Ways to annoy Carlisle Cullen

Tell him that Edward, jasper and Emmett went and killed a human when he was at work

When he gets so upset tell him that they didn't really and laugh like it was all a joke

If he asks you why you said that tell him you must have mixed up reality with a dream

If he doesn't believe you, tell him that you have brain problems and act like a mental person every time he sees you but act normally with others

Ask him why he bit Edward every single time he and Edward are in the same room

When he tells you his story, ask him ' did you bite him because you're gay?' with a very understanding look on your face

When he says no and says that he wanted Edward's mum's wish to be made true, ask him 'did you have an affair with her?'

When he says no again, tell him 'you're a very troubled man aren't you? Do you want to step in my office and talk?' with a very calm tone while talking really slow and clearly

Force him to come with you and tell him that you could help him with his problems every time you see him

Give him a calling card with your number on it with the words 'I can help you!' on it

Ask him if he sneaks into the blood bank and drink some blood during his free time at work

Ask him if he had an affair with either Marcus, Caius or Aro when he stayed in Italy

Act really religious around him

Call him a priest every time you see him

If he asks why tell him 'because your dad's a priest so you're a priest

Get him a cross or a bible for his birthday

Get Emmett to give him at-shirt saying 'best priest dad EVER!'

When he looks like he doesn't like it, tell him 'I worked so hard to makes them', cry, then run away

When he apologises to you tell him you would forgive him in one condition – make him admit that he is actually a priest

Dye all of his clothes pink and blame it on Alice

Accuse him for having secret drugs

Then steal them

Call him Carlisle but pronounce the 's'

Ask him what super power he has and say 'oh yeah, you don't have one!' then run off

Call him 'ancient Carlisle' and still pronouncing the 's'

Pretend to have Spanish flu and ask him to bite you

If he doesn't blame him for your death

Give his office a makeover and get all burn all of his books

Ask him if Dracula's real and if he's met him

If he says no, go hysterical and say 'you just ruined my dream! I wanted to meet him!'

Ask him why he stayed with the Volturi although he didn't have any special powers

Then say 'I know! You so wanted to go skinny dipping with Aro and Caius!'

Ask him if he has a tattoo

Then make him have one of Aro's face all over his back

Tell him that Alice wanted to cut his hair but persuade her to give him an afro instead

Go up to him and say 'I know your family's secret.' In a really sinisterly way

When he demands to know what you know, do an evil laugh and say 'I'm going to tell everyone. Mwahahaha'

When he nearly kills you say 'okay, okay. I'll tell you. Your family secret is that you mix shampoo and glue together that's why you're hairs doesn't get messed up. I tried it once but it didn't work. Mwhahaha. Now I can tell everyone!'

Then say 'How do you do it?'