Here's Something I Can Hold On To

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I'm definitely not profiting from this.

The day before Severus was due to depart from Hogwarts nearly drove Harry up the wall. He knew that the man more than likely had enough to keep him busy with his move back to Hogwarts. He found himself desperately wishing that he had a practice so that he could keep himself occupied instead of waiting around hoping that Severus might show up. He desperately wanted to see the man before he left for Hogwarts, but he also wanted to show that he was capable of giving the man space. Harry had been so full on with trying to show Severus how serious he was that he thought maybe that was deterring the man. Severus hadn't said anything and Harry was fairly certain that the man would tell him to back off if he wanted him too, but he also knew himself and how stubborn he could be and how likely he was to ignore that.

He spent the morning tidying his flat, but that didn't take as long as he had hoped. He had left over stew for lunch, but barely picked at it. He was rattled with disappointment and anticipation. The afternoon was proving to be a bigger challenge and went about signing the reply cards to anyone who had sent him a letter in the past few months. He also pulled out all of his fan mail and gifts and started opening it. It didn't quite feel his need, but it was something to keep him busy.

Harry soon abandoned his fan mail, regretting not asking Hermione to come by and help him like she normally did. He was dressed in one of the Magpies jersey's that Cormac had sent to him and a pair of briefs that someone had sent to him with seeker plastered across the ass. Cormac was still trying to scout him from the look of all the Magpies gear the man had sent him. Harry had no idea what he was going to do after England, playing for the Magpies was an option, but any training schedule was going to be intense and time consuming.

His sitting room was covered in random articles of clothing and boxes of chocolates that probably contained some sort of love potion. Normally his agent would prescreen everything before sending it along to him, but he made a habit not to eat anything from strangers.

He instantly regretted his choice of clothing when he heard a knock at the door. He sighed lightly and went to answer the door half dressed. He felt a blush creep on his cheeks when Severus was standing there in the doorway taking in the entire scene. He silently admonished himself for not making the decision to pull on his pants before coming to the door.

"I didn't think I'd see you today," Harry grinned goofily.

"I didn't think I'd see so much of you," Severus countered causing him to blush even more.

"They were gifts," Harry said gesturing to the mess in his front room.

"Ah, may I come in?" Severus asked casually.

"Oh, yeah, right," Harry said stepping aside to allow the man inside.

Harry watched the man inspect a box of the chocolates and unceremoniously dump them into the trash. He opened his mouth to say something as the man looked at the next box and tipped it into the trash as well.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked curiously.

"These have love potions in them," Severus said eyeing him curiously. "I hope you didn't ingest any of these."

"Oh, no I never do," He shrugged. "I usually toss them all, I just haven't gotten to it yet."

"Wise," Severus said and Harry absorbed the man's attempt at a compliment.

He rushed over and cleared the couch so that the man could take a seat and hurried off back into the kitchen to put the kettle on. He came back in a few moments later baring a tray with the tea on it and noticed that Severus was all but checking him out.

"Who do I have to thank for your wardrobe?" Severus mused.

"Oh, um," Harry blushed and sat the tray down in front of him on the coffee table.

"This is as the muggles like to say a kodak moment," Severus teased further and Harry found himself at a loss for words.

Harry spent the evening leaning his head against Severus' shoulder as the watched useless television. He ran his fingers over the older man's palm and he wasn't sure if it was because the man was annoyed with him, but soon Severus had interlaced his fingers with his own and they were holding hands. Harry had almost never felt more pleased about something. They didn't say much, but he didn't mind, it was just the fact that they were getting to spend some time together before the term started. Some time together that wasn't within the walls of Hogwarts.

When term started Harry knew that it was going to be difficult for them to just do this whenever they pleased. It would be hard for them to even get to have dinner together in the evenings. Between practices and games and Severus' classes and the detentions he was going to dole out, time was precious.

When it was time for the man to go home, Harry felt himself become more upset than he should have. He bit his lip as the man stood on the threshold of his flat and bade him goodnight. What surprised Harry most of all was when Severus leaned down and kissed him. It was soft and chaste at first, but it quickly took a turn and became heated and full of desperation. Harry found himself pressed against the wall as Severus kissed him harder.

He could feel himself start to grow hard as the man deepened the kiss and his tongue found its way into Harry's mouth. He groaned into the kiss and then groaned again at the loss of contact as Severus pulled himself away. He was half aroused and half disappointed as he watched the older man straighten his robes and once again make for the door.

"Forgive me," Severus said quietly and with a quick peck on his cheek the man was gone.

Harry closed the door confused and locked up for the night. He made his way into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He hurriedly stripped before stepping under the warm jets. He could feel how hard he was as he replayed the kiss over and over in his head. He finally gave in and ran his hand down his stomach and gave himself a quick wank to relieve the frustration that he had been left with. He finished his shower quickly after that and climbed into his bed still replaying the moment in his head.

This was progress right? The man hadn't been so brazen the entire time that they had been seeing one another. He had made the first move tonight, and Harry found himself grinning stupidly in the dark.

He wasn't so happy the following morning, when he woke up alone and sexually frustrated. His night had been filled of dreams of him and Severus in various, for lack of a better word, hot scenarios. Harry willed his erection to go away and quietly got up to dress in the dark for his morning practice.

