda smacked his arm.

"Well, I'm glad you found something to occupy your time with—it's too easy to turn to alcohol or…illicit potions to solve your troubles."

I smirked humorlessly a little at that. "I dunno, saying it out loud makes it all sound pretty lame."

Andromeda waved a hand dismissively.

"I don't mean to sound like we're prying, but we were very happy to hear that you've managed to build a nice, quiet life for yourself," said Ted affectionately. His genuine tone ate at me a little.

"I don't know about that," I said slowly, frowning.

"What do you mean?" Andromeda asked.

I figured this was as good an in as any. "Have you heard the rumors of Voldemort coming back to England?"

Ted and Andromeda exchanged glances.

"It's…floated around at work a little," said Ted cautiously. "Along with numerous other rumors."

I cleared my throat. "Er, well, I guess I'm a bit paranoid about protecting Harry. You know Voldemort never did die, right?"

"That was…my understanding," said Ted slowly, cautiously.

"So there's always been a chance for him to regain strength," I continued dully. I spun my mug of tea between my hands. "But what's bothering me is how he managed to survive." I hesitated here before looking Andromeda in the eye, asking, "Did Bellatrix ever say anything to you? Or to Narcissa, that she told you about?"

Andromeda frowned. "I haven't seen Bella since I left Hogwarts. And Narcissa hardly speaks to me anymore—if Bella told her anything, Narcissa kept her mouth shut, what with Lucius…being what he is."

"A Death Eater?"

Andromeda frowned. "I wish I could help you, Sirius, I really do," she said sincerely. "But I was disowned, just like you."

A sudden idea struck me. "Formally?"

"Er, I guess I'm not sure," she said slowly. "I never bothered to find out."

"Do you know who inherited Bella's vault?" I asked.

Andromeda thought for a long moment. "I guess if anyone, it'd be you. You had no problems getting your parents' or Regulus's, right? So that means Walburga never carried through with her threat. You're the head of the family."

"Do you think I'd have any trouble convincing the goblins to let me into her Gringott's vault?" I asked, a thousand thoughts running through my head. There was a good chance the account was useless, but maybe—just maybe—

"You'd have to ask, but I'm sure with enough paperwork, there's no reason why not," said Ted after a moment.

"Now, Sirius," said Andromeda seriously. "Say you do find…something. Really think about what you're going to do with that information."

"I have to protect Harry."

"By throwing yourself in harm's way?" said Andromeda anxiously. "You've already been lost to him once—isn't that enough?"

"What would you do if it were Nymphadora?" I asked. There was a tight constriction in my chest that made it hard to breath. "What wouldn't you do to protect her?"

"But this is all speculative," said Ted, shaking his head. "This is all based off of rumors—Voldemort's been gone for thirteen years, there's no real evidence indicating he's about to just come back, Sirius."

"But there's still a risk," I said quietly, thinking of my reunion with Regulus. "I can't take knowing he might come back one day and Harry's left unprotected—"

"Sirius," said Andromeda in a very motherly way. "Harry isn't unprotected. He never was."

Instantly the image of James and Lily lying dead flashed in my head. The knowledge that I had put them right in Voldemort's hands was suddenly overwhelming.

"Could you excuse me for a minute?" I said, standing up awkwardly. I didn't wait for a response before making a beeline for the back door. I stepped outside to the cool night air. The sun was beginning to set, and the sky was a deep blue with a brilliant spot of orange in the distance. I took a shaky breath when I heard the door creak open behind me.

Andromeda didn't say anything at first. She linked her arm in mine tightly, watching the sun disappear over the horizon. When the last bit of orange had disappeared and twilight fell around us, she said seriously, "I won't pretend I understand. But Harry is a very lucky boy—I've never heard of a child being so loved by everyone. And that is nothing compared to the love of his very protective godfather."

I stared ahead, unable to look at her.

"I don't know why it doesn't feel like it's enough to you," she continued. "But look at it this way—James so loved his family that he died trying to save them. And Lily died to protect her son. And you loved them so much that you risked everything for them—their deaths didn't happen because you couldn't save them. Don't beat yourself up over it. You can't control everything. But what you can control is what you do with yourself while you're here, while you're still alive. Love those around you, and be open to their love as well."

There was a moment's silence.

"I don't think I deserve it."

"And why's that?" she asked softly. "Everything you did was out of love for your friends—you're holding on to guilt like a shield. So how can you see that your friends are still all around you? James and Lily never left you." She gave my arm another tight squeeze. "You're not unlovable yet, you moron."

There was another silence. I knew there was some sense to what Andromeda was saying, but I just couldn't let go of the idea of Voldemort returning. She had no idea about the horcruxes, about how the rumors of Voldemort were more than just rumors…

"He targeted Harry last time," I finally said. "And he's not going to stop."

She didn't have a reply to this. We were silent for several minutes before Ted called from the kitchen. "Everything all right out there?"

Andromeda cleared her throat. "Yes, dear, we're coming in." Andromeda turned to go inside and tugged gently on my arm so I would follow.

"Food's just about done, I think," said Ted, investigating the contents of a deep dish he had pulled from the oven. He graciously made no comment about me running from the table.

The rest of the evening was spent with no more talk of Voldemort. We swapped stories of Nymphadora and Harry, and Andromeda and I occasionally slipped in tales of our own childhoods. Andromeda filled me in on everything that happened since I had last seen her over twenty years before. The room had a cozy feel to it with a fire and the smells from our mreal, and after dinner Andromeda kept our tea cups full. The evening was pleasant, but it wouldn't take much digging to find the tense layer of fear underneath. I think Voldemort would always be on the periphery of our thoughts, and the center of mine.

When I returned home several hours later, Regulus was waiting up for me. He looked at me expectantly when I entered the messy sitting room.

"She doesn't know anything," I said heavily, sitting on the couch nearby. "But I have an idea of where we can look next."

Regulus raised his eyebrows.

"Bella's family vault."