Author's Note: Wow, I didn't know how long it was until I uploaded it. I hope you enjoy it and I look forward to your feedback :) This chapter deals solely with Blair so it won't have Jenny, Eric, Chuck, Serena any of the side characters. It deals with Bulemia, and I have done my best with reading up on it because I want to give an accurate potrayal of Blair's situation. I was deeply touched that I got a review thanking me for going about this issue because I myself would have liked to see this issue played out on the show but it never did, and I think it would have at least given GG some merit as a good show but instead they glossed over it. Just know that I do not intend to gloss over the issue, because I think in general this issue just isn't something you can gloss over. So I'll stop preaching, and I hope you enjoy the chapter

Chapter Nine- Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

[Four Years Ago]

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree

Travel the world and the seven seas

Everybody's looking for something

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

Placing the camera on the stand, the photographer steadily adjusted his lens so that the focus was to perfection. Rummaging through his bag, while the Waldorf's were getting primped for their family picture. Gathering his final flash lens, he placed it on the right spot of the camera before he gave the woman a smile that showed he was ready. Like the royal families that she had seen in her history books, Eleanor arranged her husband, Harold, to her liking while littlest daughter, Blair, made sure to focus in on the side her mother said was best. It wasn't enough to be known in the Upper Eastside, but to leave your mark in a world like this was necessary in this world. Young Blair Waldorf was a the prettiest of the princesses thanks in large part to her mother. Eleanor had the keen eye for fashion, and many of the other little princesses vied for her dresses, while her father carried the knowledge of business. In large part her family was of that royalty that many have spoke of amongst the Archibalds, Bass, Van der Woodsen, and Baizen. In her mind, she was the fairest of them all while Serena possessed the beauty, but she figured that if she remained under her mother's tutelage than she would one day be the Queen. Looking through his lens he could see perfection, but the photographer that a picture only captured the moment they were willing to share. Capturing the final picture of their session, the photographer looked on at and could see that perfection in this family was just a façade.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree

Travel the world and the seven seas

Everybody's looking for something

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

Sitting at the dinner table, the primped and proper little girl sat alone just picking at her dinner. Looking down at the food, she couldn't help but feel timid towards her food as she simply just poked at it in hopes that the staff would let her get away with not eating her meal for the night like she had been able to do the past couple of nights. Hearing her mother's voice come from within the living room, she wanted to get up and tell her mother of her day but by the tone of her mother's voice, she could tell that she was deep in business mode. Dropping her fork as she let out a sigh of frustration as it would be another night on her own as her father and mother were off tending to their respective careers. Eleanor hadn't been known for her nurturing to the young girl like her father would, but she didn't bother to disturb him since he was stressed with his latest client Roman, who was known to be a diva in the fashion world. Folding her arms as she sat back in the chair, Dorota walked up with the little girls favorite dessert but just before she could place the dessert on the table, the head of the kitchen, Agnes, quickly came over to swipe the dish up. Knowing that she had been caught, Dorota knew that it would be a losing battle to protest so she just gave a look of sadness to the young girl before heading to the kitchen behind Agnes.

I wanna use you and abuse you

I wanna know what's inside you

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree

Travel the world and the seven seas

Everybody's looking for something

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

Attending these functions had been their usual routine, where they would steal a bottle of the finest champagne of the night and run off to the nearest available suite. To say they weren't little adults would have been an insult to them because with the lives they lead, growing up had to come at a quick speed in this world filled with negligence and access to anything. It was no surprise to them when some of their peers would have the latest ecstasy pills that they had stole from their parents practice, drugs from their parents very own dealers, and unlimited stacks of money sitting on the table at their disposal from their parents safes….nothing was unusual in this world. Not in the mood for a hang over or to watch the boys get high, Serena and Blair ran the halls just overlooking the glamour of the party. Sitting at the top of the steps, they would each critique the guests dress and pick the top dresses of the evening that they themselves would have loved to wear. Of course Serena had a full arsenal of dresses that she could wear because she had a model like body, where anything could go on it and look perfect. Blair on the other hand had to be particular as to what she could wear because she knew her stomach needed more toning, her arms were far too flabby, her face was that of chipmunk, her breast weren't as filled out like she had wanted, and her lips were too small…all these imperfections enabled her to just pick and choose like her best friend. Casually picking the plan and simple like her idol Audrey Hepburn would have gone with, Blair was soon torn away from her selections by the sounds of her father's laughter. Slowly sliding over towards the rails of the stairs, she looked down to see her father with his client Roman. Usually she would have thought nothing of her father entertaining a client, but the placement of his hand on Roman's shoulder made her a bit weary to just accept this as normal.

I'm gonna use you and abuse you

I'm gonna know what's inside

Gonna use you and abuse you

I'm gonna know what's inside you

Hearing the roaring sounds of the thunder come along with the drops of the rain, Blair sat in her mirror just brushing her hair as the sounds of her parents latest argument could hold no comparison to the thunder. At times when their screams had reached an all time high, she clenched her eyes shut so that it wouldn't scare her and cause her to over react to what was normal of her mother. Her father hadn't been much of a yeller, but her mother's need to get the point across at times turned him into one, which was at time frightening for her. Continuing to brush her hair with her eyes closed shut, she focused on perfection, that was what she had to accomplish. Looking up into the mirror, she couldn't help but zone in on the roundness of her face, which caused her to lean in much closer to get a better look. Quickly rising from her seat, she lifted her blouse up to see the her stomach hang over her skirt and her mind just went into a fit of panic as she was seeing fat in places that she hadn't even known. She may have been only twelve years old, but her mind was conditioned to think calories, fat, carbs, starches and how all of those things could leads to pounds, love handles, lard asses, and the many fat jokes the other girls made. She couldn't be one of those girls that would get made fun of, she couldn't let her mother see her like this…losing herself in a world of panic, she heard the sounds of glass breaking that had been a new one out of the groups of sounds she had been used to. Rushing over towards her door, she made her way to the top of the staircase to see Eleanor pick up yet another piece of crystal and throw in her fathers direction. Slowly descending the staircase, Blair got a glimpse of her father with his bags in hand and could begin to see why her mother had resorted to throwing objects. Calm and collected like she had known him to be, her father stood with a bag in each of his hands and tears welled up in his eyes. Looking over towards his daughter, he slowly broke inside but knew he had to do this in order for him preserve some bit of happiness for himself. Giving his daughter one final look of sadness, he slowly turned and began to walk towards the elevator doors preparing to leave while Eleanor continued to spout off at the mouth. Running down the staircase, Blair felt as if time was working against her and that she had to convince her parents to get past this nights fight and remember that they were a family, but most of all she had to keep her father.