He was tired and frustrated as his broom circled the pitch and he couldn't focus on the finding the snitch at all. He just felt very foggy since what had happened with Severus. He wished that the man hadn't bolted or that he hadn't even kissed him at all. Why had he ran? The kiss made the fact that Severus wanted him back pretty obvious. Severus' famous composure had cracked, but he had reigned t back in so quickly. Why was he being so careful and restrained? Harry was certain that he had made his intentions clear. Was Severus Snape afraid of being hurt?

Harry was shaken from his thoughts when he heard obvious moans of displeasure all around him. It seemed as though Ginny had managed to catch the snitch without him even noticing what was happening. The rest of the day was much of the same, he tried in vain to best Ginny on the pitch. He could tell that his teammates were more than unhappy with his performance at practice and all he could do was mutter a stream of half hearted apologies.

He tried to get into contact with Severus multiple times over the next few days to no avail. It was if the man had disappeared into the dungeons of Hogwarts. He even wrote a few letters, but by Friday morning no reply had come. It was if Severus was openly avoiding him and that just served to light a fire underneath him. He couldn't figure out what the man was thinking, or what had happened since the night that Severus had come to tell him goodbye. His focus and concentration were all centered around this and he was struggling on the pitch. Even worst were the headlines in The Daily Prophet that were asking if he had cold feet in the run up to the cup.

On Friday night he decided that he could have no more of it and decided that he was going to go to Hogwarts and confront the man. He needed to know what was going on. If he didn't sort out his personal life he was doomed to let his team and all of their supporters down.

He stalked into the entrance hall of the castle and ignored the hushed whispers of students that recognized him and headed straight for the dungeons. Severus' office was empty so he continued down the few doors to the potions classroom. Inside he found Severus giving two second years a piece of his mind for being irresponsible in class. He took points and instructed them to get to work scrubbing cauldrons.

He stood in the doorway waiting for Severus to notice him and finally the man looked up and spotted him.

"I need to talk to you," Harry said briefly and the two second years jumped.

"What is there to talk about?" Severus said sourly.

"Listen we can do this here with them or we can go to your office," Harry said eyeing the two kids that were looking between them in shock.

"Get back to work," Severus barked. "I'll be back shortly and you had better of made a dent in those cauldrons."

"Yes, Professor Snape."

Severus stalked out of his classroom and down the hall and threw his office door open for Harry to go inside. Harry eyed him cautiously before stepping inside and taking one of the seats in front of Severus' desk. He felt a shiver run over him as he was briefly reminded of his days as a student, and the times he had been forced to sit here and get a proper reaming from Severus. He shook it away and waited for the man to take a seat across from him.

Severus fiddled in the cabinet behind his desk and pulled out a bottle of scotch and poured himself a glass and motioned if Harry would like some. He shook his head and waited patiently for the man to make the first move.

"How can I help you on this fine evening, Mr. Potter?" Severus asked crassly.

"What is wrong with you?" Harry asked confused. "First you ignore me all week and now you're being a right prat. What did I do?"

"I should have never of let you think anything was happening between us," Severus said after a moment.

"What are you talking about? You kissed me!" Harry nearly shouted. "I thought things were going swell between us."

"You thought wrong!" Severus said bringing a fist down on the table.

"What's this about?" Harry demanded. "What's happened between now and that night? What's changed?"

He watched as Severus ripped the top drawer of his desk open and slammed down a copy of Witch Weekly. Harry stared between him and the magazine confused and finally Severus pulled the thing open and shoved it over to him.

Inside was a picture of him and Draco Malfoy on the pitch. The two of them were just being friendly, but the article below made assumptions about how they might be dating again if the rumors of a previous romance were true. Harry looked up at the man in a mix of shock and anger and threw the magazine against the wall.

"Are you insane? I would never date Draco! He's just a friend. Every time that we are spotted together it ends up in some insane write up about how we've had a rocky on and off relationship!"

"How am I to know that? There's nothing more changeable than a young man's heart!" Severus replied vehemently. "How can you deny how right the pair of you look together?"

"Give it a rest, okay? You know it's you and me. You know that and you're being stupid! The only reason that your picture isn't there is because you won't fucking let me announce that we're in this relationship or whatever it is we're in!"

"I can't possibly give you what you need. You'll see that! You think that you're in love with me, but it's a boyish whim, in a few months you'll fall out of love with me. It won't last, it never does, and the entire time I'll pretend that I didn't see it coming! I'll pretend that I didn't see it coming because I won't fall out of love with and then it'll be too late you'll be gone." Severus shouted back at him.

"What part of I love you don't you understand? I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" Harry yelled desperately.

"It's only been a few weeks how could you possibly know such a thing!?" Severus demanded angrily.

"I know because when you're not there I don't know what to do with myself. I can't take my mind off of you. I've gotten my ass kicked on the pitch everyday this week, because I can't stop thinking about you kissing me! You're not just some passing fancy. I would never purposely hurt you!"

Before he knew what was happening Severus had pulled him up out of the chair and into a frantic kiss. He found himself pressed against the wall again, moaning into the man's mouth. It was if they might never have the chance to kiss again and hands were everywhere. Harry fisted his hands in the front of Severus' robes and the man drug him across the room and into his private quarters.

"Wait, what about your detention?" Harry asked and Severus froze.

"Stay here, I'll be back in an hour or so," Severus growled and stalked out of the room and Harry could only feel sorry for the students he was returning to.

A/N: I'm sorry this took ages to post. My computer crashed a couple of weeks ago and I nearly had this chapter done and instead I ended up losing everything which was pretty disheartening. I promise that future updates will come much sooner. Thanks for reading and reviewing!