"Daddy! Daddy, wait" Blair cried out for him before she grabbed on to his arm. Standing still with his back turned towards her, he gathered himself before he slowly turned to kneel down and see his young daughter "Don't go. Please don't go" she begged as he simply caressed her face while all Eleanor could do was look on at the little girl that clearly wanted her father over her mother

"Everything will be fine Care Blair" Harold smiled to his daughter but she knew by his smile that things were far from fine

"Then put your bags down. We can watch your favorite movies, and everything will be fine…but don't go" Blair reasoned with her father

"It's not that simple" Harold told her

"It can be" Blair protested

"Tell her, tell her the reason your leaving your family Harold!" Eleanor yelled

"I love you. I will always love you" Harold whispered to his daughter just trying to ignore the enraged Eleanor. Cupping her face in the palm of his hands, he did his best to capture the falling tears "You're my little princess" he smiled at her

"I need you daddy" Blair cried

"And what have I told you about princesses?" Harold asked through tears

"That she must always remain pure and a lady" Blair said through tears as he just pushed away a strand of hair from her face

"So you will always be my little princess, and royalty always lasts" Harold smiled at her

"You'd know a thing or two about princesses all right" Eleanor scoffed at him before she took a sip from her scotch

"Make him stay!" Blair screamed at her mother as Eleanor just froze for a second. Looking at the desperation in her daughters eyes, she looked over at her husband and once again felt this surging rage come within her

"Should I tell her or should you?" Eleanor asked as her voice became a little shaky with the alcohol finally reaching its effects

"Stop it!" Harold snapped "You do not put our daughter in this" he scolded the woman

"You put our daughter in this when you decided to leave this family" Eleanor yelled

"I'm not leaving this family" Harold replied

"Your bags are packed Harold. Your at the elevator with not intention of returning, what do you call that?" Eleanor asked

"Stop it!….we just need to make this work. We need to get back to being that family. We're perfect together as a family" Blair stated as a moment of silence fell upon them all

"That's the thing about perfection Blair" Harold told his daughter as she turned to look at him "It doesn't exist" he told her

"I don't believe that" Blair replied "This family is perfect. We're the family people want to be like" she told them "We're a family" she began to cry

"Perfection can't be achieved when your father is banging other men" Eleanor said before she took her usual sip of her scotch. Tears welled up in her eyes, Blair looked at her father and in that moment she was unable to hide her natural reaction, a reaction that her father had somewhat figured that he would see from the well trained protégé that Eleanor was trying to turn their twelve year old daughter into. That look of disgust plastered on her face, Blair did her best to look at this from a different perspective but she couldn't not when this world wouldn't allow the slightest imperfections to go on unscathed by ridicule.

"I'll send for my things" Harold said before he boarded the elevator and in that instance she watched her father walk out. Falling to her knees, she looked on at the elevator doors just hoping that he would come walking back through and they could re-do the last few moments

"Happy Thanksgiving" Blair muttered to herself as Eleanor just looked at her daughter

"Get up from the floor. You'll ruin your stalking" Eleanor told her as Blair clenched her eyes shut once more before slowly rising to her feet so that she could turn to face her mother

"Why'd you let him leave? We're supposed to be together" Blair cried

"You can't make someone stay, your father wanted to leave so he left us" Eleanor replied "We'll be fine, and we will spin this…everything will be fine" she told her

"He didn't leave me" Blair softly replied

"Is he planning to return for you?" Eleanor asked "Was there a secret meeting in which you and your father planned an escape out?" she asked as she put her drink down "Because last I checked….he left us both of us" she said

"No, he's just…he's being stubborn. You said I had my father's stubbornness" Blair said trying to hold strong to her beliefs

"Keep holding on to that, it's cute" Eleanor replied sarcastically "So cute that I need another drink. Dorota! Bring another drink" she called out for the maid before she gave a final look at her daughter just before she wobbled in to the kitchen. Turning back to look at the elevator door, once again alone she stood. Making her way up the stairs in a hurry, she didn't want her mother to hear the flood gates of tears that she was letting loose. Retiring to her room, Blair closed the door behind her before rushing over towards her window. She had no idea as to what she was looking for but she had hoped that maybe her mother's silly notions that her father would have a secret plan to retrieve his daughter, and although she waited for what seemed like hours, she knew he wouldn't come back. There she sat for what was the rest of the night just staring out the window.


[Present]

Standing up on her pedestal she stared out of her window while the seamstress poked and prodded at her corset. Feeling the tugs, Blair looked on at the woman and hoped that she would get the point that what she was doing was hurting her, but the woman had yet to catch on. Finally getting the stitching in, the woman walked in front of her and began to lace up the corset before she did her best to tie it together for the perfect fit. Nervously looking on at the woman as she put in effort to make the corset work, Blair couldn't help but think back to what she had eaten earlier because this was a custom made corset that was designed for her. It had only been one month since she had been fitted for the dress, and now it seemed like she was a different girl. Coming into the room with Dorota close behind, Eleanor made out tasks for her to do as the perfection of the Waldorf family had to be on full display for upcoming events. Cursing herself for not telling Humphrey to bump up her fitting so that her mother wouldn't be home during the time, Blair made mental notes to never let it happen again as she knew that she was going to suffer for her failed attempt at scheduling.

"And make sure that the fish is baked and not grilled, the judge hates grilled food, which is odd because he can scarf down a hamburger like none other" Eleanor told Dorota before she looked on at the seamstress look of frustration "How are things?" she then asked the seamstress

"She's gained" The seamstress replied as they both turned their attention to Blair

"Your not exactly skinny yourself" Blair fired back "That sauce looks familiar, was that from a local fast food joint" she added

"Blair, that will be enough" Eleanor told her before turning her attention back to the seamstress while Blair stepped down from her pedestal and headed over towards the window "What needs to be done? Because we have a month before Cotillion, and she will be heavily featured this year" she said

"I know, but I have all ready made all the adjustments necessary to make it work but she is not the same weight from when I first measured" The seamstress

"That's impossible, she works out nearly ever day and she eats like a bird…was it correctly made in the first place?" Eleanor questioned

"This is top of line, nothing is wrong with the corset, it's the girl" The seamstress said becoming annoyed with the accusations

"Maybe the sweat shops aren't cutting it anymore" Blair snapped at the woman

"Blair!" Eleanor yelled at her "Look, I will pay whatever, but I need a corset for her dress because we have pictures for Life and Style coming up in less than three weeks" she told her

"I have to charge you the cost of original, plus the alterations I did today, along with over time" The woman said "So we're looking at two thousand even" she said

"Oh, that's ridiculous" Blair replied feeling as if the woman was making the situation bigger than need be "We can go to Georgio and have this taken care of" she said

"Georgio is booked up until the beginning of the year" Eleanor told her

"There has got to be someone other than this common hustler" Blair replied

"Another hundred for the mouth" The woman quickly added

"That's a load of bullsh…" Blair said before Dorota quickly put her hand over her mouth to prevent her from saying something she would regret

"Fine. I will pay" Eleanor said as the woman gathered her stuff and made her way out of the room in a hurry "You picked a perfect time to pig out" she sighed

"I didn't pig out, and besides I'll just put a few more hours in at the gym with the trainer" Blair told her mother "You shouldn't let people take advantage of you, just because you have the money doesn't mean you should be paying ridiculous prices that come off whims of thought" she said

"Well I need your picture, so money has to be an option in order to make someone do something" Eleanor said "You should probably get ready for your meeting with the board, impressions count for everything" she told her

"I'm planning to leave in an hour. By the way, have you received daddy's itinerary? I keep e-mailing him for it but he hasn't said anything yet" Blair asked her mother

"I don't keep contact with your father, you know that" Eleanor replied

"I know, but I just figured since Thanksgiving is tomorrow that he would have got in touch with you" Blair reasoned

"Well he hasn't. When your father walked out four years ago, he stayed gone" Eleanor said "Don't be late to your meeting" she told her daughter before she made her way out of the room

"Has daddy told you anything Dorota?" Blair asked

"I have heard no word from your father" Dorota smiled "But I'm sure he will come" she said

"He has to, I put specific instructions into Humphrey to get the ingredients for daddy's famous pumpkin pies…you remember his pie, don't you?" Blair asked happily

"Yes. I remember the mess very vividly" Dorota said with a worrisome look on her face

"Don't worry, daddy says that we will be more considerate of your feelings when it comes to the kitchen next time, though I do think we shouldn't seeing as it is your job" Blair replied

"Of course you would" Dorota replied

"And with that remark I can see Humphrey has corrupted you. I wouldn't pick up the fleas of the lower class Dorota, he talks a good game but lacks manners and etiquette" Blair said as she laid back on her bed

"Don't you think your perception has changed on Mr. Humphrey?" Dorota asked "I mean your bickering has gone down some" she pointed out

"Please! I've tolerated him like I've tolerated the over usage of the color pink when it comes to girls" Blair replied finding that statement to be ridiculous "Humphrey is a leech that has manage to stick on to Serena, but I know his game" she said

"Ms. Blair your insults have picked up" Dorota said

"That's because I'm anxious for daddy to come all ready. Once daddy comes I'll be my usual princess self" Blair smiled "But I have to get his itinerary because I know he'll want to go to the Zoffman exhibit" she said as Dorota just laughed to herself

"Now I see Humphrey has corrupted you" Dorota said


Standing at the front of the group in the locker room , Dan took his seat on the bench after he finished getting suited up. Draping a hot towel over his head, he hung his head down just wanting to shake off all the stress for at least three hours, he wanted to just escape it all and if he could then that would have been a good day in his opinion. Listening in on the typical inspiring speech that the coach was trying to deliver to the team, he hadn't focused in on what the coach was saying too much because he was sure that half of his speech came from Remember the Titans. Bending over, he tightened up his laces to his cleats just making sure that he would be ready to go once the coach finished up. The roaring sounds of the crowd had helped him a bit to get pumped but in his head he could mostly envision all that he needed to do in order to have a good game. He had recently won the starting spot on the team and he had hoped to keep it that way if it were up to him. Once the coach finished his speech, the shouts of anticipation rang clear in the lockers as each of the guys on the team banged against their lockers just wanting to get out on the field. Calling for the team to bring it in close, they each rose their hands up and did their team chant before running out of the tunnel.

"You ready for this?" Carter asked as he ran beside Dan through the tunnel

"What is there to be ready for?" Dan questioned

"Never mind" Carter laughed "Just do you Humphrey" he said before he ran ahead of Dan and out in to the roaring sounds of the crowd. For a moment, Dan stopped to take it in and realize just what Carter had meant from the beginning. He was ready, he knew that this was where he wanted to be because out here it was simple. Running over towards their side of the field, Dan became more eager by the minute to get things going.

I'm not a turtle, Imma turbo

Haters pray to god that I turn slow

Like I'm sipping on purple

But I ain't on your globe

I'm in a whole 'nother circle

Trying to keep it clean like church clothes

Said that respect was something had to work for

But that ain't gonna work though

Throwing the ball in from the corner to Dan, Carter quickly ran ahead as Dan took a moment to access how he was going to attack the defense. For a moment his mind had allowed him to zone in to where he wasn't looking at the array of defenders but single defenders on different levels that he had to get past. Faking out his defender, he gave a few fancy footwork before finally passing his defender to pass off to his teammate. Giving a leading pass ahead, Dan shook his defender and ran after the ball leading the pact with Carter on his right and his other teammate on the other side of him. Beginning to feel like a pack of wolves were gaining on him with one defender to go, he accessed the possibilities of passing it of to Carter, but knew he had surpassed that chance. In one quick motion, he passed it off to his other teammate before doing a quick spin to get open for the pop pass that he head butted in for the teams first goal. Running over to give him a high five, Carter just laughed at how calm Dan seemed to be when it seemed like a group of piranhas were gaining on him.

Get your respect, but lose all my worth, no

You can get that, get a hearse, go

Don't leave 48 you'll find a killer in the first floor

It was me boy, to commercials

Feeling out of place like PETA at a fur store

So I left with a couple dozen fur coats

Said I could never break away from your hold

Watch me, turn though

Said that I blew it like Turquoise

Just mad hear it all in your word choice

Know it hurts but I really don't care though

Let me rub it in, get it all up in that ho

For the most part he was living up to the hype that surrounded him and the defense had slowly began to realize that he was actually pretty good. He had gone through defenders to the point where he wasn't even sure, who was supposed to be guarding him. Knowing that the opposing team was smelling defeat, each defender came in talking more trash than the other and all he could do was just laugh it off and think nothing of it. Running alongside his man, Dan did his best to stop the breakaway goal but knew that his man was a step faster than him. Making an effort to keep bumping him off track, his man had fired off a shot at the goal much sooner than he had anticipated him to. Holding his breath, Dan was relieved to see that he had spared a goal for the other team and had managed to keep his team up by one still.

I can see the morning creeping up on us

It's like the world's in my hands now

I'm feeling so rebellious from all of the envy crowding around me

I don't wanna care right now

I don't wanna care right now

No I really don't, really don't, wanna care right now

Throwing the ball in, Carter quickly went to work as they only had one minute left with a tie game on the line. Not willing to spend yet another minute running up and down the field, he eagerly had his way with his defender in hopes that he could have a clear shot to the goal, but unfortunately his defender was quick enough to recover. Looking over towards Dan's side of the field, he pulled back a bit before he quickly attacked the middle of the field then passed a head to a sprinting Dan. In stride, Dan lead the way once again and his mind he could hear the ticking of a tock go against him. Staying ahead of his defender by one leg, he knew that once he hit a certain spot of the field he would have to kick the ball and hope that it was a clear shot to the goal. One final burst forward, he locked and loaded a kick that had so much power that once he connected with the ball, he himself could feel the impact of it. Watching the ball in pure anticipation, Carter stopped dead in his tracks as he could see the trajectory of the ball begin to work in their favor, turning back towards his bench he had his hands held up high in victory as he confirmed what the referees were all ready saying, goal. Some part of him was relieved to have gotten the final goal, but another part of him realized that the game was over and that he would have to return back to his world of stress. After the game, Dan took his time getting dressed before he made his way out of the locker room to see that Carter had been waiting for him.

"Good game tonight team mate" Carter smiled as he walked over towards him

"Good game" Dan said

"Who knew that the boy from Brooklyn would provide a spark that this team so desperately needed? We were like batman and robin out there, with you being all batman though because you had the whole David Beckham thing going for you" Carter said

"I don't think I've ever really had a side kick, let alone be a Batman" Dan replied

"You'll get used to it" Carter said "You played like a man possessed out there even" he then said

"A man possessed? What makes you think that?" Dan asked

"I mean your freakishly good, but you were in some sort of zone as if you just wanted to remain on the field even after the final whistle" Carter smiled "Am I right?" he asked

"Can't say that I'm in a rush to leave the field seeing as the only release I get is when I play now" Dan sighed "But I wasn't possessed out there" he said

"Call it whatever you want but you were it, look its okay to see it as an escape but some things you can't run from, some things or some issues will still be there even if you choose not to handle them" Carter said before delivering a forced smile that made Dan look at him with much confusion on his face "So what's your plans for turkey day?" he then asked

"Do you really care?" Dan asked

"I do, I mean lets forget the fact that we're killing an animal for the sake of tradition" Carter laughed

"Nothing, really. The home front isn't the warm and fuzzy place you'd expect for this holiday. To make a long story short, my sister is pissed with me so she's in Hudson. My dad is trying to throw together a meal for just the two of us, but he hasn't cooked a turkey ever, so I'm at risk for food poisoning. Serena is leaving for the holidays so there goes my back up plan" Dan sighed "All in all, Happy Holidays to me" he then declared

"Family dysfunction, that works around the holidays" Carter laughed as they made their way to the parking lot "Well I will be in Nantucket with the folks…so if you really need to escape, you can entertain the idea yachts and over priced food" he told him

"That sounds like your regular life here" Dan laughed

"Exactly! That's what I told my parents but they swear this a family tradition. The only family tradition is sneaking off upstairs and hosting a gambling ring with my little cousins…you won't believe the milk money their parents give them" Carter told him "But if there is anything else you would want to discuss, just know that I'm a phone call a way" he said giving that awkward smile again

"Why do I feel like your trying to take it somewhere but want me to just say the destination of where your tying to take this conversation?" Dan asked

"Well since you said it, what's with the ipecac syrup Humphrey?" Carter asked

"It was just pure imagination on my part, but I can't do anything about it and I'm not even sure I know how to" Dan said

"So this friend does exist" Carter concluded "This stuff is serious, and using that isn't just some thing you can gloss over…this is serious" he said

"I know, but I'm not really in a position to judge" Dan replied

"To judge? You know some thing is wrong and you just let it happen, that's not judging in that's saving someone from themselves" Carter said

"But could it really be what you say it is? I mean bulimia, who has that these days?" Dan questioned

"Uh, models. Girls with severe self esteem issues, and that's not hard to find. Girls in the Upper Eastside are more critical of themselves, so its not unusual to have your little disorders, but what is unusual is the acceptance of them" Carter said

"I just…I'm out of my league on this, and I just think that me getting involved will only make things worse" Dan said

"You getting involved makes that person aware of the fact that is something is wrong" Carter said "Look there is not shade of grey in this one, this is a problem…the syrup, that's poison and if the person gets their hands on the wrong dosage…they could really do some damage to themselves" he said

"The more I realize how screwed up this world is, the more I wish I would have kept my ass in Brooklyn" Dan sighed

"Don't we all" Carter laughed "But in this case, you're the good guy sent to our screwed up lives, and your supposed to do the whole touched by an angel on us sinners" he joked "So go save a life" he said before he got in the waiting limo. Watching his friend be whisked off into the sunset, Dan truly hated the fact that most of what he said did make sense. He knew and had his suspicions for the past couple of days about what was going on with Blair but feared getting involved in an issue that he knew nothing about. Making his way over to the bus stop, he used his waiting time as time to learn more about the issue, in hopes that it would inspire him to confront her.


Overlooking the preparations for the dinner, Eleanor found herself wanting everything to go perfect for her dinner party tonight. Though this was supposed to replace her Thanksgiving dinner with Blair, she hoped that her daughter would understand seeing as most of the guests coming tonight were on the Cotillion committee. It still shocked her that the committee had selected Blair to be the feature debutant at the Cotillion because it seemed like everything was starting to come together for the two of them, with Blair's extra curricular activities and her guidance over her daughters appearances, she felt as if they she had weathered the storm and was finally making it on her own. Most of her circle had associated her with he estranged husband, but that only made her more determined to stand out on her own even more so. Eleanor strived to be the best in the industry and in her social circles, and to have Blair be a product of her was important to her. Coming out of the kitchen to adjust some of the plates that were all ready set up in the dining area, she was quickly torn from her mission of perfection by Blair's loud entrance.

"I can't believe you!" Blair screamed at her mother

"For the love of God, what have I done now that has warranted this behavior" Eleanor sighed as she continued on with her adjustments of the plates "Dorota, have the staff re-do this, this just won't do for tonight" she told her as Dorota cautiously made her way into the kitchen in fear that the two would kill each other

"You said that you had no contact with daddy, well why is that you sent him an e-mail two weeks ago, telling him that his presence wouldn't be needed?" Blair questioned her mother

"I was sparing him the lame excuse of why he can't tear himself away from the latest Elton John loving one night stand, besides its for the best" Eleanor said

"For the best? He's my father, I want to see my father!" Blair yelled

"And he doesn't want to see you" Eleanor quickly replied "I didn't hold a gun to his head, he agreed and it was left at that" she told her

"Because you make it seem like I don't want him hear, like his condition has made him the black sheep of the Upper Eastside" Blair replied

"His condition? Blair, its far more than a condition" Eleanor laughed

"Okay, its his chosen lifestyle, but the point being is that I want to spend the holidays with my father, whether that's his lifestyle or not" Blair said

"That's noble of you, but it doesn't work like that. Harold isolated himself from this world, and we have just recently started to emerge from this mess…so leave that train wreck behind" Eleanor said

"That train wreck is my father. I'm sick and tired of the snide remarks about him over the occasional appearances at the dinner table. I'm so sick of seeing him on one day overlays in France while on our way into Monaco. I want a relationship with him, and you just keep ruining that for me" Blair told her mother

"I ruin that? Maybe I don't want you to get rejected again" Eleanor reasoned

"I was never rejected in the first place!" Blair said in disbelief "Daddy left you, he never left me" she told her

"Keep telling yourself that" Eleanor said as she glared at her daughter in hopes that Blair would back down "It was just as much your fault as it was mine that he left" she told her in a cold tone of voice

"I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you have to convince me that he left us or the fact that you're that horrible as a wife that your husband turned to the touch of another man" Blair said as she moved in closer towards her mother. Taking in the harshness of her daughters words, Eleanor quickly slapped Blair across the face just as Dan made his way into the door way to see the two standing as if they were having a show down.

"Take that back you ungrateful brat!" Eleanor yelled at her daughter as Blair slowly recovered from the slap

"Ladies, what's going on?" Dan asked trying to calm them down

"I will not take that back because it's the truth! You for the longest have tried to turn me away from my father only because he didn't want you. Well I have news for you, he wanted me! My dad wants me!" Blair yelled at her mother through the streams of tears that were coming down her face

"Your father tore this family a part, and I have been the one trying to piece this family back together. I have been the one that had to suffer through social circles, having to explain why he's no longer attending the functions that we as a family usually attend…do you know how embarrassing that is?" Eleanor asked

"I don't care! My family is screwed up and I'm suppose to worry about what our social circles will think?" Blair said in disbelief

"Well you can have your little relationship with your father but it won't be on my dime" Eleanor threatened

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Blair asked

"It means exactly what I said, you want to make decisions, well make decisions on your dime, not mine because I refuse to associate with a confused homosexual" Eleanor replied

"Okay, I really think you guys should calm down" Dan told them as they just stared at each

"You really shouldn't be this desperate, its sickening, even for you" Blair said before she brushed past her mother and ran upstairs to her room. Looking on at the woman stand in complete and utter shock by the confrontation. He wanted to tend to her, but he knew that her fortress was higher than ever at this point and she wasn't the type to just expose her feelings. Slowly backing away, Dan made his way upstairs.


Wrestling with what he should do, Dan hadn't expected to walk into a war zone when he first arrived. He had always known that there was bubbling tension underneath when it came to Blair and Eleanor, but he never expected it to lead back to her father. He would see the pictures hanging up in the hallways and wonder why Eleanor would keep the pictures up, when it was clear she had distaste for her ex-husband but in some odd way he understood when it came to keeping up the façade that they were perfect. It didn't take long for him to understand that she was purely about being perfect, striving and being it were important to her so much that it trickled down on to Blair. Coming to the top of the staircase, he could immediately hear a shuffling of sounds come from Blair's bedroom. Rushing over towards her room, he opened the door to find her shuffling through her drawers as if she was in search for something. Standing in the doorway, he just watched her and usually he would think that she was searching for her designer clothing, but then he realized that she had never really searched for anything when she just made Dorota do it. In this moment, he knew what she was searching for because he had took it, closing the door behind him as he entered her room, Blair glanced up and then went back to her search in no mood to entertain him with banter.

"You can stop the search, I know what your looking for" Dan told her

"Sure you do" Blair replied sarcastically "I'm not in the mood for you today, so could you please just leave the way you entered" she told him as she continued to rummage through her drawers

"Your looking for you tube, the ipecac syrup. I took it" Dan said as she just glared at him

"You did what?" Blair asked

"I took the tube because I know what your using it for, and just to let you know…" Dan said before Blair tried to shove Dan out of her room

"Everyone thinks they can just make decisions for me!" Blair screamed as she pushed him

"What your doing is serious, its not something that is normal" Dan said trying to swat her hands away from his chest

"I don't give a damn about what you think! This is my life, my choices and I wish everyone would stop taking them away from me" Blair yelled at him

"I'm not trying to take your choices away, I'm trying to give you one. I'm trying to stop you from doing something that is beyond dangerous to your body" Dan replied

"Beyond dangerous, you sound like public service announcement….well newsflash, I don't need you to save me" Blair told him "Give me back my property and I won't call the cops on you for stealing" she said

"And then when you have to reveal the item that I stole, then you'll be in the next institute quicker than anything" Dan replied "You can't honestly think that what you doing is fine, can you?" he asked

"Get out" Blair told him

"No, I'm not going anywhere…not until you admit the fact that what your doing is stupid and that you have a problem" Dan said before Blair quickly grabbed the lamp on her nightstand to throw over at his direction

"Get out of here!" Blair screamed at him as he ducked down from the items she was throwing at him before he quickly made a dash for her restroom. Quickly following behind him into the restroom, Blair tried to push him out of the way but he was still too strong for her frail body. Opening up her drawers he began to do what she had done just in recent moments. "Stop it!" she screamed at him

"It's all starting to make sense. I mean all the signs, you have them. You had all the signs" Dan said as he threw items out of the drawer on to the floor while she tried so desperately to make him stop

"This is none of your business!" Blair screamed at him

"Then tell me the truth. Tell me to my face, then I will stop because I don't even think you realize how serious this is!" Dan yelled at her

"You have no idea what its like to be me. You have no right to judge me!" Blair told him

"I'm not trying to judge you, but I just want you to see that you have a problem" Dan said as he threw the drawer to the floor to see all the laxatives and diet pills spill all over the "Its starting to add up, I read about it, and it all makes sense now…" he said in disbelief as he saw the overwhelming amount of pills on the floor. She tried so hard to just pretend like she didn't need that stuff, but she couldn't help but be pulled towards the items that she needed. Falling to the floor, she quickly tried to gather the pills while all he could do was look on in total disbelief at the girl that made his life a living hell could be like this, could be this dependent on pills and laxatives "You ate the leftover food that night, that was your binge eating. The chubby cheeks, the swollen glands, the excessive workouts, the laxatives, and the ipecac syrup" he said listing all the signs

"Get out of here!" Blair screamed as tears fell from her eyes before he tried to grab onto her but she had just pushed him away "Stop!" she screamed at him

"Your better than this" Dan said "You of all people shouldn't be like this" he said trying to make sense of everything

"Well I'm not" Blair quickly replied "This is me, this is my secret" she told him as she was actually defending her problem

"You've got to get help. I will help you, but you have to get help" Dan pleaded with her just as she rose from her feet and once again started to punch at him "You can't do this. You can't go on like this" he tried to tell her but she just continued hitting him

"You know nothing!" Blair yelled

"I know that you have bulimia, I know that for a fact" Dan told her before she at a drop of dime stopped her motions of hitting him, as her attention turned towards the shocking eyes of her mother. Noticing that her attention was turned elsewhere, he looked at her once more before he turned to see Eleanor standing in the bedroom in complete shock over what she just heard

"Is this true? Are you…are you?" Eleanor asked unable to control her shaking. For a moment they all stood still just looking at each other before Blair finally pushed Dan out of the bathroom. Trying to rush back inside the bathroom, Dan leaned up against the door in hopes that the door would just magically open

"Blair. Blair. Blair" Dan said as he tried to open the door "Can you please just open the door?" he asked as he got no response from her "What should we do?" he turned to ask Eleanor who stood motionless

"Huh?" Eleanor asked being torn out of her reverie

"What do we do? She's got a box full of laxatives and pills in there" Dan told her "God only knows what she'll do to herself now" he said once again trying to open the door

"Just…just make sure she's down for dinner in the next two hours" Eleanor said in a robotic tone while Dan looked at her with a look of confusion

"What? She's locked herself in the bathroom with the very items that can make her throw up anything at will" Dan told her

"Just make sure she'd down for dinner in two hours, that will be all Daniel" Eleanor said before she straightened herself up "I will need your help in the kitchen, so please keep this commotion down" she said before she turned to leave the room

"This is freakin' unbelievable" Dan said before he punched the wall in frustration. Feeling the immediate pain of his split second decision, Dan quickly catered to hand in hopes that the pain would subside. Leaning up against the door, he let out a sigh of frustration before he fell to his knees. Going back and forth in his head of whether to stay or go, he moved closer to the door and in some odd way he could feel her. They both sat up against the door on their respective opposites sides as they both wrestled with what had just happened.


It felt like a whole hour had passed where he just sat up against the door hoping that she would just come out, but he knew that it would be more difficult than that since being difficult was her thing. As time passed he began to accept that maybe with each minute that went by that she was starting to realize what he was saying. He never wanted to make her feel bad about herself, but he just wanted her to know that what she was doing was wrong. Hearing the words wrong to people like them was probably foreign he joked to himself, but there was a part of him that felt like she was different, that she had this tough exterior but was soft inside. The times in which they were just normal around each other without all of the bickering, he saw something in her that made him stop and think that maybe his perceptions were wrong, but this made him scared more than anything because it just surprised him how someone like her could be so negligent with their own body. Resting her head up against the door, she looked on to see that she was surrounded by nothing but pills, and it just seemed to be her life, like this was all she consisted of. The mirrors played tricks her and she just resorted to the pills as if they were her comeback when saw that her attempt at perfection hadn't been reached at all.

"Sooner or later your gonna have to come out" Dan told her

"Will you just go away. I'm being serious, I don't want you here anymore" Blair replied

"Yeah, I got that" Dan sighed "If you come out then I promise I will go, but you have to come out" he told her as he ran his hand through his hair as the stiffness from the floor was starting to get to him

"I'm not stupid Humphrey" Blair snapped at him

"I just want to understand how this even started, I mean what made you even resort to this?" Dan asked her as a moment of silence came between them. Resting her head up against the door, Blair feel the tears stream down her face as she herself found herself asking the same question that Dan had just asked her. It was a question that plagued her for the longest and she never really dealt with because she never had to, it was her secret so that possibility never came up when it was just her.

[Flashback]

Looking out her window as the limo pulled up in front of her mother's studio, the littlest Waldorf waited for her door to be open by the driver before she proceeded to look on at the enormous building that her mother now worked in. The past couple of days her mother had interior designers in and out of the penthouse with the most luxurious of fabrics and tiles, which even Blair worked up to see what creation her mother was working up now. Though she had to learn from passing conversation that her mother was planning to change offices, Blair was still proud none the less that her mother seemed to truly be amongst the elite in her own rights without her fathers guidance. Eleanor Waldorf was the epitome of independence in the little girls mind, in her mind Eleanor Waldorf was by far a greater necessity than Eleanor Roosevelt herself. Making her way inside the building, she was immediately greeted by her mother's employees as she was lead back to the studio to where her mother was. Opening the door, she quickly was enthralled with all the glitz and glamour of her mother's latest clothing that she was featuring in the shoot. Models that she had seen walk the runways in Milan were now in very presence and the little girl couldn't but me excited. All she kept thinking about was how she could wait to rub it in to her friends at school at how she got to meet Janel Grofiskin, who was her all time idol ever since her first Coach clutch. Noticing the awe on her daughters face, Eleanor couldn't help but smile as she snuck up behind her daughter to surprise her.

"There's my princess" Eleanor smiled at her daughter

"You can't call me that, only daddy calls me that" Blair quickly replied

"That's right because he spoils you rotten" Eleanor laughed as she grabbed her daughters hand and lead the little girl over towards the editing table with the rest of her workers "Everyone, this is my Blair" she introduced to her daughter to the workers

"She is too cute for words Eleanor" Laurel commented on the little girl while Blair just gave her signature smile

"When her hair is down and she is wearing her diamons, yes she is" Eleanor smiled "How much longer do we have?…I would like to make my meeting on time" she asked

"Your not coming home for dinner? Daddy is bringing over Roman" Blair told her mother as Eleanor just seemed surprise for a moment

"Oh, he is" Eleanor sighed "If you will excuse me, I have to call your father and tell him the news" she said before she excused herself

"So your mother tells me that you love Janel?" Laurel asked the little girl

"Who doesn't" Blair replied as if it'd be stupid not to

"I can think of a few" The guy beside Laurel muttered to himself as Laurel just laughed

"She's just…perfect" Blair replied "I mean her body, her hair, her bone structure is just impeccable" she described

"Impeccable? That word wasn't even in my vocabulary until high school" The guy joked

"My mother says that the English language is an art that can surpass any other language" Blair said in a robotic tone as if she were saying word for word what her mother would say

"That sounds like Eleanor" Laurel laughed "But I do agree with you about Janel, she is impeccable" she smiled

"You want to know how she got so impeccable?" The guy asked her as Laurel hit his arm

"You can't tell a little girl that" Laurel scolded him

"What? She's in awe of her, might as well let her know the real her" The guy said turning towards Blair

"Well keep it PG, Eleanor will have a fit if she knew you were telling her this" Laurel told him

"Eleanor has recommended this to many of the models" The guy reasoned

"So you think" Laurel laughed

"What has my mother recommended?" Blair asked wanting to get in on what the two were talking about

"Well, Janel there is so impeccable because lets just say she never lets anything just sit in her stomach" The guy said

"What does that mean?" Blair asked a little confused

"Do you know about voluntary release of food?" The guy asked

"No" Blair replied hoping that she didn't seem like some child by not knowing what he was talking about

"Your making her scared" Laurel said observing Blair's facial expressions

"I'm not scared" Blair quickly replied feeling as if Laurel was patronizing her "What does that mean?" she then asked the guy

"That means that Janel throws up her food. It's how she stays in shape. Your mother is very much aware of this, and still she hires the train wreck" The guy told her

"She feels sorry for her" Laurel said

"Why? She's a bitch" The guy said

"No she's not!" Blair said coming to her idols defense "I mean she seems like she has a lot to deal with seeing as she always featured in every fashion magazine and runway" she said "If she has to hack up her food just to fit in a dress then…she's only doing what's necessary, and my mother is a big believer in doing what's necessary" she then added

"And you say Eleanor doesn't support it" The guy turned to tell Laurel

"My mother is a business woman, she pays for and wants perfection" Blair replied as the guy just looked on at the well kept girl in awe of how well trained Eleanor even had her own child

"You really do love your idol?" The guy asked with a bit of laughter "You should be careful, who you idolize" he warned her just as Eleanor came back to join them

"How are we doing on time?" Eleanor asked

"Good. We should be done in twenty minutes" Laurel reported to her

"Good, we have a dinner party to interrupt" Eleanor told Blair as she rubbed her shoulders

"I have to go to the little girls room, may I go?" Blair asked her mother

"Yes, you may" Eleanor smiled at her well mannered daughter just knowing that everyone envied how well trained she was.

Washing her hands, Blair looked up in the mirror at herself before she began to look in closer at herself. Feeling the inspiration to view herself as a model, Blair pinned her hair up and gave a couple of poses in the mirror as she could literally see herself walking the Milan runways. Most girls were at home doing homework, but her world consisted of photo shoots and being around well known models, which in the long run only inspired the little girl even more. As she posed in the mirror, she couldn't help but hear gagging sounds come from within one of the stalls. What the guy had told her about her idol still weighed heavily in her mind as she hadn't quite understood what he was talking about but was eager to know how it is done. Slowly creeping up towards the stall, Blair looked through the crack of the door to see the woman hunched over the toilet seat as if she could barely hold herself upright. Looking in even closer, Blair could see every movement that the woman made and she even became recognizable to her. Laying back up against the side wall of the bathroom, the woman rocked herself back and forward as if she was trying to pump herself up before she finally put her finger into her mouth and like flood gates, she leaned forward and began to vomit up food. Holding her hand up to her mouth in shock, Blair was both surprised and scared at the same time that someone would do that to themselves, but some part of her, some intrigued part of her felt like she could understand.

[End Flashback]

"If I told you, then you wouldn't believe me" Blair sighed as she ran her hand through her hair as she choked back tears. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she rocked back and forth with her hand covered over her mouth as she didn't want Dan to hear her cry "What's wrong with me" she muttered to herself "What's wrong with me" she said once again


Observing the estate through the gate from the outside looking in

Bet you would think I got it made, better look againI got a butler, got a maid, and a mansion

The belief is that I'm living out a millionaire's fantasy

With Phantoms and Ferrari's in the driveway

But you see it came in exchange for the sane man's sanity

Your vision jaded by the Grammy's on the mantelpiece

Just switch your camera lenses you would see the agony

Apparently it's damaging the man you see before you

On the canvas he may seem alright but all the diasadvantages his family

Encounters overshadows his extravagance

Walk in my nines a while I dare you, would it scare you

While it surely seem like King's life ain't glamourous

As seen through the eyes of untrained amateurs

Because the camera doesn't see beyond the walls of the smiles

Only counts until it falls in the pile

Looking over at the window, Dan could see that night time had come and still he found himself in the same spot. Sitting up straight, he massaged the back of his hand as the stiffness of the wooden door had finally gotten to him. For a while he had just sat in that position because even though she wouldn't have admitted it to him, he could hear her crying inside the bathroom. Hearing her cry had hit a spot inside of him that felt guilty for confronting her the way he did, which made it nearly impossible for him to just get up and leave. At times when he would look at the clock and realize how much time had passed, Dan hoped that Eleanor would ditch her guests and come up to be with her daughter, but as the time passed so did her opportunity of being with her daughter. He knew that there wasn't much that he could say because she basically despised him, but he knew that if Eleanor were here that she would evoke some part of Blair to open up and come outside so that they could talk about her problem. Getting a desperate need for some water, Dan did his best to ignore his thirst but he soon went back and forth knowing that Blair wasn't going to come out anytime soon, but then he ran the idea of Blair coming out to lock him out of her room completely. Shaking his head in disbelief, he became resolved with the fact that he was just going to have fight his way back inside. Coming down the staircase, he could see Eleanor sitting amongst her guests just laughing and talking like nothing was going on with her daughter upstairs. For a moment he stood in disbelief of how she showed no emotion about finding out her daughters eating disorder, but he knew that was a battle he just couldn't handle at this point, when his biggest one was trying to get Blair out of the bathroom. Heading into the kitchen, Dan went over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water out before he took a big gulp just as Eleanor made her way into the kitchen.

"Okay, we're ready for dessert" Eleanor said trying to rush the staff "Remember to give the sorbet to the chief justice" she reminded the staff as they picked up their trays "What's the progress on Blair, Daniel? I really need her to come down and at least talk with the guests, I mean these are the people that voted her in as the featured debutant" she asked as Dan just stopped drinking and ran through his head how he should even handle this

"I really don't see her coming down anytime soon" Dan told her

"Why is that?" Eleanor asked leaving Dan perplexed with how selective her memory was, letting out a slight chuckle to himself

"I just don't think she's in the state to really come out and socialize" Dan said

"Well I'm not in the mood to socialize, but you have to in order to get ahead. Tell her I expect her to be down in the next twenty minutes" Eleanor said before she turned to walk away

"I'm sorry for being rude, but can you be anymore clueless" Dan said causing Eleanor to stop dead in her tracks while the rest of the staff stood in surprise that he had said that to her

"Is there something that you want to tell me?" Eleanor asked in her stern voice not finding his little outburst funny at all

"I just think you can't expect her to come down and socialize, when she's locked herself in her bathroom" Dan reasoned

"I can and I do expect her to, and I suggest you watch your tone" Eleanor scolded him

"And I respect that, but your daughter is locked away in a bathroom, in a bathroom" Dan said hoping that she would understand where he is coming from "You and I both know why, and yet you still want her to come down to entertain. I'm sorry but that's just stupid" he replied

"You think its stupid? You think its stupid that the very people that have played a part in her future should just wait for her to bother to show up? You think its stupid that I have spent months planning this and she can't even bother to show face on my behalf?…" Eleanor said before he cut her off

"I think what she's dealing with trumps whatever you think situations you throw at me" Dan replied becoming more bold by the minute

Everyone thinks that I have it al

lBut it's so empty living behind these castle walls

These castle wallsIf I should tumble if I should fall

Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls

There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls

Rocking back and forth, the tears just ran freely as she couldn't help but feel like she was at her lowest point. She could her the lingering sounds of laughter come from downstairs and she knew that if she ever planned to leave this restroom then she would hear it from her mother. Slowly raising her hand up to the counter top of her bathroom sink, she did her best to control her trembles as even her will power couldn't stop it. Slowly rising to her feet, she did her best to clear away the tears that she was sure was ruining her make up but knew she'd have to reapply if she wanted to be perfect. Reaching over to grab her make up bag, she couldn't help but notice her image in the mirror as if it were a haunting sight looking back at her. Raising her hand to her face, she once traced the outline of her face as she stared on at the ghost of the girl she had thought she had built to be a queen. Bringing her hands to the side of her face, she slowly broke down as she could see the very things that Dan had spoke of. The image of what she once tried to make perfect slowly fade away, and for once she could see the flaws even more clearly than usual. Grabbing for her make up bag, she quickly tried to apply make up to the flaws that she saw from her chubby cheeks to her bloodshot eyes. Her hands seemed to be flying everywhere in a rush to change the image before her, grabbing the scarf that hung up on the rack, she put it around her neck and nervously began to tie it so that she could hide the swollen glands. Going into full on sobs, she tried and tried to make it all go away but the more she tried, the less it worked. Dropping her brush in one quick motion, she brought her hand up slowly to her chest as her face went pale.

Nobody knows I'm all alone

Living in this castle made of stone

They say that money is freedom, but I feel trapped inside it all

And while I sit so high up on a throne

I wonder how I can feel this low

On top of the world it's beautiful

But there's no place to fall

"Since you know everything Daniel, tell me, when should I expect my daughter?" Eleanor asked him

"How about you go upstairs and talk to her. I mean what do you expect when your down here and she's up there trying to figure out what the hell is going on with herself" Dan replied angrily

"I don't have time for teenage angst" Eleanor replied

"This goes beyond teenage angst, and you know it" Dan quickly replied as he just stared at her hoping that she would snap out of whatever mode that made her so heartless "She has a serious problem, and she needs you" he told her

"You have no idea what my daughter needs" Eleanor replied

"I know that she needs you, I can't explain it nor care to, but I know that she needs her mother because in your eyes…in your eyes she wants to be perfect. She has this notion that perfection stops and ends with you" Dan said

"No, no, no" Eleanor said shaking her head in disbelief "I will not tolerate this!" she yelled

"You can't just snap your fingers and make this go away" Dan replied

"This is a phase. This is something she is going through that will end in less than a month" Eleanor said trying to convince herself

"If she keeps this up, she might not even have a month because then she'll be dead. People do die from this, when its gone on for this long, people can die" Dan told her

"Yeah, well your wrong. Your wrong" Eleanor told him as she wore a clueless look on her face that seemed like she was more scared than anything but was trying her hardest to remain in control because that's all she's ever known how to be around Dan "And another thing, your fired!" she told him as Dan just grabbed his water

"That's fine. That's fine by me" Dan replied not really even caring anymore about trying to be polite "You know what? I really feel for you. I really feel for you because you try so hard to build this image of perfection, when in reality your far from it. I respect you as a businesswoman, but you can't even see what's right in front of you. It's right in front of you. All the signs are right in front of you, and you just turn a blind eye to it…" he told her

"Are you finished?" Eleanor asked angrily

"It's not a phase, it's a disorder as in this is something that she has been conditioned to think of herself. So she won't just get over it. So once you stop trying to be this image then you'd realize that your daughter needs you more than you even realize" Dan yelled as they heard a loud thump come from upstairs.

Everyone thinks that I have it all

But it's so empty living behind these castle walls

These castle wallsIf I should tumble if I should fall

Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls

There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls

Quickly running past Eleanor, Dan made his way up the stairs and went immediately into Blair's room. Doing his best to open the door, he began to realize that it was still locked and that he would have to find another way to open it. Completely in the moment of not really even trying to be polite, he kicked open the door to find Blair laid out on the floor. Coming into the room, Eleanor spotted Dan on the floor with Blair as she quickly ran over to see what was happening. Looking around to see if she had taken anything, Dan's mind went racing as he just tried to put it all together as to what happened but knew that he didn't have all night to sit and ponder. Putting her hand to her mouth as the tears came down, Eleanor screamed out for her daughter while watching her lifeless body. Checking her arm for a pulse, Dan felt that her pulse was weak so he needed to do something in order to necessitate her.

"Stay with me. Stay with me" Dan told Blair as he tilted her neck up to open her mouth so he could begin CPR

"What's happening?" Eleanor questioned

"She's in cardiac arrest" Dan said before he breathed into her mouth

"Help her! Help her!" Eleanor cried out "Just do whatever it takes" she sobbed as all she could do was watch

"One, two, three" Dan said as he pumped her chest then went back to see that her pulse was slowly picking up before he went back to pumping her chest "One, two, three" he said as he pumped her chest


Looking on at the nurses and doctors just walk on by, they had hoped that one would finally derail the routine path and come over to tell them some bit of news about what was going on with Blair. Playing with her hands uncontrollably, Eleanor was far from the image that she had wanted to create for her and her daughter, but was that of a concerned mother. She played over and over the times when it was her and Blair in her head as if she needed to be reminded the fact that she was a mother, that she at one time thought the world of her little girl. Seeing the nervousness in more ways than one in Eleanor as her knees began to shake while she played with her hands, Dan extended his hand out to place over hers for some comfort. Looking over at the young man, a weak smile came to Eleanor's face as his single gesture showed that he took pity on her when she needed it the most. The waiting game continued on as even though he wouldn't show it, it was starting to get to him as well. He had busied himself with trying to text Serena to let her know that Blair was fine, but he knew he couldn't get into much detail seeing as he wasn't sure how many people knew about the disorder in the first place, so keeping it vague he just assured her that she would be fine and that he would let her know if there was cause to worry about.

"Some Thanksgiving" Eleanor griped as she leaned back in her chair

"I've never had a good Thanksgiving so this is usual for me. Family dysfunction is my specialty" Dan replied "Not yours, I meant…" he said before Eleanor interrupted

"I know what you mean" Eleanor said as a moment of silence came between them

"Did you know? Did you know about her disorder?" Dan asked breaking the silence

"Because that would just top the category off if I was that bad of a mother, wouldn't it?" Eleanor laughed to herself "Some part of me wishes that I did know so I wouldn't be sitting here so surprised, but no, I didn't know" she answered

"Then why did you act the way you did, when you did find out?" Dan asked her

"Because I'm a mother in the Upper Eastside I guess" Eleanor reasoned

"That doesn't make sense" Dan said

"It does when you think about it" Eleanor said "You probably thought or still think that I have no emotional attachment to my child, let her do whatever she pleases, give her money rather than attention, reward her when I know she's doing wrong, and neglect her when she wants my attention even though she won't dare ask for it. That's what you probably think of me, and your right…I'm all those things" she said as tears welled up in her eyes

"And you just accept that? You think that's fine?" Dan asked

"That's all I've known" Eleanor replied "I love my daughter, I love my daughter with every fiber in me" she said

"I get that, but when she needed you the most…you weren't there. She could have died tonight, and in the crucial hours you were entertaining guests" Dan said finding that his sympathy was fading away

"Because I don't know…I don't know how to be a mother. I don't know how to be a wife" Eleanor said "My mother raised me to believe that perfect exist, and in order to be perfect you had to be and act a certain way…my mother was so cold and so distant, but I still strived to be like her. I liked her? Not because she was my mother but because with her I thought and knew that perfection could be reached if you follow the simple rules. She never taught me how to respond when my husband leaves me for another man, she never taught me how to be when my daughter has more of an attachment to her father than to me, she never taught me how to act when my daughter has an eating disorder" she cried "But most of all I don't know how to show her comfort, when I'm the one that did this to her" she said

"You didn't do this to her" Dan quickly said

"I did. I did" Eleanor cried as she shook her head "You can't tell me any other way because the same lessons my mother gave me, I passed down to her" she said

"Then break the cycle" Dan suggested "She never taught you how to be a mother, but you can always be there and sometimes being there counts for more than our inabilities" he said

"Be there? I'm not even sure I know how to do that even" Eleanor said

"Your Eleanor Waldorf, I think you can pick up on it" Dan replied with a slight smile on his face

"And just in case you didn't know, your not fired anymore" Eleanor said

"I kind of figured that" Dan laughed "I think you saw that I don't have such a great relationship with my mother, and that's due to the fact that she just chooses to forget the fact that she is one. So I think that it doesn't matter if your upper class or lower class, being a mother is something that any social class can either get right or get wrong. Half the battle is just being there…so whenever you think that she doesn't want you there, just know that she probably does" he told her before she gripped on tight to his hand just before the doctor made his way over towards them.


Throughout the night, she had gone in and out of sleep, so she had yet to have a good nights rest. Her eyes slowly fluttered open to see the sun peeking through the blinds as she began to realize once again that she was in a hospital bed. Raiding her hand up, she felt her chest to see that she had attachments hooked up to her chest so that they could monitor her heart rate. Nothing really made sense to her as everything was just one big blur that she couldn't make sense of even if she tried. Sitting up in her bed, she looked over in the corner to see Dan resting his head on his propped up fist while he had his earbuds in his ears as he listened on to his music. Adjusting in his chair, he found that his chair was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute and there was no way that he could hide it as he let out a slight groan. Glancing over at her bed he was caught off guard to see that she was awake. Taking the earbuds out of his ears, he wrapped the earphones around his ipod as they just sat in silence unsure of what they should say to each other after everything that had happened.

"You stayed the night?" Blair asked

"I had nowhere else to go, and I figured it'd be wrong to be at your house while your in the hospital" Dan replied as he got up from his chair to stretch

"And you know what happened? You know what happened to me yesterday?" Blair asked

"Yes, I know everything" Dan replied "I even saved your life" he smiled as he took a seat on the edge of her bed

"That's disgusting" Blair replied as he just laughed

"I know, but this means you owe me one and I'm thinking tickets to a ball game" Dan said

"You've still manage to be delusional" Blair replied

"I saved your life, I deserve something" Dan said

"I bailed you out of jail" Blair brought up

"You got me put in jail in the first place" Dan quickly replied

"I keep forgetting that" Blair said "I guess I can think of some trivial way of repaying you" she said as ran her hand through her hair "So go ahead, tell me how much its going to cost to get you to keep what happened between us and no one else" she then said

"Waldorf, I like torturing you but I would never do that" Dan replied "So my lips are sealed" he said

"You have to want something?" Blair questioned

"There are actually people who do the right thing because they just want to do the right thing" Dan told her

"Those people don't exist" Blair replied

"True, our existence if becoming fewer by the minute, but I guarantee you that your looking at one" Dan said

"Can you be honest with me?" Blair asked as she began to play with her fingers

"I always try to be" Dan laughed

"Do you think something is wrong with me?" Blair asked "I mean now that you know the truth" she said as he took a moment to think

"Nothing is wrong with you" Dan said as he could tell how scared she was to even really talk about it, so not wanting to force the issue, a thought quickly popped into his head over something that he had discovered about her "Though I do think you will think something is wrong with me after I show you something" he said before he got off the bed and walked over to his back pack while Blair just looked over to see what he was doing. Coming back over with two cabbage patch dolls in hand, Dan smiled like an idiot as he put each one on his lap

"Oh my God!" Blair groaned "I can't believe your torturing me like this" she declared as she brought her hands up to her face so that she wouldn't have to see her childhood doll

"I could not believe you had a cabbage patch doll" Dan laughed

"I don't" Blair replied

"I found this in your room, so you can't deny it" Dan said

"What is it with you and stealing things that are mine?" Blair asked

"Call it me being concerned" Dan replied "What's your cabbage patch name?" he then asked

"I'm not telling you" Blair replied

"Fine, mine's name is Cedric" Dan said as he sat them up on her tray

"Cedric? Humphrey you need more help than I realized" Blair said

"Hey, I was a kid" Dan exclaimed as he began to play with them as she couldn't help but laugh at how stupid he looked playing with dolls

"Thank you Humphrey" Blair said as he held out Cedric towards

"Your welcome" Dan said trying to make it look like Cedric said it

"Audrey. That's my dolls name" Blair revealed as she shook her head in disbelief that she was actually telling him this

"After Audrey Hepburn, your so predictable" Dan said as she grabbed Cedric and began to play with him

"I'm not predictable. It's a cute name" Blair reasoned

"As is Cedric" Dan replied

"No, Cedric sounds like you were actually trying to name him in place of actual human friends" Blair laughed as a knock came to the door before Eleanor and Dorota came in with bags in their hands

"Great, the food is here, I'm starved" Dan smiled as he saw Dorota unpack the bags

"What is all of this?" Blair asked

"This is Thanksgiving dinner" Dan said "Since we all pretty much had a crappy Thanksgiving, your mom came up with the brilliant idea to have Thanksgiving do over" he smiled

"You did?" Blair asked her mom

"Yes" Eleanor replied as she grabbed her daughters hand "I know that I may not be the parent you want to spend the holidays with, but I would greatly appreciate it if we could spend the holiday together" she told her

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot" Blair smiled at her mother before Eleanor leaned down to kiss her daughter on the head

"Oh, my God! Audrey" Eleanor smiled as she saw the cabbage patch

"See, cute" Dan told Blair as he grabbed a container of mashed potatoes

"Humphrey, share much?" Blair said

"You have the macaroni and cheese" Dan replied

"Do you always have to stuff your face? I mean could we at least pass it around" Blair said as they went back and forth with their bickering


Songs/Lyrics Used in this Chapter:

Emily Browning- Sweet Dreams [Are Made of This] (Yeah, I know there are a like three versions out there. This one is from the Suckerpunch soundtrack though)

Lupe Fiasco- I Don't Want To Care Right Now

T.I. ft/ Christina Aguilera- Castle Walls

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I'm sure a lot of you were probably dissappointed with the finale, as was I, but then again I didn't watch because I read the message boards to see if it was even worth it and I'm glad I didn't. I heard they used Adele- Rolling in the Deep for a Chair segment, and I was like I can't watch it now because I don't want them to ruin one of my favorite songs...so weak excuse but I love my music as you can tell. For this chapter I really wanted to paint Eleanor in different shades, I know weird word usage but its late and I want to explain so you don't hate her, because she's basically a product of what she had as a mother. So I hope that you will understand her in this chapter and not hate her because my intention wasn't to make her hated, just extremely flawed as a mother, but willing to want to be one. I saw Suckerpunch the day it came out and I was so in love with the opening sequence so I wanted to incorporate in this chapter so hence the Sweet Dreams song, because it has such a tragic feel to it and I just thought it fit well with what I wanted to do in the opening. Also I used the word perfect a lot because I wanted to show the contradiction of how they want to be perfect, but they just aren't even when they attempt to be...when I was writing I was like how many times have I used that word.